game of two truths and a lie goes wrong and natasha ends up reminiscing about her past with bucky

The sky was beautiful that night. Stars seemed unusually bright and big, but Natasha didn't really care. They were her only companion, aside from memories that for the last few hours were brutally fighting for the spotlight in her head. There she was, in the dead of night, completely alone on the terrace while everyone else in the Compound was sound asleep. She leaned on the glass railing with a blanket draped over her shoulders.

Who would have thought that an innocent game of two truths and a lie, over a few beers, will result in a harsh, involuntary trip down memory lane? They lived in the same building for the past few months and she was doing just fine. Not bothered at all, she kept those memories behind permanently closed doors in her mind for years. Only a few times, something managed to get away but she never had this much trouble with getting it back where it belonged.

Stuffed in the deepest corners of her mind with a warning sign that said Do not touch or it will hurt. And it did hurt. Every time. But the previous incidents and this one were like scratching your knee in comparison to getting shot multiple times while being repeatedly kicked in the stomach.

Because back then, he didn't remember. And if he didn't remember, she could pretend it never happened. It somehow hurt less, if she convinced herself it all happened just in her head.

Yet, this evening was different.

He remembered.

And she was torn between it being a gift, some kind of miracle, or rather a curse, a horrible joke from the universe.

"Alright, Nat, your turn." someone said in a very cheerful tone. She didn't even register who that was.

She shook her head slightly with a smile and took a big sip out of her bottle, thinking about what she could say. She didn't want to make it too easy for them.

"Before she says anything, can Barton skip this round? He knows her too well, he'll ruin all the fun" other person suggested.

After a moment of bickering, Clint agreed and left the room, probably to use that moment to go to the bathroom. Someone scolded the rest for acting like five-year-olds before Natasha chimed in.

"Few more seconds and I'm not doing it." she threatened. Everybody calmed down almost immediately. "Okay, so I have a sister, I love pickles and my name is Natasha."

"Come on, Romanoff, you could at least try!"

"It's obvious it's not the last one"

"You love pickles, you add them to everything."

As most of the group started consulting in a more or less civil way, she caught Bucky's gaze across the room. He was quiet, as always. They were taking turns, going in a circle and he would be the last one if he even decided to play and she honestly doubted that.

"It's the last one," he said suddenly, surprising everyone. He didn't break the eye contact, despite being in the center of attention now. "Your name is Natalia. Not Natasha."

A shiver went down Natasha's spine on a sheer memory of his words. She still felt everyone's eyes on herself as they all moved from him to her, looking for confirmation, nothing but curious if Barnes was right.

She could have just said yes and gotten on with it, start talking to another person. But she had to ask. Ask if he remembers. He didn't say anything, didn't even nod, and after a few seconds of awkward silence, the game just continued as if nothing ever happened.

And now she wondered if that was all he knew. Just that one simple fact from all of the memories she still had. Or maybe he knew more and recognized that flash of uncertainty and maybe even fear on Natasha's face and decided not to talk in front of the others. She hoped he would approach her later. He didn't. She knew she won't be the one to force it out of him.

If he doesn't remember, it didn't happen. She kept telling herself.

Until just now, when she found herself surrounded by nothing aside from cool night air and stars far above her, the only witnesses to the single tear rolling down her cheek. She was alone. She didn't have to pretend. 

She was lying to herself. Even if it was only inside her head, it did happen. Maybe memories of them were now only her memories but it still hurt like hell. Natasha remembered, even if Bucky didn't.

She told herself all these years ago she would never cry again because of him. Back when she was Natalia and he was James. Well, at least to her. To others, he was simply Soldat. She promised him that she wouldn't when they took him away from her, once again, this time forever. Now she was finally breaking that promise and wondered if he broke the one that he made her. That he will never forget. That he will always find her, one way or another. That one day they will be together and even the gods above won't stand a chance if they try to stand between them.

She remembered that day when they told each other all of that. It was so clear, so vivid in her head even though it happened over a decade ago. They were sent on a mission but already had their own plan. This was supposed to be it. The end, the way out. It had to work out the exact way they planned. Back then he still kept his promise. He always remembered, no matter how long they kept them apart. Always found his way back to her, just like Winter always follows after Fall, he followed her.

