I was never fond of writing down my thoughts unlike you.

You made me do things I never knew I'd do.

"Will you escape the reality with me?"

That was on brand. So Jisoo.

And I remember the times where all that I ever speak of is how much I hated everything about you.

I had all the time in the world, all the chances that can be taken within this lifetime. That elusive courage inside of me, burning, threatening to erupt every time our eyes would meet and how your every touch that day still could shake me to the core.

All I could ever ask is- why didn't I?

"I think that it would be beneficial for both of us to not talk about whatever happened last night. The sun is up and it's already a new day."

"We don't need to talk about the things we couldn't change."

Now all I ever know and think about is how much I longed for the things that I used to hate about you, the journey you were willing to take, the memories that you were willing to make.

"Let's stop about what other people say about us, we shouldn't let them decide for us anymore... This time, only this time, let us be selfish and choose one another okay?"

"For all the times we weren't able to, just this once- let's choose what makes us happy."

"Don't be with him. Pick me."

And lately, I've been struggling to make peace with the fact that I chose to face his storm and not ours.

He told me that I should go for the things that make me happy. Whether it was with him or with you, all he wanted to be was for me to be happy. I deserved to be happy. But don't you think he deserves to be happy too?

Tear-streaked pages written in regret-filled ink, I am worn out and the pages never seem to end.

I've poured my heart out, crying about how my words will never be enough, there will never be another chance for you and me. It will never leave this piece of paper no matter how much I try.

But you're my storm too.

Those were the last words that I wrote for you.

I wished I stayed with you.

I yearned to be with you- for good.

But I never knew all of this until now.

Until I looked at the place where I am and wished to feel you close.

Until I looked at his eyes and how I wished I was looking at yours instead.

Until I started writing this, and how I wished I noticed everything sooner.

The shifting tides that swirl inside my heart.

__________________________________

"Ma'am. these are the files that you requested along with the revisions that you asked for."

"Thank you." The brunette gives her assistant a brief smile before returning her attention to the papers laid out on her oakwood desk.

"Oh, by the way, Miss Kim asked if you could drop by meeting room A before you head home."

"Meeting room A?" She asks with connected eyebrows. "What for?"

"She didn't say much, just that you two need to discuss some matters and her office is still undergoing renovation."

"She's weird as hell, why can't she come here like she always does?" Clicking her tongue she gives the latter a nod of affirmation. "I'll be there in five minutes."

At exactly five minutes, the office lights were switched off and she walked towards the said meeting room with her red stilettoes creating an echo through the hallway. As soon as she opens the door, party poppers exploded together with a unified greeting of Congratulations welcomes her, causing her small figure to jump in surprise, satisfying everyone's reaction.

"Yes! We finally got it on tape!" A tall woman with perfect black shade hair grins as she was focused on the video. "We got it, guys!"

"You all want me dead do you?"

"Oh come on, you know we love teasing you."

"And here I thought you were being seriously invested in our company."

"That's your role, my role is to bring fun and happy vibes to everyone." She smiles as she easily envelopes her arms around the smaller woman. "As you can see, I am very effective at that area."

Everyone laughs at the statement, including the person standing beside her. "Kim Doyeon, you ass."

She then grabs something underneath the desk, bringing out a beautiful bouquet. "Congratulations on securing yet another deal." She raises her champagne-filled glass and faced the group. "Everyone let's make a toast." Doyeon proudly announces to the group.

"To Jennie Kim, CEO of Canvas Clothing Line Company."

Jennie was laughing by the time their small gathering has ended due to her business partner's antics and saved multiple videos of her struggling to put her coat on while the others helped her into not falling which was quite a sight knowing how gigantic she built is. When she knew that everyone had gone home safely, she pops into her luxury convertible and drove her way home, enjoying the city lights as she passes them by.

If somebody five years ago, told Jennie Kim that she was destined to build her clothing brand she would've probably laughed and told you that her timeline was to do it a year shorter. And so here she is, fulfilling her dreams just like she planned.

"Good evening ma'am."

"Come on, what did I say about honorifics? We talked about this, we're just in the same age." She smiles at her helper. "It's quite late isn't it?" Jennie says as she spares their wall clock a look.

"Oh well, sir asked if I could extend a few hours. He had his colleagues here for their pool night."

"Right, today is Thursday after all." She reminds herself. "My apologies for keeping you at bay during this time, I know how worried your family must be."

"It's okay it's work. They will understand." The staff smiles at how her employer shows her never-changing concern over the years. "Mr. Kim says he will be waiting for you at his office."

"Thank you for the notice, you're done for the day. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She walks past their spacious living space with an L-shaped couch and a theater screen-like television towards the door just right underneath her glass staircase. She opens just the right space for her head to peek and see what's inside, and her heart couldn't help but melt at the sight.

It was her two boys snuggled closely to one another with the smaller one finding comfort in between the latter's arms. It was such a rare sight, knowing how one would usually trigger the other daily. And so she grabs her phone gives it the proper adjustments before taking a picture.

With a satisfied smile on her face, Jennie slowly closes the door behind her without forgetting to utter the words.

"Good night Kai, good night Kuma."

It was only after she was done with her evening skincare rituals that she heard the bathroom door open. The creaking sound didn't creep, Jennie, one bit as she was on the final stage of her routine. She kept her focus on the mirror, then she feels a pair of arms softly secure her in place with the scent of mind invading her nostrils.

"Hello to you too." Jennie greets the person who responded by hugging her albeit tighter. "I was on my way to your office." Silence. "Busy day?" She asks, reading his actions.

"Dad was being a dick again." Jennie just hums in response and waits for him to continue. "I don't understand him most of the time."

"You just need to be more patient around him." She consoles. "Remember, you insisted that you learn from him."

"I know, I know."

Jennie looks at their reflection, focusing her eyes on him whose head is buried on the crook of her neck. "Okay, so how about I wake up early tomorrow and prepare his favorite meal. Later, I'll drop by the office, and let's have a meal with him."

"You sure do know his weakness."

"I'd know because you two have the same weakness." She turns around to cup the latter's cheeks. "Besides, I need to tell him not to be mean to you, or else I'd have to deal with a sulking Kim Jongin every single day."

"I wasn't sulking okay? I was... tired." Jennie shoots him a doubtful look. "I wasn't... just tired."

"Okay, so no pancakes and waffles for midnight snacks then." Jongin's eyes widen and she couldn't hide the smirk. Cooking his favorite breakfast was always his comfort food after a shitty day at work.

"But... it was a tiring day at work."

"So?"

"I need my comfort food."

Jennie laughs at the pout imprinted on his lips. "And here I thought being married to you for three years would make me immune to that face."

"Well, I do know your weakness." He proudly says. "And if you don't get convinced with this, then I know some other ways."

He playfully moves his eyebrows, teasing his wife who exactly knew where this was going. "Kim Jongin..." She says in a warning tone.

"Kim Jennie..."

The night ends with their room bursting with laughter and pillow cotton flying around their bedroom caused by Jongin's attempt to tickle his wife until she finally agrees which eventually evolved into a pillow fight. Jennie sleeps securely between Jongin's arms with a smile on her face. Today was a good day.

Jennie is living the good life.

__________________________________

"You look happy."

"Maybe because I am happy." Jennie responds to Doyeon.

"Looks like your husband gave you a different kind of congratulatory gift."

"Take those thoughts out of your darn head Kim Doyeon." Jennie says at the same time throwing her friend a crumpled piece of paper which she successfully dodges.

"What? Don't tell me he doesn't know about it."

"He had a bad day at work, I didn't want it to make it worse."

"Surely you've told him earlier this morning."

"His dad wanted him early at the office."

"Look at you being the perfect wife."

"Can we stop talking about my married life?"

"Should we talk about my exciting shenanigans?"

"Oh God, please don't."

Thankfully Jennie was saved by Doyeon's ringtone. "Oh, This is the news we've been waiting for." She just lets her get on with the phone call, thankful that she can finally pay attention to her papers. "I've been waiting for your call all day." Doyeon chuckles. "Really? Well, now that's good news! Okay, she's right here so I'll tell her right away... Of course! I'm going to attend. Great! Talk to you soon!" She ends the call right away and goes back to Jennie. "Oh my God Jen you will not believe the call I got!"

"Is the mental on their way to pick you up?"

The tall woman just shoots her a playful glare. "Just so you know it was Miss Son by the way." She corrects her. "Remember? The one who's in works with doing your future flagship store."

"So? Was she able to find a property?"

"She did and that's not the best part, everything in our checklist was crossed out."

"Even the budget?" A broad grin flashes onto her face. "Wow, that is some good news."

"Now here's the thing, she was able to get a hold of the seller but she said they only agreed to meet up today to make a deal and Miss Son already had a schedule and I have three meetings later so I was wondering, maybe..."

"Can you tell me why she isn't able to cater to her?"

"Her bride-to-be asked her help in finding the perfect wedding cake. Apparently, in her fiancé's words- she is the better baker between the two. And since Miss Bae is also one of our investors, I think it'd be wise not to upset her."

Jennie rolls her eyes at the mention of the name of her close friends. "Tell Wendy she owes me a week of cookie supplies and schedule Irene to have a coffee date with me, this time- I'll make sure she'll be the one to pay." Jennie grabs her bag and coat. "Text me the address."

Twenty minutes later in the heart of the downtown fashion district of the city resides a huge SPACE FOR SALE notice in the corner lot. Just by looking out from the outside, Jennie wasn't able to stop herself from feeling excited as she continues to see the potential of the property. Maybe coming to see the place for herself wasn't much of a bad idea at all.

"Doyeon, you will not believe this place, I repeat- when you see the space you will be blown away."

"Well from the sound of it, you sound very satisfied." Her friend says on the other line. "So are we still going to demand Wendy for the cookies?"

"Not really, but don't tell her that."

"Glad to know the feeling's mutual."

"I still couldn't believe that this is right on our budget. Not that I wouldn't mind paying more."

"Wendy did mention that it was on a higher price, but upon the mention of your name and the intent of buying, the owner immediately agreed to our terms."

Jennie frowns, did she know who the buyer is? "Doyeon, did Wendy mention the buyer's name?"

"Oh right, the owner's name is-" She wasn't able to focus on what the other woman was talking about as she feels a light tap on her shoulder.

Jennie had to cover her mouth to hold back the gasp she lets out as soon as she sees the person standing in front of her. "Dahyun?"

"Yeah, I told you Kim Dah-"

"I'll call you back okay?"

"Hey wait a minute-"

"Is it you?" Jennie thought her mind was just playing tricks on her. No, this couldn't be her Dahyun, she hasn't seen the latter in years. "I'm dreaming am I?"

"Jen, you forgot the fact that I've always been pale. This is the real deal." She grins. "Kim Dahyun in the flesh."

"You rascal!"

She pulls the smaller woman into a tight and longing hug. She and Dahyun always had this special connection between them. To Jennie, Dahyun is not her cousin, rather a sibling that she wanted to have. It was always the two of them bonding whenever there are family gatherings. However, ever since she returned from Japan, she hasn't seen her favorite cousin even once and no one even bothered to explain things to her. That's how it went for years.

"Wha- I mean-" Jennie defeatedly throws her arms up in the air. "This belongs to you?"

"It's one of the things I've invested over the years."

"Why sell it? This is a prime spot! Didn't you tell me you've always wanted to have a jazz bar around downtown? Did your dreams change?"

"Slow down with the questions Jennie." She teases the latter.

"You can't say that to me when you've been MIA for a long time!" Jennie whines and playfully punches the pale woman. "You owe me a lot of stories and petty fights!"

Dahyun couldn't help but utter a quick laugh seeing her favorite cousin be all excited about this reunion. "Oh Jen, how I wish I had all the time to explain things to you."

She was suddenly confused at the regretful tone." Care to explain to me why you sounded like you're no longer allowed to spend time with your favorite cousin?"

"That's because I am." Dahyun looks down and starts to play with her fingers. "Dad found out."

It was a vague answer, but Jennie knew what her cousin was talking about. "Shit." She whispers to herself. "Is that why you're no longer around in gatherings?"

"They tried though, first they shipped me to military school, hoping that it would take my mind off things but I had an accident a year ago and had to go to rehab. When the doctor said I could no longer continue to be in service, he forced me to do all the voluntary work in far places without means of communication. Then they tried to put me in grounded mode but you know how stubborn I can be."

"True."

"Eventually he ran out of ideas. That's when dad gave the ultimatum."

"But what about your mom? What did your brother say?"

"Come on Jen, this is dad. My father." She points out the obvious. "They're like stage two bosses and he's the grandmaster."

"Don't tell me-" Jennie was torn whether she could continue or not. In the end, she decides to go for it anyway. "He told you to choose between the family or being you."

"He did."

"And you chose..." Dahyun looks away, and Jennie could only let out a soft sigh. "Dahyun..."

"You've always known how I hate the way they insist on this image for me."

"So what? You decide to be disowned and wander around on your own?"

"Jen-"

"I know, this isn't the best time for me to lecture or baby you but-"

"You're going to do it anyway?"

"Yes!" She spoke out of frustration at Dahyun's lack of logical reasoning. "The world is a scary place, and even if going to war or whatnot gave you a hint or two, it won't suffice. People without guns are usually the ones who drive bullets straight to our hearts."

"All the more why I've decided to leave the family. I need to abandon my comfortable life to learn things on my own. I need to allow myself to be hurt and fall to stand up by myself. I'm done being their pet, I want to live my own life."

"There's someone you're fighting for isn't it?" Jennie knew her cousin well. She wouldn't give up her princess-like life if she didn't fall for someone. "Who is it?" She wasn't even asking, she was demanding to know. "I need to know if all this recklessness is worth it Kim Dahyun."

"Hey, sorry I'm late I dropped by the store and got you your favorite chocolate."

Jennie looks at the guest. The woman who had wavy and long ginger hair that fell to her stomach, a woman who had an hour-glass figure that perfectly showed through her dress with floral patterns. Above all, Jennie couldn't help but be drawn to the caramel-like orbs and that perfectly sculptured nose. She gives the beautiful woman a head-to-toe check, blinking to herself and wondering why the woman standing beside her cousin looked familiar.

And that's when it hits her.

This was the same woman Dahyun introduced to her years back when they met in Japan.

"Ah! Thank you for this drink!" Dahyun nervously breaks the silence between them. "Oh, I forgot the documents, hold on. I'll grab them quickly and hand them to you."

Silence surrounded them for a few seconds until Jennie decided to break it. "Sana." The woman turns to the called name. "You're Sana right?"

The faux ginger woman smiled brightly at her while nodding her head. She could understand why Dahyun was in love with this woman. A smile enough was to lighten up the mood. "I'm surprised that you still remember me, it's been years since the last time we met."

"It's not that hard, to be honest." She responds. "Dahyun only introduced one woman to me." Upon hearing it, Jennie saw how her cheeks started to show a faint shade of pink. It was an adorable sight. "So you guys are still together." She nods her head again. "Good to know."

They fall back into silence again, and while Jennie tried to look for something they could talk about-Sana beats her to it. "Can I say something?" Jennie shoots her an encouraging look. "I love your cousin."

"Well- I-I'm sure you do." Jennie was still trying to recover from the sudden confession. "Otherwise, you two wouldn't be here right?"

"No, no, you don't understand." Now, this got Jennie intrigued. What's so hard to understand about that statement?

"Then please Sana, by all means, make me understand." She responds. "Because Dahyun is risking a lot here. This is her life that we're talking about." Jennie couldn't help but feel protective over her little cousin. She couldn't help it, Dahyun is, after all, her favorite.

"It's not just the typical 'I love you' that you hear from couples who say it out of habit or responsibility... What I feel for Dahyun words could never do justice and I might end up rambling or feeling overwhelmed but you're the only one who understands us and I know how much it would mean to her if you'd be happy for us so I think you deserve to know how I feel."

"Loving your cousin helped me realize that love isn't all about showing off, expensive dinners or a diamond ring." Sana starts. She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Sometimes, love can also be about buying her favorite chocolate food whenever it's my turn to do the groceries or being reminded of her even when it's a busy day at work."

"It's letting her use my clothes especially the ones in the purple shade because purple is my favorite color and she is my favorite girl."

"Love is waking up at 2 a.m. and looking at her with drools to the side of her mouth and still having the courage to consider myself the luckiest just because I'm the one who sleeps beside her."

"I love your cousin because she has seen the worst in me and stayed. She saw different sides of me, sides where I couldn't even bring myself to love but she's done it anyway. I love your cousin because I just couldn't imagine not having her with me. It might be cliché and cheesy, but I can't see myself five years later and not have her as my wife." She chuckles the tears away, hoping that it would lighten up the mood. "It's her who I imagine sharing how my day went. It's her who I want to share every high and low of life..." She trails off. "Because Dahyun is the person I want to come home to every single day."

"I know you have your doubts, but please consider what I just said." She looks at Jennie straight in the eyes, trying to maintain a confident composure. "You can trust Dahyun to me, I will take care of her."

"For how long?" Jennie throws the challenge out in the conversation. "Until when should I entrust Dahyun to you? Until when are you going to love and take care of her? For how long are you willing to stay by her side?"

"For as long as she'll have me." Sana says with much confidence and politely bowed down. "So I would appreciate it if you give us your blessings. Please be happy for us."

"Sana." She calls the younger woman's attention. "Thank you for the assurance and for considering my opinion about your relationship. But I think my cousin also deserves to hear the words you just said." Jennie smiles at her. "She deserves to know it now more than anyone else."

The woman couldn't help but smile with relief. "I knew you'd understand our situation perfectly. I mean, you've been through the same thing right?"

Jennie was lost. "I'm sorry what? Been through the same thing?"

Sana nods her head. "When we first met in Japan, weren't you together with the woman with the heart-shaped lips?"

"Oh no-" She waves her hand too defensively and quickly. "Jisoo and I aren't-"

"Shit I'm sorry, it's just that you were so happy together because I could see it in your eyes and the two of you looked like a couple so-"

"No, it's fine-"

"Here are the documents! Sorry, it took so long, the car was quite a mess." Dahyun smiles as she walks back into the two of them.

"Ari must've jumped on it earlier too. Don't worry, I'll have it cleaned up before meeting with the buyer tomorrow. You still have to meet up with the buyer of the apartment."

"You're a blessing Sana!" She proudly kisses her girlfriend's cheek. "Jen, these are the documents. If you need any revision, feel free to contact me."

"I'll have my lawyer read it. As soon as she gives me the go signal, I'll send you a copy and the money within this week."

