may 2018

Katya sat down at the top of one of the many stairs in the Avengers Compound, trying her best not to make a sound. From that spot and through the glass railing, she could see the small gathering downstairs. Steve, Rhodey, Tony sitting in a wheelchair, and looking more than terrible, Pepper by his side, Thor, and Rocket by the wall. There was also the blonde woman whose name she didn't get a chance to catch yet and the blue alien, also still nameless to Katya, all she gathered was that she was in space with Stark.

She still wasn't sure why she decided to come out of her room. She heard the earlier racket as the spaceship touched down, brought to Earth by the blonde, but then she watched from the window. Maybe it was the quiet that piqued her interest enough, and there she was, watching the remaining Avengers and some new friends focus on the table in the middle of the room, where the blue holograph displayed faces, one by one. Everyone they had lost, everyone they had failed. This wasn't supposed to end like this. Everything went wrong.

Stephen Strange. Katya didn't know him.

Samuel Wilson. She liked Sam, as much as she could for the small amount of knowledge about him she had.

Wanda Maximoff. She didn't really have an opinion about her. Knew her even less than Sam. Maybe there was a tiny grudge she couldn't quite let go of. Mama mentioned once that she and her twin brother volunteered for Hydra.

Peter Parker. He seemed nice, but all Katya knew was that Tony brought him to Berlin. He must've been around her age then. She glanced at Tony. He winced, hiding his face partially in his thin hand.

"World governments are in pieces" Rhodey informed.

Shuri. Over the two years, she and Katya grew really close, the princess becoming one of the closest friends she ever had.

T'Challa. She knew the king much less than she did his sister, but everytime she came across him, he was nothing but welcoming and incredibly kind. A great loss, for sure.

Nick Fury. It could surprise many, but Katya adored Nick. Ever since the first day, when he took her under his wing, after Maria Hill brought her to the States, as a terrified and brainwashed child, she liked him. And the feeling was mutual, even if it was almost impossible to get him to admit that.

"It looks like Thanos did exactly what he wanted to do," Steve said, crossing his arms. "He wiped out fifty percent of all living species."

Bucky Barnes

Natasha Romanoff

Katya grimaced, the all too familiar recently vice like feeling around her heart suddenly back. There was no way she could forget about it. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second since she looked her mom in the eyes for the last time. But every reminder, just as mere as hearing their names, made it all hurt even more, the memories coming back, as vivid as ever as if didn't happen three weeks ago but three minutes at best.

"What about the kid?" Tony asked suddenly.

"What?" Rhodey sent him a confused look, tilting his head. "You know Peter is... You were with him."

"No, I mean Romanoff's kid," he explained, this time getting a surprised expression from Rogers. "Katya, right? Is she-"

"Still here." Katya called out, before her brain processed what she's doing. Then there was eight pair of eyes staring straight at her. "Unfortunately."

She shrugged and stood up, disappearing into the hall, before anyone had a chance to react to her presence anyhow. She didn't know that Tony almost didn't recognize her but there wasn't anything weird about it. After all, she was a little kid the last time he saw her, now definitely more of a teen. And somehow, for a split second, he felt like he was looking at Natasha. Only with white hair. The resemblance was striking, even if it made no sense for him.

"Does she have any family?" Stark asked. She heard him in the corridor. "How old is she?"

"Fourteen, I think" Steve answered "Natasha didn't have any family and Bucky..." he didn't have to finish, it was obvious that Barnes didn't have anyone aside from the two of them. Even with Yelena and Melina, in the back of her mind, the only other family Natasha had, Katya knew she was alone. Orphaned, and surrounded by strangers.

⧗

Two days have passed since Carol brought Tony back to Earth. The compound was quiet and almost completely empty. Captain America, or rather Steve, as he said she should call him, like if she didn't before, informed Katya that everyone is leaving to find Thanos, to try and undo what he did. She didn't react. She didn't make a sound, didn't nod, didn't do anything to let him know she heard him. She also didn't say anything about the fact that she already knew how this was going to end. Her visions were back already, with no more injections from Shuri there was nothing to stop them. They were going there for nothing. But she suspected they wouldn't believe her, even if some of them got proof of her abilities few years back.

So Katya just laid in bed, in a room someone let her into when they got back from Wakanda. Ever since then, it was her room, which was total bullshit for her. Her room was in Wakanda or at the Barton's. Not this generic, plain room, identical to many others in the building. This wasn't her room. But she didn't have anywhere else to go.

