For a split second, Natasha almost let her expression betray her but she quickly regained her composure and restored her confused look. Act fool, she told herself.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I want to know why she drew him."

"Why should I know?"

"How does she know him?"

"I don't know, Steve." she shrugged. "Maybe she saw his photo somewhere too."

Only after the words left her mouth she realized how bad this lie was. If she saw him somewhere, she would've drawn him how he looked in the '40s. Clean shaved, with slicked-back hair. Not the rugged version, with longer hair and clearly visible stubble. But now she could only hope Steve wouldn't realize that.

"Why did she draw him, Nat?" he kept pressing.

"I'm telling you I don't know, Steve!" she snapped, "I told you once before, I only act like I know everything. She sees the future, not me."

"You are hiding something."

"Excuse me?" she knew that thinking rationally wasn't Rogers' strongest suit when it came to Bucky. "What are you implying?"

"That you're lying."

"You're being ridiculous." she shook her head and turned away wanting to leave the room, but he caught her arm. "What the hell, Steve? Let me go."

"Not until you tell me what you know."

"I'm sorry, are you deaf?"

"I have a right to know!" he slammed his fist on the dresser.

"No, you don't!" Natasha growled. "Even if I did know anything, I wouldn't tell you. It's not my business and neither yours."

"He's my best friend!"

"Was. He was your best friend." she seethed and snatched her arm away from his grip. "Not your property. It looks like you have a problem understanding that. It's been seventy years, the James you knew is long gone-"

Oh.

Oh shit.

When she realized how badly did she fuck up it was already too late.

No one was calling him James anymore. He was Bucky, The Winter Soldier, Soldat, or Barnes.

"What did you just call him?" Steve asked, still not sure if he heard her right.

She stepped away and pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling loudly. She didn't see that coming. She made a mental note to have a serious conversation with Katya later and turned back to Steve, afraid to face the consequences of her actions and cursing her own loose tongue.

"You know him?" he asked. His voice changed, it suddenly was much quieter and weaker.

Yes, I do. I know him. You knew him, she wanted to say. It would be the closest thing to a truth she had said in this room. Because she knows him. She knows The Winter Soldier. She knows Soldat. She knows James. She knows her Yasha.

The version of him Steve used to know was long gone and she highly doubted he would ever understand this. Bucky was gone the moment he fell from that goddamn train.

For a brief moment, she considered telling him the truth. But that was another thing he would never understand. So she had to lie. She lied to him already. She lied since the moment she introduced Katya to everyone as her daughter. What were just a few more lies in the face of so many others? So she decided to play dumb, at least for a while.

"I knew him." she finally confessed, emphasizing the second word. "Briefly. He trained me in the Red Room for a while."

Depending on the point of view, that wasn't specifically a lie. She just wasn't telling him the whole truth. That's different, right? There was no point in telling Steve that James was the only man she ever truly loved. What would that change?

"And you never thought about mentioning it to me? Despite everything that happened last year?"

"I already told you, that's none of your business."

"You told me he's a ghost story!" he yelled. "When did you know him?"

"Calm down, you idiot." she hissed "You really want everyone to hear us?"

"I asked you something, Romanoff."

"Drop that tone, Rogers, it won't get you anywhere," she warned.

Steve shook his head in disbelief and ran a hand through his hair. Before he turned his back to Natasha she saw him press his lips together in a thin line. He paced the room for a few seconds and then suddenly froze. When he turned to face her once again, his eyes were narrow, brows creased.

"You said earlier that you knew Katya's father. That you had a debt to him."

Bozhe moy.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

At first, she looked down. She didn't predict that this conversation might take this turn. She never thought Steve would learn about her past with James like that. She did not want him to know about that part of her and Katya. She was the only one that knew. She kept that from Clint and Fury. Both of their relationships with him. But with the number of hints hidden in plain sight, it took him a while to realize this for someone who claimed to be so close to Barnes.

So she started laughing.

An uncontrollable and loud laughter filled the room as she laughed and laughed.

She laughed because Steve Rogers was dumb.

"I'm sorry," she said after a while, stuttering a bit, trying to contain that unexpected fit of laughter. "But it took you long enough."

Steve looked at her, flabbergasted, still not so sure if what he just saw was real.

"I told you her name earlier. Names, actually." Natasha said and sat on the bed. She crossed her ankles and looked at Steve who stood still and yet to overcome the initial shock she caused him. "Do you remember it?"

"What are you talking about, Nat?"

"Never mind. Her name is Ekaterina Yakovlyevna Romanova." she reminded "That second name is a patronymic. It comes from the name of one's father. Hers comes from Yakov. And Yakov is a Russian version of..." she gestured to Steve to finish the sentence.

"Jacob?" Steve said, still unsure what this was about.

"And Jacob is another version of James. Also, her fake name, Jamie." she added "Common pet name for James."

"What are you saying, Nat?"

"I think you know what I'm saying."

"I need to hear you say it."

She let out another chuckle. What still surprised Natasha the most, was that he didn't recognize Katya's eyes. They were the same as his. And she loved them so much. She was so grateful that while looking at her she could almost feel like she was looking at him. It hurt as hell but was also a blessing. All thanks to those damned, beautiful, ocean-blue eyes.