"Really!? That will help us a lot!" Dahyun was so happy that it made Jennie smile too. "Thank you so much."

"You're trying to build a new life in Hyun, it's the least I could do." Jennie pulls her in for another hug. "Just promise me that you will update me from time to time." She says and soothes Dahyun's hair, a habit she formed years ago. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am." Dahyun's voice sounded like she was on the verge of crying. "If there's one thing I learned from leaving this life behind is the fact that happiness only happens to people who choose to. It's not some outcome you'd have to wait for or some person you need to depend on. That I can only be happy if I choose to be happy." Dahyun pulled away and for the first time, Jennie saw the smile that she was accustomed to seeing her cousin with. "And this is the happiest I have ever been."

Jennie watches her cousin hold hands with her girlfriend as she walks out of the life that her family had prepared her for and creates a new life for herself. A life that makes her happy.

That same day, Jennie comes home and sees Jongin laughing about an entertainment show, wondering if this was the same kind of happiness her cousin was referring to.

"I love you, Jennie."

"You know that right?"

"I know Jisoo."

"I know that now."

"Jen!"

At the sound of her name, Jennie immediately jolts up and gasped for air. Beads of sweat were multiplying on her forehead with her lips shaking as she tries to grasp the situation. She quickly looked at her surroundings as she tries to get her breathing back to a normal pace. When she finally calms down, she turns to her right and the first thing she sees is the worried look Jongin wore.

"What..." Jennie trails off. "What happened?"

"I don't know, I just got out of a phone call and I wanted to call you for breakfast when I saw you in that state." He answers. "It looked like you were having a bad dream."

"A bad dream?"

"Either a bad dream or a painful one." He reaches out to wipe the tears staying on the tip of her eyes. "Are you okay now?"

"Y-yeah, I'm doing okay now." She smiles, hoping that it would console him.

"Okay, if you say so." Jennie was just thankful that he doesn't ask more. "Well, since it's kind of late to have breakfast, why don't you get ready instead so we can be on time."

"What do I have to be ready for? It's Sunday."

"Not just any Sunday, it's the second one of the month. We're having our monthly brunch at my parents' house."

As they pass by the skyscrapers heading towards a more scenic atmosphere with the trees surrounding the sidewalks and roads where there aren't many vehicles passing by. It also means that Kai's home is close.

If there's one thing that Jennie wished she could change about her marriage with the man driving beside her, is the fact that she would rather create a believable excuse rather than agreeing instantly to Mrs. Kim's offer to meet with them every second Sunday. Blame her desperation to please her mother-in-law. You see it wasn't always like this. The first few months were bearable. Even went to the extent that Jennie would visit them on weekdays to either help Mrs. Kim with tending her garden or accompany Mr. Kim around the golfing. She was okay until the requests for visits started coming frequently.

That is until Jennie decided to work and couldn't give the same attention as much as she used to. What came as a voluntary act, ended up being a demand. Something that she couldn't give, especially now.

"And we're finally here." Jongin stops the car by the entrance of his previous home.

Jennie sighs as her eyes darted over the two custom-made doors that she has learned to hate. "I can see that."

"Jen..." He places his hand on top of hers. "Don't worry, it's just brunch and I'm pretty sure dad has to do some golf or rifle shooting."

"I'm going to do my best and behave just like I've been doing from the very beginning." She looks at him. "But can you also try and be the middle man? Especially stopping your mother from saying things, please? I'm already stressed as it is. I don't think what I would do if she adds fuel to the fire."

"Don't you worry, I promise you I'll back you up."

They both got out of the car and greet Mr. Go who has been the butler for the household for more than Jongin could remember. Together, hand in hand they walk past the elegant Victorian-style living area down to the massive chef's kitchen, and finally through the grand double French Doors, leading them to the garden area where the brunch set up has been done.

The young couple greets them politely with cheek kisses and joins them in the meal. While the rest of the family indulged themselves in a conversation of their own, Jennie, on the other hand, indulged herself in the beautifully baked apple pie right in front of her.

While she prays that her subtle participation would be enough for today's brunch and wouldn't be pestered anymore.

[tw//sexism please read with caution]

"Jennie, thank you for dropping by last week." Mr. Kim invites her to the talk. So much for dreaming subtle. "I sure missed your style of cooking."

"Then you should drop by with Jongin one of these days dad, I'll be sure to cook you a delicious dinner."

"Now, that's an invitation I wouldn't say no to." Her father-in-law gives her a proud smile. "I guess now I know why Jongin enjoys his lunch every day."

"There's this new recipe that I am trying out dad, I'll let you be the first one to get a taste."

"Seriously though, Jennie's cooking skills are just out of this world. Whenever she texts me and tells me that she'll be cooking dinner I would just hurry up and leave."

"So that's why I saw you running down the hallway yesterday huh." He chuckles. "It's okay, like I said, I understand."

"It looks like Japanese curry but doesn't taste anything like it. It has the perfect balance of every flavor. I even had three cups of rice that day."

"Now I know what to bring you so I can bribe you." Her playful statement made her father-in-law laugh.

"Go, I'll try to resist it though."

"Can you teach me this dish?" Jongin's mother joins in after taking a bite of the cheesecake. "Maybe you can drop by this week?"

"I'm sorry mom, I'm packed with meetings and other things."

"Meetings?"

"It's about the clothing company I told you about." Jennie tries her best to hide the disappointment in her voice. The one I constantly tell you for three months now.

"Oh." This time, Mrs. Kim didn't even bother to hide her disappointment. "You're still onto that?"

"Yes, mother I am." She hated the way the latter sounded. "It's been my dream ever since."

"Well, you can create clothes at home. No need for business." She laughs as if it was the most absurd things to do. "Besides, I still think that it'd be best for the both of you to try and have a baby. I mean, it's been three years yet I don't see any kid running around the garden."

"Mom, it's not that we're not trying. Plus, I think Jennie should continue in pursuing having her own business." Jongin holds her hand under the table. "I know she can do it."

"That's complete non-sense, married women belong to the house, doing household things and whatnot. Men should carry the load and women carry babies. That's how it always has been."

"That is true. Maybe you couldn't successfully produce because she's under a lot of stress." Mrs. Kim adds. "Having a job or making your own clothing whatever shouldn't be your priority, it should be building a family."

"But this is something I like doing. I love doing them and I think they shouldn't change just because I'm someone else's wife." Jongin could feel how Jennie was tightening her hold of his hand.

"What kind of clothes would you even sell honey? Something like that?" The older woman scoffs. "Don't you think it's too revealing and too young for you?" Jennie was trying her best not to throw hands at the latter. "As you said, you're a married woman now and carrying someone else's surname. You shouldn't be promoting outfits like that, it would stain your father's reputation."

The more she hears words coming out of her in-law's mouths, Jennie continues to struggle to hear things correctly. All she could focus on was the rapid beating of her heart, begging to be out of her ribcage, how dry her mouth has been and how she could've broken a tooth or two from all the jaw clench she has made.

But the worst part of it all, was the silence coming from Jongin's end, the one who promised that he wouldn't do such a thing.

"This never would've happened if you were just being firm from the very beginning." He looks at his son as if he had done a grave sin. "You're the man of the house and you should always have the last say, even when it comes to these things. You need to be someone she can depend on so she can ditch this dream of hers and focus on the things that matter more like building your own family."

Nobody even dared to say any further than that. Of course, they shifted onto lighter topics but Jennie couldn't even bring her tongue to talk, or even bring any part of her to function. She was just so mad, livid even, but then again, who wouldn't?

The car ride home was even more torture.

Neither of them made effort to talk about what just happened, making Jennie feel even more upset about it. Just the fact that Jongin not being true to his word earlier was enough to push her buttons and feel this unexplainable frustration boiling inside her. And though Jennie might not be a fan of words, she is an avid fan of actions.

And she shows it by slamming Jongin's car door as soon as he parks it in the garage.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop slamming the door?" She could hear his footsteps approaching the living room where she currently is standing.

"Sorry." She says in her utmost tasteless response. "Happy?"

"Are you still lingering about what happened earlier at lunch?"

Jennie sometimes questions just how dense her husband can be sometimes. "Of course it was about lunch! Isn't it obvious that I still feel mad and frustrated about it?"

"What's done is done Jen, what else is there to do?"

"So that's it? I'm just going to accept the fact that I was humiliated by your parents and you- you who promised that you got my back did nothing but watch as they dug me six feet under?"

"You've been dealing with them for three years and you know exactly that how they view the world." Jennie couldn't believe it, Jongin was siding with them. "And I've told you multiple times, never dress this way when we're out to have a meal with them."

"Dress like what huh? Like I'm some single woman who wants to build her own company because I'm not?" She rebuts as she throws her hands in the hair to elaborate the turmoil inside her. "If they got a problem with the way I dress then it's on them, not me."

"At least give them the respect they deserve." He lousily answers back. "They're my parents Jennie."

"And I am your wife Jongin." She states ice-cold. "Last time I checked you were married to me and not to them." Jennie takes a step forward as if she was challenging him. "I, too, should be given the respect that I deserve."

Feeling the stress that's about to come, Jennie couldn't be bothered to be in the same vicinity as him so she grabs her car keys and bag before leaving the house, heading over to her parents' house. At least they're a bit more understanding and more modern-thinking than his.

__________________________________

"You look relaxed now, that's nice to see." Jennie's mom says as they head over to their favorite restaurant with the panoramic view of the city after the fulfilling spa session courtesy of Jennie of course. "My baby girl looked so stressed earlier that you looked like you were older than me."

"I'm just stressed with work." She lies. "You know how it is."

"How's the planning by the way? Is everything going along within your timeline?" Her father asks.

"Surprisingly yes, I'm also 2 weeks earlier than planned which is still good since I can double-check everything."

"So it's notabout the work then." Jennie looks at her father who was casually taking apiece of his steak. "Must be something awful to make you stressed."

"I was just upset with the brunch I had earlier together with Jongin and his parents."

"You can tell us what happened. We'll listen." Her mother says comfortingly.

"Again, as usual, they weren't supportive about me and my plans."

Unknown to Jennie, who was enjoying herself with their choice of wine, Mr. and Mrs. Kim gave each other a look, before returning their attention to her. "Well, what did they say?"

"It was just supposed to be a light conversation and I was trying not to draw too much attention on me. Then again, his mom just had to bring up this building a family thing and they blamed me for wanting a name for myself for not having a little kid running around their backyard. And then, his dad blames him for not being able to control my want for independence like I'm some kind of slave." She sarcastically chuckles. Jennie felt like she's been thrown back hundreds of years. "But who cares, I have you guys. You two support me."

"Maybe they mean no harm, baby girl."

"Of course they don't they just mean insult and they happiness for degrading someone else."

"Jennie, they do have a point." Hearing that sentence made Jennie stop slicing her meal halfway. "It's been three years and to you might not be a long time but for older people like us, it does."

"So, you're siding with them on this one?"

"No, no of course not. What your father is trying to say is we know how hectic it can be when managing a business being we too have our own company to control..." Mrs. Kim takes a few seconds to pause, trying to find the right words. "Maybe what they're trying to tell you that having something that you can call your own can be done later and the best time to have a baby is now."

"Mom my business is my baby." She points out. "I worked my ass off for a year to get this thing going and if I decide to be a mother now then not only will be my efforts be put to waste, but I am will become a terrible mother in her eyes because instead of watching her grow and be there for her when she needs me, I'll be at the office instead, trying to achieve what I could've done now."

"Sweetie, you're not getting any younger."

"For Pete's sake, dad mom had me when she was 34." She tries to defend her case and once again, Jennie was starting to feel upset. "A child is not an option. Not right now."

"Try to see where we're coming from."

"You should know better than anyone what I'm going through right now." Their daughter throws them a disbelief look. "How about you try and see where I'm coming from?"

"Jennie tone it down, this is a restaurant, not our dining table." Her father authoritatively scolds her. "Look, we just don't want you to drift apart from your in-laws. They're good people, loved you as their kid, and remember, they've been a huge factor when we were having trouble with our business-"

"So that's what it's all about." She sourly cuts him off from continuing. "This isn't about when is the best time to have a kid, or being supportive with me and my dream. This isn't even about you two showing concern about my relationship with them. No, this is about you two, and how it could affect your lives." She says to them. "Once again, you've managed to make this about yourselves, just like how it always has been."

"Sit down and let's talk about this."

"You know what dad? I saw Dahyun earlier and she told me just how much she loathed our family. I couldn't believe it then, but I sure am starting to believe it right now."

"Where are you going?"

"Someplace where someone can listen."

__________________________________

"So that's how your Sunday went? That's interesting."

"If you're trying to fake your enthusiasm at least put some effort into it."

After the relaxing-which-turned-out-not-so-relaxing-after-all get-together with her parents, Jennie dials Doyeon's number and asks for the latter's whereabouts, and invited herself into Doyeon's weekly me-time Sunday drink despite her friend's desperate plead not to do so. And now, she looks at the shorter woman with annoyance as she starts to show signs of her getting tipsy just after three glasses of Martini.

"Ben geez, don't give her more." She steals the drink from the bartender's hand. "She's already enough headache as she is."

"Your call boss."

"Why did you...st-eal my drink?" Jennie tries to support herself by leaning further into the counter. "That's my drink."

"And this is my Sunday and yet you decided to crash still." She shoves the drink in one go down on her throat. "Now, we're quits."

"God you really can be a bitch."

"What can I say, friends, should have at least one common ground." And even in her drunk state, Jennie still manages to roll her eyes out. "Can you do that one more time? I want you to have a bitching headache tomorrow."

"Shut up."

Doyeon just shakes her head and pays her no mind. "To be honest your Sunday sucks."

"Tell me about it." Jennie plays around her empty glass. "I guess some people don't get to have it all."

"Are you drunk or just dumb for you to only realize it now?"

"A bit of both..." Jennie says most likely to herself. "But you see, I had good Sundays too." She shares. "One of them was walking back to the dorm right after tasting another test food from Sanji..."

"Sundays that I find myself showing off my design and receive endless compliments and support. Sundays where I would just lounge around and talk about anything under the sun."

"Sounds to me you've seen better Sundays."

"I've seen my worst Sunday too. That beach in Japan..."

"But hey, at least I got to know that your life isn't all unicorns and rainbows." She openly says. "You do have those tides."

"The what now?"

Doyeon smiles and thought about maybe she could share this with Jennie. Not that the latter will remember any of it tomorrow anyway. "Shifting tides."

"W-w-what's that?"

"It's like a turning point on someone's life. Much like sailing across at sea, just when you feel like everything is fine and the wind blows to your advantage, something happens, and then suddenly, the tides appear on your lane. They appear smaller at first, but as time goes on they will get bigger and bigger until you get drown in them." She looks at Jennie who is close to passing out. "Just like us people, right when we believe that life is good, something happens, and changed everything that we have confidence in."

"First it lingers onto your skin like an itch but you just can't pinpoint which spot it lies on eventually you start to ignore it, knowing well that it would go away. The itching stops though, but then you'll feel it from your insides like a rumbling sound in your diaphragm making you feel nauseous like you're constantly fighting currents. And right before you know it- it had consumed you. Every bit of you and will get you wondering how you wish you could've just paid attention from the very beginning."

"Is... is that even a good thing?"

"Depends."

"D-d-depends on what?"

"On what you will believe in."

"The life that you had before? Or after the tides?"

And so when Jennie ordered another drink of Martini using her slurred words, Doyeon didn't even bother to stop her.

"What happened?" Were the words that Doyeon heard from Jongin. "Is she drunk?"

"I don't know Jong, maybe she's trying my strength or something of course she's drunk." She replies. "I invited her over for a few drinks, didn't know that she'll be a light drinker."

Jongin just sighs and brings Jennie into her arms. "Could you please stay for a couple of minutes? I just need you to change her."

"Shouldn't you be comfortable in that area cause- you guys are married?" She points out the obvious fact. "Uh, honeymoon? You know?"

"Jennie doesn't like touching when she's still upset. I should respect that."

Needless to say, Doyeon was surprised just how gentlemanly Jongin is. "Tell Jennie tomorrow that she better give me overtime pay."

She did what was requested of her and tucks her into the massive bed that got Jennie looking like a five-year-old kid. She kisses her on the forehead goodnight before seeing Jongin take his share amount of alcohol. He bids her goodbye and Doyeon returns the greeting, before hopping onto her convertible on her way home.

Passing through the silent roads, she thought about how long she had known Jennie which was just weeks right after she tied the know with the fellow. In those three years not once did she saw her friend had a doubt in her life and looked like she was living the dream. But for the first time tonight-

Doyeon swore she saw some rippling tides in her friend's eyes.

The woman also thought about how she wanted to tell the latter that choosing Jongin was the right thing to do. She didn't know what kind of question Jennie had back then, but she wanted to tell her that the man she married is the better decision. He was a gentleman, a loving husband and he will be the perfect father to their kids no doubt about that.

But as she hits the sacks herself, she begins to think about the other option. The option had Jennie opening up both her best and worst Sundays, and even just allowed her to open up to her friend for the very first time. Now, Doyeon had this inkling thought roaming around her mind. Something that she didn't want to entertain, but something that she wouldn't mind to know.

What if, all that Jennie ever wanted wasn't someone who's better but rather, someone who was just enough?

Jennie, as expected, woke up with a terrible headache and probably the worst that she had experienced. The arising need for water catches up with her so she eventually, forcefully sits up and was grateful to have found both medicine and water just right beside the bed.

"I'm never going to crash Doyeon's Sunday ever again."

__________________________________

"Is that a new fashion trend these days?"

Jongin's voice was the first thing Jennie hears as she laid steps in the kitchen. She spares him a glance but couldn't see quite clearly through sunglasses. She pays him no mind as he tries to sound nonchalant while he sits with his newspaper with a small suitcase by his feet.

Must be a business trip. Again.

"Jen." He calls out, failing his attempt to look like he doesn't care. "We need to talk."

"Can you not see that I am not in the mood for talking."

"I don't care if it's your headache or the fact that you are still upset with what happened yesterday-"

"See, that's the problem. You never bothered to care." Jennie turns around to face him. "And yes, I am still upset just like how I am upset that they've pressured me and yes Jongin, this is also about my headache."

"Well, what do you want me to do? I've told you thousand times before, I need to get on my dad's good side so he can entrust the company to me."

"So you're just going to do nothing even though you promised me you would? If you want him to trust you then go do it your way, don't drag my uterus to your ego problem."

"You're my wife and you should help me with things like this." Jennie couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Why did you even come home late? Heck, you were even drunk. You can't do that anymore you're a married woman. Based on research drinking alcohol could lessen your chances of being-" Jongin wasn't even able to go on as Jennie slammed her ceramic mug hard against the marble countertop.