She didn't want to stay in Wakanda alone, she already knew how many now painful memories would it bring, and she doubted they would let her, led by something close to a sense of debt to Natasha and James. So after she calmed down enough to communicate, she didn't protest when someone led her away, as they all traveled to the city to discuss what had happened, asses the losses and decided the next moves. Katya didn't take part it this, in the meantime someone took care of her damaged hand. The next day one of the Dora Milaje, accompanied her back to the house where she could check on her cats, only to find out that were gone too, and pack some necessary things, after it was decided that Avengers will be leaving soon and taking her along.

Funny, how she fought in a battle against aliens, even spat at Thanos himself, but didn't find it in herself to even glance at her parents belongings. The book left at the side table by Papa and Mama's unfinished cup of tea, was enough to bring her to tears once again. So she left the house with her school backpack, stuffed with some clothes and most important things. Okoye led her back to the quinjet, that was ready to take everyone back to the States. But there also wasn't anything or anyone waiting for Katya.

For the past three weeks, all she felt wasn't sadness or grief, she suspected that would come later. It was anger, so strong she felt numb most of the time. Anger at the universe, for anything or anyone that made her survive whatever Thanos did. She didn't want to be anywhere. Katya wanted to be gone. She wanted to disappear, just like her parents did.

Everyone gathered in the compound, barely saw her. She didn't leave her room, even for the bathroom as there was one connected to her room. They didn't need her anyway, she was a kid in their eyes, what could she do? And she didn't want to listen to their pity, all the condolences they would offer only because of her age. They gave up quickly in trying to get her to come down to eat and soon they were taking turns in bringing her food to her room. Katya ignored most of them, afraid the moment she opens her mouth, she would snap or start crying again.

The only one that got her attention so far, was Rocket. He brought her dinner the day before, the sound of his steps much different than human ones.

"I don't know how can you eat that." he said, placing the tray on the small desk.

Katya pushed herself up from the bed on her elbow and glanced at him. "Don't raccoons eat trash?"

"First, I'm not a racoon. Second, and what if I do?" he opened his arms and shrugged.

Rocket crossed the room and reached for the doorknob but suddenly stopped. Frowning, he went back and stopped by Katya's backpack. He picked up a shirt that she threw over it the day before. She sat up, confused by the sudden interest in her clothes.

"What's that?"

"A t-shirt?"

"No, this." Rocket straightened out the shirt, revealing the picture on it.

"That's an otter." Katya explained.

"An otter?"

She nodded.

He muttered something, Katya was pretty sure it was a name, but Rocket shook his head, dropping the clothing and went back to the door. "What I wanted to say was that we all lost someone, and you're the only one still moping around, pull yourself together. It's pathetic to see someone who can fight like you, like that." with that Rocket left, the door slamming close after him.

His words didn't have any effect on Katya. She was barely sleeping. Every time she closed her eyes, sooner or later, images from Wakanda invaded her mind over and over again. The fear and confusion on James' face, as he was one of the firsts to disappear. The silent apology in Natasha's eyes, glimmering with tears. And the same thoughts bouncing around Katya's head all the time. Why am I not disappearing? Why am I still here? I don't want to be here. I don't want to be alone. I want my mama. I can't lose papa again.

Katya sat up on the bed, trying to rub the tiredness away. The compound being empty aside from Tony, who was probably still asleep, and Pepper who didn't leave his side for a minute, was a good opportunity for Katya to go and stretch her legs. No one would bother her and the building was big enough so she could avoid Pepper noticing her. And maybe there were some books somewhere, so she could occupy her chaotic mind somehow.

She stood up and stretched her arms over her head. Before leaving the room, she picked up the empty glass. Her first destination would be the kitchen. Her feet covered by colorful socks made no sound on the shiny floors. Katya crossed the long corridor and reached the stairs. By leaning over the railing she could see downstairs pretty clearly. She scanned the space and didn't notice or heard anything, so she kept going. She stopped by the kitchen sink, where she filled the glass halfway and drank it on the spot. After leaving it on the counter she turned to face the rest of the room.

The kitchen was part of a big, open floor plan. It was connected to a common area, almost a big spacious living room. And there were bookshelves. Hoping she would any kind of fiction novel there, Katya approached it and started browsing through the titles. Nonfiction definitely dominated there, but she managed to find something more in her type. The summaries on the back didn't seem too appealing, but it was better than nothing.

