Natasha froze midstep. "What do you mean?"

"Because he looked weird. And I think he was fighting someone? There was a red flashing light and a weird black cat."

"Don't worry about it now, okay?" Natasha had no idea what else she could tell her. Katya's visions were never wrong. Some of them took some time to happen or they realized after the event that she saw it happen. But she was always right. "Thank you for telling me."

"There's one more thing I should tell you..." there was a slight change in Katya's tone.

"Go on." Natasha encouraged. Liho started meowing next to the door so James let the cat out, muttering something under his breath, probably complaining about how the animal is using him for free food, and the minute it was gone, she was too.

"I lied to you," Katya confessed. "Not on purpose! But it's about that drawing you were arguing about with Captain America... I didn't draw it because I didn't want to forget papa- I mean that too, but I drew it after a vision."

The said drawing flashed in front of Romanoff's eyes. Then it looked normal. Maybe his clothing was weirdly casual, she wasn't used to seeing him like that. But now, after finding him, she connected the dots. She glanced at him just to make sure. She was right. The clothes were the same. Katya had seen him from that day. She knew Natasha would find him even before she decided to try. Maybe it was inevitable after all.

"Are you mad at me?" the girl when Natasha hadn't answered.

"No, no, no, of course not." she shook her head. "I'm only curious why you didn't tell me."

"I... I know that he was important to you too. I don't know how much, but you always told me that you made him a promise about me so he had to be important to you." she took a deep breath, and then words started to spill out of her uncontrollably "And I didn't tell because then you would go look for him since he looked so different and that could mean that he ran away from the bad guys too. But I think finding him wouldn't be easy because he would have to hide probably and then you would be sad. After all, you miss him and he's not with us and... I guess I just didn't want you to be sad."

"Sweetheart, you know it's not your job to worry about me. And where did even all of that come from?"

"You worry about everyone else. Someone has to worry about you." Katya replied proudly and then her voice turned slightly more unsure "And I heard you cry in the bathroom after we talked about him..."

"Shit," Natasha muttered realizing she wasn't as sneaky as she thought.

"I heard that." the girl giggled.

"No, you didn't."

Natasha heard James chuckle as he sat back down on the couch. She sent him a scolding look and swayed her hand at him for eavesdropping.

"Would like me to look for him?" she asked after sitting down next to him. He kept an eye on her. Natasha knew he could probably hear Katya pretty well, even without the speaker on. "Your dad?"

"Only if you promise that you won't get sad because of it."

Jesus, this kid is so selfless, Romanoff thought. It was obvious that she would want to find him, to reconcile with him, but still put Natasha's feelings first and made her wonder how on Earth, did she deserve her.

"And I if found him, what would you tell him then?" she asked.

Katya didn't reply for a while. Then Natasha heard a sigh before the girl spoke up again. "That I'm happy that he got away from the bad guys and I'm proud of him. I hope he's safe and... That I miss him."

Natasha noticed that James mouthed some words but no sound came out of him. She was quite sure that it was 'I'm proud of you too.' For a split second, she thought about confessing to Katya that she did actually already find him or gesturing to Barnes to say something so she could hear him and figure that out herself. But Romanoff quickly abandoned that idea.

No matter how different the girl was from an average child her age, she was still a child. She would get all excited, tears wouldn't be a surprise to Natasha and that would catch Clint and Laura's attention for sure. The situation with Barnes was too unsure and too new to risk letting in so many people on it. She'll wait for the dust to settle, seeing where this will lead them. If visiting him again will be possible and if he even agrees to that, she'll do this, and then she'll talk to Katya. She will reunite them one day. One way or another, she will fight tooth and nail to make that happen. That might not be any time soon, but one day.

After reassuring Katya that she doesn't have to worry about her and promising that they will talk more about it when she gets back, they said their goodbyes, and Natasha ended the call. Then she filled James in on her plans to explain everything to the girl. He didn't have any objections. He trusted her, not only in this matter. He knew she will do right by Katya, just like she was doing for the last seven years.

Instead, he asked Natasha to tell him more about his daughter. He still felt like he didn't know enough and could spend not hours but even days listening about her. Romanoff obeyed and for the next hour, once again, she talked and James listened. Seeing how his eyes were shining with amazement more and more with each passing minute, warmed Natasha's heart. It was hard to believe how much someone's demeanor could change in a few hours. How that disbelief, fear, and uncertainty slowly got replaced by comfort and curiosity. The negative feelings didn't disappear completely. Getting rid of something that was his only company for years, would take so much more effort. But at least there was finally some competition.

Romanoff couldn't hold back her own smile when he grinned after hearing that a shortcut to Katya's heart, led through bagels with blackberry jam or when he laughed when Natasha told him how the girl drives Cooper mad when watching Harry Potter and reciting every line with the characters while mimicking the girl's voice.

Natasha never asked James directly if she could stay the night. It just happened. They didn't even notice when it got dark, so lost in the conversation. He mentioned something about her taking the couch somewhere between the story of Katya helping Clint pull out one of Lila's baby teeth by tying it to an arrow and the story of winning hide and seek by hiding on the roof.