"For the last time, stop including me in your desperation for your father's approval."

"So when will we talk about this?"

"We'll talk once you get your head out of your ass."

Whenever they get into an argument, it was always Jennie who always get the shorter end of the stick. Always her who understands and gives way. She would always come up with reasons for him, whether it was him being stressed from work or the extreme pressure he gets from his father, or peer-pressuring himself. This wasn't supposed to be different from the others, so why couldn't she understand now?

It was quite frustrating. The fact that Jennie couldn't pinpoint what changed her attitude when it comes to arguing with Jongin irked her to the core. Like an itch, lingering in her skin, but she couldn't tell which part.

__________________________________

"Happy birthday Sophie!"

Jennie claps her hands along with her friends as they all watched her best friend Chaehee carry her 1-year-old daughter, helping her to blow her 3-layered strawberry cake together with her husband. A few days earlier this week she had received a text message from their resurrected group chat that Chaehee's second daughter having her birthday party, with everyone in their circle invited. The setting was on a private resort off the coast of Jeju and since she badly needs to get away from all the chaos, it sounds like hitting two birds with one stone.

The party, much like the eldest child's first birthday is still lavish as ever. Jennie wouldn't even bother to question. Her husband is the best real estate broker in town. That being said, to her it just looked like more of a place where he can potentially have more income than to celebrate his child's birth instead.

It was only the next day where she had gathered with the rest as they decided to extend a day or two in the island, leaving their kids and husbands heading home first. Jennie was more than relieved to have spent time with her friends whom she has been with since college.

Finally, some people who can understand her.

[tw//sexism please read with caution]

"Cheers!" Everyone toasts their glasses amongst themselves.

"Ugh, feels like forever!" Haeri breaks the ice. "I almost forgot what wine tastes like."

"I'm just glad I'm done with the breast-feeding stage." Seunga adds in.

"Also, you're getting back into your old figure. Man, I can't wait to hit the gym and lose all these fats." Heejung, who recently just gave birth shares. "I can't wait to have my body back."

While the rest went on about their motherhood problems, Jennie casually sits there, enjoying her salmon and drink on her own. All of her actions didn't go unnoticed by Chaehee. "Well, at least we have someone in the group who doesn't need to worry about it and is still in perfect condition."

Jennie who wasn't mentally present felt everyone's eyes on her. "Why are you guys suddenly looking at me."

"We're just jealous because we look like our age and yet here you are looking like you're still in college."

"The fact that you can still enjoy your Martini like that just doubles up our jealousy."

"How's the life with Jongin by the way? Do you still have time for one another?"

"We have some time together, not as much as we used to."

"It must be hard, you two working on establishing names for yourself."

"By the time Jennie's child is born, it'll be ten years behind our children and is going to be the youngest billionaire." They all joked around and Jennie just joined, just because they always laughed at Seunga's joke.

"Speaking of business how is yours going?"

"It's doing good actually." Jennie smiles brightly. "I'm finalizing bits and few details but the puzzle is getting clearer now."

"That's good to hear Jen, what does Jongin say about it?"

Jennie was surprised at the mention of her husband's opinion. "Jongin?"

"I mean yeah? What matters to him should matter to you."

"But this is my business. Shouldn't my opinion matter more?"

"His opinion outweighs yours." Heejung states the common and traditional rule. What's worse, Jennie saw how everyone agreed with her.

"And what if he tells me that I shouldn't continue this plan, what then?" She asks. "Should I just give up everything and become the person who he wants me to be?"

"Jen, there's a reason why we have our husbands take the lead role in the family."

"For what? For them to decide what's good and what's not for us?"

"They know what works for us okay?"

"Are you guys fucking with me right now?" Jennie's question was responded with dead air. She looked at everyone and their offended faces, surprised at the sudden outburst and her choice of words. "Can you even hear the words coming out of your mouths? Do they know what works for us? Really? So what are they? Our creators and we're some kinds of robots? Can't we decide for our own?"

"There are certain rules in marriage Jennie you know that."

"And that's just rich coming from you Haeri, you and obeying rules can't coexist in one freaking sentence."

"Jen, we're not single women anymore."

"So?" She was starting to get annoyed at their sudden change of heart. As far as Jennie knew her friends, they wouldn't say something rubbish like this. "Since when did our status became one of the criteria in terms of expressing our thoughts and doing what we like?"

"You're not understanding the point here."

"No, it's you who doesn't understand the point."

"Geez Jen, calm you calm down? No need to raise your voice like that."

"Because it frustrates me to know that even you guys sound different now!" Jennie was lost, how come they couldn't see that all she wants from them is to show some support? "Do you even remember the plan you guys had before you got married?"

"You two were supposed to be the greatest singing duo the world has ever seen." She looks at the Haeri and Seunga who avoided looking at her in the eye. "And what happened to becoming the top model in all of Asia and securing all those major brand deals?" She moves her eyes from Heejung towards her best friend. "And you..." She lowers her voice down, making it sound more out of disappointment rather than frustration. "We were supposed to do this together."

Chaehee was about to say something when Seunga beats her to it. "Oh, Jennie grow up!"

"Seung, stop you're not helping." Haeri holds her by the hand.

"No, I won't do that. Why does she have to paint us like we're the bad guys? We didn't do anything wrong." She snaps her direction to Jennie. "Fine, we get that you're frustrated but Jen we had those dreams years ago, dreams change just like people. Maybe then that was the life I imagined to have but that happened before I met my husband. And frankly, I like the life that I have right now." She crosses her arms. "I have a family that needs my attention. But, it's not like you'd understand me, especially on having kids."

"S, What the fuck?" Heejung snaps too while Chaehee and Haeri covered their mouths in surprise. "Do you have to be that low?"

"It's not about being low and I'm not because she needs to understand that our lives, our choices are different now. If she doesn't want to have a kid and be a good wife to her husband then that's her call, but she doesn't have to call us out for doing something the exact opposite."

"Jen, don't worry maybe S is just-"

"You want to know something? I was really happy to be here with you girls." Jennie speaks. "I was so happy because back home I was so tired of people telling me that I couldn't do it."

"I was so tired of hearing things as I should focus on being a good housewife rather than being a good entrepreneur, that I shouldn't compete with him but rather support him or just the fact that I should have kids instead of having a business." Jennie says weakly. As if she had just lost all her will to fight. "I'm exhausted of people belittling me as if I had no other purpose than to wash dishes and produce kids for them to boast around social gatherings."

"I was so happy because I know that even if we had different lives now, we were still the same friends back in college that always got each other's back. Not because it was our promise, but because we deeply care and support one another."

"But I guess no one can escape change." She looked at them, trying to fight back the tears she had kept in the bay for long. "Even our friendship."

And just like that, Jennie too changed her plans and booked a flight home, wondering if there someone else that could understand what she feels.

__________________________________

As soon as she stepped foot inside the house, Jennie felt the instant cold air hugging the entire place. With only her footsteps echoing throughout their walls, she realized how lonely the ambiance is. Cold. Dark. Empty.

Funny how could a house completely replicate what she feels inside.

She laid her bags on the carpeted floor, not bothering if it would cause an accident tomorrow morning, and settles herself in the leather swivel chair placed inside her office with a wine bottle in her right hand. Her office was somehow her haven inside this place. She felt happy whenever she was here, felt safe and free from judgment, in this space- no one will judge her, and to her, nothing has ever understood her better than these four walls.

A half-empty bottle of wine later, Jennie's visions start to double. Together with her broken heart and defeated soul, it was a bad combination. The results came in not too long, and it happened when Jennie accidentally spilled the bottle's remaining contents directly to her faux fur carpet. Cursing because of her stupidity, Jennie tries to reach her carpet cleaner spray underneath one of her drawers.

But instead, she pulls out a thing that she hasn't seen for some time.

Jisoo's journal.

Just seeing her holding onto it was enough to sober Jennie quite a bit. She places the thing in front of her and just found herself staring for too long. Too long to allow herself to think whether it was a wise decision of seeing it again after promising herself that she wouldn't even try to hold it for more than five seconds. Too long for her to trace down the outsides with her trembling fingers. Too long for her to start thinking about reading it again.

She forces herself to pull away from it, removing her hands instantly as if she just caught herself in touch with fire. Jennie closes her eyes and tries to calm the uprising unexplainable feeling she has inside. No, she couldn't do it. She shouldn't, she already made her choice.

"Just one." Jennie bites her lower lip, still, eyes closed. "Just one last entry."

Reaching out to the notebook, allowing her hand to scroll past through the worn-out pages. It was quite amazing how the silence inside her office made her able to smell the old pages and how it smelled like wood, and how it immediately reminded her of the forest they visited once because Jisoo liked seeing a lot of trees.

How she could hear the rapid beating of her heart out of nervousness, just like what she felt while waiting for her turn to face with Jisoo during her book signing event in Japan.

How she was able to feel brushing against her skin softly, just letting the breeze linger around her, much like how she felt whenever Jisoo touches her.

"Come on Jennie, just pick one already."

"Open anything, anything." Jennie was furrowing her eyebrows.

"Just do it and be done. The sooner the better."

"Ugh, why is this so hard?!"

"Alright, fuck it. I'm going to do it."

So Jennie lets her fingers brush along the pages once more, trying to pick one specific page. She was still taking some time, but somehow, when her index finger touched a specific piece, she feels that it was the right page. As Jennie opens the chosen page, she too had her eyes open and they immediately land on the top right corner.

__________________________________

September 30, 2018

Well, this sucks.

It's has been a rough day for me.

Three quizzes, two musical activities, and on top of that a composition to be passed by the end of the week. Fuck professor Saito honestly.

But even with all that, I'm pretty sure- Jennie had it worse.

Just as I was about to open the door, I heard it.

The sound of Jennie Kim crying in the middle of an argument.

I'm not an eavesdropper. I just wanted to sleep okay? Not my fault she chose to cry at the exact moment I arrived. Jennie would've probably hated it but, I'm glad I was able to hear it.

Because Jennie to me is close to perfection. She had an amazing circle, she was popular and she was the crowd favorite and an eye-catcher. Whenever I see her down the hallway, she was always laughing. Whenever we hang-out, she was always invested in getting to know me. But now, hearing her being frustrated about how her parents were pressuring her to change her course major made me see a different side of her. A side that she hasn't probably shown to everyone else, and even though she didn't do it on purpose, it made me even more connected with her.

Underneath the campus girl crush image lies a woman who has probably spent her entire life pleasing other people more than herself. That despite all of her achievements was a Jennie Kim was constantly pressuring herself to do better for everyone to pay attention to her. Behind the breath-taking smile, is a face who probably wondered a lot of times when will she be able to smile without a mask?

Maybe I am just imagining things, we haven't known each other for a long time and I could probably be imagining things as I've said earlier- today sucks. She will never hear this from me, but in some plot twisted, a fictional way that she finds this journal (dear Lord I pray she doesn't.)

I hope she knows that it's not wrong to put yourself first sometimes.

I hope she knows that her work is something that she should be proud of and something that I could see her doing in the far-fetched future. Her works aren't just dresses or accessories you can buy three blocks down your favorite boutique shop. No, her works are pieces of art, worth of its price and its experience. Each stroke represents her passion for what she does and every palette she chose allows me to see a different world. Her dresses aren't made to stay in sketch pads or the drafts. They are made to be seen by the world.

Much like herself. The real her.

If I wasn't such a chicken I would've probably told her that just because you're doing something you love, doesn't mean the roads will be a walk in the park filled with roses because it's not. It isn't, it's filled with thorns stuck on the grass that will prick your foot, mountains that will challenge your strength and it will make you feel go through a thousand heartbreaks. There will be times where she's going to want to give up or wonder if she had made the right choice.

But I also would tell her that nothing good ever comes easy. Sure it will challenge you and some journeys will break you but I will remind her that with every setback she will go through, she should remember how much she loves doing this. That not every path will be filled with thorns or how not every mountain is supposed to bring her down but to lift her. And that every heartbreak will be worth it in the end.

More importantly, if I wasn't such a chicken, I would've told her that until she becomes the woman she's meant to be, I will be standing beside her.

I will hold her hand and together we will walk the path filled with thorns and be her cure with every prick. For every mountain she will face, I will be right behind her, pushing her to go further. For every heartbreak, I will be the pillow that she could cry on and on. Every time that she would want to give up, I will be a reminder that she shouldn't. For every doubt, I will be her assurance.

I will continue to believe in her until she learns to believe in herself.

It's been twenty minutes, I'm sure she's done crying her heart out and probably made a reasonable excuse for her eyes. Which is pretty useless I might add, I always know if she just finished crying because her right eye tends to be smaller. Not that she needs to know that. I hope she will tell me soon.

Until then, I should probably go and buy a week-supply of milk ice cream :)

__________________________________

"Chu you're back!" Jisoo waits for the rummaging sounds to end before turning around.

"Yeah, sorry I came late, my friends were sulking for the lack of quality time." She responds. "Oh, by the way, I noticed that we ran out of milk ice cream so here we go."

"Oh my God Chu you're a savior!" Jennie rushes to hug her roommate tightly. "I badly needed one of these right now but it was late and I couldn't go out."

"Scaredy cat." Jisoo teases while Jennie sticks her tongue at her before continued to eat her ice cream... "Wow Jen, these are looking good."

"Really?"

"Well, of course, I know a good dress when I see one." She continues to look at her work. "You know what, I think that you were made for this. Creating dresses I mean."

Jisoo watched as Jennie had this unexplainable expression on her face as she walks closer to her. "You... you believe that?"

"Hell yeah, I think you're going to make it." She smiles. "I'll hire you to do my concert outfits."

"Chu do you really think I can be a designer? You think I can make it out there?"

"I know you will stupid!" Jisoo grins, hoping that it would help ease what Jennie feels. "I believe in you, Jennie Kim."

Jennie softly places down the journal right in front of her. Right after reading the entry and recalling the specific memory, she couldn't help but let out a sigh. It was so heavy and long that she had wondered for how long was she able to keep it inside of her. She constantly bites her lower lip as she tries to focus herself on something, somewhere else other than what she was feeling right now.

"No..." Jennie manages to speak. "I can't."

"I can't..." She shakes her head as she clutches onto her chest. "I shouldn't feel this."

"Stop..." It was a desperate whisper that came from her brain, begging her heart to go against her will. "I can't break again..." But who was she kidding?

When it comes to Jisoo, Jennie just breaks.

It started with a shoulder movement, much similar to letting go of a cough you held down your throat for so long, embarrassed that it will be heard by the many. The difference is, in Jennie's situation, the coughing doesn't stop, and the coughs weren't coughs but tears.

Her jaw clenched from time to time, sometimes it felt too much that Jennie thought about the possibility of breaking her teeth in the process. Her eyes closed firmly as if she was refusing herself to confront this reality. Her hands were like leaves who just fell from its branch, swaying aimlessly as the wind guide them onto the ground while she reaches for the journal.

Anyone who could walk right in would think that Jennie was in grave pain. Here she was, fitting her small figure within her swivel chair, lips letting out whimpering noises of agony and regret as she held the journal close to her chest, hugging it as if it was a human being. As if it was Jisoo.

Jennie felt like she was sick like she was inside a cruise and there were big waves repeatedly hitting the swaying cargo from left to right and it was starting to make her feel nauseous. Like something was rumbling inside her making Jennie feel scared. She was terrified to even feel this way.

Because three years ago, Jennie made her choice. And she chose to face his storm, and not theirs.

__________________________________

Yet, despite knowing this, Jennie has decided to keep the journal close to her. It was a crazy thing to do, but she knew that if she will push through it, then she will need Jisoo's entries to remind her that she can do this. It was her helping the latter fulfill her promise. Until she still can't believe in herself, Jisoo will do that for her.

Most of the time it helped Jennie a lot, especially when she decided to not pay much attention to her husband unlike she used to do. She also decided to skip the monthly brunch affair with her in-laws, rejected gatherings where she'd be forced to spend time with her parents, and even muted the group chat.

But there were days where Jennie would still find herself crying over the entries and wished that she was speaking to Jisoo instead of reading her thoughts.

Jennie had also memorized the journal pages. She knew where to go whenever she needed Jisoo's reassurance, she knew how many pages are there to scroll through if she feels like hearing the latter's stories or just being comforted by revisiting their old memories.

More importantly, whatever kind of entry Jennie might be reading, Jisoo would always end it with-

"I'm proud of you." Jennie turns around and sees Doyeon walking close to her. "Well, would you look at that Jennie." She smiles. "We're finally here."

"Yeah, I know." She couldn't help but feel excited just by looking at the space they've worked hard for weeks and the business they planned for so long. "How did your errands go?"

"I'm done with everything. All the guests are coming, the food is delicious and will arrive on time and the security is already at the back door waiting for the event to start."

"It's happening is it?" She turns to Doyeon who was looking at her like she just grew another head. "Sorry, I'm- I'm finding it hard to believe that all of this is finally here. Like the sketches finally left the paper and we finally get to see them right before our eyes."

"That's understandable... I mean, this used to be just empty which turned into being a blessing in disguise." The taller woman says. "How's your cousin by the way?"

"She's doing fine, I sent her pictures and she told me she would've loved to come but she's busy house-hunting in Osaka right now."

"Well, at least the two of you are happy."

"Someone told me that I had to stop looking for my validation from other people who couldn't be there when I need them. That it was okay to let some go, after all, not everyone is meant to stay."

"Whoa, that's some deep advice. Was this person high?" Doyeon chuckles as she receives a shove coming from the latter. "I was kidding."

"They weren't high they were just that good with words."

"So good that this person influenced you not to invite your friends, husband, in-laws, and parents huh."

"Is it bad?" She asks unsurely. "Do you think they deserve to be here?"

"It's fine, I don't like negative vibes in our opening. It brings bad luck to the business." Hearing that erased any doubt Jennie was feeling over the thought stuck inside her head. "So what do you say? Let's crush this event and bring more revenue?"

"Sure." Jennie held the journal close to her as she smiles at Doyeon. "Let's do this."

__________________________________

"Calm down Jennie."

"Breathe, it's alright."

"Doyeon you fucking bitch I'm going to skin you!"

Doyeon might look like an aloof and free-spirited person but when it comes to important matters including their teamed-up company, she wouldn't joke around.

So imagine the shock imprinted on Jennie's face when she received a call from the latter saying that she would have to give out the Thank You speech later.

"Well blame my frugal mother who chose the cheapest flight and not the fastest!"