"Hi."

Katya flinched, surprised that she didn't hear anyone enter the room. She spun around and saw Pepper. She never met her before, but Natasha mentioned her a few times. It didn't take a genius to notice that she looked extremely tired. She had dark bags under her eyes, her hair, pulled into a messy ponytail, was dull, frizzy and tangled at the ends. It couldn't have been easy for her to spend these three weeks, worried sick and wondering if Tony is alive.

"How are you?" the woman asked, coming closer.

"How's Tony?" Katya replied with another question instead of answering, hoping she'll somehow avoid talking about herself.

"A bit better, he just woke up. I don't think I've ever seen him sleep this much" she smiled faintly. "How are you holding up?"

"Okay, I guess." the girl shrugged.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk. She didn't want to talk about her parents. She didn't want to be asked how she was feeling because it was impossible to put this into words so all she could do was lie. They just started to be a family. They were together, all three of them for the first time ever. And they got a little bit over a year before she lost everything. How was she supposed to explain this? Only someone who went through this could understand.

"I can't imagine how you must feel." Pepper shook her head and put a hand on Katya's shoulder. She squeezed it lightly, trying to offer some comfort. It took a lot of effort not to take a step back. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, but thank you." the girl assured. "I'm gonna try to read something." she motioned to the book she was holding.

Potts didn't say anything else, only nodded and turned back to the kitchen. She started rummaging through the cabinets, letting out a sigh occasionally. Not exactly sure why Katya stood still and watched her for a while.

"What're you looking for?" she asked after overcoming the initial hesitation.

"Something sweet." Pepper faced her and brushed some hair away from her face. "Even after three weeks in space, Tony is still... Tony." she sighed and chuckled quietly. "The first thing he said after I told him that the rest went to look for Thanos, was that he wants something sweet."

Katya smiled and then to her own surprise, let out a small laugh too.

"Maybe it's the meds talking," she suggested, still smiling. It was probably her most sincere smile in the last three weeks.

"Yeah, probably." Pepper agreed and shrugged. "Let me know if you find something by any chance."

Katya nodded and waited till the women left, before crossing the room and reaching the stairs. She stopped at the second step. Suddenly she got reminded of all the times she baked something with Laura and Lila. It reminded her that they were also gone, causing the too-familiar heartache. Cookies and cakes were Laura's remedy for every time someone felt down, especially the kids. It was comfort food and it was sweet.

She turned on her heel and went back to the kitchen. After leaving the book she picked up earlier on a couch, she started checking each cabinet and the pantry after she finally found it, gathering all the ingredients that might be useful. Katya put everything on a kitchen island. Flour, sugar, a few eggs, butter, baking soda, and chocolate drops. With everything she needed for simple chocolate chip cookies in front of her, she got to work.

About an hour later, a batch of cookies was ready. A tasty smell was filling the air as Katya moved a few warm cookies onto another plate. Baking was the easy part. Finding where exactly Tony was, was harder. She hasn't seen much of the compound, Steve showed her only the most necessary places and later Katya wasn't particularly interested in taking a tour of the place. It wasn't a problem before, as she rarely left her room, but now, that place looked like a maze. And the only clue she had, was the way Pepper went.

Trying to use her a bit enhanced hearing as a guide, hoping she would catch the sounds of a conversation or anything, she picked up a plate and entered a corridor she saw Potts use earlier. It turned out that her worries were completely unnecessary because Tony was in a room just around the corner. It wasn't a typical bedroom, this one was intended for more medical purposes. There was a window next to the door and the blinds were open so Katya could peek inside before entering. Tony was laying in bed, the remote control in his hand but Katya didn't hear anything so the TV must have been on mute. She knocked on the door before entering.

When she opened the door, Tony put a finger to his lips, suggesting that she should be quiet. She nodded and went inside. Only then she noticed Pepper, curled in an armchair, asleep with her head falling to the left.

"Pepper mentioned you wanted something sweet," Katya said, showing Stark the cookies and trying to keep her voice quiet but clear at the same time.

She set the plate on a bedside. Tony looked at them curiously before picking one up and taking a bite. He smiled and gave a nod, clearly satisfied.

"Thanks, kid," he said between the bites. "It's exactly what I needed. Did you make these?"

