I didn't arrive at school next day. I'm tired and I hate the fact that I can't got high or anything. I spent the whole morning in bed texting Mindy and Liv. Mostly Mindy. This girl really wants me. She even sent me a few pictures. Nice pictures. I didn't ask for it of course. I'm not doing that things. Besides, she texted me how her day was going, complained about teachers and other stuff. Honestly, I'm happy that she forgave me. I really like her, we know each other whole life.

I'm sitting in the living room now and changing channels on the TV. Nothing seems to be interesting. The living room is my favorite part of the house. Except my own room of course. There is a lot large mirrors and paintings. When I'm sitting here alone, it feels like heaven.

I heard the door slam. God. Who would visit me so early? I stand up and left living room. Shit. Dad came back to home. When he saw me, he got angry. Wrinkles appeared on his forehead. What I've done? A lot. But he probably doesn't know.

— Why the fuck aren't you at school? — he asked

— I didn't feel well.

— You're lying. As always Amber.

He looked at me and threw his jacket on the locker. My dad also hates me. And this is not an exaggeration. He really does.

— No, I'm telling truth dad.

— Shut up. I had a very bad day. I don't want to see you right now.

Dad went to the kitchen and I bit the inside of my cheek. I guess I'll spend the rest of the day in my room. I stood up and started walking towards the stairs.

— Amber! — father shouted suddenly

It scared me and shivers ran through my body. I stopped and turn around.

— Come here, now!

When I entered the kitchen, I saw my dad with a bottle of his favorite liquor. But the bottle is empty. Fuck.

— What the hell is this?

I didn't answer. I don't even know what to say. I must have drunk it and not even remember. I fucked up. He never let anyone touch it.

— I'm sorry. I...

— Shut the fuck up Amber! All you do is snort some shit and drink alcohol! I didn't raise you like this!

You didn't even raised me.

— Dad...

— I said shut up! — he shouted and threw the empty bottle at me

I barely avoided it, bottle crashed to the floor. I jumped back in fear. It's been a while since he was last like this. He came to me and grabbed my arm.

— What the...

— Get the fuck out of here — he said pulling me to the door

He pulls me so hard that I can barely keep my balance.

— Dad it hurts!

— I don't want to see you here today! Go and spend the night with one of your whores!

He pushed me and closed the door behind me. Fuck it. Dad was always aggressive but he never told me to get out. Shit. I need a sleepover. Seriously, it's better for me if I don't come back today.

I'm so fucking mad at him. What was that?! I didn't plan to leave home today. Liv isn't in town, so what will I do?

I started walking ahead. I'm going to pick up Mindy from school. Maybe she'll let me stay for night.

...

— No way — the girl said

— Jesus, Mindy. Please. You know what my dad is like — I reminded her desperately

— My mother will not let you cross the threshold of this house. The reason is obvious — she reproached me and raised her hands in the air — If she wasn't home, I'd help you. 

— Fuuuck. What will I do now?

— I don't know. But you know a lot of people. Somebody will agree.

I put the cigarette I had taken from some guy into my mouth. I lit it and inhale deep. What a shitty situation.

— What about Wes? Or Tara?

— No! — I said — Never. Sam? Deputy Hicks?

— Come on Amber. Do you prefer to sleep on a bench?

I turned and looked at Tara and Wes sitting not far away. No. I won't even ask.

— You know we don't like each other. Tara said she hate me yesterday.

— You two talked? — she asked surprised

I feel caught.

— Little bit. Doesn't matter.

— So what is your plan?

— Have fun — I said exhaling smoke from  mouth — I'll go to the club. If I don't sleep, I don't need a place to sleep. Easy.

Mindy rolled her eyes. I know it's not the best idea, but I have nothing else. Maybe some sweet girl will offer me a place to stay.

— Want to spend break with me and others? — she asked

— Sure — I agree just because I have no idea what to do with myself

I wanted to stay at home and I ended up at school square.

When we went closer, my eyes met Tara's. I quickly looked away. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed the dealer's number. I know I wanted to go on detox, but I just can't today.

I don't really listen to what others say. I keep checking my phone waiting for an answer. Come on bro I need you.

Tara keeps staring at me. I feel it. What is her problem? Of course, there is a lot to look at, but let's not exaggerate.

— What? — I looked at her I asked

She felt stupid and bit her lip.

— Nothing.

I raised my eyebrows in annoyance and looked at my phone again. He answered.

— I'll be right back — I said to everyone and walked towards the school

I didn't have to wait long.

— How much? — he asked

— Two.

He give it to me and walked away. I'll make a transfer later. He trust me.

Okay, maybe this day won't be terrible. I hope so. But that hope was gone when I turned around.

— Ugh, not you again...

—What the hell are you doing? — Tara asked

— Fuck off. I'm not in the mood.