"Ugh! Kim Doyeon when I see you I will not hesitate to throw hands at you, you giant!" Jennie looks at the script she just made an hour ago and couldn't help but feel irritated at the number of corrections she made. "Fuck this, I'm just probably going to make a fool out of myself so why bother."

"I need sleep." She says to herself, hoping that a few minutes of dozing off would help her shake the fear of speaking in front of their guests or some kind of miracle, Doyeon might make it on time.

"This sounds wrong, nope."

"Heh, not good enough, scratch!"

"Fuck, I'm going to fail, that's right- I'm going to fail on my sophomore year!"

"Jennie?" The sound of Jisoo's voice stops Jennie from rambling. "Oh wow." She comments after seeing the mess in their living area.

"Shit, sorry Chu I- I didn't know you were coming this early."

They both looked at the clock indicating it has been 23 minutes past one o'clock in the morning. "You're not wrong about that."

"O-okay, I'll clean this mess so you can head to sleep. When you wake up the next day, everything will be dandy."

"Dandy? Really?" Jisoo chuckles. "Alright, you seem nervous, did something happened?"

"Nothing that I can handle." And it would've been fine to Jisoo really, only if she wasn't just too smitten to not notice the little details in Jennie's action.

"Do you need help with something?"

"It's just-" Jennie wasn't sure whether she was willing to drag Jisoo straight into this mess. "Well everyone in our class is expected to have a pitch regarding our clothes in front of my professors. Like a thesis defense but instead of paper I'm having a mental breakdown on dresses."

"I think I know what thesis means but thank you for the insight."

"I've been practicing for hours and somehow I just can't seem to be satisfied with my presentation."

"May I?"

"Sure, just don't be too cruel to me, it's my first time." Jisoo chuckles as she observes Jennie's drafted pitch. And because Jennie just couldn't sit there and watch, she tries to defend her case before the latter could even voice it out. "Can you not pay attention to that line because I am still working on it and this one oh! This one-" She eventually stops when Jisoo throws her a stern look. "Right, I'll sit here and wait for your verdict."

"I think I know now why you're not satisfied."

"Really? that's good! Can you tell me the reason?"

"It's because you're trying for your presentation to be perfect."

Jennie couldn't help but furrow her eyebrows. "Isn't that the goal?"

"You're such a Capricorn you know that right?"

"Stop mocking my sign which is your sign too missy."

Jisoo rolls her eyes. "Your pitch lacks you." Jennie was confused as to what she was referring to. "You keep mumbling about how your dresses will be the next trend our how it will cater to their needs. While these are good points, I think it's also important for your investors to know who they are investing their money into."

"But... what do I tell them about me?"

"We can start with the basics then you can talk about why you were drawn to making dresses."

"If we'd go into that topic then I will be talking for hours."

"Then I will help you cut it down to minutes."

"Wait what?"

Jisoo sits on the edge of her bed. "Go ahead, let's pretend I'm your professor. Present your pitch to me."

"But Jisoo, don't you have classes later?"

"It's all lecture don't mind. And if you're worried about my sleep then don't bother. I can go all night." She smirks.

"You do know that that your last statement sounds so wrong on so many levels right?" The smirk was gone on Jisoo's face as soon as she hears that.

"I believe that's not how you talk to your potential investor." Jennie holds back a laugh as Jisoo gets into character. "Shall we begin Miss Kim?"

"Mrs. Kim?" Jennie opens her eyes and sees her assistant looking regretful that she interrupted her nap time. "Sorry, I didn't know."

"It's okay, what is it?"

"I just want to say that your speech starts in ten minutes."

"Okay." She huffs. "I'll- I'll be out soon." As soon as she was left alone, Jennie reaches out the journal right out from her bag, scanning through the pages until she reaches a familiar entry.

February 10, 2019

I slept in class.

Maybe spaced out for the entire day.

But guess what? It was all worth it.

As I write this down, I am currently trying my best to calm the rapid beating of my heart. It all started with well- me spacing out as I've mentioned when she screams my name out in the hallway. When our eyes locked at one another, she immediately runs into my arms surprising my friends and I. Damn those two, just by the look on their faces, I knew they felt the second-hand gay panic I radiated as Jennie hugged me close. Finally, after what felt like forever (at least on my end) Jennie delivers me the good news that she passed, and that she would like to treat me the weekend.

I just didn't know back then that her treat included a flight to Okinawa.

Yet here we are walking past the street shops and indulging ourselves in local goods. While she's out there scouting different types of fabric, I told her that I would just buy us snacks and wait for her there. Of course, it was just an excuse, I was just desperate into putting my feelings into words, too scared that I might not be able to write like this again. I'm just happy.

Or overly joyful to the point that I decided to write down because if I don't I might do something stupid like hold her hand while we're walking or kissing her with the sunset background. God, I hope it's the latter.

I was right. A happy Jennie Kim is my favorite type of Jennie.

She still has a long way to go from here, but I hope this will boost her confidence enough to show her that it's not only her dresses that need to be known but as well as her passion for this craft. I can still see a thousand steps ahead of her, but this is a good start.

Until she learns to trust in what she can offer I will be here, writing and telling you that every loss of sleep and spacing out will be worth it if I get to hear her speak for hours. Hopefully, I will still be standing in front of her, pretending to be her critic as she finally launches her brand, and as she introduces herself for all the world to see. But if not, then I hope one day my journal would end up in her arms so she gets to read this. It might be too late or too early, but I just want Jennie Kim to know-

You are right where you're meant to be Jennie Kim. So go out there and just be yourself. When you something you love, it transcends to the people who get to see you.

Also, I want you to remember what I've always told you from the very beginning of this journey.

I believe in you.

I am proud of you.

I love you, Jennie Kim.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's all welcome the CEO of Canvas, Jennie Kim."

Amongst the crowd, Jennie stood in front of the platform and smiled at the people who welcomed her warmly with their applause. "Good evening." She smiles and looked at the piece of paper staring right back at her. "I began to dream like most of us start. Everything you see now started with me staring at a blank canvas."

"My canvas wasn't a perfect one. It had a lot of erasures, scratches, dents you name it. It even came to a point where I had been staring at multiple blank canvases over the years. There was even a time where I even handed out the brush to others, thinking that it would be best if they decided for me. I didn't even know what I wanted back then."

"It was only then I realized that my canvas will never satisfy me unless I start the process myself. That's how Canvas was born in my life. I wanted something that I loved and something that belonged solely to me. And how much I wanted to provide that same feeling to other people as well." She says to everyone. "Which is why I, together with my business partner Miss Kim Doyeon, decided to create an avenue for everyone to express themselves and create their own identities."

"This of course wouldn't be possible if it weren't for everyone present here tonight. To the people who believed enough to invest my dream to people who gave out support on their terms. Thank you, everyone. Because of you, I stand right here, in front of each and every one of you, proudly presenting my canvas."

__________________________________

"My, my, my... I must say your speech is far better than mine." Jennie turns around and sees Doyeon's victorious grin as soon as she steps off the platform.

"Oh, what great timing Doyeon." She acts to be mad at her friend.

"My timing happened two hours ago."

Jennie widens her eyes upon hearing the revelation. "You made me go through that ordeal? Are you crazy!?" She shoves the latter who seems to be unaffected by her great efforts. "You ass, why did you let me do it?"

"Because no one is more deserving to give that speech than you do." She smiles. "You did it, Jen, you finally made your dream come true."

"I did, didn't I?" Jennie chuckles, fighting back the tears forming on the tip of her eyes. "Come here, you idiotic giant." She proceeds to hug the latter.

I finally did it Chu.

I finally believe in myself.

After her evening speech, the night seems to just keep getting better for Jennie.

She is trended on social media, gaining her store and her speech alone tons of curiosity around their custom-made clothes and on that night alone, Jennie was able to surpass her expected number of possible clients and received one compliment to another. On that night, the smile she had on earlier didn't leave her face, not even one second as she receives the results of their hard work.

If there's someone present inside that room who couldn't be prouder of Jennie, that would be Jennie herself.

Thankfully the night comes to an end when Jennie successfully escorts another secured client of hers back to their vehicle. As much as Jennie was satisfied with the results, she could feel her muscles being tensed as hell, and so on her way back to the venue, she had both of her palms massaging her cheeks as she thanks everyone she came across with.

"Jennie." Doyeon approaches Jennie with a serious face. "I pray to God that I didn't have to say this to you tonight but- we have a problem."

"But the event is done."

"It's not that kind of event that happens in the middle of it, and when you find out you will be just thankful it happened today."

"So why aren't you telling me the problem?"

"As you see it's more of like you have a problem since it doesn't really include me but I wasn't going to say it like that because we all know that the iconic line is we have a problem so maybe-"

"Doyeon, you're talking shit, just say it to me."

"Remember how you told me days before that you didn't want to invite your friends and family?"

Hearing that was enough for Jennie to connect the dots. "Please don't tell me-"

"Don't worry, I kept them in different rooms. Your family inside your office, your friends in mine." Doyeon reassures her. "But can you go to your friends first since I kind of left my keys inside and-" Jennie didn't even let her finish and walks past her. "Please don't let them fight in my office, I just got it renovated."

Jennie opens the door to Doyeon's office and sees the irritated look on her friends' faces. Apparently everyone except Chaehee showed up unannounced. A part of Jennie was relieved that they only showed up right now after the party, but a greater part of her wished that they never bothered to show up at all. She didn't have enough energy left to deal with them.

"Glad for you to finally show up Jen." Seunga, the woman she got into an argument with way back starts the confrontation. "We were dying out of boredom here at the VIP lounge."

"What are you doing here." She didn't even tried beating around the bush.

"Really? No greeting just going directly to the point huh Jen? Is this how we treat each other now?"

"Why? Do you have a problem with that?"

Seunga couldn't even hide the offended look on her face. "Well I'm sorry Jennie, I thought we were friends despite your attitude in Jeju."

"My party, my rules. You got a problem with that?" She shifts her eyes to the other two in the room. "You two? Do you?"

"Look, we were just confused why didn't you invite us? We're still friends right?"

"Yeah, I know. We still are, but I just felt like we were just too different when it comes to our views so I didn't think you girls would actually be offended for not receiving RSVP." She spats back. "I didn't want that housewife energy here in my party because unlike you, I am actually prioritizing myself this time, one that I wasn't able to do in my early years."

"Can you quit being petty? Sure we had a fight but that doesn't mean you had to go through this extent." Seunga was still pressing Jennie's buttons.

"If I'm petty I wonder what should I call you."

"Let's talk this one out, please? Why don't we have some drinks and chill?" Haeri suggests. "Just like the old times."

"I don't think so."

"Please Jen? We didn't come here to fight you."

"So why bother coming here at all?" What she said silenced everyone immediately. "If you have nothing to say then I'll get going. I have more important matters to attend to."

One down, one more to go.

__________________________________

"Look who finally showed up." It was her mother-in-law's voice who greeted her as soon as she enters the room.

"Mom, drop it. Now is not the time." Jongin decides to interfere as early as now as he looks at Jennie's stoic

face.

"Jennie, what in the world are you doing?" Now it was her father-in-law who spoke. "Did you even consider the embarrassment we experienced?"

"If it's only the embarrassment you worry then please don't. I was able to create a reasonable excuse." She replies monotonously.

"That's not the point here alright? Can't you see? Whether you told the public or not, the fact that we, your family weren't physically there says a lot. People will talk about this. They always do." He rebuts. "What matters is what they say about us." Just then, he turns his attention to Jennie's parents. "I didn't know you were this lenient when it comes to your daughter's stubbornness."

"She isn't usually like this, I can assure you that." Jennie's dad nervously chuckles. "I apologize on behalf of my-"

"Can you stop doing that?" Jennie hisses and glares at her dad. "Stop apologizing for me because I have nothing to be sorry for. I don't like it when you do this and more importantly, I don't like it whenever you make the choices when it's supposed to be my life!"

"Jennie, please calm down." Her mother tries to approach her but just the sight of her mother's extending arm, made her flinch back. "Jennie..."

"Can't you see? I'm so tired of everyone forcing me to be someone I'm not!" She tries to get her point across.

"I am more than just being your wife, or being someone who can give you babies, someone who you consider paying off your debts and I am more worthy than being just called as Kim Jongin's wife! I am Jennie Kim, I own myself. I make my own choices because this... this is my life and I'm done giving more to everyone here pieces of me. From this point on, I will live for myself."

Jennie struggled for fresh air the moment she got out of her office. She approached the elevator with heavy steps and ignored Jongin's constant calling for her. Before her husband could even enter the lift, she rapidly pressed the closed button, fearing what might happen. Every living part of her body seems to be trembling. It was as if she was dumped straight into the seas of Antarctica with the point of no return. The closed space of the lift also didn't help to ease her feelings now.

The elevator finally lands on the basement parking and scurries to where her car is. She was silently cursing herself, wondering where in the world did she place her car keys and how out of all the times in the world had it decided to be playing tricks on her right now.

"JENNIE!"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Jennie says through ragged breathing. "Where the fuck is it!?"

Just then she feels Jongin's firm grip on her arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Jongin please just let me go." She felt like she was going to vomit anytime soon. "Please just let me go."

"After the stunt you just did? Like hell, I will." Jennie saw how much he was trying to control his anger.

"You've done enough shaming me and my family. How many times do I have to tell you that I need your help for dad's approval? Everything would've been just fine if you decided to be like everyone else."

"I am not like everyone else!"

She pushes Jongin with all her might, causing him to separate himself away from her. Unfortunately for Jennie, he pulls her bag together, causing everything to fall onto the ground. Jennie immediately winces at the sudden contact and she immediately inspects if it created some marks on her skin. Jennie was so busy checking that she didn't even notice that Jongin was just standing a few feet away from her.

She lifts her head to meet his eyes, but she was more attracted to the thing he was holding.

"Why are you still reading her storm, Jennie?"

__________________________________

"Jennie." Jongin's voice was low, and Jennie didn't like it even one bit. "I'm asking you."

"J-J-Jong-"

"Why Jennie." His footsteps were slowly approaching her. He was so close, too close for Jennie's comfort. Too near that it made her close her eyes. "Answer me."

"I- it- I-"

"Dammit!" Jennie flinches as she could hear how Jongin's fury spiked up. "Just answer me!"

The way he sounded so desperate even broke Jennie's heart. She wanted to give him an answer and ease whatever it is that he's feeling right now. She wanted to say something, anything... But what can Jennie say?

I have kept it close because her words were my only source of support?

I read her storms because no matter how overwhelming they may be, they bring a certain peace in my heart?

"I..." Jennie's voice was trembling. Swallowing the lump on her throat she slowly opened her eyes and looked at his eyes and saw thunderclouds covering his orbs. "I-I'm sorry."

"What are you trying to be sorry for? The fact that you didn't even bother to invite your husband to your launch event? Or the fact that you broke your promise to me?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"Stop lying! You know all too well you broke your commitment to me the moment you held this goddamn journal on your hand!" He throws the notebook afar, leaving it bouncing a few steps away from them. "Three years ago, right before we got married, you told me that you chose to face my storm. You chose me, Jennie."

"I know."

"Then why do you always leave the shore and still look for her storm?" When Jennie couldn't formulate a reply, he decides to go further. "Am I not enough?"

"No!" Jennie says all too quickly- all too defensively, much to both of their liking. "Jongin it's not about that! It's never about that!"

"Then what is it about?! What is this all about?" He was breathing heavily. "I swear if you made this about our lack of support then you are fucking one selfish woman Jennie Kim." Jongin hisses. "How can you make this everything about you!?"

"Dad was right after all..." Jongin trails off as if a sudden realization just hit him. "I've been too lenient with you, allowed you to do things on your own without my supervision." He stares at her in the eyes and Jennie swore she couldn't be more scared than she is right now. "If you can't keep your promise well then, I will force you to do so."

He roughly grips once more on Jennie's arm. "From now on, I will do whatever it takes to keep you with me. I will force you to stay within the walls of my thunderstorm and roaring waves and I don't-I won't give a damn if you drown in them, I will drown you myself if I have to. If that's what it takes for you to forget her, then so it shall be."

"Until you realize that this is the life that you have to be living, you will be lost in my sea." Jongin suddenly pulls Jennie close towards him. "And forever you will stay in them."

In the years of her life, Jennie could only count with her fingers the times that she has been fully scared. No, it didn't include those playful pranks or surprise counter-attacks, but the serious ones. Like the time where she accidentally cut her fingers while chopping the onions and she was far from home and it was bleeding too much for her liking. All in all, Jennie could perfectly remember she only had nine of her most fearful moments.

But never in her life did she imagined that she would argue with Jongin be placed as her tenth.

With Jennie being Jennie, she does the thing like what others do when they're afraid.

They run away.

And then everything happened all too fast.

The first thing that was echoed throughout the basement parking lot was Jongin's scream of pain. Knowing that when it comes to strength, Jennie would fail, she decides to surprise him instead and so she bit his hand, grabbed the car keys that were not too far from where she was standing, and got inside her car.

She left, completely ignoring Jongin's continuous call for her name or the journal that was still found on the concrete floor.

"Please key in your destination." The automated system inside her vehicle announces. "Please key in your destination."

Jennie then decides to think of a place where she couldn't be at the moment. That includes her home, her parent's home

Definitely not in her in-law's home.

"Please key in your destination."

Maybe she could crash in at one of her friend's houses?

Oh yeah, like they will invite you in after the stunt you pulled earlier.

"Please key in your destination."

Chaehee could help. She wasn't there and they were best friends for a reason.

Yeah until you threw everything out in the window.

"Please key in your destination."

"Just shut up." Jennie turns it off as she huffs in her seat. "I just want to run away."

"Oh, that's very typical Jennie Kim... Always opting for the easy way out."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you always choosing to leave rather than confronting things. When things are starting to get hard, you leave. That's what you always do."

"You know that's not true."

"Is it? When people back in your old high school didn't like you, instead of changing their minds you left for Japan to rebuild your life. When you were struggling with your career here in fashion because of high competition, you left for Seoul where your family has tons of connections and gives you the successful career that you always wanted."

"Now- when you're faced with something that I don't even know- instead of letting me comfort you, you chose to leave."

"That's what you do, you leave when it's hard and you start anew but guess what Jennie, starting a new one without closing chapters is just useless because it's always going to haunt you!"

"No." She tries to convince herself as she firmly holds onto the steering wheel. "That's not true."

With no clear destination or a machine to keep on asking her where to go, without anything, Jennie decides to drive aimlessly around. Because nothing would ever satisfy her than to leave this place, and to be anywhere but here.