Katya nodded. "Glad you like them." she reached for the doorknob, ready to leave.

"Hey, could you...?" he motioned to a folded blanket laying at the foot of the bed and then to Pepper.

"Sure."

The girl grabbed the blanket and crossed the room. She unfolded it closer to the armchair and then covered Pepper, who still was in deep sleep. By the door, she hesitated for a moment.

"Do you need anything else?" she asked.

"I'm fine, kid," Tony assured. "I just don't trust myself enough to stand up yet. But you look like you need something."

Katya's brows furrowed in confusion. "I'm okay."

"Come on, don't disappoint me now, I always thought you'd be a good liar." Stark cocked an eyebrow at her. "Come on, you lost both your parents, of course you're not okay."

She swallowed, avoiding the man's gaze. He was the first one not to walk on eggshells around her, well aside form Rocket but that short conversation was still confusing the hell out of her. Tony was the first one to say it how it really was, almost bluntly, but still keeping a bit of tact.

"I feel terrible." she shrugged, feeling tears prick in the corners of her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, no," Katya admitted.

"Suit yourself." She was so glad he didn't push. "But do me a favor, okay?"

He glanced at Pepper and gestured to the girl to come closer.

"Go downstairs. Next to the conference room is a small storeroom, you should find some notebooks or something in there. Maybe you don't want to talk but you can't keep it all inside or you'll explode." Tony tapped at his left temple. "Try writing some of this down. It'll help, trust me."

Katya nodded and left the room. She was a bit hesitant about this idea but went in the said direction anyway. She found everything she was supposed to, she also took some pens. While going back, she grabbed some cookies for herself. She entered the room she was occupying and set everything down on a small desk by the window. Katya pulled a chair back and sat down.

After opening the empty notebook and pressing the cover down so it would stay open, she stared at the empty page for a few minutes, not sure how should she even start this. She tried to sort it out in her head first, but there was too much she wanted to say. When she first put the pen to the paper, the words seemed forced and unnatural but it changed after a few sentences. Soon enough, the thoughts were spilling onto the paper, running faster than Katya could write.

Somehow what was supposed to be like a journal entry, turned into a letter. A letter to Mama and Papa, with everything she wished she could tell them. Everything that was crushing her heart for the past twenty-three days. How much she missed them, how much she wished she could at least get a chance to say a proper goodbye. How scared she was of what was about to come. She was alone, she had no one and had no idea what would happen to her.

She spent hours writing, filling page by page, until the rest came back, with more or less somber expressions and bad news that didn't affect her much since she already knew. Rocket got mad at her when she confessed and muttered something about wasting fuel. No one else reacted. Carol asked about her power, a little bit confused so she explained as simply as she could and then disappeared upstairs once again.

july 2018

As time went on, the remaining Avengers and their allies, one by one, started to leave the Compound. First, it was Carol, she had her hands full as Earth wasn't the only place affected. Then Rocket and Nebula, for the same reason. Thor and Bruce were next, neither of them said much about where they were planning to go. Steve was the last one to leave. At first, he was leaving for a day or two but after some time he decided that he had to do more so one day he just packed and left.

Two months had passed since then and they haven't seen him ever since. The only one who stuck around was Rhodey, but he didn't live at the Compound, he just visited when he could and also had other places where he was needed, his military duties calling.

Soon enough, it was just Tony, Pepper, and Katya at the Compound. They didn't seem to mind her presence, on the contrary, they got used to each other pretty fast. Since the day Tony suggested Katya should start a journal, it was easier for her to open up. She visibly changed, started to come out of her room, and tried to live somehow, despite still not being sure about her future.

A week or two after Stark got rescued from space, she overheard his conversation with Steve and Rhodey, about what they should do with her. Due to a lack of ideas, they unanimously agreed that she should stay where she is but the matter of her legal guardian was more tricky to resolve. They didn't knew much about her, and there wasn't really anyone they could ask about legal matters, regarding her past. Back in Wakanda, she was finally herself, Katya Romanoff. When living with the Bartons, she was Jamie Brooks, Laura's foster child.

Speaking of the Bartons, she learned from Rhodey around they same time, that they were gone too. Laura, Cooper, Lila, and Nate vanished. They weren't sure about Clint. Rhodes was trying to track him down, but since his whereabouts were unknown, he was obviously out of the question when it came to further decisions about Katya.

