I memorized every step that Josh took as he walked into Cass' living room. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him. Even from the kitchen, I could see the distinct ocean blue in his eyes as he quickly scanned over the furniture and then over Cass' features as she greeted him inside.

He hadn't noticed me yet.

I was behind the stove. And on my hands and knees. In other words, I was hiding from him.

Josh slid his hand casually into his pocket and leaned backwards slightly. I smiled at how well I knew his typical stance. He looked tired, and much more worn down than the last time I saw him. And instead of a playful smile, he had this worrisome frown.

My heart reached out to him. All of my familiar feelings from before swooping over me in an overwhelming bubble.

"What did you want to talk about?" Josh asked Cass.

Cass smiled at him and fiddled with her fingers nervously. She tricked him into coming over by telling him that she had some big dilemma. She didn't tell him that I was here too. Neither of us knew how he would react.

"Um, why don't I get you a coffee first?" She said, gesturing towards the kitchen.

This was my que.

As I heard the soft footfalls of the two come closer and closer, I psyched myself up to face them. My heart pounded loudly in my chest everytime their feet thumped against the hardwood flooring. In about two seconds they would be here.

My hands flew to my hair and smoothed it down as best as I could then wiped against my legs in an effort to rid myself of my sweaty palms.

And then I stood, just as Josh and Cass walked in, catching the edge of the countertops with my fingertips to balance myself.

Josh had his eyes on Cass and the two were making light conversation, interrupted by my sudden movement. Josh's eyes averted away from Cass as he looked towards me. My pulse quickened when he wore a look of shock and stopped in mid-step.

His blue eyes widened slightly in surprise as he stared at me. Neither of us said anything for a long time, instead, we just eyed each other. Physically, Josh was closer to me right then than he had been in weeks. But judging from his facial expression, I knew that in reality he was still miles away.

He took a miny step back and tore away from my gaze to look at Cass, "Why is she here? You didn't tell me that she was going to be here."

I was surprised by the slight edge in his voice, something I hadn't heard from him before.

He looked at her dubiously, "Did you plan this Cass?"

Josh looked at her with narrowed eyes, the disappointment clear on his face.

Cass stared back with confidence, softly stating, "Come on Josh, you know you need to talk."

He turned away from us both, speaking to Cass but really pointing his voice at me, "There's nothing to talk about."

The statement cut deep into me. I knew it. He didn't want to see me. Didn't want to hear me out. This was a bad idea. Cass should've never have called him over, much less trick him.

His body did a full 180 until his back was to me and he moved quickly to the front door. I watched him go wordlessly, my lower lip trembled at the sight of him walking away from me. Again.

Cass gave me a pointed look and jerked her head toward Josh. I knew that she silently screamed for me to stop him.

"Wait!" I called out, surprising myself at how firm and loud the sound was.

Miraculously, Josh stopped just a few feet from the doorway. My heart leaped happily because I feared that he wouldn't listen. But the feeling faded when he didn't turn around. Just stood there.

Cass pulled out a small smile and nodded encouragingly.

I took a breath, "She's right, we do need to talk."

He still didn't move, like a voiceless statue.

"Please look at me," I pleaded.

For a long time, nothing happened. And then, ever so slowly, he rotated around again so that I could see his front. I frowned when he kept his gaze to the floor, unable to look at me directly.

A tense silence surrounded the room again. I glanced over him and judged his demeanor. He was hunched over slightly, tall frame brooding and upset. His socks were mismatched again and his shirt was baggy and stretched out, different from the usual tightly fitting ones he wore. It had wrinkles in it, something that always made him crazy before.

He took a lot of pride in dressing well, and he just looked like a different person from when we were together.

He looked horrible, as if something was eating him up from the inside.

And it killed me to know that.

"Josh, I'm so sorry," I said, my voice coming out in a low whisper.

He remained silent once again, eyes trained on the hardwood.

I looked to Cass again and she smiled supportively. I swallowed down a tiny lump in my throat and boldly took a number of steps toward Josh until I was directly in front of him.

He turned his head so he didn't have to look at me.

My lip quivered again, "Josh, I really am sorr-"

He whipped his gaze back to mine and I paused, getting lost in the sea of blue, angry and betrayed waves of hurt drowned me.

"I loved you," he interrupted.

I inhaled a sharp breath.

That was the first time in our three year relationship that he'd said that. And it made my heart break to know that he loved me and that I'd hurt him.

He swallowed slowly, thinking over his next words, "Why did you do it? Why did you marry him?"

"I didn't have a choice," I blurted, my eyes pleading for him to understand.

He shook his head slightly, "You always have a choice."

I looked into his eyes and saw what I feared most. There was this dull lull in them scared me.

I was losing him.

And I wouldn't ever get him back unless I told him the truth. But if Evelyn ever found out, I'd be robbed of everything that I owned and worked hard for, and I'd be throwing Derek under the bus too. I pressed my lips together. None of this was fair.

But if I didn't say anything now, I knew Josh could be gone. Possibly forever, molded into Evelyn's boyfriend after constantly wearing him down. I thought back to a second ago when Josh had told me that he loved me for the first time. Why hadn't he said that before?