And so, Jennie drives.

Away from the sidewalks filled with people who were trying to get to their next destination. Away from the wide roads and neon signs, and away from the skyscrapers that provide the best views of her so-called home.

Jennie drives.

To a place where she could see fewer buildings and more trees. To a place where there are less crowded people and more scenic views. To a place where there are less noise and more stillness.

Jennie drives.

Until she drives past her favorite department store where she first imagined her dream of being a successful businesswoman. Until she drives past through her favorite restaurant an hour away from her office, a travel-time that she didn't mind because of the quality of their service. Until she sees the final length of the infamous river landmark just right underneath the bridge she's crossing.

Jennie drives.

For as long as she could go. For her to have a solemn place to think over what happened. For her to provide content into her troubled heart.

Jennie drives, 'til she ran out of pavement, 'til eventually her vehicle ends up like herself, drained of willingness to move forward.

"You've got to be kidding me." Jennie says as she stares at the blinking 'E' mark on her car's dashboard. "But I just-" Jennie closed her eyes and finally realizes why she ended up like this.

It was because she allowed Doyeon to use her car and the latter, once again, forgot to put fuel in it.

"I will really skin her alive once I get out of this." She lets out a sigh, absent-mindedly reaching out for the power of the stereo where in reality, she turned on her vehicle's smart assistant program.

"Please key in your destination."

"Ugh, not you again! I just want to listen to music." Jennie whines all to herself.

"Please key in your destination."

"I... I don't know." She whispers. "I don't know."

"Please key in your destination."

"I said I don't know! Okay!?" She screams all of a sudden. "I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'll go, heck I don't even know anything anymore!" Anger thrummed through her veins as she throws her hands up in defeat. "Are you happy now? Will, you finally shut up, and for once just let me have my peace!"

"Please key in your destination."

It only then did Jennie felt her frustration breaking her maximum point. When it did, she wasted no time in repeatedly hitting the glass monitor hard and heavy and made sounds of irritation like she was finally letting go of her pent-up feelings that she has been harboring from the very start. With every hit, she lets go of the different kinds of frustration.

Frustration coming from the pressuring of becoming someone that had the approval of a lot of people. Frustration coming from her core, as she hurt and pushed away a lot of people, some of them didn't even deserve to be treated that way. The frustration that's coming from herself.

From all the missed chances that if she only paid enough attention, would've probably turned her life very differently.

She slams the door of the car as she tries to get some breather. Jennie looks through her surroundings and saw that she was currently located an hour away from the city, which was good since she could probably make a call for Doyeon later and have the giant pick her up. Finally, she turns around to see what destiny planned for her and if this was the place that would help her to have some time thinking.

But as soon as she sees the place, Jennie feels her rib cage tighten, so much pressure that she even had to grip on her dress, while she finds the strength to breathe normally. Out of all the places she could possibly come to a full stop-

Jennie finds herself standing in front of a beach.

"No, no, no- please don't give up- please don't-"

"Jisoo..."

"I can't do that Jennie, I just got you back, I'm not going to let you go after this night... No, I can't do that. I'm done giving everyone a chance. I'm giving us one right now."

"It's too late."

"It's not, it's not... Jennie give me a chance please."

"I can't Jisoo... I also ran out of chances."

"You think this is funny?" Jennie lashes out to no one. "What? After everything you've put me through today, all I get is a silent treatment? Don't you think I deserve more than that you prick!" She throws a rock to the sea, but it didn't reach that far. "I said answer me!"

Jennie started throwing rocks again with one of them going further than the earlier throw. Thinking that if she disrupted more of the quietness of the place, somehow, she would get the answer that she was hoping for. In an attempt to tire her body, unlike her eyes who doesn't mind going in for another round of crying.

She was just thankful that no one around in the area gives her attention or worse- know her. Just even thinking about the possibility made her want to voluntarily bury herself.

"Jennie?"

Alright folks, where's the goddamn shovel.

She immediately throws the rock away to make it sound like she wasn't the voice was referring to, as if the mention of her name didn't already give away that she was indeed Jennie. As she hears footsteps approaching, she hurriedly kneels and pretended that she was just looking out for rocks to throw, even added a little humming to her acting while desperately praying it would sell.

"Jen it's me." The voice says again, and Jennie wasn't certain about it, but it did come from someone whom she has known in the past. "Is this how the city people greet their old acquaintances now?"

Sighing, Jennie didn't have much choice but to face this mysterious acquaintance of hers out of curiosity. Lifting her head and finally having to put a face on the voice, Jennie couldn't believe the person standing in front of her. "Seulgi?"

And just like Seulgi always greeted her in the past, she smiles brightly at her. "Hey, Jennie."

__________________________________

"Did you somehow starve yourself on your way here?" They were sitting at a small restaurant, a short walk from where Jennie left her car.

"It's just the food here is really good." She says as she takes a bite of the seafood delicacy in front of them. "So, what brings you here?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

"Well you know I'm in for a short visit." She replies. "Unless you're willing to drive an hour just to get a taste of their food, I'd probably assume that you live here."

Seulgi then points into a beautiful townhouse just a few blocks away from where they are. "That's my house."

Now that got Jennie confused. "Wait, the last time we saw one another was back in the Metro when you told me that you were planning to put up a small dance studio with Soojin." She states. "What happened?"

"A lot." Seulgi answers while taking a drink of their alcoholic drink. "Soojin moved to Taiwan to be with her girlfriend and well- I'm still here."

"You still could've pushed through with the dance studio you know? I think you can do it."

"Well having the dance studio wasn't enough reason for me to stay." By the way, the latter sounded, Jennie thought that something sad must've happened. "Enough about me though, let's talk about your short visit here. What's up with you these days?"

"A lot." Jennie chuckles dryly as she remembered what happened over the past few days. "The city was suffocating and I wanted someplace to think."

"You've come to the right place then. A lot of places here aren't filled with people so if you want somewhere peaceful, then this is the place to be."

"I'll check on them later." Yeah right, as if your handphone is with you, let alone still functioning after it dropped to the ground.

"Or, you can just do your thinking here." Jennie looks at her with connected eyebrows. "Besides spacing out, listening to other people is actually my forte."

"A-are you sure? It might take longer."

Rather than assuring Jennie that it was okay with a response, Seulgi politely calls one of the service crew of the establishment. "Excuse me, two more servings of this please!"

Seulgi was right. She is indeed good at listening.

As soon as Jennie started narrating her dilemma, Seulgi right away places her phone from her pocket and didn't look anywhere else besides Jennie's eyes. She even moved and placed herself where she could look at the latter directly and throughout her story, Seulgi didn't even give out any disagreement or opinions through her face or any signs that she was disinterested.

It felt good, Jennie says to herself. Finally, someone she's not too familiar with gives her a chance to explain and be heard.

"And now I'm here." Jennie sighs while her lips were trying their best to smile and show the monolid-eyes woman that she's holding up well. "Sorry for the very long narration."

"No, don't be. It must be hard for you." She comments. "You look like you're a bookmark anxiously waiting for your fate to be decided and be placed somewhere specific. The only problem is, the person who's holding the bookmark, is also you."

"I know, and I don't blame anyone else besides myself."

Seulgi hums in response. "Excuse me, we'd like to pay for our bill now."

"Wait-" Jennie says as she holds onto Seulgi's arm. "That's it? We're leaving already?"

"Uh... unless you still want to eat more?"

"No- no, nothing like that, it's just-" Jennie huffs out a breath. "I remember Jisoo told me that you were good at giving bits of advice."

Hearing this made Seulgi chuckle and shake her head, like what Jennie said was a joke. "Trust me, I'm not that good with pieces of advice. Soojin though on the other hand- now that woman can knock some sense out of you." She smiles as she grabs her card back and leaves a generous tip. "And besides Jennie, don't you think you've had enough people deciding on what you should do?" Seulgi points out the fact. "And I think it's already enough that I ruined my best friend's chance to be with the woman she loves."

Jennie was surprised with the way Seulgi responded to her. From what she had remembered from Jisoo's stories, the latter was known for giving out advice in general, whether it was something about homework or a piece of love advice. She even recalled the time where Jisoo was slightly annoyed with Seulgi's overly attachment to her problem that she gives out advice, even though nothing was asked of her.

It leaves her to wonder whether it was also her own advice that eventually leads her to ruin the chances that were given to her, and that she only lives in this town not to start a new life, but rather, to hide from her own regrets too making her changing that attitude of hers.

"Do you want me to walk you back to your car?"

"Oh, it's okay. I don't know what time you usually sleep but I think I've caused you enough trouble." She gives the latter a greeting of gratitude. "I gave you my number, call me anytime if you're back in the city. I'll treat you next."

"I usually don't accept these kinds of invites from old friends but since you're Jennie Kim, I will agree." She smiles at her. "It was nice seeing you, Jennie."

"It was nice meeting you again Seul."

Now that was done, Jennie had to start worrying about where she will sleep tonight. Sleeping somewhere isn't probably the best option since she doesn't have anything but her car keys, she also couldn't crash at Seulgi's place because she will probably look like an idiot for lying that she will drive back to the city later. I guess sleeping inside the car it is.

A few seconds into her walk, Jennie was surprised to hear Seulgi's voice again. "Jennie!"

"Why were you running?"

"Honestly, I don't really know." The answer of hers makes them laugh at the vagueness of it. "I promised myself that I will no longer mingle with other people's lives, but I just can't say goodbye without giving my proper two cents in your dilemma."

"It's okay Seulgi, I respect your decision."

"No, I-" Swallowing the lump on her throat, she finally gets her breathing back to a normal pace. "I think I owe you a bit of advice too. After all, I was one of the causes why you couldn't be with my best friend today."

"Seul-"

"You will never know if you will never go." Seulgi simply says. "Whether it's going back to the city and working things out with Jongin or finally realizing things and going back to Japan to see Jisoo- you will never know if you will never go."

"I'm scared Seul... What if I mess up again? What if this time, I hurt more people? I can't- I don't want that to happen."

"Jennie, you owe it to yourself to be brave and make decisions for yourself. It's not up to us anymore, we are mainly spectators and we are just waiting for you to place your bookmark." Seulgi holds Jennie's hand to extend a sense of encouragement. "What matters most, it's that you decide what happens on your tomorrow. Because you alone, will be left dealing with the consequences."

"What if I can't decide?"

"Not to be biased, but Jisoo always tells me that whenever she's unsure about something, she writes about it." Seulgi finally let go of Jennie's hand and smiles at her. "And it worked, even for a stubborn person like me."

__________________________________

I'm mad. Well, no shit Jennie.

I feel lost. Yeah, lost of gas and places to run away.

This is ridiculous. No, it's not. What's ridiculous is you always have something to say when you should've focused your attention on writing!

"Seulgi could've just given me simpler advice, why does it have to be like this?"

It has been an hour since her encounter with Seulgi and now, Jennie sits by the shore while holding onto a crumpled paper with the front portion being a list of her grocery items and the back being a blank one. It was her only source of paper inside her car and the pen that she's using right now is about to run out of ink. How can Seulgi find out the answer to her problem with writing?

"I can't do this." She says to herself. "I can't write when my focus shifts onto the problem that I have right now!" Jennie lies down and looked over the stars towering over her. "I hate writing."

But then, as if this was some animated movie, Jennie's head would've had a light bulb turned on with the last sentence. Jennie didn't waste any time and begins to write, hoping that her pen's ink would be enough to help her write everything she feels inside.

January 28

I was never fond of writing down my thoughts unlike you.

You made me do things I never knew I'd do.

That was on brand. So Jisoo.

"To Jennie Kim, CEO of Canvas Clothing Line Company."

And I remember the times where all that I ever speak of is how much I hated everything about you.

I had all the time in the world, all the chances that can be taken within this lifetime. That elusive courage inside of me, burning, threatening to erupt every time our eyes would meet and how your every touch that day still could shake me to the core.

All I could ever ask is- why didn't I?

Now all I ever know and think about is how much I longed for the things that I used to hate about you, the journey you were willing to take, the memories that you were willing to make.

"No..." Jennie manages to speak. "I can't."

"I can't..." She shakes her head as she clutches onto her chest. "I shouldn't feel this."

"Stop..." It was a desperate whisper that came from her brain, begging her heart to go against her will. "I can't break again..." But who was she kidding?

When it comes to Jisoo, Jennie just breaks.

And lately, I've been struggling to make peace with the fact that I chose to face his storm and not ours.

"Three years ago, right before we got married, you told me that you chose to face my storm. You chose me, Jennie."

Just then, she lets out a gasp as soon as she sees a droplet fall onto her writing. She immediately looks up, worrying that it might rain soon and yet the skies were shining with stars and the breeze from the sea showed no signs of rainfall. Jennie wondered where in the world did the droplet come, but it was answered when she blinks again due to the itch that she felt, and saw another drop on the piece of paper.

"Fuck."

Jennie mutters to herself as she finally notices how heavy she was feeling. Fearing that she will soon give in to her tears, she quickly wipes them off of her eyes and hurriedly wrote the remaining contents of her heart.

Tear-streaked pages written in regret-filled ink, I am worn out and the pages never seem to end.

I've poured my heart out, crying about how my words will never be enough, there will never be another chance for you and me. It will never leave this piece of paper no matter how much I try.

But you're my storm too.

Those were the last words that I wrote for you. I wished I stayed with you. I yearned to be with you- for good. But I never knew all of this until now. Until I looked at the place where I am and wished to feel you close. Until I looked at his eyes and how I wished I was looking at yours instead.

"You will never know if you will never go."

Until I started writing this, and how I wished I noticed everything sooner. The shifting tides that swirl inside my heart.

Jennie would've never imagined the ability of her heart to still feel pain despite the countless experiences she had from the past. She could still feel every prick like it was her first time experiencing it. The more that she thought about the regrets and missed chances, the more unbearable it becomes like she was stuck in the quicksand and there was no one around to save her.

While she cries again on the beach just like she did years ago, she finally understood what Doyeon was trying to say that night.

"And right before you know it- it had consumed you. Every bit of you and will get you wondering how you wish you could've just paid attention from the very beginning."

Right, how she wished she could've paid attention to it from the very beginning. How she wished that she chose to utter words than writing entries. Give out direct signals instead of testing the waters, confessed when she had the courage rather than waiting for Jisoo to come around.

Maybe she could've been like her cousin Dahyun and dared to choose to prioritize her happiness. Maybe she wouldn't have to experience what Doyeon meant about the shifting tides because she is too busy facing her storm with the woman with heart-shaped lips. Maybe then, she could've saved everyone from this heartbreak. Including the man who did nothing but waits for her to choose him.

But that's the thing about regrets. You only realize things when it's all albeit too late. No matter what you do, or how desperate you are to make some changes you can't. And it stays with you for a lifetime.

She couldn't do it. Not to Jongin who had been patient with her. He deserves the same number of chances that she had given to the girl who she longs for. What he did might be wrong, but Jennie could never blame him, he just loves her too much.

More importantly, she can't do it to Jisoo. Not when she already begged for her, cried to heart out just to be chosen. Not when she wrote an entire entry for the woman to find a new path, a new chance, and a new love. Even if she saw the woman who can only calm the storms inside her, how sure that Jisoo will feel the same?

She was gone for three years. A lot can change within three years.

And Jennie wasn't sure if she was ready to hear the changes Jisoo made in her life.

"Jisoo..."

Jennie whispers as she tries to comfort herself by wrapping her arms tightly around her body.

"Jisoo."

She says through the tears.

"Jisoo."

She closes her eyes as she starts to feel the wave of pain and regret altogether.

"Jisoo."

Even saying her name felt like a thousand arrows shot through her heart.

While Jennie was grieving over regrets and her broken heart, a warm substance suddenly replaced her hands. Without even paying attention if she looked presentable enough, she turns to her side, assuming that it was just Seulgi who was probably guilty, and finally caught up to the fact that Jennie was actually stranded without money and fuel.

But to her surprise, she sees Chaehee sitting beside her.

"Why do you always end up crying like a five-year-old who just lost her way around the department store?" Her friend says as she wipes Jennie's tears away and cleans her clogged nose.

"How... did you even know?"

"Someone actually texted me."

Hey Chaehee, I don't know if you'll remember me but I'm Seulgi, the one who asked for your help back when I needed someone for nude painting? Anyway, sorry that isn't the point of my message.

I don't know how rich people call for help but I'm sure it's between the lines of code red or calling the emergency unit but I'm here with Jennie. She seems to be sad and being her best friend, I know you can comfort her.

I'll send you the address in a bit.

Thankfully, being goofy isn't one of the things that Seulgi changed. "She's so random."

"She is, but I'm glad she dared to text me. Otherwise, who would've known that you'd end someplace like this?"

"I just wanted to think and breathe for a moment."

"Then why didn't you come to me?"

"I..." Jennie bites her lower lip. "I just thought that I hurt your feelings from what I said from the last time we met."

"You did." The latter admits. "But it would take ten billion of hurtful words for me to cut ties with you."

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to- what I said back then, I wasn't thinking, I was being selfish."

"And that's okay, sometimes, being selfish isn't a bad thing at all. Choosing your happiness shouldn't make you a villain. Because if that's the case, then we're all villains."

"I am a villain..." She trails off. "I brought pain to a lot of people."

"We were all bound to feel pain and bring pain to others. We're no saints, we make mistakes and that's fine because that is life." Chaehee looks at her. "All that matters is we make sure we don't do the same thing twice."

"But it's all too late. Everything is too late..." She says regretfully. "I've already hurt them enough."

"So would you rather hurt yourself is that it?" Jennie looks at her best friend, wondering why she would say things like these. "Can't you see Jen? This is your life. Yours."

"It doesn't matter what your parents want, what your in-laws want, what we want, what Jongin wants, and most especially not about what Jisoo wants." She explains with firm conviction. "What do you want Jennie?"

"I..." The latter shakes her head as she looks away. "I don't know."

"You do know." She points out the obvious. "Heck, why would you cry right now if you didn't? You're just too scared, to be honest with yourself. You're running away again. Even when you know deep down what you want, even when you know what will make you happy you won't do it because you're scared so you choose to deal with regrets rather than grabbing chances." Chaehee starts to shoot arrows directly at Jennie's heart. "If you're willing to make the same mistake as you did three years ago, that's completely your call. But I won't."

Chaehee then places an envelope onto Jennie's lap. The shorter woman furrowed her eyebrows, wondering what the contents were and so she slowly opens the item, revealing a first-class one-way ticket to Japan and a movie premiere ticket.

"Jisoo was offered to make turn her book into a movie." She shares the information. "It's the day after tomorrow."

