✨CHAPTER 69✨

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This chap is affectionately dedicated to -
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"You have to let something go. You carry too much in your heart. There's no room for anything else............................"

"Do you even know what you are saying?"

Shaurya asked dumbfounded. His tone was laced with cluelessness and sheer shock. Something didn't seem right about those moments.

"Yes! Cause I've heard everything. And I don't have the courage to listen anything else. I've heard enough." Manjiri took a moment to inhale deeply. "What did you think that you would keep fooling me and I would always remain clueless?"

"Manjiri, you're having a misunderstanding. You are taking everything in a wrong way. There isn't like what you're perceiving..."

He spoke reaching out to hold her shoulder. Scooting away his hand in an instant she got up on her feet. Tears blurred her vision as she intervened his utterance with her ugly insecurity.

"When are you leaving me, by the way?"

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere. You're thinking nonsense." He exclaimed irritably. He got up too and stood in front of her. "And fraud? How can you put such a big allegation on me and my family just like that?"

She herself didn't know what she spoke. She couldn't register anything what was happening to her, happening with her. Everything appeared strange, entirely alien. She couldn't feel related to her surroundings. Shaurya's shrill voice brought her back to her senses.

"I'm asking something. Tell me?"

"Manjiri, don't test my patience anymore. I want answer to my question. Speak up!"

Shaurya kind of screamed shaking her arm vigorously. He indeed felt very annoyed. His voice startled her. Some more hot tears started stinging her eyes as she sniffed and attempted to form a few valid sentences.

"Shaurya, I feel like I'm a robber. I'm culprit of Priyal. I stole away everything what was hers. All this was meant to be hers not mine. God will never forgive me. I wronged her. You all wronged her. You all even wronged me."

He stared down at her, trying not to be wounded by what she was implying. He could clearly see that whatever it was, it was injuring her soul very badly. She was hurting. But how he wished that she could know that she was hurting him too. He couldn't help but raise his hand to rub the tears off her cheeks.

"Don't touch me." She shrieked distancing herself from him. She looked terrified. "Please don't."

Shaurya stared at Manjiri, quite stupefied by her sudden odd behaviour. He instantly stepped back looking at her trembling state. She was trembling uncontrollably due to continuous crying and unaddressed anger.

"Ok, I won't. Relax."

"You used to call my family self-seeker, deceiver... Right? Now, tell me what are you guys?" She asked in sheer disgust. "You all are no less. You all have deceived Priyal, her family, me and my Dadi. Such an absolute deceit! This is all a lie, a delusion..."

"You're misunderstanding..."

Getting very restless, he tried to interrupt. But it seemed like sheathing in anger Manjiri was in no mood to hear anything.

"Don't interrupt now! You wanted me to speak up so now just hear me out with sheer silence. And yes, you're correct. This is all a misunderstanding too. I misunderstood everything. I misunderstood your pity on me with something which you have for Priyal and she has for you."

Shaurya looked at her dumbstruck. His world spun more when she added further.

"You kept on betraying me and my emotions for you, and I stupidly kept on being betrayed despite knowing your inclination towards your friend. I feel humiliated, Shaurya."

More tears spilled down her cheeks as she continued.

"I felt humiliated when your relatives made me feel that I'm a wife against my husband's status. I feel insulted thinking about the way I was forced on you. I feel shattered thinking about my shattered self-worth."

"Who am I blaming by the way? You people are not at fault. In fact you all are the ones who sympathised with my situation and did a huge favour on me when no one did." A painful sigh escaped from her mouth as she wiped her tears with the loose end of her saree. "If there's any fault then it's of me and my Dadi. How could she force me on you? Those ladies were right I'm unworthy of you. I'm nothing. I'm no one to anyone."

"The way people throw trash out of their car's window. The same way Dadi threw me on you." Upping her eyelashes to peer at him, she directly pointed out her accusatory finger at him. "You should have said to me once. I would have gone somewhere else and never ever destroy both of your lives. Such a big fool I'm. All this while I couldn't get to know that you both shared a history and are even sharing..."

He couldn't hear all that anymore. Everything has got a limit.

"Manjiri..."

She spoke up harshly, not allowing him to complete

"What Manjiri? Yes? Don't speak anything, Shaurya. I don't want you to keep me pacified by sacrificing your happiness and love anymore. I won't get trapped now. I don't want you to justify all this with more lies." Her voice got weakened as she asked, "Why does everyone hides things from me? Why is it always me who keeps on hanging on bits and pieces of what all is hidden?"

Shaurya couldn't just stand there and listen to her every allegation wordlessly. He agreed that she was somewhat right at her place but he wasn't completely wrong either. Soon his patience gave up.

