A/N: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SELF-HARM!!!!! If you are in any way upset by, triggered by, or offended by Self-Harm, please DO NOT READ!!!
If you are struggling with Self-Harm, please know that you are NOT alone. You are loved and wanted. You are so important. If you want to, please do not hesitate to message me. I love you guys. <3
Also there's a lot of swearing.
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Step one: Turn on the camera.

Jack sat on the opposite side of Mark's recording room, staring at the camera intensely. He was terrified of it now. He had to make a video updating his viewers-they all were.

The idea was to make a short video explaining that they had to take a bit of a break because something personal and family-related had come up that they had to address. They would still be on Instagram and Twitter and all that, they just wouldn't be uploading for a while. They were to stress that the viewers should not worry, that everything was fine, and they would be back soon. The video was to be upbeat...or, as upbeat as they could make it. The goal was to not look upset or worried, as that would cause even more rumors to circulate than what was already going to come of the six friends all signing off for an unknown amount of time at the exact same time. Not an ideal situation, but it was what they'd all agreed on. Jack needed help, and they were going to help them. If that meant postponing videos for a few weeks, so be it. Their friendships came first.

Jack hesitantly stood. He walked slowly over to the camera and sat down in front of it. He switched the camera on.

Step two: Press record.

Jacks breathing hitched the second he turned the camera on and he saw the screen come on.

He couldn't do this. No way. No way in hell could he do this.

But he had to. Everyone else was. Mark, Bob, and Wade had already filmed. Jack had volunteered to film after Wade.

The other guys, unbeknownst to Jack, took turns standing by the door, listening. If they heard him shuffle with something, they went in to check on him. They had already taken everything out of the room that could be used to harm someone.

Jack sat in the chair, staring into the lens, terrified. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He smiled to himself, "I got this." He said. He reached out, and pressed record.

Step three: Make the video.
• Address the topic of not uploading videos.
• Address the fact that everyone else is taking a break as well, because everyone was going to ask anyways, so it's better to talk about it now.
• Don't scare the viewers.

When Jack pressed record, his heart dropped. His stomach flipped. His whole body went rigid. His breath got stuck in his throat and he coughed. He noticed a sticky note stuck to the side of Mark's computer, and Jack turned to look at it. Written in black ink on the little yellow stick note were seven words.

"You can do this. I love you."

Mark's handwriting. Jack would recognize it anywhere. He read the note, and tears immediately filled his eyes. He hid his face in his hands and leaned over in the chair.

Stop this. Ethan and Tyler still have to film. Just get it done.

Jack rubbed his eyes and took three deep breaths. He looked into the camera. With a fourth deep breath, Jack forced a huge smile.

"Hi! Hello, there, people of the universe and beyond. Um, so! As you've probably read from the title, I have to take a little bit of a break. Now, it's a lot more than that. First of all, everything's fine. I'm fine, please don't worry about me! I'm good. I'm still gonna be on social media. I'm still gonna be on Instagram, and Twitter, and Tumblr, and all that. I'm just taking a break from posting YouTube videos for a small bit. I'm not totally sure for how long...But, it won't be too long. Um, you may have noticed, I'm still at Mark's house. Don't worry, he's fine! He's gonna be uploading a video as well, so go check that out if you haven't already. As a matter of fact, all the guys are posting videos on this as well. Mark, Bob, Wade, Tyler, Ethan, and me. So go watch their videos too, if you haven't already. They might explain things a bit differently than me." Jack paused, thinking.

"Everything is okay. Really. We're all completely fine. So please, do not worry about us."

"Liar" Jack's brain screamed at him. He hesitated a moment before continuing.

"Everyone is fine. Nobody is hurt or sick or anything like that." He said.

Fucking liar!! You're lying to your viewers! They don't deserve this!! After all they've done for you! How could you lie so blatantly to them?? Jack shook his head slightly. "No. No. I'm doing the right thing." He reminded himself. He continued.

"Everything is okay. I know I keep saying it...But, I know you guys. You all are chronic worry-warts. You'll freak out if one of us mentions anything about taking a break. But, seriously..." Jack looked at the camera. He took another deep breath. "Seriously. I'm okay. Everyone else is okay, all the guys are fine. Some family stuff came up, and we have to deal with it. No one is mad at anyone, there's no 'beef' or anything. Please, don't go spreading rumors around. This matter is private, and we're keeping it that way for now. We may make a video about it later, I don't know. But it's not that big of a deal. We're all fine. Just something we need to do. So. Please, again, don't worry about us. We're all perfectly okay. And we will be back!! So stick around, okay? Thank you guys for listening. Remember to check out the other guys' videos as well! Take care. See you all soon!" Jack smiled and waved at the camera. He waved for a minute before stopping.