Josh turned to go and I reached out for his sleeve, lightly pinching it between my fingers in a last ditch effort to stop him.

But he escaped my grasp, long legs easily taking big strides towards the door. I watched him walk uneasily, much different than his usual easy-going, casualness. I could feel the redness in my eyes as I held back the tears of Josh slipping away from me for the second time.

I couldn't let it happen again.

When Josh's hand fell on the doorknob, I opened my mouth, "I'll tell you."

He stopped, silently listening to me, as still as a statue.

"I'll tell you everything."

Maybe Evelyn wouldn't find out.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was awkward.

I never invited boys over for a meal. It was always Callumn who did the inviting and I was the one who casually hung out with them, laughing at their jokes and joining in on the occasional food fight. But while Callumn's gatherings were laid back, this one was different.

Both Derek and I were on edge. Literally. We both hung off of the front of our chairs, ready to tip over and smack right into the front of our tables. Mum was chatting up a storm as she spoke with Mr. Carter. The two laughed and made jokes like they were childhood friends having a reunion after ten years apart.

I eyed Mr. Carter suspiciously.

The way he was now almost made me wonder if I'd simply imagined his rude persona just a few hours earlier. He was shaved and no longer looked haggard and half-dead. His face was bright and cheery with a genuine sparkle of interest in his eye as Mom droned on and on.

It seemed dubious that he was Derek's dad. Derek didn't look much like him. Then again, besides the story of his sister, he never really told me much about his life. Maybe he had some big secret that he was hiding too. I hadn't seen his mother yet, but I couldn't help but think that maybe he was adopted or something.

My lips curled into a smile at the thought. Derek fixed me to with a nasty glare and I raised my brow questioningly.

What was wrong with him?

Even at the door he was quiet and hesitant about every step he took inside, nervously glancing over to his father everytime he made a move.

Derek took a hard swallow and I found myself staring at his lips, perfectly moist with the light glistening off of them.

Mum shoved the last bit of risotto that she made into her mouth and wiped the corners with a small napkin. Dad had to work late today and fortunately couldn't make it.

"So, the reason that I arranged this for today," she said, giving me a stern look, "Is because a couple of weeks ago, my daughter ran off with your son."

I squirmed in my seat and glanced over at Derek.

He was frozen. Derek was staring at me with those gorgeous green eyes. The expression he had on was one of pure fear and I cocked my head to the right in question. He speedily snuck a quick look at his father whose smile had disappeared for the first time tonight. I immediately noticed that the food on Derek's plate was hardly touched and as I looked back into the mesmerizing greenness that were his eyes, I noticed something else.

He had his shoulders hunched up stiffly and his entire demeanour was tense. He gave me a look of panick as Mom continued to tell Mr.Carter of how the two of us skipped school. I knew the experience was uncomfortable but he actually looked fearful as he stared at me. His eyes silently pleaded for me to stop Mum from speaking another word.

"So you're saying that my son skipped class and brought your daughter back home around two AM?" Mr. Carter said in a grave tone, all happiness in his voice gone.

Mum's face lost the happiness that it harboured only a few seconds ago and levelled her mouth into a flat, unimpressed line.

Mr. Carter turned towards Derek, eyes boring into him in a deathly stare. Derek flinched, even though his father hadn't touched him, keeping his eyes down and focused on the risotto.

"Is this true?" Derek's father asked him, a horribly cruel tone in his voice.

Derek's jaw visibly tensed and I found myself stare between the two, their auras possessing a sudden dangerous tumult.

Mum didn't seem to see it though, "Yes I'm afraid it is," She said drily, even though Derek's father wasn't addressing her.

Derek said nothing and he continued to sit in silence.

"This is the first that you've heard of it?" Mum says in surprise.

"Yes, it is." Mr. Carter says, his eyes not wavering off of Derek for a second in a terrifying, scrutinizing gaze.

"Well," Mum says, her voice taking a sudden brightness, "I'm sorry you had to hear about it like this but I really was hoping to speak to Derek's mother today. Maybe she had some idea of the circumstances?"

Derek's father finally looks away from his son, a slow, nervous gulp slides down his throat.

Mum's smile faltered, "Mr. Carter?"

"She's dead," Derek cuts in loudly, speaking for the first time all evening.

Time seems to slow as the relatively happy mood around the table almost immediately dissipates. Derek stares at Mum irritably, shaking his head and roughly running his hand through his hair.

Mum has this horrid look of shock and glazes over my equally shocked expression, understanding that I didn't know either.

"Oh," She juts out, "I'm so sorry."

Derek clenched his teeth but doesn't say anything. This time, Mum catches the mood and stands quickly, "I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," Derek's father says gruffly, stepping out of his own chair.

A heavy silence falls over all of us and I know that dinner is over.

"Right then," Mum adds, trying to retrieve the cheerful atmosphere from before, "I just wanted to let you know that I've reprimanded my daughter for her actions and would just like to ask you to keep a closer eye on your son."

Mr. Carter turns up the corners of his mouth into a scary, gaping smile that looks almost sadistic as he shakes Mum's hand goodbye.

"Don't worry about that," He says before roughly grabbing Derek and pulling him out the door.