"You know what? No clarification would work on you cause you're habitual of darkness. And you don't want to come out of it either. You can never see the actual things. You're thinking that I'm cheating on you. Like seriously? How dare you?"

"Trust is a must in any relationship, Manjiri. And you've tainted the honour of a husband and a wife's relationship by..."

Shaurya was speaking when Manjiri abruptly interjected.

"Relationship? Oh right. We both share a relationship. The same which seems like it's there in one second and then in another second, there's nothing except just fear that what if this relationship breaks and you decide to leave me. But now I want myself to leave you before you leave me, Shaurya."

She yelped the last sentence making Shaurya hit his panic mode. He helplessly dug his fingers in his hair, pulling them in frustration. Stepping a little closer to her, he queried in a comparatively softer tone. It looked like as if he was begging her of something.

"What was missing in what we had or have, Manjiri? Were we not happy together? Are you not happy with our relation yet?"

She lowered her gaze, tears continuously rolling down her cheeks. He never liked her silence. But he was hating that the most particularly at then.

"Speak up!"

He spat in the heat of the moment making her jump at her spot. Hiding her face in her hands, she cried in a weak voice.

"No, I'm not. I feel suffocated in this relation. It's not mine. I didn't deserve this. This was supposed to be hers not mine. You never had time for me. Having feelings are still a far fetched thing. You were with her when I needed you. You prioritised her over me. I used to feel disgusted but not anymore. As I have properly understood that she was never a third wheel in our relation. Ironically, I was the one who came in between you both. I'm the one who should be blamed."

"Now I'm able to remember each and everything. It's all clear now. You were never happy, you were never happy here. You were never happy with me. Maybe you had started pretending lately but you were never."

He voiced in a small disappointed tone, staring at her as if she was some tedious puzzle who he was miserably failing in solving.

"Look over here, Manjiri." He asked but she didn't until he forcibly made her look at him. "I said look at me and answer. In which situation I hadn't supported you? Have I ever done any injustice to you? Even after seeing everything, knowing everything still you doubted me. You haven't understood me as of yet. I don't love her, do you understand?"

She attempted to study him. A part of her wanted to trust him and mistrust every other thing. But then she didn't want herself to get more ruined and ruin his life too. She wanted to correct everything which she unknowingly wronged by marrying him.

"Lie! Again lie. Shaurya, it's not wrong to love someone. If you love someone then admit it. I know love is something which is beyond force. So please stop doing something just to keep me pacified. Enough of your pity. I'm sick of this charity..."

He stopped her utterance as he dragged her towards him. Holding her arms near her shoulders, he yelled shaking her. He thought that maybe she was not in her senses and he couldn't wait her to come back any longer either.

"What are you trying to signify? I'm repeating time and again that I don't love her then why can't you just get it? I never loved her..."

She pulled his wrists down breaking the contact of his palms and her arms as she explained in plain words.

"Look, it's not late yet. She just got engaged today. She's not married yet. You guys still have a chance." She mumbled, staring at him with all the courage she had. Then instantly turning around, she started looking for something. "Where's my phone? I'm gonna talk to her and apologize..."

No sooner did she pick up her phone then Shaurya remarked. He doubted if he really knew the woman in front of him or not. She wasn't the Manjiri he knew, she was someone else. She was changed. Her red eyes held firmness, a weird kind of madness.

"I don't know why I prayed for you to change. I wish you would have remained that same Manjiri.
Least bothered.
Self-restrained.
Withdrawn.
Detached.
You say you feel insulted. But you don't know how much of you're insulting me and what I've for you." His irritation peaked and patience completely stumbled soon when he added, "Relations are based on emotions which you always lack. I wish you would be the same Manjiri who was guarded, who didn't care a bit so that I couldn't have invested any expectations on you and wouldn't be this hurt today. I wish you were that same Manjiri who didn't care about her own sister as well. Who doubted her own grandmother. You can't love anyone. You even can't live with anyone. Cause you only believe what you think or perceive. You just care for yourself. You're self-centred like your family. Others' opinions and feelings doesn't matter to you. Their choices are joke to you..."

"Yeah, right. I'm exactly what you spoke. Then why are you still with me. Just leave me. Free me." Her voice pitched slightly towards the end. She paused for a moment and then continued adding, "Choices? You talked about it. I assure you that your choice will never be a joke to me. Every person has got a choice. Like and dislike. And so do you unlike me whose choice never really matters to anyone. Others chose for me always. But now I don't want you to make any compromise, Shaurya. I just can't live with you after hurting you and Priyal so much. All this is torturing me. And I know I'm torturing you too. I'm sorry. I'd never been to anyone's house without invitation and look at me now, I've been forcibly dragged in someone's life. My dignity is doomed. My being has turned marginal with you. This is not the first time that I'm experiencing this all, I've been ruined before too. But this time my self-worth is completely ruined. I'm just thinking why always me? I've never harmed anyone, have I?"