"Chaehee... Why?"

"Because I need to be what you always have been to me." Chaehee was also getting teared up as she held Jennie's hand in hers. "Being you're best friend."

Jennie finds herself laughing and crying at the same time. "Why are you being cheesy, I hate it. It doesn't suit you."

Chaehee too starts to laugh as she hugged Jennie tightly. "I know, I hate it too."

"I need to make a choice."

"You do."

"I will hurt one of them."

"It will be a better scenario rather than fooling the three of you altogether."

"Okay..." Jennie pulls away and nods her head. "Okay."

Chaehee soothes her best friend's arm as they walk back to her car. She buckles the seatbelt of her other half, making sure that the latter was tuck in safe before returning to the driver's seat and turning the engine on.

"Please key in your destination."

"Why are you laughing?" She turns to Jennie who was just shaking her head as she laughs.

"Nothing." She smiles as she looks back at her best friend. "Nothing special."

"You're weird." The jet-black-haired woman keys in the address and begins their journey.

And after a long time of endlessly hearing the question, Jennie looks over to the view they pass by with a smile on her face.

"I think I know where I'm going."

__________________________________

Solitude.

That's what Jennie and Jongin decided when they finally saw this house. They opt to name it that way because it was how they felt after having a full tour of the house. It was solitude to remind them that no matter how busy or stressful their day was, they will always be at peace waiting when they get home.

Welcome home

Somehow, Jennie couldn't even find the peace she once felt within.

She steps foot inside the house and right before her eyes flashed a lot of memories. She turns her head to the left and remembers all the times they've lounged and spent a lot of stay-in Friday night dates just reading a book or watching movies together.

The kitchen where she could recall the times where he would patiently wait for her to finish cooking his favorite breakfast or the times where he'd initially offer for a helping hand that eventually ends up being playful especially when there is baking time.

There were other bits of memories in other places that Jennie could bring up and most of those times were filled with laughter, love, and warmness. In those mementos, Jennie focused on the man that she vowed to spend the rest of her life with. And the places constructed within these walls were witnesses to that promise.

But unlike this house that will still be likely here for the coming years to come, they wouldn't.

Jennie finds Jongin sitting by his favorite seat on their porch facing their backyard. He specifically named it Spaceship Chair, telling her that being in this chair, his thoughts would randomly jump from one thing to another creating a vast universe of his own. She didn't even have the proper rebuttal because it was the truth, if only he could, Jongin could properly stay there for an entire day, and he wouldn't even notice it one bit.

She then takes a good look at his entire being. Tired eyes, stiff posture, and a worn-out soul. This was the result of the pain that Jennie brought upon the man. As much as she knows she doesn't deserve to feel this way, Jennie was also in pain seeing him in this state. Despite knowing what was the outcome, Jennie couldn't really digest that this was the kind of disaster her storm fell upon the man who didn't do anything but love her.

"You're finally back." Jongin breaks the deafening silence without looking at her in the eyes. "Care to accompany me for a while?" Jennie doesn't say anything, just takes up the empty seat beside him. "Do you remember the time when you randomly told me about the amount of free space in our backyard?"

"This will be the death of me." She answers, remembering the Sunday afternoon months ago."

"You told me that we should just try and cover the space with a pool."

"But your mother will surely not approve of it. Even your dad wouldn't allow such a thing to happen."

"I remember you suggested that you'll try to build a small herb and plant garden over there."

"In my defense, it was just to lessen your mother's disappointment since I know she's a sucker for gardening."

"Then you realized that if that happened then my mother would become a regular visitor in our house."

"All I wanted was to fill some space." Jennie answers. "It just looks...empty to me."

"I was actually planning to do it..." The latter gives her a look of confusion. "Building a pool that is."

"What?"

"It really wouldn't be a massive pool, just enough to relax. I was talking to Wendy the before and she told me she knew some people that can design. It was supposed to be my gift for you for your upcoming business launch."

"You didn't have to." Guilt was slowly slithering its way to Jennie. "Jong, you didn't have to." She repeats.

"I know, but I guess even with our fights recently, all I want to see is for you to smile." He responds. "But I think I'm too late for that."

"I'm late in noticing things that would make you happy. The kind of happiness that whenever you remember the things I've done five to twenty years from now, it still has the ability to make you smile. I'm late in protecting you from the matters that cause you pain and allow those tears to fall. And just how I'm too late in filling this empty space in our garden, I'm also too late in filling the emptiness in your heart."

She could see how he was struggling to get the words out. It looked like he was experiencing chest pain but more deeply and achingly. Finally, after swallowing the lump on his throat, he continues.

"But Jisoo isn't."

"You see, you weren't the only one who had this void to fill for just like you- I'm just a human being." He says. "I thought that the hole in my heart was gone when you told me that you were coming back despite meeting Jisoo. I remember that I was crying when I heard that. It made me so happy that I was over the moon for days. I thought I was just dreaming. I mean, the second lead character doesn't always get the privilege to be chosen." Jongin tries to laugh the mood off. "When I held you in my arms at the airport, I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it takes to make you happy." Then the smile on his face disappears and he goes on. "But then I saw Jisoo's journal on your bookcase inside your office."

"It made me wonder a lot of things, especially back to the time when you were in Japan with her. Was it really her decision to choose me? Did Jisoo once again decide to be a coward and choose not to fight for you? Or was my love enough for you to not break my heart?" Jongin recalls all the sleepless days she had because of that. "I was terrified to hear and know the answer so I concluded that whatever I don't know won't hurt me. So that's why I decide to create an answer for myself."

"So I went to read Jisoo's journal, page by page in hopes that I could love you in a way you deserve. Maybe in that way, you'd realize that choosing me wasn't so bad after all."

"Oh, Jongin..." Jennie covers her face as she tries to absorb the information. "You don't- that's not-" She breathes out a sigh. "That's not true..."

"I guess that's what I get from trying to love you in Jisoo's ways. She isn't really the role-model when it comes to confrontation." He answers. "I was too scared to be a rebound or even a shadow of her that I went to that extent, without knowing that someday I would officially be someone I was so afraid of..." He bites his lower lip, trying to pacify his feelings inside. "The more I loved you using her ways, the more I lost myself. And when people lose their way, they allow others to navigate for them."

"I allowed everyone's words to get to me, allowed the negativity to blind me until it consumed my entire soul and created a tornado that destroyed the heart of the woman my heart has allowed to love. How foolish I was, to blame everything and threaten to cage you in sailing my storms when I've caused this from the very beginning."

"That's not true." Jennie shakes her head, allowing the tears to escape. "We both made mistakes on this one. I had the greater part in this."

However, Jongin decides to ignore her words and decides to let everything out. "I was so focused on those things only for me to realize that maybe I should've just loved you on my own. It was up until I decided to reread Jisoo's journal that I've learned to accept the fact that no one, absolutely no one, in this life that will love you as much as she does."

"No, that's not true... It isn't."

"It is."

"It's not- it's-" Jennie felt like she just had been thrown to the ice-cold waters of Antarctica, too numb to feel anything, and then, all at once, before even having the opportunity to let out a response- she just shuts down. "I- I-"

"Shhh..." Jongin holds onto her hand, hoping it would bring her warmth. "It's okay."

"Stop, stop saying it's okay... because it isn't." Tears were freely roaming around Jennie's face. "I know it doesn't so stop-"

"No, I told you-"

"Stop telling me what to feel!" She finally bursts. Like she had just been pulled out of the freezing waters, gasping for air. "How- how can you be so light about this?! How can you tell me that you love me and then accept these things that don't favor you? Why are you still so nice after all the things that I've done!?"

Jongin quickly kneels in front of her, holding her cheeks stained with regretful tears. He gives her hair soothing touches before letting out a smile that doesn't reach his sincerity as he croaks out the words- "Who says this is easy on my part?"

Just hearing how he sounded was enough for Jennie to pull her into a hug. The warmth that he was so fond of, the kind of hug that was so familiar, but still feels like the first time all at once. Jongin knew that there were going to be a lot of changes in their marriage, but if there was one thing that he confidently feels will stay the same even a decade later, it would be this embrace.

It was the kind of enfold that he would receive whenever he tells her that he had a bad day at the office. The kind of squeeze when he tells her that he likes the food. The kind of grasp when she couldn't find the words to justify just how she feels.

Above all, it was the kind of hug that he would certainly, miss for he knows this is the last experience of warmth that could only be found in her arms.

"You don't deserve this." Jennie says as she kept herself locked on the crook of his neck.

"Then tell me, Jennie, what do I deserve?"

"Honesty." She whispers. "You deserve honesty from me, and I think I can give you that now."

"My life with you, through ups and downs, has been filled with patience... When it comes between the two of us, it was always you who had to wait for me. From reciprocating your feelings to agreeing that we should date and eventually getting married, not once did I hear you complain or get discouraged. Being with you for all these years made me happy."

"Even if we've unfortunately reached this point- I want to tell you that when I chose to be with you, it was because I love you. And I haven't thought of Jisoo, not until recently." Jennie pulls away and she looks even more distraught and heartbroken as she did earlier. She looks at Jongin whom had tears on his face as well. "I have loved you enough that I actually saw myself having a family with you, I have loved you enough to see us growing old together, still enjoying this very same view in front of us, with or without the pool." She bites her lower lips to stop them from shaking. "I loved you to the extent that I couldn't see anyone else but you."

"That's why I feel like shit because I know I've caused this... I shouldn't have let her evade my present again. The time I had with Jisoo, it was long gone even before we even got the chance to try." She says. "I hate myself because I should've chosen to work things out with you rather than finding comfort in her ghost. I should've fought for us but instead, I find myself running away, that's what I always do, what I'm good at."

"Then stop." He looks at her in the eyes. "Jennie, you don't have to run away anymore. The truth is right in front of us, right in front of you."

"Why can't I run to you instead?"

Jongin finds himself crying again, as he prepares to let out the words in the most painful manner. "Because I'm not your destination."

"No matter how far we try to run or how patient we can be, the truth will eventually knock on our doorstep. The truth is, we've been trying so hard to be what everyone else expects us to be, we forget that the only expectation that should matter is what we expect from ourselves... That's why I'm deciding to choose myself now. Because I deserve to be happy, to not be someone else's shadow, and more importantly, I deserve to feel the love I need to feel, and if letting you go means I get to do all that, then I will."

Jongin leans in to kiss her hands. "Go and meet Jisoo." He says calmly, much like how he told Jennie to go and meet her one last time. "Go, because I won't wait for you anymore..." He trails off. "This is our truth. We weren't each other's destination, just merely a detour."

As painful as it seems, Jennie finds herself nodding to what he said. "I'll always be grateful for you."

"I know."

"I'm sorry for breaking your heart."

"I know."

"I loved you."

Jongin smiles at her just like the first time they met. "I know."

The next morning he wakes up on their bed and doesn't find Jennie sleep-talking in her slumber. When he entered the bathroom, there wasn't Jennie singing in the shower. No Jennie humming as she rummages through her aisle of make-up, and no Jennie walking back and forth inside their shared walk-in closet, trying to find the perfect outfit for the day. There was no Jennie to make his tie, no more sound of her heels echoing as she stepped down the stairs, no Jennie in the kitchen, watching their dogs eat. Not even the smell of the freshly-brewed coffee or the stomach-rumbling scent of his breakfast made specially just for him.

But Jongin needs to be strong. He needs to fight through the sadness and persevere. All he got is himself now.

Then he notices that there was an unfamiliar note stuck on the fridge.

There's something I left you by the backyard.

__________________________________

"Miss Lee?" Jongin was surprised to see their helper at this time of the day.

"My apologies sir but Mrs.-" She instantly looks away, mentally scolding herself for the mess up. "Jennie-" She corrects. "Requested if I could drop by early and prepare you these." He looked at the meal in front of him that consisted of all of his favorite dishes. "She also asked me to give you these."

"Thank you for doing this, you can take your leave now."

Jongin looked at the envelope and the red velvet box both in his possession. He starts by opening the more obvious thing, which was the box, and it comes as no surprise when he sees Jennie's engagement ring and wedding ring placed inside. He just nods, before closing it and placing it to the side to reveal the envelope's content.

It was their divorce papers with both of their signatures on the bottom part of the document. Jongin would be a complete liar if he would say that he knew that this was coming and that he was already prepared for it. In reality, no one can actually prepare themselves for heartbreak. But just like what he said to himself, he had to be strong. He has to.

Just then a paper falls out, arising curiosity from him. He then sets the document aside as well, before opening the half-folded piece of paper. It was Jennie's handwriting.

Jongin,

I'm sorry for not being able to stay longer. I wish I could've prepared you the meal myself but I think I've already broken your heart enough. I know we said our sentiments last night but I figured that I haven't really said much and you know me, I rarely speak, and when I can't- I write. So I hope this letter will make you understand how I really feel.

I have a lot of regrets that I carry Jongin. Regrets that could've been avoided, and if they were avoided, might've saved a lot of people from all the trouble. Regrets that will forever be engraved on my skin, and regrets that I will be thinking time and time again.

But choosing you over Jisoo isn't one of them.

You have to know though there weren't a lot of times that I got to choose for myself, at one point in my life, I decided whole-heartedly and voluntarily to love you more than I love her. And for three years, you were my choice.

Now, my only wish is for you to find your own destination as well. Whether it'd be a successful career or in the arms of a brilliant woman or even both, I wish you'd find it. And when you find it, you would stay in it. For a soul like yours deserves all the good things in life. May you meet someone that will choose your storms Kim Jongin.

More than three years, more than a journal, and more importantly, more than what everyone else says

"Oh, Jennie." Jongin wipes the tears in his eyes as he looks onto the last note from the woman he had loved all along. "I wish the same thing for you too."

And once again, the sun is up, and so was their time together.

"Excuse me what?"

Jennie sighs as she settles in her seat. "I'm going to Japan."

"Is this some kind of joke? How many cameras have you installed here in my office?"

"Stop looking around your office, you look like a complete fool."

"So you're flying to Japan."

"I am."

"You make it sound like Japan is five blocks away from here."

"That's you being overdramatic because of my impulsiveness."

"Are you crazy? Why would you do that? Jennie, you do know that we just launched our brand!" Doyeon's frustrated voice echoed from the other line. "You're running away again are you?"

"I'm not, in fact, I'm doing the exact opposite."

"Ma'am seatbelt please."

"Sorry."

"You're already on the plane!?"

"I told you I was leaving today."

"Jennie!"

"Look, I know you're pissed off right now but I promise I'll be gone for a few days. If my plan A doesn't know."

"And how long will that be?"

"Hopefully I don't get to plan Z because I really didn't prepare to that extent."

"Jennie!"

"I'll still help decision-wise! I'm a call away and I can send designs from here. You have the entire team and honestly Doyeon, you are the brains of this operation."

"Are you sure you're not saying that because you just want to be off the hook?"

"No."

"Hmm... come to think of it, I was always the business-minded person between the two of us."

"See?! That's the spirit Kim Doyeon!"

"Since I am intelligent enough, I will let you go. But can you at least tell me why you suddenly want to travel to Japan?"

"I'm doing it Doyeon." Jennie smiles as she thinks of seeing Jisoo again.

"I'm facing my chosen storm."

__________________________________

Jennie takes in the view in front of the infamous tower here in the city of Osaka as she bites one of the chocolates given to her as a form of welcoming by the hotel, she's staying at. Since the event is due to happen tomorrow, she opted to have this day reserved for her to prepare for it and know, her schedule time is to just lounge and relax which is probably her favorite part of the to-do list.

Search: Kim Jisoo

She bites her fingernail in anticipation as she waits for the loading button to finish. As soon as she sees the results- Jennie held her breathe as she laid upon multiple pictures of the woman. Her eyes land onto the latest picture, which was Jisoo all wrapped up in a thick winter coat, while holding onto the hand warmer with both of her hands, stating how she is excited for the movie premiere and thanked everyone who joined her throughout this journey.

Honestly, Jennie didn't care much about the caption, all she could focus on was how beautiful and radiant Jisoo still is, she was aging but in reverse.

And for the remainder of her free time, Jennie's search history consisted of basically anything related to Jisoo.

Search: Kim Jisoo dating

The search was reasonable is it not?

She had to make sure that Jisoo was still available for the taking. Jennie couldn't possibly risk confessing and giving her heart out on her sleeves only for her to be rejected and be told that she was all too late. No, she couldn't put herself through that, more importantly, she can't make Jisoo go through the pain again. Better be safe than sorry so they say.

A wave of relief hits Jennie when there wasn't anything related to the famous writer over the years. There were some, but they were quickly debunked by Jisoo herself, constantly telling the public with the demand of time that her writing needs, she doesn't have the energy to deal with dating.

But there was only one thing that wasn't sitting well with her.

Related Search: Kim Jisoo and Park Chaeyoung

The woman was indeed beautiful. She looked like a French fry, tall, hot and blonde. She was one of the team members that Jisoo hired and she couldn't deny the chemistry these two have, especially with all these fan-taken cameras that showed their closeness and the fact that the said woman was constantly present in Jisoo's personal social media accounts says something.

Whatever that something is, made the chocolate taste bitter in her mouth.

"Chaehee."

"Hey you, have you arrived? Do you want me to recommend shops and salons you can drop by for the event tomorrow? Is there anything that I can help with you anything?"

"Yes."

"Good timing, my daughters are fast asleep." Chaehee sounded like she just lounged herself on the couch. "Okay, how may I help you?" She says in her front desk voice.

Jennie sights. "Park Chaeyoung."

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"Park Chaeyoung." God, even just mentioning her name brought such distaste to Jennie. "I think, she and Jisoo... you know."

"Wait I'll try to search it up." It was silent for a couple of seconds making Jennie feel agitated.

"So? What do you think?"

"Okay, wow."

Jennie furrowed her eyebrows hearing the latter's response. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well... they seem to look like very good friends."

"Chae!!!"

"I'm sorry it's just that she looks fucking gorgeous and I can appreciate the beauty!"

"You're my best friends and you're not helping! Boost my confidence here!"

Then she hears teasing laughter coming from the other line. "Geez Jen, I knew you were in love with Jisoo but I didn't think of you like a love sick girl."

"Shut up." She knows Chaehee couldn't see her but she rolls her eyes anyway.

"Well if you want my opinion, then obviously I can't tell you that nothing is going on with them because duh?" She points out the obvious fact, making Jennie shake her head and wondered why did she call this woman out of all the people. "I can, however, assure you that you need to push through this. You've already made your choice and don't you think it's time for you to stand up for it? Don't run away and find the answer for yourself."