Blue was never her favorite color and yet it became one the day she saw those eyes for the first time. They were usually so cold, without a trace of emotion in them. Until they were alone. Then they changed, past all recognition. Instead of seeing nothing, she saw a silent plea for help, as all his walls crumbled down. His body language wouldn't show that but those eyes betrayed him every time.

In those eyes, she saw a man starved for a human touch that wouldn't bring pain and yet scared to ask for it, afraid he will be the one to bring it instead. She saw a man afraid of himself. A man that was forgetting how it felt to be a human and was clinging to the remaining pieces with everything he had left in his battered mind. And helping him stay human, allowed her not to lose herself completely. She saved him, or at least that's what he used to say. The only thing she was sure of, was that he did the same for her in return.

These were the moments when she realized how many emotions you can see in human eyes. Confirmation that eyes truly are mirrors of the soul. She had a reminder of that every time she looked into Katya's eyes. So bright, full of joy and hope, despite everything she went through. All the things she wished she could've seen more often while looking at him. Her soul wasn't broken. It was cracked at worst, and Natasha hoped that she managed to glue all these cracks together. His was the opposite, even then. It was crushed into tiny pieces and all she managed to do was to make sure he won't lose any of them. Every now and then, she wondered if she could've done more. Or if she will ever get another chance to try.

In these piercing blue eyes, in this more or less shattered soul, she saw that unconditional and undoubtful love, for the first time in many years.

These eyes made her believe she was worthy of being loved.

James taught her that and Katya made sure she would never forget.

But Steve Rogers didn't have to know that.

Steve didn't have to know about the last time she looked into his eyes and saw her Yasha instead of Winter Soldier.

Steve didn't have to know about the way he begged her and made her promise she would save Katya minutes before they got ambushed and he got taken away.

Steve didn't have to know that he traded his freedom and his mind for their lives.

Steve didn't have to know that they made her watch while they froze him and repeatedly told her that love is for children.

Steve didn't have to know about how she cried herself to sleep and tried to muffle the sounds with a pillow, after encountering him in Odessa.

Steve didn't have to know that she started feeling sick the moment that metal arm broke through the car's roof because she remembered how it felt against her skin.

Steve didn't have to know that the moment they started fighting hand-to-hand, her mind took her right back to the Red Room where he taught her all of that.

Steve didn't have to know how his words on the highway echoed in her head for days. Ona u menya. He had her. He always did.

Steve didn't have to know the real reason why he went after her and not after Captain America.

Steve didn't have to know why someone who never missed, shot her only in the shoulder when he could've easily killed her there and then.

Steve didn't have to know that the tears he didn't notice after she was shot, weren't caused by the bullet wound.

Steve didn't have to know that she already saw him today when the Maximoff girl violated her mind a few hours earlier.

Steve didn't have to know that she recently tracked him down all the way to Bucharest.

She wasn't sure if she should go there. She wanted to because she chose to believe that something had changed since Odessa. Back then she looked him dead in the eye and saw nothing but a hollow shell of a man. A sight she was once the most afraid of.

But then he chose not to kill her in D.C. so her mind somehow convinced itself that something must have changed.

She could either take a risk and find him or spend the rest of her life wondering if it really did.

Steve Rogers didn't have to know about any of that.

No.

Steve Rogers couldn't know about any of that.

"I need you to say it, Natasha," Steve demanded.

He already knew. He connected the dots. Whether she confirms it or not, wouldn't change anything at that point. So Romanoff stood up and took a few steps that she needed to cross the distance between them. She stopped close to him, a few inches of space left. She looked him dead in the eye, watched him swallow, and heard his heavy breath.

"She is his daughter."

Natasha gave Steve a few seconds to digest that information but not enough to make up an answer. She grabbed him by his t-shirt to get his attention and make sure he would hear her every word. Katya's drawing slowly fell to the floor.

"And now listen carefully," she demanded in an ice-cold, but quiet, and steady voice. "If that ever gets out, I'll know from whom it came. From now on, you better think twice before you do anything that concerns them in any way or can somehow hurt her or him in the process. I don't care about your intentions, I don't care if it's by accident. If you do anything that may result in any of them being hurt, even days or weeks later, I will know. I will find out and I'll make you suffer greatly for it."

She took a break to let the warning sink in and tugged at the material of Steve's t-shirt, still clasped in her fist.

"Katya may be biologically his daughter but she's also mine. I don't care about blood." she continued, her voice getting closer to a whisper. "And if you ever dare to try using anything you learned today against me, I'll start considering you an enemy. And that also means it will be the last thing you do on this earth. Do I make myself clear?"

Natasha waited for a few seconds for his answer, but the change in her attitude took Steve by complete surprise. He was too shocked by her outburst.

"Maybe I didn't make myself clear." she warned "This is a threat. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes." Natasha relaxed her grasp on him. "Natasha-"

"Thank you for your cooperation."

Romanoff walked passed him and left the room without another glance. Did she want to do that? No. She still considered him a good friend and hoped that would never change. Did she need to do that? Yes. She didn't trust him when it came to James and he needed to know that so she resorted to a bit too extreme methods.

She didn't even make it halfway down the stairs when an unusual racket reached her ears, followed by a blood-curdling scream. 

let the fun begin, next chapter in two days :)