CW/TW//MENTIONS OF MISCARRIAGE AND IMPLIED ABUSE//

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.gov.mb.ca/stoptheviolence/index.html

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/helpline/

https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/

There were plenty of times when Nightwing lost faith in his job. It was natural when every guy you put away was broken out after a few days or just went back to what they were doing before after an almost equally criminally small sentence. He'd been betrayed enough times that it felt like he could never offer help to those who needed it because it would just be used as barter. He thought about giving up on even offering plenty of times yet there was always just one in a hundred who actually took the help and turned their lives around. They made him keep offering, keep asking. Even when he had all the faith in the world, he never expected an offer he made at thirteen would be taken upon. 

Nightwing went on his usual patrol route having formed it after years of living in Bludhaven. It'd been a quiet night, something he'd learned would cause trouble for him later on in the week, so he took some time to practice some tricks and extra flourishes to add to his arsenal. They weren't necessary but he was a man in a lycra punching criminals, he could afford some flamboyance. As he practised his handstand on the edge of the building, he heard the sound of feet landing. He wasn't immediately worried. He'd grown accustomed to random family members or team members trying to sneak up on him or catch him off guard to confront him about something. He returned to standing upright and twirled around only to find Harley standing there.

Harley watched him carefully, a small smile on her lips but nothing compared to her usual one when they saw each other. They had a sort of friendship. He wouldn't really call it a strong friendship but there were times when they could meet without a fight and someone ending up in the ICU. Since that one truce years ago, she seemed to be more sympathetic to him although that wasn't extended to his family. Her make-up was smudged like she'd been crying and her outfit had been hastily put on as though she'd been in a rush. 

"Hey, Wonder Boy."

"Hey," he greeted, noting the cracking in her voice. "What brings you to Blud?"

"You," she replied. "I know Bats would never believe me. None of 'em would. Except you." He tilted his head in confusion. She didn't look hurt but it was hard to tell with the white paint and the jester suit. She usually switched between suits so he wondered why she wasn't in any of the others she wore more frequently these days. 

"Why wouldn't they believe you?"

"Because of what I've done. Maybe Bats would've before but I mighta burned that bridge." She fiddled with one of her gloves before licking her lips nervously. "Still doin truces?"

"Wouldn't be standing if I didn't. Any reason why?"

"Ya said if I ever wanted out, you'd help me. I really need that help now," she responded. 

Honestly, he was more than surprised. He'd made the deal with naivety and believing that everyone somewhere deep down, apart from Joker, wanted to be good. He grew older and started to lose belief in the idea but here was Harley asking for help to change. He wondered what the deal breaker was that made her change her mind. Nightwing took a deep breath. This could be a trap, something to lure him into a false sense of safety before she struck but he found that hard to believe. She sounded sincere and Harley never sounded sincere.

"You want out of villainy or out of Joker?"

"I think Joker more than villainy if I'm honest."

"I want you to be honest," he assured her. "Won't stop me from helping."

"Really? I thought that'd be a line in the sand."

"I won't make you stay with Joker just because you aren't giving up the villain shtick. That isn't fair," he replied. He knew that others wouldn't extend the same courtesy out of fear that they'd be double-crossed down the line but there had always been something about Harley that made her different. Perhaps it was her origin story. Maybe he was just stupid. "Got a place to stay?" She shook her head. "C'mon. I've got somewhere you can stay."

"Trust me with that?"

"It's a rundown safehouse we hardly use anymore. Anything worthwhile got moved out a long time ago. I'm gonna help but I'm not letting you an inch in my house. Mostly because it's a mess right now." She smiled softly, something that was odd but ultimately nice to see. She was hardly ever soft.