"But what if it ends up being the truth? What do I do then?"

"Then you should back off. Come back here and deal with the consequences of your past choices. You owe it to Jisoo to let her be happy, even if it meant not including you anymore."

"I know that, I'm not that kind of selfish you know."

"That's good because you have been selfish enough." Chaehee reminds her.

Jennie slumps back on her seat. Just as she thought everything was smooth sailing already. "But... what if I still have a chance?"

"Are you seriously asking me that Jennie?"

"Well I know what I'd do know but I'm afraid that when I'll meet Jisoo, I might become a stuttering moron or worse! Cry immediately right in front of her!"

"Jennie, if it does turn out to be going your way, then it won't matter if you become a stuttering moron a cry baby. Jisoo will love you nonetheless."

__________________________________

This is it.

Today is the day Jennie will meet Jisoo.

Jennie takes a good look at herself in front of the mirror. Yesterday, after the talk with Chaehee she decides to bother her mind with browsing dresses and booking reservations for today's event. It seems to be a helpful tactic as she quickly snoozes as she jumps back on the bed. Today, she starts her day early, went through her errands and now she's finally here. Hours from now, she will meet with Kim Jisoo and pray that in some romantic novel kind of way, things will actually make sense this time.

The ride towards the event made Jennie's breathing uneven and her mind go about a hundred miles per hour. She felt like she was on overdrive and she couldn't help but to check herself time and time again. The driver probably thinks she's weird with the often looks she's getting from the rearview mirror. He might be right though, deep down, Jennie feels like she's a nervous wreck that's what she is.

Ten minutes later in the rush-hour traffic in one of the famous theatres in the city of Osaka, Jennie saw the huge banner of Jisoo's movie premiere. She swallows the lump on her throat. She's finally arrived.

After giving thanks to her escort, Jennie walked past through the busy crowd filled with nothing but media and the public waiting for the start She might've been away from Japan quite some time but all she still understood most things they said and it's filled with praises. Words that brought warmth and a sense of being proud of what Jisoo had accomplished. As she walks through the red carpet, all she could see was how everyone was just excited to see the star of the night while here she is, looking like she just ran a marathon because of the sweat she feels inside.

No this won't do, I have to do my retouch.

But as she makes her way towards the comfort room, she hears the screaming from the outside alongside the multiple cameras flash and the muffled voices of the media. She stood there frozen, like her feet were chained to the floor even though she mentally told her feet time and time again to move. Her heart starts to beat at a faster pace because she knows... She knows who is just right outside of the door. Now all she had to do was to stay put and wait for a pair of black orbs to stare right back at her.

Then it finally happens.

When the double doors finally opens- Jennie runs away.

__________________________________

"Stupid, stupid Jennie!"

"Why would you do that?!"

"That was the perfect moment!"

Jennie was pacing back and forth by the0 emergency exit, a door she ran to when her feet somehow decided to cooperate with her last second. She huffs at her stupidity. So much for not running away Jennie Kim.

In a way, she was thankful. Just imagining what would've Jisoo felt if she saw her right there, minutes before her movie starts. The movie that she worked hard from the book where she gave out her heart and soul...

"Well okay, so maybe running away was a smart move."

"But also, not a smart move since that was your plan A."

"Now, you have to focus and initiate plan B, that is- to wait for the premiere to end, and hopefully you'll be able to talk with Jisoo."

Jennie bites her lip. "Maybe I should prepare for plan C, just in case."

While Jennie minds her business, unknown to her, there was also a woman approaching the emergency exit, having the same sentiments with her. The door bursts open, completely surprising Jennie and even jumped from where she was. After recovering from the shock, she was ready to throw hands but when she saw the person standing a few feet away from her, it even made her even more surprised.

"S-sorry, I didn't know someone was here."

"N-no, it's okay. This is a public place." Jennie was surprised that she could even utter words in front of the latter. "Uh, you're Park Chaeyoung right?"

The tall, hot, and blonde woman, as Jennie describes her nods. "And you are?"

"I'm nobody, really... just a fortunate fan to watch the premiere." She answers back. "But if you really insist, my name is Jennie."

"Shouldn't you head inside? The movie is about to start."

"W-well, I'm not so good with crowds so maybe I'll wait for the lights to dim and head back."

"You don't mind if I stick around right? I'm not so fond of a lot of people too."

"No problem." She lets out a half-hearted smile. No one can really blame her for doing that seriously. "Are you nervous about how the people will react?"

"Oh with the movie? No." She waves her off. "I know it's going to be a hit, I've seen the process of making it." Gee, I wish I was that confident. "Besides, it came from Kim Jisoo. When has she ever disappoint her fans?"

"Well, that's true." She chuckles. "I bet you know how nervous she is since you know- you guys are close."

The woman shoots her a confused look before eventually catching up on what Jennie was implying. "So, you're also one of the people who think that she and I are a couple?"

"W-w-well are you not?"

"No." There was sternness wrapping around her answer. "We're friends and I'm just a fan of her work. She would've been a great person to like but we can't really choose who to fall for isn't it?"

"Looks like you're having trouble in paradise." Jennie cringes at the use of the old line.

"She's just- how do I describe this..." Chaeyoung taps her chin as she tries to find the right words to say. "She's too bright."

"Bright?" Jennie furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "You mean, like the sun?"

"Yes! The sun! She's like it and somehow I feel this need of her glow for me to exist... And I hate it, I hate that now, I have to depend on her to function or to live even because I wasn't like that. I was a begonia before, something that can thrive in the shades but now look at me- I'm nothing but a pathetic sunflower."

"Like you were just smoothly sailing through and all of a sudden your face with a storm?"

"Yes! That's it!" She claps her hands as she says so. "Somehow I this boat just coasting through, with the winds in my favor and the tide by my side. It has always been that way, but now, I feel like everything is against me. Like- like I'm fighting against the currents."

"But why?"

"I don't want to depend on the steering wheel of my boat on someone else, this is my life. I have a map on my hand and I am certain to follow it until I reach the 'x' mark."

"No, not that... I mean, why fight the currents when you can work together?" Jennie suggests and this made the taller woman look at her. "We've all got our currents, Miss Park, it is up to us how we face them."

"But I'm kind of scared... I don't know if I can actually work with the currents." The woman doubtfully says. "I have anchors I carry with me. Anchors that pull my ship down to the bottom of the sea and I can't do that to her. She's far too good to carry these all at once."

Jennie smiles, knowing this situation all too well. "You know, I was just like you once."

"You were?" She nods her head. "So? What did you do? What happened?"

"I did exactly what you're doing right now, I was fighting the currents and ignoring the signs. I was too focused on my fears and insecurities that I didn't notice that she was afraid too." Jennie remembers the time where she and Jisoo screamed their fears at one another by the beach. "And if I did, I probably would've realized things a little bit sooner. If I did, then I would've seen the truth."

"What truth?"

"That she was in love with me as much as I am in love with her."

"Holy shit." Chaeyoung impulsively says. "That must've hurt."

"There wasn't a day it wasn't." She smiles regretfully. "But if I could give you proper advice, then I would just give two important ones."

"First, this is your life. I might say all the things you needed to hear or things that you want to hear but at the end of the day, you have to choose for yourself. Decide based on the most important thing and that goes for the choices that will help you grow as a person." She says. "Love depends on the person you're with and love depends on how you see it when you're not around them... Don't let yourself be the latter."

"Damn, are you sure you're not a writer? Because your words..." She points at her chest. "They really hit me here."

Jennie laughs at the woman thinking that maybe she wasn't so bad after all. Well, she really isn't, after all, she's not with Jisoo. "Sometimes I write, but all for one person."

"Are you with the person right now? Did you finally got the chance to tell her how you feel?"

"No, but I hope one day I will." Tonight I hope.

Just then they hear Chaeyoung's handphone vibrating inside her bag. "Oh man, now I have to head back inside."

"Don't worry, I think I'll head back a little later."

"At least allow me to express my gratitude to you." She offers. "Okay how about this-" Chaeyoung pulls a card from her pouch. "Here, come by the after-party happening later. If everything doesn't work out, I'll be needing a drinking buddy so you better be there just in case."

"Okay." Jennie chuckles. "I'll see you there, Miss Park."

"That's Rosie for you and Jennie for me." She smiles and pulls Jennie for a hug, completely surprising the shorter woman. "But seriously, thank you."

The movie was perfect.

Everything about it just makes sense and absolutely worth it.

There were a lot of challenges between the two main characters and Jennie felt like she just went on a rollercoaster ride from experiencing the sweet moments to the heart-shattering confrontations. It brought her back when she was just reading Jisoo's book and though it can never be at par with the hard copy, the director who goes by the name Lisa Manoban, certainly gave it the justice it deserves.

The venue of the party wasn't too far from the theatre so Jennie decides to walk towards the bar where she shows her card that gained her access inside the establishment. While she promised that she will be Rosie's drinking buddy, Jennie prays that she wouldn't have to cater to her and just focus on getting her chances of seeing Jisoo at the venue.

But then she remembers something.

Jisoo was never a party person.

"Fuck."

__________________________________

"One more drink miss?"

"No, no thanks. I think that's it for tonight."

Jennie pays her tab on the bar and tries to keep her stance together while trying to ignore the intense headache brought by the bass boosted sounds at the bar. Nevertheless, she tries to make her way towards the exit and unfortunately goes through the emergency door exit again that leads her to the alley and threw up everything, her drinks, the food she had coming here, and her regrets.

Ugh, maybe I'm getting too old for this.

How stupid could she be? Jisoo was never a fan of crowds let alone an environment like this. Now that she recalls it, the latter would always find excuses whenever she tries to invite her over to a party. It was always between she has too much homework or-

"If I go there and get drunk who will take care of you?"

At least things are going well with Park Chaeyoung.

Wiping the corner of her lips and puffing herself with a mint candy, she sprays herself with perfume as she walks out of the alley. She then tries to think of a way to see Jisoo tomorrow.

Maybe she could find where Jisoo was staying and just show up?

That would be a creep move, Jennie.

Maybe send her an email or flowers by her office?

She's a busy woman now, she doesn't have the time to check her mail!

Search Park Chaeyoung's personal sns and ask her a favor?

"That's... actually not bad." Jennie nods in agreement. "Maybe I'll do that."

Now feeling confident with her Plan C, Jennie pulls up her phone and tries to call Chaehee to tell her what happened. Maybe her best friend's nagging and teasing all at once will make her sober because honestly, it would really need more than a bowl of ramen noodles to bring comfort to her upset soul. And just as Jennie thought that this day was over- she hears the familiar voice that she would be able to recognize even if it was just a whisper.

Jennie looked over to the corner and long and behold- there she was...

Kim Jisoo in the flesh.

Just the sight of the latter was enough for her to sober up. The pictures online weren't even near the beauty Jisoo has in person. Oh just seeing her here from this distance could make Jennie's knees feel weak, her heart beating in an erratic movement and tears on the bridge of falling.

"Lisa..." Jennie heard how Jisoo sounded. It was a tone she uses whenever she tries to comfort someone close to her. "You didn't have to pressure her like that."

"I didn't pressure her okay? I was just frustrated because she was giving me mixed signals! One moment she'll be cold as ice and treat me as if I wasn't someone who had shared the same sheets with her when we're surrounded with other people but when it's just the two of us she makes me feel things... things that get me hopeful that despite everything we might have a future together, only for her to crush them to bits."

"We all have our scars and you know that. Scars never fully heal you know? They either stay there or re-open. That's why we have to be patient with the people we love because we don't know how many scars they really have until they show them."

"I am willing to love those parts of her."

"Lisa, you have to understand... some people need time to accept those parts of themselves before they can love other people. She knows that and I actually respect her for it. It only means that she cares about you so much to only give you a portion of herself."

"What if she'll never be ready?" The Lisa woman is now in tears. "What do I do then?"

"Then let her go." Jisoo says simply. "You can't force someone to stay by your side Lisa, no matter how you two want to be together if the time isn't right then it will never happen. You need to understand that letting people go is a part of life, and we will continue to let go no matter how much we want them to stay."

"I'm scared Jisoo... I don't want her to leave me."

"Everything has its own timing okay? Just because you won't end up now doesn't mean you won't meet years later and worked things out." Jisoo pulls the taller woman in for a hug. "I believe that all the things that were meant for us will always find their way back."

"Do... do you really believe that?"

Jisoo nods her head. "I do." She answers. "But before you decide, go back and listen to what she has to say. Who knows, it might be the answer you're waiting for."

Lisa nods her head and enters back to the club. And as Jisoo stood there pondering on what happened, Jennie thought a lot about what Jisoo said. Though it might just be wishful thinking, there was a slight inkling of hope that maybe, Jisoo was still waiting for her to come back. Just entertaining that thought was enough to make Jennie cry.

And if Jisoo was really waiting for her to come around, then maybe it is time for her to do so.

With that, Jennie removes herself from hiding in the corner, catching Jisoo's peripheral view.

"Jennie?" Jisoo says in her halting and disbelieving voice. "Jennie is that you?" She could answer with a nod as she tries to gain control of her overwhelming feelings, especially when Jisoo starts walking closer to her. "Oh my God Jennie it is you!"

Jisoo grabs her by the waist and wraps her figure safely in her arms. Jennie closes her eyes at the contact, feeling a little more emotional than what she would've originally liked to feel. Jisoo was hugging her. Jisoo was really hugging her.

"What are you doing here by the way?" Jisoo asks as she pulls away from the embrace. "I-Wow, are you in Osaka because of work?"

"Uh no, I- uh- I actually came here to see you." Jennie was literally scraping her memory with words.

"You did?"

"I heard you were turning your book into a movie so I had to see it for myself."

"You should've told me you were coming! I would've gotten you tickets." She smiles.

"It was more of an impulsive decision."

"So? How is it? Did you like the movie?"

Jisoo was speaking so casually with her that Jennie was starting to dislike the treatment. Here she was, trying to find the words to say back because all of her insides were shaking and her stomach was making her feel sick again to the point that she couldn't even open her mouth fearing of what might come out from it. But Jisoo is still here, standing in front of her without any hint of surprise or confusion.

It was as if Jisoo was just talking to a friend which she hasn't seen for a long time and honestly, she hated it. She hated that she was being treated like a friend in the latter's eyes because Jisoo never was in hers.

"Jisoo." Jennie decides to cut the writer off from her endless rambling. "Slow down with the questions." She adds in a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Sorry! It's just that I haven't seen you for a while and to see you here present in the most important part of my life just-"

"And I am happy to be here believe me." She swallows the lump on her throat. "But I- I want to talk to you about something else."

"Sure! What is it?"

"Jisoo I-" Jennie takes a breather as she prepares the words she vividly memorized in her head. Hoping that she would have the chance to say it to Jisoo. "I- I just-"

"Hey, it's okay..." Jisoo says comfortingly while holding both of her hands. "Take your time I'm not going anywhere."

Hearing that actually eased Jennie's stressed figure. "Do you promise me that?"

"I'm always here for you Jennie, I never left in the first place."

Now that just gave Jennie the boost of confidence that she was looking for. She huffs out one last time before opening her eyes, slowly lifting them to look back at the eyes that she could stare forever, calming her nerves to fully deliver what she needs to say.

But as she does, her eyes land somewhere particular, destroying every wonderful thought Jennie had imagined for them. She looks at Jisoo's eyes with her own teary ones, as she slowly listens to the silent cracking sounds of her heart. It became so unbearable that she had to let go of Jisoo's hands, turn around and run away.

For how could she hold a hand with a golden ring wrapped around her fourth finger.

__________________________________

"Jennie!" The owner of the name stops midway in the alley with her back facing the multi-awarded writer. Jisoo stops as well, just a few steps away from the latter. "Why did you ran off?"

"I didn't." She replied. "I just needed a few steps away to... to think."

Jisoo looked lost. "To think about what?"

To think about the fact that we may live under the same sky and see things differently now.

To think about what I would say to you now since I couldn't tell you what I really want to say all along.

To think about what I would do now, now that I'm about to drown in my own tides.

"Jennie." She cuts off her train of thought. Jisoo took baby steps and when she finally came to close contact, the heart-shaped lips woman taps Jennie's shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

The latter could only chuckle dryly in her head. "Yeah, yeah I'm good. I- I was just thinking about vomit so I took a few steps back." This time the chuckle goes out from her mouth. "Wouldn't want to ruin your night."

"Silly you." Jisoo laughs at her randomness. "But thanks, I appreciate the consideration."

Finding the courage within her, she turns around and faces Jisoo. "So... movie huh?"

"Yeah..." Jisoo trails off, her voice sounding like she still couldn't believe everything that happened. "It still feels nostalgic because years ago, as I was staring at the finished product, the hundred of pages written and the thousands that were crumpled and thrown away, the amount of ink that my pen has exhausted, and the sound of my crippling fingers as I typed them... To see them be brought to life is just-" Jisoo sighs with amazement.

"You deserve it." Jennie knew that the latter was going to say something between unbelievable or surreal. "I know it might take a while for everything to sink in but you earned this credit. I would know Jisoo, I've seen you write and composed hidden treasures in your early years-" Even kept one for myself. "And the world is fortunate to even see just one of your works."

"Thank you Jennie." She felt how flattered and sincere Jisoo sounded. "That really means a lot to me."

"It's the truth anyway."

"I know, Soojoo has told me that a lot of times. Even bugged me to my sleep."

"So it's her huh."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Jennie gives her a tight-lip smile. "So, you were talking about Soojoo bugging you to what?"

She saw how even just the simple utter of the latter's name was enough to make Jisoo's smile reaches further than her eyes like she was on the moon for just hearing it. "As I was saying Soojoo..."

While she rambled about the amazing things about the woman in the topic, Jennie realized that it wasn't something Jisoo could've avoided. It was Soojoo who was there when Jisoo needed someone to start fresh with. It was her who was with Jisoo's highs and lows, it was her who was there for the latter when Jisoo needed a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold.

And as much as Jennie would've liked to hate the woman with thick eyebrows and beautiful soul, she couldn't. She didn't deserve the bitterness Jennie has not even the jealousy slithering around her veins as she looks at just how happy she made Jisoo feel.

If there was someone here to blame, it would be none other than Jennie herself. She was the one who caused her own heartbreak.

And that's the thing about regrets, it will get you closer to look at the thing you could've had, but having to bear the fact that you will get to do nothing but just look.

"So yeah, that's Hong Soojoo for you." Jisoo chuckles as she fans herself. "Man, did I ramble a lot?"

"Only a little."