In the end, Tony and Pepper, were the ones to step up and take the responsibility for the girl. Rhodey provided them with needed documents, after deciding that it's better than getting custody the legal way and having to explain the previous years of her life, and stuff like being born as a experiment object for Hydra and Red Room. So without further ado, Tony and Pepper became Katya's legal guardians, although she wasn't sure what would that mean for her. Was it just a precaution? Or was it supposed to be literal?

Journaling quickly became a habit and a free therapy for Katya. Every time she felt like talking to her parents, she was writing. At first, the awareness that she would never get an answer or a reaction was quite depressing and discouraging, but venting that way was better than anything. She wasn't okay. She wasn't anywhere near being okay and making peace with losing her parents. But step by step, day by day, she was getting better and was learning how to live anew.

Knocking on the door made Katya lift her head from the journal. "Come in."

"Hey, kid. You busy?" Tony walked in and closed the door.

"Not really, why?" she asked while putting the pen between the pages, and closing the notebook.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Stark looked around the room, picked up a stuffed seal from the armchair in the corner, and sat down, still holding the plushie. He started to involuntary knead one of its fins.

"Sure." Katya shrugged and set the notebook aside. She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs and folding her arms in her lap.

"Pepper and I, we're moving out," Tony said, meeting her gaze. There was always something slightly uncomfortable for him in looking straight into these bright blue eyes.

"Oh." she had no idea how to react. Stark's posture and expression gave away that he was seriously tense for some reason and she had a feeling that it can't be anything good.

"Yeah, we bought a house and we'll be out of here in two weeks tops."

"That's great." Katya nodded, trying to keep the sadness that washed over her from showing on her face.

"But you know, there's a problem with a house," Tony added, throwing her the plush seal. She caught it effortlessly.

"What problem?"

She wasn't sure if she ever saw him this serious.

"There's one more room that we need. And for some reason, it seems perfect for a teenage girl. Do you know anyone who would be interested in it? I was thinking we could rent it."

And then he started laughing, when Katya connected the dots and opened her mouth in shock and pretended offense. She threw the seal back at him.

"You should've seen your face," Tony said, his arms still shaking with laughter. "What, you really thought we would leave you here? You're coming with us, I paid for all of this" he gestured around the room "I wouldn't leave a teen here unsupervised."

"Very funny." Katya nodded mockingly.

"So yeah, you'll have to pick out some furniture unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless you mind being a big sister."

Her forehead furrowed in confusion. She looked at Tony for any clue or insinuation that he was joking again. Nothing. He was serious once again, aside from the slight smile playing on his lips like he couldn't contain it.

"Is Pepper...?" Katya made a guess. Stark stopped holding back his smile and nodded. Her hands flew to cover her mouth in shock.

"Congratulations!" she jumped to her feet at the same moment as Tony stood up. She gave him a quick hug, catching him off guard. It was the first time she did it, surprising them both. At first he patted her back awkwardly but returned the hug eventually.

"I guess I'm safe to say you don't mind?" Tony arched an eyebrow at her when she took a step back.

"No, I don't," she assured before running out to find Pepper and congratulate her too.

⧗

The house was beautiful. A rather big, but still cozy, log cabin by the lake with a small bridge and a lot of free space around, just under three hours drive from the Compund. The surroundings were picturesque. All nature, with the closest neighbor almost a mile away. Her room was exactly how she imagined it. Everything she picked out, Tony got her, and even some things more, that she didn't ask for.

And all of that made Katya's heartache because her first thought while seeing the house in person was that Mama and Papa would love it there. They rarely talked about what they wanted or could've had, cherishing what they had in a moment, instead of daydreaming but something was telling her, this was it. She hoped for so long that one day it would be them, finally getting to be normal in their own safe haven, instead of a hidden country somewhere in Africa where they were guests at best.

But that chance got ripped out of her reach once and for all.

"And? What do you think?" Pepper's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"I love it," she replied. She didn't lie. She really loved it there.

"Then welcome home, kid." Tony joined them and threw his arm around Katya's shoulder, pulling her closer in a half hug.

She could almost imagine that instead of Tony and Pepper, it was Natasha and James on either side of her. That it was her father's arm pulling her closer, her cats weaving between her legs, and her mother smiling at them, on the porch of their house.

Almost.

thank you for 20k! ❤️