the next day

Once again, I wake up to a blaring alarm in my ear, and I immediately know I'm fucked. Once again, I'm late and trouble is brewing. Knowing my instructors, Lady Gisela will give me a dirty look or two and leave it alone, but Fintan will torture me the entire session. Just my luck, he's my next session. I'd rather be on time than looking good, so I change faster than possible before sprinting towards the café. Somehow, I reach just in time and scramble towards the tables. Even though my appetite is nonexistent, my hand seems to think for itself and reaches for a pink pastry. However, food is a necessity considering how draining and rough training with Fintan always is.

I sneak out of the lunchroom again, not wanting to deal with anyone right now. I have a strong, near violent need to be alone. A need for space, for fresh air. An enormous need to let go of everything that happened yesterday. My heart has this new, fiery passion for letting go and controlling the earth in my full power, and the energy reserve of this power appears to be massive. Yet I don't want to do it, do I? The thought itself scares me a lot, but there's no ignoring the insistent calls of nature. The power was given to me so it'd be used, but the thought of controlling so much is terrifying. I sigh and open the room door, choosing to lean against the wall. Scared isn't a normal feeling for me. Confused isn't either. But I guess getting used to it is all part of the process. A process that I never wanted to be part of in the first place.

I find myself back in the library, my usual comfort spot. Choosing an empty corner in the back, I sit and eat quickly and silently. Solitude has been comforting in these recent times, and it doesn't seem like that's changing anytime soon.

Fintan always says that preparedness should come immediately in any situation, but it's never true for me, certainly not in my case. Whoever controls my fate seems to love picking on me, though I'll be a bit hopeful and pray that it's not just me but everyone else too. Hearing the bell ring again, I realize I don't even know where my session is. There's no doubt trouble is brewing. Fintan will have my head if I'm late, and there is no way to make it to this mystery room on time if I don't know where it even is. I scamper out of my room and close my eyes, letting the ground talk to me, telling me where to go. Maybe this is part of his test. I listen and follow, ending up outside of a round, brown door with a fairly warm handle. The rest of the door seems fairly cool, but that's probably just protection from the fire.

The door creaks as it opens. I catch a whiff of smoke, leaving me with no doubt Fintan is already here. Thankfully the bell rings a moment later, and there's no way he can say I'm late. He looks at the door, and I get to watch the smirk falls off of his face when he realizes I made it, just in time. Well, it sucks to suck, I almost say out loud before catching myself. If Fintan had actually heard me, I would be dead. Luck seems to finally arrive because the torture is minimized to pure boredom. I guess finding my way was a difficult enough task, so I'm stuck with the usual ethics lecture and then another lecture on how I'm only ever supposed use my powers to attack and defend myself and my teams, unless instructed otherwise. By the time the bell rings again, I'm eternally grateful the lectures didn't last a minute longer. I get out of the room quickly and follow the same voices back to the cafeteria. It's an extremely handy trick to know, and it will definitely be very useful throughout my time in the society. Maybe it can help track down any of our enemies as well. Either way, this gift has caused quite a few schemes to begin to pop up in my mind.

Walking into the lunchroom, people blatantly stare at me but quite frankly, I do not give a fuck. I've gotten through my first session with Fintan, the insane pyrokinetic, and my brain is dead from boredom. Looking around, I see Anemone's normally friendly eyes glaring at me, almost shooting daggers. I don't know what this is about, but she seems mad. Maybe because I never showed up at lunch or something? She could be mad or have some grand scheme. I sigh, knowing I'm not getting out of this easily. Quickly grabbing some food, not caring what it is, I figure it's time I actually face my problems instead of shying away and hiding from Anemone.

"What's up?" I ask, figuring it's a safe start. When she shakes her head in a violent and angry manner, the realization hits me. I've really pissed her off.

"Why are you avoiding me? You're clearly hiding or something because we've only talked at breakfast once in two days. You skipping a single meal is ordinary, but so many? Nuri, I don't know what the hell is going on but you're hiding something from me, or not telling me something in the least," she says, ranting madly. Somehow, I haven't realized that I've been coming across like this. I feel terrible about it, but also annoyed that she hasn't understood the tremendous amount of pressure on me.

"I'm so sorry, Anemone. I've been under a lot of stress and basically not doing too well. I promise, I will fill you in, but not right now. There's too much going on." I clearly sound like a bitch, but my energy has been drained, and I still have another session to go to. She frowns and looks like she's about to yell, so I cut her off.

"I'm sorry, I just really need to go," I say, before sprinting out of the room so she can't catch me.

I head out into the empty hallway. Today's been bad enough without pissing my best friend off. I walk off, lost in my thoughts. Why am I always like this? Why can't I go back to group training with people outside of the Neverseen? And why does Fintan hate me so much? I understand his dislike of Lady Gisela, since he's always wanted to be in charge, but not of me. Since my focus is elsewhere, I run straight into something. Very hard. If I were in a comic, there would be those stars around and above my head. It's a door, and I've walked to the end of a corridor, I've never been in before. I open the door, not knowing what awaits me.

The door squeaks as it swings open and I can't do anything but gasp. The room is covered in notes and pages, scattered all over the place. It's gorgeous but suspicious at the same time. I wonder if this is Gisela's workspace. The scent of new books and fresh pages is strong, but I'm too scared to move. Carefully shuffling through the room, for once I put in the effort to not mess with anything. I don't know what all these blueprints are, but they seem like plans for a new facility. Curiosity strikes, but at the same time, looking doesn't seem right. Not knowing what to do, I stand there for a few minutes.

The curiosity gets the best of me, and the papers fly around with my sudden moving. I grab one and try to make sense of the runes on the paper. After a minute, it clicks and I gasp. This isn't good. How the hell is my organization, my home, planning something so bad? So destructive? I can't breathe as I stare in shock. Maybe this is why I was never allowed on missions. If this is what the Lodestar Initiative truly is, then I want out.