She still saw every detail of that tiny, ugly apartment in a typical post-communist building where you sometimes felt like colors different than grey and brown don't exist. Somewhere in northern Poland, one of the smaller towns but big enough so they didn't attract attention. They somehow managed to hide there for over a week before they got caught. She never asked him about this place. How did he know about it, if he has been there before. She probably didn't care. They were together and that was all that mattered.

She remembered the cracks on the ceiling in the bedroom they shared. The way the bed creaked every time one of them moved even an inch. It wasn't even a real bed, but one of these pull-out couches. After two or three days they got used to the sounds and didn't mind. The neighbors probably did, especially at the night, as they weren't ones to hold back once they started. Sometimes they heard noise echoing through the radiators as someone hit the pipes multiple times to send them a clear message. But most of the time they were too busy with each other to hear it. The covers were ugly and rather old but there weren't any spare ones and buying this kind of thing wasn't high on their list of priorities. Now, she wished it was. Doing such a simple yet domestic thing would be the only taste of what a normal life with him would look like.

She remembered a huge stain on the living room carpet, partially covered by the tv stand. God, how she hated that tv. It was one of the old, boxy ones that didn't even have a remote yet and which you had to hit every few minutes to work properly. It had three channels, five on a good day, all of them in Polish. They managed to understand a few words thanks to the language's similarity to Russian, but they didn't spend much time watching television anyway.

In the kitchen, two tiles were missing from the wall just above the stove. The small table in the corner was wobbling, one leg was too short so they put a piece of folded paper under it. The short fridge smelled badly and weird, the light wasn't working most of the time and when it did, it flickered like crazy. One of the cabinets was broken and the doors kept opening, no matter if you closed them gently or slammed them shut, they would still open up again with a quiet creak.

In the bathroom, the mirror was cracked and something was leaking, there was always water on the floor but they never found out where it came from. The only thing that mattered was that there was a working bathtub that fit both of them.

Natasha remembered their nights together. She still could feel his touch, as his hands traveled along her body and he stared into her eyes. She remembered that contrast between a warm flesh hand and cold metal one, that always made her shiver. God, how she loved that. There wasn't anyone else who knew her body as well as he did. Always knew where to touch, where to kiss, bite, lick and he did all of that with so much precision that he never failed to make her go crazy. And she returned it all the same way. Even now, if she had a piece of paper and a pen, she would know how to draw his body from memory, with her eyes closed.

She closed her eyes as her own moans and heavy breaths, mixed with his groans started echoing in her head. These memories were hers. So pure, so intimate. And yet she felt like she was intruding and watching someone else while all these images flooded her mind. There was no other place she felt so safe like in his arms. When she straddled him, one of his arms holding onto her hip, the other embracing her back, with fingers tangled up in her hair, as her head rested on his shoulder. He kept her close, their bodies flushed together. She never felt safer.

Ever since their first meet each other, she felt something deep down. At first, she didn't know what. He started as her trainer. The best for the best. She was the best student, so she got the best there was when it came to teachers. And there was something between them immediately. That bond that started forming, was so delicate at first, so no one noticed. Some time passed, and they were sent on their first mission together. It grew stronger with each day. Mission was completed, no one knew. Not even them at this point, not yet. Another mission. And another. And then it happened for the first time. Most of it was a hazy memory, aside from one sentence from James' that was engraved in her brain to this day. Thank you for making me feel human again.

And then they found out. They were separated. For months. And when she was finally starting to give up hope, they were a team again. They were the best, it was inevitable. He didn't remember at first, but it didn't take him long to find his way back to her. They may have taken his memories, but the bond was still there. Unbreakable. Or so they thought. This time, they found out after a second time. And they didn't go unpunished.

Third time. He remembered. It was all worth it. The same punishment as before.

The fourth and fifth time, they got lucky. They got smarter, it seemed easier, but in the end, turned out to be too beautiful to be true. They found out again. And this time they didn't see each other for over a year.