"Ugh, that woman really... I either love her too much or hate her too much. Nothing's in between with her honestly."

"Well, that's when you do when you have someone important in your life... We always put too much because if we don't, then why to bother loving at all right?"

Jisoo laughs at how Jennie quoted one of the lines from the movie. "So you really liked the movie."

The latter nods her head. "I'm happy to see you're happy Jisoo." Jennie tries her best to give the latter at least a sincere smile. "It's nice to see you again."

"Oh, are you leaving now?"

"Yeah... figured that there's nothing left for me to do. You know, I already enjoyed enough liquor." There's nothing left because you're with someone else now.

"Wait here, I'll just check with Soojoo and see if I can go."

"No, n- please, stay... this party is for you. You should go back there and celebrate this milestone with the people with whom you've shared this one-of-a-kind journey. Get drunk, go dancing, sing your heart out and be happy." With Soojoo.

"Did three years seem a long time for you or have you completely forgotten that I am not a party-people person?" Jisoo chuckles at Jennie's weirdness. "Look, I'll just make a call to Soojoo, inform her that I would be leaving. We can even go to Sanji's and just talk."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's not like I'd get to see you on a regular basis." She laughs at the obvious fact.

"What about Soojoo then? Would she really be okay with you leaving and hang-out with me?"

Jisoo stops texting on her phone and gives Jennie back her attention. "Why wouldn't she be?"

Of course, why would her wife mind spend time with someone as irrelevant as her? Soojoo wouldn't mind, she knows Jisoo will come to her at the end of the day.

Jennie purses her lips as she thought about the consequences if she decided to go with Jisoo's offer.

She would probably get really awkward around the writer and not utter a word fearing that her heart will betray her and say something that she would regret later on. What would she even share if the latter would ask her about her life in Korea? What would she say?

Oh, nothing, it's just that I have been a selfish brat lately and struggled with making decisions on my own but then I found support in your words resulting in me hurting the man who really didn't do anything wrong but love me. Oh, by the way, I actually went there to see if we could try things so maybe you give me a chance?

That would be a fool's errand.

And Jennie would have to ask her back, making Jisoo talk about how better her life is right now and probably talk about her wedding with Soojoo and how they live in a penthouse suite also a house by the beach which they go to every summer with their two little girls being the perfect family that they are.

"You know what how about we reschedule some other time? I'm kind of tired." Jennie makes an excuse.

"Oh, okay. Let's get you home then."

"No, no... It's um, it's okay. I'll just call back the chauffeur to pick me up."

"No, really I can give you a ride if you want."

"Jisoo, I think I still know my way around here." Jennie laughs this time, hoping that she would be able to fool the latter. "Now go. I'll try to be in contact with you soon."

"Are you sure because I can-"

No. I'm not, but this is what I have to live with. "I'm sure."

"Well if you say so..."

I wish I would've said different things. "Good night Jisoo."

"Goodnight. It was nice seeing you, again."

And this will be the last. "You too Jisoo."

Jisoo turns around and starts walking back but then Jennie saw her hesitate and it didn't look good on Jennie's side. Ending things like is better Jisoo, don't look back at me anymore. She desperately wishes.

"It's okay, Jisoo." Jennie says at the woman who was still standing firm on her position. "Go back there, I'm sure your wife's looking you." She reminds.

Hearing that last sentence got Jisoo's head snap at her Jennie flinched at the speed of it. "What did you say?"

"Y-your wife." She mutters. "Soojoo."

"Soojoo is my wife?"

Jennie blinks at Jisoo's reaction. "I-Isn't she your wife?"

"How can you say she's my wife?"

"Uh, by the way, you rambled about her, asked her permission before leaving, and not to forget the ring on your fourth finger?"

"What are you talking-"

All Jennie could do was just stare at Jisoo who was looking now at her hand who had the ring on it in a very awkward manner. The silence surrounding them and the cold breeze brought by the night didn't even help one bit. As if fate was doing a power trip prank on her, Jisoo's laugh suddenly emerges from the depths of the silent night, completely catching her off guard.

"W-w-why are you laughing?" Jennie was still looking at Jisoo who was covering her mouth as she tries to stifle her laughter inside.

After what felt like forever, Jisoo shakes her head and looked at Jennie with the expression that she was so familiar with. "Oh, Jen..."

Jennie knew that Jisoo only looks at her that way when she's done something stupid. Too stupid that all the latter could do was to shake her head and laugh at her, like the time where she couldn't decide what to buy for Jisoo at Christmas so she ended up buying her entire wish list that became her best Christmas ever. But what could she possibly do this time?

Did she read signals wrong?

Maybe she just missed something?

But what was that something?

While Jennie is still on board with her thinking, Jisoo walks back her way towards Jennie. Now with standing face to face with one another, Jisoo reaches out for her hands, pulling the brunette out of a trance. She looks at the latter who looked so lost that it made Jisoo laugh again because of how adorable the sight is.

"I'll let you go under one condition." Jisoo says, confusing Jennie even more. "Take a look at the ring."

"B-b-but what would I do that?"

"Just go and take a look at it." She presses on. "And don't just give it a quick look, stare at it even."

So Jennie looks down and gives the ring a good look.

And when she did, a wave of memory suddenly flashes before her.

"Remind me why are we here again?" Chaehee was practically whining as she heads up to the restaurant with Jennie.

"Just keep your voice down will you?"

She looks at her best friend who had grown two heads. "We're literally the only ones inside the lift you idiot."

"I know but still, shut up. I'm trying to keep my cool here."

"Why are you being nervous? You're just going to give Jisoo your birthday gift. Which, by the way, in my opinion, you could've given it earlier when you two had lunch."

"It wasn't the right time."

"Oh please, it's just a birthday gift, any time is a perfect time." Chaehee laughs. "You make it sound like you're going to propose to her or something."

"Chaehee, you're not helping."

The elevator door opens and Jennie immediately spots Jisoo laughing at something Seulgi had said. She was having dinner with some of her close friends. Jennie could hear her heart beating Jisoo's name as she stares at the ethereal beauty Jisoo has. Just seeing her smile was even more than enough to bring a smile on her face too.

"Good evening, are you here for a reservation?"

"No, but we're just actually here to drop a gift to our friend right-"

"Can we leave a gift here?" Jennie cuts Chaehee off, confusing her best friend. "My friend is still busy hanging around with her other peers and I don't want to intrude."

"Most certainly, I can leave it by the counter and just notify your friend."

"Sounds great." She hands the staff the gift. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Alright Chae, let's go." She didn't even give Chaehee time to for a sentence of retaliation as she drags her back to the lift.

"What the hell was that about?"

"What?" She feigns innocence as she pulls out her phone and dialed Jisoo's number.

"Jennie! You made me drive through that rush hour so you can drop off a gift?! Why didn't you just give it yourself?"

"Like I said she was busy hanging out with her own circle of friends and I didn't want to become awkward and give her the gift personally."

"Jen? What's up?"

"Hey go by the counter before you leave okay?"

"The counter? Why?"

"I left something for you there."

"Idiot, why didn't you just give it to me personally?"

"You were having dinners it's bad manners." Jennie answers while trying to ignore Chaehee's repeated whispers of 'I told you so' "I'll see you later?"

"Sure, I'll be home a little late but I'll see you later."

"Great, now stop using your phone and enjoy the rest of the night." Jennie laughs along with Jisoo. "Bye Chu."

"Bye Jen."

Jennie suddenly felt relieved for doing the task successfully. "You don't have to hide it you know..." Chaehee says all of a sudden.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that love is love, Jennie. And you don't have to be someone you're not because that's going to be difficult." She gives a piece of advice. "The more you try to deny, the bigger the storm you will have inside. So while you're still at the shore, make your choice."

"Jisoo is just a friend to me." Jennie looks away from her stares trying to hide away what she really feels. "What storms are you talking about."

"You... you still have this." Were the first words Jennie uttered as she still kept her eyes locked at the triple band wedding ring she gave Jisoo years ago. "And you wore it tonight... Why?"

"Because I find comfort in the things that remind me of you."

Jennie was shocked to hear the same sentiments from the latter. "You... you do?"

"Yes, as much as I hate it, no one will ever calm my nerves as you do."

"But why?"

"Answer me first, why are you here in Japan Jennie?"

The latter swallows the lump on her throat. "I'm here because-" Jennie takes a breather as she feels the rumbling butterflies in her stomach. "Because-"

"Jen, it's okay alright? As I said, I'm always here."

"I... I'm here because of you."

"Because of me?" Jennie nods in confirmation. "Why?"

"I have something to say." Jennie answers instead of giving a proper response. "It might include a lot of rambling and stuttering but I hope that whatever words I may say make sense." She shakes off the nerves first. Damn this is terrifying. "Okay." She exhales as she looks at Jisoo. "Here it goes."

"I am a selfish person Jisoo." Jennie lays it out in the open. "I've always been this person who ran away from responsibilities and hardships. I settle for what's safe, even if it means succumbing to my personal happiness because of my personal fear of not being accepted and my lack of indecisiveness has caused pain to a lot of people, including the people who I cherished the most."

"I may not deserve you and I know that for a fact because unlike me, you're a kind-hearted person, and what I offer you now isn't probably what you settle for. And I know- I know I said to you before that if ever we decide to be together, it would be just like making a house made up of our regrets and we will never be happy."

"I know we already decided to let go of one another and our last journal entry were witnesses to the pain but you know what Jisoo? From the moment I stepped on the plane to this very moment right now, all I could keep thinking of was the regret of not realizing things sooner and maybe then we could've saved ourselves from this disaster, this- storm..." Jennie trails off. "But now, come to think of it... letting each other go was the better option back then. We had to let go and part ways so we can find each other again, which is why I am standing here in front of you."

"I am here without any pieces from my past." She says as she restrains herself from crying. She can't cry now. She shouldn't, Jisoo has to hear every word loud and clear. "I'm here because I want to build a new home with you. A home where we can share a warm drink when the snow outside hits fifteen feet deep. A place where we can enjoy the heat of the sun during summer and just- just be Jennie and Jisoo. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"I might be a selfish person Jisoo but I am willing to let you go today." Jennie speaks. "I will respect your decision if you don't want to be in my storms and sail into something more calming and someplace where you don't have to worry about the tides and a sea that will bring you safely back to the shore." She swallows the lump in her throat as she looks at Jisoo's eyes. "But if you decide that you'd stay in my storms then I will gladly stay in yours. Because now, I know what I want, I'm deciding to fight for what I want."

"And that is you Kim Jisoo... I'm standing here to tell you that I am in love with you. Hopelessly, inevitably and terrifyingly surrendering everything I am to you." Jennie finally lets out a sigh. She was finally done expressing her true feelings. "To answer your question, I came here for you... for all the times that I wasn't able to."

"How long?" Jisoo answers back with a question. "How long will you want me, Jennie? How long will you fight and stay and not run away? How long?"

"For as long as you'll have me." Jennie answers confidently. "Whether it's two weeks or fifty years, as long as you want to stay Jisoo, I will be here."

"What if I wanted it to be always?"

Jennie pulls Jisoo closer to her as she leans her forehead against hers. "Then always it is."

"Oh Jennie..." Jisoo was on the verge of tears as well.

"So what do you say Jisoo? Are you willing to finally give this a chance?"

"I..."

__________________________________

April 5

I was never fond of writing down my thoughts unlike you.

You made me do things I never knew I'd do.

"And that is you Kim Jisoo... I'm standing here to tell you that I am in love with you. Hopelessly, inevitably and terrifyingly surrendering everything I am to you."

That was on brand. So Jisoo.

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

I've longed for the day to come to have my hand write your name in these canvas pages and not feel them shake or have my chest tighten to the point where even just the first letter makes me numb.

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

For years, I saw myself as a sailor wandering in the vastness of what the water has to offer. How I've tried and prepared myself in the calmness before the storm and how I've managed to stay afloat after going from one person's storm to another and eventually facing my own storm. I saw how my boat maneuvered through the shifting tides, I've lost a lot of pieces of my boat, even lost control of the steering wheel until I've given up this ample of hope inside me that one day I'll be able to find the shore.

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

Throughout my voyage, I realized that there will be people who will love you in waves and there will be people who will love you in oceans. There will be love found in the stillness of the water and there is love in the roaring currents.

But more importantly, there is love in tidal waves... Waves that will lead you back to the shore and just like how hard I fought mine, eventually I let it all consume me. And when I did, it brought me straight back to you.

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

You are my shoreline. Even though I'm scared to feel the ocean on my feet, I will be stepping towards you without hesitation and let my feet settle on your sand and let the water past in between my feet that brings a tingling feeling all the way up to my spine. It's a different kind of feeling, but I wouldn't mind feeling it over and over again.

As I write down what I couldn't properly express, I sit here by the shore for it reminds me of you. It reminded me of the first time we spent our first vacation, our heartbreak, and my realization that my heart will probably never allow to let someone else enter in it besides you.

As I stare at the horizon in front of me, where the sky meets the sea as they color it with shades of tangerine and cerulean, all I could think about are the memories we shared and how I wish we are able to make more of them. I felt like I've been to different places but not once did my feet left the sand, and you are the only person of capable making me feel things. Then again, it was always you, isn't it?

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

Oh how I miss your presence.

Maybe we get to laugh about what happened between us and indulge ourselves in the mysteries of tomorrow. We would probably imagine a lot of things and I'd probably laugh about your randomness. You would probably insist on things like having a third child or anything that will pop out of your mind.

And as I watch you mumble about the things you want to happen, I would stare at you with your face getting a hint of the sunset and as I feel the coldness of the afternoon seawater, I will be at ease, thanking that my journey at sea was worth it. That it didn't matter whether there were small waves or the crashing ones hitting my boat. You will still be my destination, and no amount of storms or tides can ever change that.

Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.

My wishful thinking is for you to wrap me in your arms as I write out my thoughts. Words that I could only write down and not say, fearing of being a stuttering mess. Words that I will someday, still be able to read to you... I wish you were here with me.

But you're in charge of dinner tonight. So that will have to wait.

"Whatcha doin'?" The sudden intrusion caused Jennie to jump. She turns around and sees Jisoo laughing triumphantly.

"You think that's funny?" Jennie glares at the woman who looked proud at her achievement. "Kim Jisoo, I am talking to you."

"And I am listening to you mom." The latter smiles. She sits in a manner that Jennie was settling herself in between in legs as Jisoo wraps her in a tight embrace. "It's kind of cold out here."

"Just wanted to write that's all."

"And here I thought I'm the writer between the two of us."

"Oh come on, I write for my journal to absorb, and you- my dear wife, write for the whole world to see." She looked at Jisoo who was grinning like the mad-hatter. "What?"

"I don't know, I still get butterflies every time I hear that."

"Hear what? That you're an amazing writer?"

"That I'm your wife." Jisoo intertwines their hands together, both showing a beautiful gold ring on their fourth finger. "You're my wife now Jennie."

"I should be the one gushing over that okay? You were the one who was willing to give me another chance."

"You were a crying mess at the alley back then." Jisoo teases as she starts to imitate Jennie's way of crying. "Thank you Chu, I will spend my life proving to you that I- ow!" The heart-shaped woman immediately pouts. "That hurts. Give me a kiss."

"Kiss your face." She lets out her tongue and laughed at her wife's silliness. "You still haven't told me the reason by the way."

"Reason of what?"

"Of you giving me a chance." Jennie speaks. "Even though I've endlessly messed up before."

"Jennie, we may have one life but you need to understand that we have multiple chances within it. So as long as we have this one life, everything we want can still happen and not all of the doors are closed. We just have to find that courage to start again." She answers. "And I found mine when you stood there in the alley eight years ago."

"Just like you Jennie, I am too, tired of running away. I'm tired of pretending that I don't want to wake up and have you beside me. I've tried looking for love in others and there were times where I thought I succeeded but when I saw you again, I know I just had to be with you. I'm done running away from the tides in my heart, I just want to be at the shore with you."

"We have always loved one another isn't it?" Jennie smiles.

"We have... in our own ways, in our depths." Jisoo wipes the tear from her wife's eyes and kissed Jennie's forehead. "We always did love one another, there never was a day that we didn't."

"DID YOU MADE MOM CRY AGAIN!?"

The couple turned around and saw two little girls running towards them. One had long and black hair with facial features like Jennie, wearing her beautiful red silk pajama running excitedly with her hand showing off a beautiful daisy ring. The other one with blonde hair and yes, she's exactly the same replica of none other than Kim Jisoo who's wearing a rabbit onesie with a turtle backpack.

"Oh boy..." Jisoo mumbles under her breath.

"Mom we're girls!"

"Cockblockers." Jisoo grumpily said. Jennie heard it perfectly which earned her a playful slap.

"Come here you beautiful creatures." Jennie welcomed their daughter her arms. "How was the afternoon nap?"

"It was great! I had a wonderful dream."

"Really? And what dream was that Julia?"

"We went on a vacation in Barcelona and we ate lots and lots of food."

"That's great." Jennie then turns to their youngest. "And what about you Winter?"

"Hmmm..." In the end, Winter just shrugged. "I used mommy's switch and played kart race with aunt Doyeon."

"Did you beat aunt Doyeon's ass?"

"Jisoo! Language!"

"I'm sorry love." Jisoo turns back to their second child. "Were you able to beat aunt Doyeon?"

"Of course I did."

Hearing that made Jisoo grin. "That's my girl." She chuckles. "Oops, let's get this necklace fixed first okay." She says as she fixes the locket with a Daisy charm pendant on her daughter's neck.

"Why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be preparing the table ladies?" Jennie asked.

"That's because we smell something burning in the kitchen." Winter says in the most nonchalant manner. Both Jennie and Jisoo widen their eyes as soon as their daughter said that.

"Shit! The beef stew!" Jisoo hurried stands up and wipes the sand off of her bum.

"Kim Jisoo language!"

"Sorry!!!"

"The last one to come to the house cleans the dishes!" Julia screams and starts to make a run for it with Winter trailing close.

"That's cheating!" Jisoo screams as she too starts running back to the house.

Jennie eventually stands up and looked at the view in front of her. Jisoo was carrying both of them on each of her sides, with their laughs fading away as they head back inside their house. She looks at the view with tears, feeling the love and warmness that she has for the three of them.

"Is... is that even a good thing?"

"Depends."

"D-d-depends on what?"

"On what you will believe in."

"The life that you had before? Or after the tides?"

And though Doyeon is nowhere near her, Jennie walks back to their house with a content smile on her face. Giving the long-awaited answer to the overdue question.

"The life after the tides Doyeon."

"Definitely the life after the shifting tides."