I tried my best to calm my heart inside the bathroom. What was this kid thinking? Sure, flirting a bit was one thing. If it wasn't for Blake back when I was his age, I would've probably also flirted with an older guy if I really liked him, but there was no way I would've gotten naked in his hotel room after knowing him for less than a day. Timothy wasn't right in the head. It was obvious now.

"Do you have clothes on?" I yelled from inside the bathroom toward Timothy.

"Yeah," I heard him mumble, and only then did I open the door, stepping out with my towel still covering my modesty.

"Don't do shit like that," I said as I rummaged through the bags to get some of my new clothing, some soft flannel pyjama pants and a black shirt. "Flirting is one thing, but this is fucking wrong. I don't know where you got the idea that I wanted to fuck you."

I pulled the shirt over my head and pulled on and took my pants to the bathroom to finish getting dressed in there without Timothy's prying eyes. There was a part of me that was almost scared that he would want to see mine now that I had seen his.

Fully clothed I walked out of the bathroom to still find him in the room, sitting at the foot of the bed. This time there were tears falling over his cheeks.

"Look buddy... It's not like I am trying to reject you. It's just... Well, let's just put it like this. I am much too old for you," I said as I sat down next to him, putting my arm around him. I could not help myself from feeling sorry for him. "Not just that, but I am totally fucked up. Even if I was interested it wouldn't work. I have baggage okay?"

I really tried my best to let him down easy. I have been in this situation myself. I might not have put myself out the way he did and made it so obvious, but there was a time where I also thought that I was falling for an older guy. Where I believed that men would only be nice to me if I maybe give them something back. Luckily the situation changed before I acted on it and lost the most important person in my life again in that moment.

I could still remember it like yesterday. Blake had only been dead for a few months, and even though Sam was my guardian, I was sure he wanted me there for something else than just taking care of me. Why would a hit teacher take in a student and do everything for them without wanting anything in return? He comforted me. He took care of me. He bought me clothing, ran my bath and even tucked me in at night like I was a small child again. It was only natural that I would fall for him just a little bit. Sam has never been bad on the eyes either. Luckily Michael came onto the scene and they became a couple before I had the chance to make a complete fool of myself. But I could understand where Timothy came from. He was a homeless kid and somebody had just been nice to him, even buying him clothing and then dinner.

"I also have baggage," Timothy said, the tears still silently streaming down his face. "Sure, I don't have a dead boyfriend, but I've been through a lot in my life."

"I don't doubt that for a second. I never said that my life was worth. But don't you think you deserve someone your own age? Someone that can make you happy without bringing a shit load of baggage into the relationship?" I asked Timothy as I kept on stroking his back, trying to make sure that he knew I wasn't mad at him at all.

"Sure. If you say so," he mumbled and then pulled away from my hand on his back. "I should probably leave. I made things awkward."

I couldn't agree more on the fact that he made things awkward. I wondered if I would ever be able to look at him again without seeing him stroking himself in my mind's eye. Still, I didn't want him to leave. There was something about him that made me not want to let him out of my sight.

"Where would you go?" I asked him.

"To the shelter. It's on the other side of town. About an hour's walk. But it's not that far. I've walked it much later in the night than this," Timothy said as he picked up his shoes from the ground, which he didn't put back on his feet again.

"Or you could stay here for the night?" I found myself saying. I had no idea why I wanted to stop him. I barely knew him, but I was already worrying about him walking across town and sleeping in a homeless shelter.

"You mean, stay here? With no fucking?" Timothy said as he looked at me. The traces of his tears was still on his cheeks but his eyebrow was raised, making him look much older than his sixteen years on earth. "You want me to sleep here without wanting anything in return? No sex. Nothing."

"Yeah. I can sleep on the couch. You probably need a good night's sleep," I said as I stood up as well, the smell of food finally reaching my nose and registering with my grumbling stomach. "But first we need to get something to eat."

"I got you a steak burger," Timothy said, smiling now. "You look like the type of person who would like steak on his burger."

"Did you remember to get some fries?" I asked, also smiling now. It was difficult not to smile when an awkward situation suddenly faded away and you felt light once more.

"And chocolate milkshakes," Timothy said, leading me to the living room with a little bit of a run. I had no idea how he was doing what he was doing. One moment he looked at me with the eyes of a middle aged man, and in the next moment he was nothing more than a child, excited to drink his milkshake. "And I'll sleep on the couch. It's only fair."

"I don't mind the couch," I replied, but Timothy cut me off.

"I insist! You bought dinner and paid for the room. I'll take the couch."

"Okay then," I said as I bit into my burger, allowing the sauce to drip down my chin.

***

I could hear Timothy slightly snoring in the living room which made me feel safe and familiar in some way. Maybe it was because Sam had the same light snore when he slept, and I hadn't heard it in quite a while, but there was something about it that I liked. But even though I was feeling safe, it was like I could not fall asleep. I kept on checking my phone every few minutes, but there was nothing to be seen. No messages from Lucy. No missed calls from Sam. It was weird. I could not remember a moment in my life when the two of them weren't checking up on me constantly and now within a day I had ruined the two relationships with the people that have stood with me from the very beginning. I actually wondered whether I would have stayed this long if I was in their shoes.

As sleep finally started to sweep me away Blake's face like usual floated in my mind. I would try my best to recall him every single night. Trying my best to remember what he looked like, but again tonight, like so many nights before it was hard for me to call his face to me. I guess it was just too long ago. Somehow he was finally slipping from my mind. I could not remember his voice as clearly anymore, and now his face was fading as well.

I opened my eyes and logged into my phone once again. After checking every single social media app to see if maybe Lucy updated a status somewhere and still finding nothing, which was weird for her, I finally started scrolling through the pictures I kept on my phone. There I was, next to Blake, smiling as if nothing in the world was wrong. Like we still had our entire lives in front of us. That forever would be until the end of time and another day.

"I love you Blake," I whispered as I closed my eyes, laying the phone down next to me on the bedside table. "I will always remember your face."

It was the same words with the same promise I had made every single night of my life since he died, a ritual I knew I would probably never break.

I almost fell asleep, but I couldn't hear Timothy snoring anymore. I could however hear his footsteps coming closer to my bed.

"Yeah?" I breathed into the darkness. I knew he was there. I could feel him standing at the foot of the bed.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Timothy whispered. He sounded scared, like a child.

"No Timothy," I answered. I was not even in my sleepy state going to give in to him. I was not sleeping with him. I had to keep with my moral values.

"That's not what I mean," Timothy said softly from what sounded like the other side of the bed now. "I had a nightmare. My brother used to hold me when I had a nightmare. I just don't want to be alone right now."

I knew how that felt. I knew what it was like getting the nightmares that woke you up screaming. You wanted someone to hold you. Someone to tell you that nothing would break you apart.

"C'mon," I mumbled as I threw the blankets back, self-conscious about the fact that I had nothing but underwear on. I brushed it off that it was dark and Timothy couldn't see anything.

I felt him crawling into bed, slowly inching himself closer to me until his back was pressed up against my chest.

"Where's your brother?" I asked him as I put my arm around him, letting him know that I would be there to protect him. That there was no way that I would let anybody hurt him.

"I don't know," Timothy whispered. "He promised he would never leave me, and then he just disappeared."

"And your parents?" I asked into the darkness. Maybe I could finally get something out of him right here in the dead of the night.

"I only had my brother," Timothy whispered back to me, inching in a little bit closer to me. "You make me think of him a little bit."

I could not help myself in that moment to kiss the back of his head lightly and pull him closer to me. After that sleep came soon.