"Have I, Manjiri?"

He asked as he snaked his arm around her and pulled her closer. He had grown tired of her denial. However, she felt disgusted with that closeness. She couldn't stand it. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried her best to get out of his hold.

"Yes, you did. Why did you hide everything from me? How much difficult was it to speak the truth, Shaurya?"

Her reply was sharp. Her questions were more sharper.

"Very difficult! And I didn't hide anything. I just didn't tell cause it wasn't important in my eyes. But now if truth be told then I'm regretting. I should have told you..."

He attempted to explain but her abrupt hollow chuckle made him stop in the middle.

"Unimportant? Wow! If Shreya Didi and her friend Minal hadn't talked about it, then you wouldn't have opened your mouth for life time. And I? I would have stayed in delusion with you for my entire life. By the way, what exactly was yours and Priyal's plan?

Tears in her eyes threatened to spill out as she looked at him after speaking. He instantly snapped. It hurt him immensely to think that she was implying that he had an affair with Priyal.

"Priyal never had any association with all this. Don't drag her here unnecessarily, Manjiri."

"Of course. Who am I to drag your ex-lover anywhere? Oh sorry! I have just said "ex-lover", its wrong. Cause probably she never became an ex."

Manjiri muttered calmly while a turbulent storm was raging within her. And that was it, Shaurya yelled at her in disbelief.

"Oh God! Shut up, Manjiri. I'm sick of your nonsense thoughts. There isn't any such thing. How many times you want me to repeat this?"

"Then what is it like, Shaurya?"

She shouted back. Her eyes were burning. They were devoid of the usual softness which they always used to hold. He took an extremely exhausted sigh when nothing made sense to him. He looking at her in defeat.

"What do you want, Manjiri?"

"I want you to leave me and go to her. Your presence will always remind me of my worth and faults."

She answered in a louder tone, her every word was clear and pointed. Her gaze clawed at his heart. She was indeed hurt. But she was hurting him too. She pushed him a little to get out of his hold. Her constant rejection was sickening him. Was he that worst?

"Kindly stop interpreting things through a 'to me' lens. You're now literally going below the line."

Hardly had he whispered when he noticed her opening her phone. And it didn't take him much time to understand why. She was messed up more than he assumed her to be. He had never seen her on such an impulsive drive before.

"You aren't calling her now, Manjiri."

Announcing that Shaurya snatched her phone from her hands, thus triggering her to no extent.

"Why shouldn't I? You people can talk at any hour of the day so why can't I? You never feel to explain me anything then why you always require clarifications from my side only?"

"Ok, so you abruptly need clarifications now. It's not that I don't want to put forward explanations to you. You never ask so I never tell. Ask yourself when was the last time you literally cared to ask me something. You were always lost in your own world. I meant nothing to you." He spoke up very harshly. "But now there's no use of anything. Cause if you can keep such a cheap thinking about me then I don't think you deserve my any clarification."

He added stopping her hands to reach her phone which was in his hold.

"You seek for clarifications now. Why didn't you ask whenever any doubt used to pop up in your head?... Ex-lover. Simply amazing! Congrats for your thoughts, Mrs Shaurya."

"If I'm so unsuitable to you then why don't you just free me? What's your motive? Why you want to keep sailing this meaningless relation? Why this imprisonment?"

She asked timidly, breathing through the ache gnawing the walls of her chest. He was practically taken by a yet another shock when she spoke such words.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean just end all this. I'm tired of this all. Seriously! Divorce me and bring Priyal or whoever like here."

She voiced mindlessly. She didn't even give a single thought before speaking. Perhaps she was too tired to keep everything inside her. Or perhaps her insecurities were ought to be out in such an ugly manner.

"Enough is enough, Manjiri." Shaurya hollered angrily. His hand got raised up in the air on it's own accord making her instantly shut her eyes in fright. Maybe she thought that he would hit her, but nothing like that happened. She just heard her phone dropping down on the centre table with a huge bang followed by his raged frustrated words. "I'm not the way you think me of. I'm not such a low-grade man. I have made a relation with you and my God knows that I'm fulfilling it with full honesty unlike you."

"You're fulfilling it in this way? By intimidating and humiliating me again and again?"