He stopped the recording, and sat back in the chair. As he did this, tears filled his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from crying. He hated this. He hated the whole situation. Because of him, everyone else was taking a break from recording videos and doing what they loved. Because he was messed up, everyone was putting their own lives on hold. Because of him, they were stopping everything they were working so hard on to be by his side.

Part of him felt more guilty than he'd ever felt.

Another part of him felt unexplainably grateful.
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Ethan stood by the door, listening to Jack record his video.

"Remember to check out the other guys' videos as well! Take care. See you all soon!" He heard the Irishman say. There was a few moments of silence on the other side of the door, so Ethan assumed Jack was done filming. Just as he was about to step away from the door, he heard another noise. Ethan listened closely, and heard small breaths and sniffles from inside the room. Ethan's heart stopped and he opened the door.

Oh God oh God oh God please don't be hurting yourself!!! He thought. He glanced at the desk and saw Jack sitting in the chair, leaning on his hands, shoulders shaking. Oh. He's just crying. Ethan breathed a sigh of relief, and then felt bad for being relieved. He quietly stepped closer. "H-Hey, Buddy? You okay?" He asked nervously. Jack didn't seem to hear him. Ethan walked over to the opposite side of the desk. "Jack?" He said. Jack jumped a little. He quickly wiped his eyes. "H-huh? What?" He asked, looking up at Ethan. "Oh. S-Sorry. I'm all finished." Jack stood up quickly. "It's all yours." He said, moving out from behind the desk. Ethan just looked at him. "Are you okay?" He asked. Jack nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine!" He said, smiling. Ethan didn't know what to do, so he said nothing. Jack nodded. "I'm fine, Ethan. I just feel bad that everyone's taking a break because of me." Jack confided, noticing how worried Ethan was. "You don't have to feel bad!! We want to!" Ethan said quickly. Jack chuckled. "Thanks. You guys are the best. Seriously." He said. Ethan smiled at him. Jack left the room, and Ethan sat down.

Jack walked out into the living room. When the others noticed his presence, they all looked up. Mark stood immediately upon noticing that Jack had been crying. He started to walk over to Jack, but Jack held his hand up. "I'm fine. I'm fine." He assured the other YouTuber.

"What's going on?" Tyler asked. "Did you finish?" Wade asked at the same time. Jack nodded. "Yeah. I finished." He said, sitting down on the couch. Mark sat down next to him. "Are you okay?" He asked. Jack nodded, choking up again as he looked at Mark. Mark instantly opened his arms and pulled Jack into a tight hug. Jack hugged him back. He took a few deep breaths, letting Mark hold him until he could compose himself. When he pulled away, he chuckled. "I made it through the video without crying." He said, rubbing his eyes. Mark smiled sympathetically. "You guys shouldn't have to stop everything because of me." Jack said, his voice shaking. "We're not stopping everything because of you. We're taking a break to help our friend. You've always been there for us when we needed you. You deserve the same." Tyler responded quickly.

Jack smiled at him. "We're all a family here, Jack. If one of us needs help, the others will be there to help them. That's just how it goes." Bob added. Mark, Tyler, and Wade all nodded in agreement. Jack smiled at them. "Thank you. Seriously. I-Don't know what I would do without you guys." He said. Mark leaned in and kissed his cheek.

After a while, Ethan came out of the room, and it was Tyler's turn to record. When Ethan sat down, he looked at Jack. "Are you okay?" He asked. Jack smiled at the younger male. "Yeah. I'm fine Ethan." He said seriously. Ethan nodded. "Okay. Good." He said. The group waited for Tyler to finish filming by talking and making jokes.

When Tyler finished, he sat down on the arm of the chair Ethan was sitting in. Everyone fell silent. Jack looked around. "Okay. Now what?" He asked, kind of jokingly. Mark glanced down. "Um. Well, the next part you might not like as much..." He said. Jack's heart lurched. "What...?" He inquired. Mark glanced up at Tyler, who read his mind and nodded. He took over. "We're gonna search the house. Mark, Bob, Wade, Eth, and I. You're gonna stay here in the living room." He explained. Jack frowned. "Why?" He asked. He knew what was going on, and Mark was right...He didn't like it.

"Well, because...We're gonna be clearing some stuff out. And, it's better if you stay here." Bob ventured. Jack shook his head. "I can help you guys." He protested annoyedly. "It's better if you just stay here." Mark repeated Bob's statement. "No, it isn't. I can help you." Jack continued to argue. "Jack, it's nothing against you. It's just that-" Jack cut Wade off. "No, I know what this is about!" He raised his voice. "You don't trust me!" Everyone hesitantly shook their heads.

"No! No it isn't that we don't trust you, Jack." Bob said.

"Yeah, of course we trust you!" Wade echoed.