The safehouse was indeed rundown but it was usable. Sometimes he went back to have some peace and quiet so the place had some non-perishables in the fridge. It shouldn't have electricity but when you were as rich as Bruce was, you forgot about which places you weren't using anymore. He led Harley inside and showed her the basic bedrooms, bathrooms and living area before stopping the tour in the kitchen. The fridge held slim pickings for quick meals so he opted to toss her a can of off-brand soda he put in there months ago before grabbing one for himself. She gave him an appreciative smile and opened it. If he let himself forget who they were for a second, they could be mistaken as two friends with an odd fashion sense and a shitty shared apartment. 

"I won't make you tell me what happened with Joker but if you want to talk about it, you can," he said, breaking their careful silence. She hummed and sat herself on top of the kitchen counter.

"It's pretty heavy."

"Welcome to PTSD central. I'm collecting traumas like Pokemon right now so I doubt it'll shock me," he replied. She chuckled under her breath and then turned serious.

"I was pregnant." Was. He knew he wouldn't like what came next. "He's the reason that's past tense. I don't even know if I wanted his baby. The last year, I think I've realised just how deep of a hole I've dug myself. He's not who I thought he was. He never really was, was he?" He chose not to answer but that was an answer in itself. "Anyway, it was a wake-up call. I can't be with him anymore but everyone knows me as his girlfriend. Ivy is inside right now, she said I could crash at hers but Bats cleared her place out. Didn't know where to go until I thought about you."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Probably would've fucked up the kid anyway."

"Maybe. Or maybe that would've been your wake-up call. Either way, you didn't deserve what happened," he told her. Admittedly, he would've dreaded a child being in the care of Harley and Joker but she didn't need to be punched down any further. Once upon a time, she would've been a good mother. It's a shame things didn't turn out that way. He often thought about that when he looked at Harley. Wasted potential. 

"Thanks," she muttered. "Anyway, I won't be here long. Just till Ivy is out. She's the only person I trust, no offence."

"None taken." She nodded to herself and chewed on her bottom lip. "If you have a question, you may as well ask it."

"Would you answer it?"

"Depends on the question."

"What was it that you couldn't tell me all those years ago?" Harley asked softly. 

"What?"

"You said something about me ending up different if I wasn't with Joker then you said if you didn't end up with Bats, you'd be more like me but you didn't say much more on it. Bugged me for weeks and I couldn't find any dirt on you that explained it. What did you mean by that?"

"You know how B isn't my dad?" She nodded. "Well, the reason I ended up with him was because my parents were murdered. Can't say by who, that's too much information but they weren't exactly an unusual suspect for murder."

"I'm sorry to hear that. You must've been like five when it happened since you were so young as Robin."

"I was eight," he corrected with a slight smile. "You think I was fighting crime at five?"

"Hey, he's put two kids in the suit after you. Don't take him for the against child endangerment type."

"To be fair to him, I needed the suit. I was hellbent on revenge. Blood for blood, right?"

"I can imagine you like that, funnily enough. You had some major anger issues," she commented, getting a light shove for it. He couldn't deny that anger had often got the best of him. It was funny now that he was considered the happy-go-lucky Robin whilst Jason was the angry type when it was the other way around. 

"Yeah well, I started making plans for murder. Detailed plans. I knew what car he drove, who protected him, and had some very simple schedules he ran on. Kinda impressive looking back on it." He smiled bitterly as he remembered all those nights he stayed up scribbling away all these ways he was going to get revenge. Not once did he think about the consequences. They didn't matter. "Then I found out Batman was Batman. I pleaded with him to help me bump off this guy and he told me that's no way to get justice. The reason Batman doesn't kill is because of the trauma it brings and we'd be no better killing them and inflicting that trauma onto another person. They might be horrible people but someone somewhere cares about them. You can't be the same as the people who hurt us and sleep well at night." He understood the rule even after Jason died and all he wanted to do was murder the guy who did it. Maybe he had a more selfish reason, not wanting it on his shoulders for the rest of his life when the guilt of simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time was crushing enough. "I said if he didn't train me, I'd do the job myself. So to avoid me getting myself killed or somehow managing to kill the guy, he trained me and we put away the guy that did it. Of course, he broke out soon after, just as everyone we put away does."