Her words yet again stunned him. She indeed had got intimidated by him. And the look on her face made him doubt himself that if he had raised his hand in the air to hit her or to just throw her phone aside. How messed up was everything! His mind wasn't able to think aptly. He clutched his hair in a big fistful and tugged whilst clarifying,

"Wow! You again didn't take a single second to misinterpret everything. I didn't raise my hand to hit or slap you..."

"Slap isn't necessarily that which comes only on the face. Slap is every word, every intention which is a direct attack on someone dignity."

She vocalised feebly whilst directly looking into his eyes. She kept on looking until she couldn't look anymore. The world turned blurry as tears completely flooded her vision. She badly broke down and slumped on the couch hiding her face in her hands. Never in her wildest dreams she had wanted him to know her inner thoughts like that. She was literally done with all that. Him, herself and every damn thing. She was at that stage where she was not willing to fight anymore. She didn't want to hold on to anyone or anything. She had began to feel that she had killed her own happiness by doing and saying everything she shouldn't. She sniffed hard, trying to hold back her ache filled sobs inside herself.

Shaurya was in a whirlpool of emotions too. But he couldn't stand her in such a miserable state. He kneeled on one knee before her. His voice cracked a bit as he softly confessed. His shoulders drooped forward.

"I had no idea what you term our relation as in your heart or how you remember the day we got married. However, if you ask me then that day really holds so much significance in my life that I can't put into some mere words. Because I got my Silly Head from it."

"You want me to end this relation, right? Is it so unimportant to you?" He asked peeling her hands off her face. "Manjiri, believe me or not, but I've given my everything to our relation. This relation is my everything. And yes, let me make it very clear that I hadn't done this marriage in any compulsion. No one forced me. And as far as Priyal's proposal is concerned than my only fault is that I had chosen a easier path for me at then. It was much easier for me to start from zero with you than to start from negative with her. Moreover, I'd already promised your grandmother that I would marry you when oblivious Papa had agreed on Priyal's proposal. Papa didn't know anything until your grandmother passed away. And then you very well know what all circumstances unfolded one by one. No one's fault was at then. It was just some miscommunication. And over-expectations too."

She didn't speak anything. The gloom on her face was scaring him. He released a breath as a sudden realization hit him on the face instantly.

"But since you feel 'humiliated', 'suffocated', 'trapped', 'tortured', 'imprisoned', 'insulted', 'compelled' and what not, then please just do whatever you feel like. Say so and we'll part our ways. I'm literally done with begging you to reciprocate the same efforts which I put into our relation. I'm also awfully tired now. If you truly feel that you're better off me and then I assure I won't be standing in your way from now on. Just get out of our equation."

"It clearly means all this while you had never taken me, my efforts and my words seriously." He added as an afterthought. "Why couldn't I earn your trust upon me all this while?"

His words wounded her soul more and she ended up weeping more. She was loud enough that her cries echoed in the whole room thus haunting him more.

"Ok fine, speak anything you want to speak to me but please just stop crying. Accuse me how much you want to but stop hurting yourself." He requested cause he knew she had cried her eyes out by then. And she was still doing so. Something within him too broke by looking at her like that. "You want to part ways, right? Surely we'll. But just stop this. I won't be the reason of your tears from now on..."

His remaining words didn't come out as she met his eyes. She looked at hin silently, hoping he would hear her heart's pleas, and understand where she came from. And how brutally her spirits were being injured with everything.

"Hey! You meant it when you said that, right?"

He asked in high hopes. He wanted her to tell him that she didn't mean anything when she muttered all that a while ago. He wanted her to tell him that she didn't want them to separate. However, she never said anything. She just lowered her gaze again.

"Speak, Manjiri!"

She slowly looked up at him again and furiously wiped her tears. She tried to open her mouth but her words denied to come out. After a bit of a struggle, she managed to murmur in between her sobs.

"I do... don't know. I really don't know anything."

"But I know."

"W...what?"

"That I love you dammit..." Fire flashed in his eyes which instantly filled with fresh warm moistness the very next second as he stated, "I don't know if it's too late but if you cannot see the truth in my eyes then its better to get freedom than this hollow relationship. I'm not something extra ordinary, but I'm not a corrupted human either..."

He paused rubbing his tears using his wrist. He then let his heart take charge of his tongue. He hadn't felt such drenching emotions before.

"Why does loving you have to be so painful, Silly Head? Why am I draining right now? The more I try to fall out of love, the more your whirlpool sucks me inside. Why does it have to be so? And even after everything, I'm not getting tired of loving you. Why is it so? Why can't this be erased? I want to erase this off completely..................."

"When things were going well, I loved you a lot. But now, I realize
that one needs more love and support, when things aren't going well. But what if my heart scares to love you now?......................."

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