The next chance they got, would be the last. So they made a run for it. Winter followed after the Fall. But there weren't two people that could be less fitting to be a princess and a prince. So their ending also wasn't fairytale-like.

Of course, they found them. Their horrible apartment, she started to like despite everything. It was theirs, so of course she liked it. It was supposed to be their asylum, haven, at least for a while. They would figure out something better, later. They barged in and pulled them apart. They fought like hell, clinging to that bond with every ounce of strength they had left. But it wasn't enough.

They made her watch. As they electrocuted him and brainwashed him, taking his brain apart and stealing every memory they managed to make once again. And after each one, they asked him who she is. He tried to lie, despite knowing it was all for nothing. Of course, they would know if he was lying. So they punished him for every lie.

And her too. Even though she was already tied up and forced to watch, for even the slightest movement or a whimper from her mouth, she got hit. She had no idea what they were doing it with, but it hurt. If she had to guess, she would say it was a whip.

Natasha had no idea how long it took. Hours or days and she didn't care. But later on, she heard whispers in the corridors, about the screams. They made sure everybody heard. For them, it was a punishment. For everyone else - a warning.

And when they made sure there was no trace of her in his mind anymore, they put him back in the cryogenic chamber. They put the mask on him again. Like a muzzle, so he wouldn't make a sound. And she watched, no more tears on her face because she simply didn't have any more left. She watched as hoarfrost started to form on the glass, which went down slowly.

"Love is for children." she heard someone say.

She believed him, whoever he was. It was the only way to stop herself from falling for anyone again. She made a vow, she would never do this again. Because it would only bring pain again.

And it did.

The first time, in Odessa. She was stupid. She tried to go after him, but he was like a ghost. It was a dead end, there was nothing. It was like he never existed. He shot the engineer straight through her without batting an eye. Yet, she still believed there was something left. There had to be.

Second time. D.C. And the Winter Soldier in all his horrifying glory. Once again, that tiny, dying-out flame of hope, came back to life. She heard him. "She is mine." She may have been running for dear life, but she couldn't help that smirk on her face. She was his. She is his and always will be. Then he shot her. For the second time. There was a saying, where she grew up that the Winter Soldier never misses. And yet he did. He could've killed her twice. But both times, he chose not to. He chose not to because he doesn't miss. If he wanted to, she would have been dead a long time ago.

Third time. Berlin. There was something in the way he held her when they all tried to capture him. Something so familiar.

"You could at least recognize me." But she had to try. He recognized Steve after all this time. Why wouldn't he remember her? Love always had that ability to make people do crazy things. Work against their moral compass. And she wasn't any different. So later in Leipzig, she went to that hangar and waited for them. She could feel her heart speed up when she looked at him once again. She met his gaze for a split second. At first, she thought it was all she was going to get from him. But after she temporarily got rid of Black Panther, she felt his gaze on her again. She looked up at him. He frowned for a split second and mouthed a word. Steve didn't even notice. But she did. Natalia. She gave a slight nod.

That day in Germany wasn't about the accords for her. She didn't do this for Steve. She didn't care about the sides at this point. It was for him. It was all for James. For that tiny bit of hope, still alive deep inside of her. Maybe love was for children. But whatever they had, it was so much more. And she clung to it, for all these years, hoping that maybe they'll get that one more chance.

"Natalia."

She lifted her head when she suddenly heard that voice. His voice. She was scared to move, thinking that maybe she was so desperate that her brain started to play tricks on her. But then she felt his hand on her arm and she dared to turn around. And there he was, real, next to her.

"James," she said, her voice barely a whisper. She was afraid there was nothing more in here. Maybe he remembered her but didn't know why. Maybe it was only her name that was left there. So she waited, in silence.

"I told you, I will always find you." 

welcome, welcome :)

so this is actually my very first work in english, written in september 2022 and as you can see, it heavily inspired look after you, before katya came into the play. 

funfact, initially it was supposed to be a side plot (with a different ending of course) to bucky x oc i had once planned but never wrote because i discovered winterwidow and ever since then, i could never bring myself to see either of them with someone else but each other.

i don't have that many one shots but each one I have already written and the ones that may come in the future, will be posted here