"So he got you a traffic light suit to stop you from killing people?" she deadpanned. He knew it sounded stupid and he had to laugh. It must look so absurd to anyone who wasn't within the family. Then again, that comment was coming from someone dressed as a harlequin.

"I designed the suit. Something that made me feel connected to my parents and reminded me why I do this job when it got hard to believe in it. When people kept getting away when we did everything in our power to have them convicted, it didn't feel fair, it still doesn't but when I look at my suit, I see the people I'm doing it for. I must've stopped at least one kid from becoming an orphan and somehow that makes it worth it."

"I can't imagine you liked me or even like me now. With how much I've done."

"I bet no one could imagine you like you are now ten years ago. When I first encountered you, I hated everything you did. Then I learned more about you and the world and I didn't hate you, I was just disappointed. Not in you completely but more so disappointed in how you were failed," he replied. "People in our lives can change a lot. If you had never met Joker and if I had never met Batman, things would have been so different. For better or for worse. Maybe you would've been psychoanalysing me along Poison Ivy or Joker."

"Nightwing?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love with Ivy. I think that she loves me too and feeling like that with someone like her, I couldn't stay with Joker. He doesn't care whether I live or die and I don't know why it took so long to see it." He didn't say anything, letting her speak. "I was supposed to have his kid," she whispered. "I lost the baby but I think it took that and how Ivy showed so much sympathy whilst Joker showed disgust that I knew to contact you."

"You deserved much better Harley," he said. He grabbed a pen and paper from the coffee table, the paper being some old statistics for something or other, and wrote a number on it. "Whatever you need, medicine, a getaway car, a new identity, you call this number and I'll be there." She studied it for a moment, her fingers tightening and creasing the paper as though this was her salvation. Her ticket to something different.

"Why are you doing this? You made the promise as a kid so why are you still honoring it?"

"You needed help. It's my duty to help people. If I don't give it to you because of who you are then that's not fair. Sometimes it genuinely fucking sucks to help some people. People who you want dead," he began, remembering all the times he had to go against his gut instincts to do his job, "but I don't want you dead. You were manipulated from day dot and those chemicals have messed with your brain in such a way that I don't think we'll ever know the extent. If you're willing to put in the work and want to change then I should help that. Even if you don't, you shouldn't have to stick with Joker because you have nothing else."

"You're a good kid Nightwing. Thank you," she said. "You should probably get back to swinging and punching, huh?" She didn't seem particularly pleased with the idea of him leaving and honestly, he didn't feel good about it either. Whatever Harley wasn't telling him but implying through her explanations was enough to make her rethink things. He didn't feel right about leaving her alone when Joker was well-known for doing everything he could to get the last laugh. 

"Nah, I was thinking of calling it an early night anyway. Between you and me, as a volunteer, I've been working double the hours police work with half the breaks and none of the pay. I could do with a break once in a while." Harley nodded thoughtfully.

"You have Netflix on that thing?" she asked, thumbing to the TV.

"I can get it on there."

"Cool, I never finished Love is Blind. We could watch it together?"

"Never in a thousand years would I imagine you asking me that. I'd never think I'd say yes either."

"Stranger things have happened."

"With us? Definitely."

Occasionally, Nightwing would think that his job was pointless. That there would always be another villain out there to replace the one he put away for good and people would always get hurt. He wondered just how much he would have to lose before he got to the end of his tether. It felt like an endless loop that once entered, he could never leave. Yet, as he sat on the couch watching a kitschy TV show, he decided that even if he didn't succeed every time, he was still doing something. He didn't know how many people he saved over the years, he didn't know how many of those he saved from the fate he faced at eight but he knew that tonight he had saved Harley from danger. He was holding her hand as she made her first steps into a different life without Joker and maybe a life without crime. For tonight, he could go to bed knowing that without him, she wouldn't be there. Tonight, he did make a difference. Maybe that's all that mattered.