◇unedited◇

I have been sitting on the edge of the bed, bawling my eyes out. Why does it hurts so much?

I tried to open the walk in closet, but failed. He must have changed the code, he can do that through his phone. It may seem weird, but our closet require a password to get in when it's fully closed and locked. That's why, we always left it ajar when we are home.

Why would he marry a maid like me? That thought made me tightened my hold on the bed.

I am not sure if his parents have gone or not, but I'm not going to come out again to see them out. I just couldn't face them, knowing the fact they are my parents in law. They are my family, unknowingly and James is my only family.

It hurts twice a time, it felt like being betrayed by my husband and my family.

The door handle of our bedroom moved, telling me that he is coming in. It has to be him, no one have ever get in to this room other than him and now, me.

I could heard his footstep coming closer, but I keep my head down and staring at the ground until his feet came to view. Being so close yet felt so far. I've never taken off my wedding ring. But today, I keep on fidgeting it and thinking about it. Have the day finally come for me to take it off?

"Baby." His soft tone on edge. I can feel his touch and his hand touched my cheek. I immediately turned away, feeling disappointed.

"Can I go to visit Diane? She have not been feeling well and I want to go see her." I spoke, but have not make eye contact with him yet. I couldn't bring myself to look at him and not feel worth.

It was true, I have been meaning to visit her. She have called in sick for two days and I'm worried about her. She is my only role model as a mother.

"We can visit her together." He grabbed my chin and pull my head up to look at him. Now he can see that I've been crying. I can see that he's feeling guilty, but he make no move to comfort me.

"I never ask you for much, I just want to go and see her alone." I said and he shook his head. "I need to get my bag and change. Can you open the closet, James?" I asked. I never felt so helpless and tired. I never knew loving him could hurt like this and felt so unworthy.

He have shown me how loving he can be, but he never told me that loving him have consequences.

"How will you get there? Take Javier with you then." He told me.

"Okay." I nodded, agreeing with his term. The longer I looked at him, the more my fingers is itchy.

After he is assured, he walked to the door of our closet followed by me. After he put in the password, he moved aside to make room for me to walk in.

I can feel his eyes on me the whole time I'm in the closet. I got changed into a summer dress and get my sling bag.

"Take this and buy her something she might need." James handed me his card. I looked at it, but didn't make a move to accept it.

"It's okay, I can cover that myself. I'll tell her you wish her a get well soon." I said, refused to take his card. Before being his wife, I was his maid and got paid well to put them into my savings.

"Jamee. Take it." He keep on pressuring me to take his card. I was stubborn, so he slipped the card into my bag himself. "Can you be back before dinner?"

"I'll buy the dinner on the way home." I nodded. Bringing my right hand to touch his bottom lip, I smiled sadly to him. With my distraction, he was unaware of what I'm doing with my left finger.

After I successfully take it off, I slipped it to his boxer's pocket, just like how he slipped his card in to my bag.

"Hold on." He stopped me and get in to the closet. In confused, I waited for him to return. A moment later, I felt something being draped on my shoulders. It was a jacket. "Don't catch a cold."

I thanked him, then continued to walked out of the door. Why did he do all of this to me?

A lone tear make its way down to my cheek as I walked down the stairs.

"Ma'am, I was told that you need to go somewhere." Nicholas, the driver who have been working for James before me greeted me by the front door.

"Nicholas, we were once a colleague. You should just call me by my name." I reminded him. It's kind of hard for me to accept that I was being ascended and being respected more than I was. Just because I married their boss, it suddenly made me a higher level than then.

"I can't do that. You are Sir's wife now." He said, escorting me to the car which was on standby.

"That doesn't make you any less than I am." I told him.

"I never said that. I am just respecting you as my boss as well and besides, you never turned to a bossy wife." I chuckled hearing his response.

"So, where am I taking you?" He asked.

"To Diane's place." I replied as I hold on to the door of the car. Before I get in, I turned my head around and looked up to our balcony. There, he stood while looking down at me. I knew I could felt his eyes even from far away.

"Why was Mr. and Mrs. Nicoli came without first notice?" Nicholas asked. "There must be something important."

"Probably." I replied as I seated in the backseat of the car. It felt heavy to leave the house. It felt like I'm leaving for good.