I wanted to ignore her and leave but she took my hand and led me to a more hidden place.

— Yesterday in the car you kept repeating "It's shit Tara" ; "Don't do this" ; "It won't help". And now you are into it again.

I've been at this for years and have no plans to change it.

— Not your business — I said and clenched my jaw

I guess she got mad because she finally let go of my hand. We stare into each other's eyes, and I have an overwhelming urge to say something that will hurt her. But I won't do this.

— You're right. No point in helping a drug addict. One day you'll get too high and die on the sidewalk.

— Fuck you!

So that's it. She wanted to walk away, but I grabbed her hard and pulled close to me. I squeeze her hand and feel anger flow through me.

— I'm not addicted — I said sharply — And you better stay away or everyone will know I fucked you.

When I said that, Tara's eyes widened and she shook her head. In this view I saw myself. To her now I am like my father who threatens me. I can't do this. I quickly let go of her hand, shocked that I acted like that.

— Fine. I'll leave you alone. I don't even know why I followed you here. You're not worth helping! You actually aren't worth anything Amber!

She's pissed off. She checked on me and left. What an annoying girl. Tara is interested in something she shouldn't. That's why we're not friends. She always complicates things for me.

...

I took a bus with Mindy to her house. I don't understand why she still doesn't have a driving license. We're almost nineteen.

Her mom is still at work, so I could charge my phone and spent some time here. We're alone because Chad has a training. We lie on the bed in the room and talk mostly about school. Music play in background. It turns out Wes's mother was giving a lecture there today. She's sheriff's deputy. I don't like her as much as her son. She always catches me doing something. It's mostly driving to fast or sex in the car. Once she searched me and found a bag of weed. She yelled at me like she was my mother. I personally prefer Sheriff Riley. He's a nice old man. He follows the rules, but he doesn't drive you to the police station for no reason.

— I still can't believe what happened at the party — Mindy said excited

— What? — I asked with hope that she don't know about me and Tara

— Wes and Tata finally kissed! Liv wanted to tell you but Tara asked her not to. So you don't know it from me.

— What the fuck? Ew.

Seriously Tara? What a shame. He's pussy. I'm pretty sure Wes isn't good kisser. He's so dumb and annoying.

— I ship them. They're cute together.

— They're not — I said — But they match, both are losers — I said and I got up to lean on my hands —Does Wes even know how to kiss?

it makes me sick to think that we kissed the same lips on the same evening.

— I don't know, ask Tara — she laughed — But I'm sure they both were their first kiss.

I can't even imagine it. Gross.

— Imagine someone asks about your first kiss and you say "Wes Hicks".

— I'd have to say Amber Freeman, I don't know which is worse.

— Ouch. Shot straight in the heart.

We both laugh and I've got closer.

— Admit that I'm best kisser — I said with proud

Mindy is looking at me and I'm smiling a little.

— You're not.

— I am.

I licked my lips then bit down slightly. Come on Mindy. Of course she know that I am the best. She's just playing with me.

— I guess you have to prove it to me, Amber.

I smiled and put my lips on hers. Her hand automatically went to the nape of my neck. I kiss her lips the way she likes. My tongue explores her in the inside. I always felt good kissing her. But when we were in a relationship, we didn't have sex. I couldn't because there was someone else in my head.

Without breaking the kiss I got up and sat on her lap. I grabbed her neck with one hand and tightened slightly. She moaned as my other hand ended up under her blouse. I feel her warm skin under my cold touch.

We finally leaned back to catch breath. Mindy smiled and placed her hands on my thighs. I'm horny and I'm moving a little on her lap. I could do it with her. After the breakup, there was kissing and touching, but never sex.

I run my fingers under her bra while I'm looking her in the eyes. Mindy wants me so bad. I got closer and started kissing her neck. I suck her skin until it gets red.

— Amber...— she moaned

— Did you just said my name? — I commented satisfied and looked at her

— No — she answered with a smile

I smiled and get back to leaving marks on her body. When I put my hand in her sweatpants, door suddenly opened. I turned my head and saw Chad. He started screaming and turned back. Mindy put a pillow over her face in shame. Great...

— What the hell?! — Chad asked in shock — Are you together again?

— Don't you know that sex is better with a friend? — I asked and I got off the girl's lap

— It's my sister Amber, I don't want to know.

I leaned against the wall with a smile. It's actually very funny. Mindy, however, doesn't look amused.

— Why the hell didn't you knocked?! — she shouted at him and throw pillow at him

Just as Tara at me. Chad turned back to us.

— Never in my life I would suspect that you're doing it with Devil again — he said and I looked at him questioningly — Mom calls you Devil since you two broke up.

— Makes sense. And now get out because we have to finish something.

— We won't finish anything, mom is coming back — Mindy said and showed us her phone with a message

— Ugh.