"Babe, you know we trust you." Mark said, taking Jack's hand in his own.

Jack looked at them. "Then let me help you." He said. Everyone fell silent. "Exactly." Jack said, pulling his hand away from Mark's. There was a moment of silence before Ethan spoke up. "Well, can you blame us?" He asked nervously. Everyone looked to him. "Yeah, I can! I'm not four years old!" Jack yelled. "We know you're not..." Ethan began. "Then stop treating me like I am!" Jack yelled before he could continue. Ethan started to say something, but he just sighed. "It's not that...It's..." He struggled. Tyler jumped in. "We trust you. But, if you're with us, you could hide something. Not that you're an untrustworthy person. It's just instinct." He explained. "Yeah, exactly!" Ethan said, glancing at Tyler and mentally thanking him. Jack just glared at both of them. He didn't say anything, though. "Okay. So, just stay down here and eat some breakfast. Okay?" Mark suggested. Jack again remained silent, glaring at them.

The five got to work as Jack stayed on the couch playing with his phone. He hated everything. He could hear them all talking upstairs.

Talking about you. About how fucked up you are. About how much of a disappointment you are. You're ruining everything for them. Jack's mind raced. He shook his head, trying to block out the thoughts. It was no use. They had control.

Keep the one you have. Don't let them find it. For emergencies. Just in case you need it. It's not fair. They all have their coping mechanisms. They can't just take yours away completely. Keep the one you have.

Jack's hand slowly slipped to the small pocket of his jeans. He shoved his finger inside the fabric, where he felt a folded piece of taped paper. He closed his eyes, sighing in relief. He still had one. He'd found it two days ago at the bottom of his toiletries bag. He wouldn't use it a lot. Just in an emergency situation where he needed it. Jack quickly returned to his phone when he heard the group fumbling downstairs. The boys casually greeted Jack before moving to the kitchen. "Hey, Jack? Um. After we finish here, we're gonna have to check you, too. Just in case. Nothing against you, you know." Tyler said. Jack's heart dropped. "Why? I just woke up and got dressed. Mark watched me change." Jack said annoyedly. "Just to be sure." Bob echoed Tyler's words. Jack rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous." He mumbled. "It's for your safety." Mark said. "Whatever. Can I at least go to the bathroom?" Jack asked, standing up and shoving his phone in his pocket. Everyone froze, looking at each other. "Really?" Jack said. "Yeah. Go ahead." Tyler said hesitantly. "Wait! Should we check him now, then?" Ethan asked the group. "You guys are fucking insane." Jack said, turning. He walked to the bathroom before anyone could say anything. He slammed the door, locking it.

Jack heard footsteps approaching the bathroom. They stopped right outside the door. Fucking great. Jack thought. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out the razor wrapped in paper and tape.

Where can I hide this? Where....

Jack frantically searched the bathroom. After a few moments, he found a small gap between the mirror and the wall. He slipped the folded paper inside the gap, and stepped back. He looked carefully to see if it was noticeable. It was. He quickly grabbed it out again.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

Jack's heart raced as he spun around. His eyes fell upon the fake plant Mark had as a decoration. He checked it quickly, and shoved the paper deep in the fake soil. He rearranged the leaves and flowers and stepped back. It looked normal. He sighed silently to himself and turned around.

After forcing himself to pee and washing his hands. Jack opened the bathroom door. Mark was stood outside the door, obviously listening. Jack chuckled sarcastically. "Jesus Christ." He said, shoving past his boyfriend and returning to the couch.

"Wade?" Mark called. Wade looked over to him from the kitchen. "Help me?" Mark asked. Wade nodded, walking over. The two entered the bathroom together. Jack listened to them rummaging around, searching. His heart pounded out of his chest. Please don't find it. Please don't find it. He thought. After a few minutes, the two exited the bathroom. They walked to the kitchen. "Did you find anything?" Ethan asked them. "Nope. Bathroom's clear." Wade said. Jack nearly cried in relief. He tried hard to stay casual as he looked through his phone.

After a long while, the boys returned to the living room. "Okay. We're done." Tyler said. "Whoopty-fucking-do." Jack mumbled, not looking up from his phone. "Hey. Come on." Mark said. Jack glanced up at the group. "Sorry. This just sucks." He said. "Yeah, I know. It's not like I wanted to do this all over again either." Mark commented. Tyler nudged his shoulder. "Ow." Mark said, looking at Tyler. "Hey! It's not like I'm making you do all this. I didn't even want you to find out!" Jack said, standing. "Well I did, Jack! I found out!" Mark retorted. "Guys." Ethan tried. "You also promised me you wouldn't tell anyone!" Jack yelled. "I had to! It's not like I could deal with you on my own!" Mark said. "Mark!" