CHAPTER 30:
Car Wash.
Quinn

"So you're coming back to school?"

"Yeah, my mom says she can keep a better eye on me that way," I expressed to Sam as we finished washing a car.

"What does that mean?"

"I-I don't know," I replied nervously. My friends surely wouldn't forgive me if they found out I was helping him run.

And Sam wouldn't forgive me if she knew about us.

"Quinn! Quinn!" I turned around to see Moon gesturing for me to come to her, and I excused myself.

What now?

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but my girls here wanted to ask you some questions."

"About what?" I questioned.

"Moon says you've been in gymnastics for four years?" One girl inquired.

"O-oh, yeah. I stopped a year ago though."

It gets pretty expensive.

"We've lost a few recruits since all this karate shit started. We were wondering if you'd want to be on the cheer squad?"

Cheerleading? Oh, it's only been my dream since elementary school, but the middle school squad didn't let me on since Yasmine was cheer captain. And there was no way she'd let scrawny little me onto that team.

"I would love to, but I'm sorta grounded right now-"

"I'll handle that," Moon smiled.

"But-"

"Auntie Kris has always had a soft spot for me. And she said she wanted to keep an eye on you, right?" I nodded.

"So what's better at occupying your time than cheer?"

___________

Moon had managed to convince my mom to let me try out for cheer, since that was occupy me and keep me from seeing Robby. But that's not why I was such a nervous wreck right now.

The producer called.

And the song was ready.

Even though my mom was supposed to be cross with me, she sat beside me as they prepared to play the vocals and held my hand.

This is it.

A song I wanted to finally push my feelings into.

Will I even release it?

Do I want to go down that path?

As these questions invaded my mind, I was happy to know that Moon wouldn't be offended but also scared of Hawk. Not him personally and even though he'd never hurt me, I was scared of his reaction. The way I've planned things and with our Academic Dean approving of it, there's no way he could ignore it.

As soon as the beginning started, I tensed. Then the sound of my car turning on and the engine starting, the keys jangling too.

It's real.

"I got my drivers license last week,
Just like we always talked about.
'Cause you were so excited for me
To finally drive up to your house.
But today I drove through the suburbs,
Crying 'cause you weren't around

And you're probably with that blonde girl
Who always made me doubt
She's so much older than me
She's everything I'm insecure about
Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs
'Cause how could I ever love someone else?"

After everything started, I started driving at night with no destination. One time I even drove to his house and I just wanted us to be friends again, for everything to be normal.

"And I know we weren't perfect
But I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

And all my friends are tired
Of hearing how much I miss you, but
I kinda feel sorry for them
'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do
Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs
And pictured I was driving home to you"

I actually stayed there and cried. I half expected him to find me but all the lights were off, and my windows were rolled up.

"And I know we weren't perfect
But I've never felt this way for no one, oh
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street"

No matter how loud and how hard I cried, it was all deafening. He couldn't hear and he wouldn't care.

"Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can't drive past the places we used to go to
'Cause I still fucking love you, babe, ooh

Sidewalks we crossed
I still hear your voice in the traffic
We're laughing over all the noise
God, I'm so blue, know we're through
But I still fucking love you, babe, ooh"

"I do," I whispered, tears trailing down my cheeks.

"I know we weren't perfect
But I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street
Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street"

I hate you. . .but I still love you.

///
Oof heavy chapter. Quinns big plan? The morning she comes to school, after the announcements, they have agreed to play her song under an anonymous name. Obviously credit to Olivia Rodrigo though.