"I feel bad," he said when she came out of the bathroom after a quick shower, already changed into some spare clothes. He was sitting in the corner, on his mattress, dressed in dark sweatpants and a sleeveless undershirt. His journal was next to him, open at an empty page aside from two lines at the top.

There wasn't hot water in the bathroom. Only cold. Natasha didn't say anything about it. It couldn't have been easy for him to keep water and electricity on at all. The few candles tucked in one of the kitchen drawers made it even more obvious. She couldn't help but wonder when was the last time he had at least a warm shower.

"Why?" Natasha asked after sitting down on the couch and meeting his gaze.

"You deserve something better than a couch that's barely holding together."

"Are you kidding me?" she crooked an eyebrow at him and let out a chuckle. "You really think I mind? If I did, I would go back to the safe house. And yet here I am."

Barnes didn't reply, but from his expression, she could tell she didn't convince him. They kept talking, about everything that came to their minds, until Natasha fell asleep, not sure when.

⧗ 

It was dark when Natasha's eyelids fluttered open. She needed a moment to realize what was going on and why did she wake up. At least she didn't forget where she was. The blanket she was covered with had partially fallen down, and the pillow was slipping too. When she lifted her head to look around, it fell to the floor barely making any sound. The only source of light was a flickering street lamp, obscured by a thin curtain, but her eyes were starting to adjust to the surrounding darkness.

The movement in the corner caught her attention. Even in the dark, she could easily notice how quickened James' breath was and how his head kept moving. He was muttering something. At first, she thought it was just babbling. It didn't sound like English or Russian. Only after a moment of listening carefully, it started to sound like German. It took her a while to make up some words. Whatever or whoever he was dreaming about, he was arguing for sure, begging not to do something, promising to get his revenge.

More concerned with every word he grunted, Natasha stood up and approached him carefully. The sleeping bag was open, barely covering his legs. His head kept turning from side to side. When his jaw wasn't clenched, his lips were constantly moving, sometimes without a sound.

Natasha crouched down, gaze fixed on his troubled face. How often did it happen? Why didn't she say anything?

"James," she said calmly, but firmly. She didn't touch him yet. "James, wake up."

He didn't react in any way. He kept muttering, still mostly in German, and his eyelids were twitching. This little detail reminded her of Katya.

"Yasha." she switched to Russian, and tried again, a little bit louder. "Hey, wake up!"

Even when she raised her voice, it didn't change anything, so she reached to him. A slight brush of her fingertips on his naked arm was enough. Touch turned out to be a trigger but not to what she expected.

Suddenly, she was on the floor. Her head hit the wooden boards pretty hard but that wasn't her primary concern. Breathing became weirdly difficult and Natasha needed a moment to realize why. James was above her, almost straddling her, his hips pinning her down as his metal arm clamped her throat. She tried to speak but nothing clear came out. Then she met his gaze. No sign of James in them. Only the Winter Soldier. It was like she never left Odessa. Back then he looked at her the same way.

She knew she had no chance against the machinery. She also knew that dying by strangulation wasn't high on the list of things she wanted. So despite his advantage, she tried to pry the metal fingers away from her neck, with no result. He didn't budge. She would hurt herself before she'd manage to do anything to him. And there wasn't any weapon within her reach.

With each passing second it was getting harder to breathe. Natasha was known for her control and composure, but everyone would panic in that situation. And she was starting too. She couldn't reach anything other than his arm, he was too far. Also, she had a feeling that even if she did, he would immobilize her easily. Kicking him or trying to throw him off was pointless too. It was like fighting a statue. Cold, hard, and heavy, with no way of moving it in any way. And its only movement was this slowly increasing pressure on her throat.

Tears started to prick in the corner of her eyes as her vision was getting slightly blurry. How could all change so suddenly? It was all so good maybe a few hours ago. Too good to be true. To be honest, some of Natasha expected this more than what happened at the beginning. And she would rather the choking part happen first, so she at least wouldn't get her hopes up.

"Yasha... p-please" It took all her strength left to mutter these few words. "It's me."

Edges of her vision were starting to get black. Not having any other option, Natasha tried once again to pry the metal fingers away. She even tried scratching the arm, like there was any point in this. She wanted to do anything. She didn't want to die. Not like this, not now. She met his gaze. It didn't change. Still empty, yet focused at the same time. Focused on a mission. To kill. It almost hurt to look into these eyes. She hoped she would never see him like that again, but there he was, once again. Or rather he wasn't. James was gone. Soldat took his place.

She felt a warm tear slide down her cheek. She opened her mouth to mutter one last thing. I forgive you. Natasha knew it wouldn't matter to him. He would never forgive himself. And she didn't want that. He had enough guilt in his life. But it wasn't like there was something she could do.

And then he blinked. Once, twice. Something changed on his face. His jaw relaxed. His eyes traced the metal arm like it wasn't his. Like he wasn't sure why it was even there and what it was doing. And just like that, the pressure was gone. And so was he, as he backed away as far as he could, pressing into the corner of the room, eyes wide, jaw trembling. 

i could use some comments :)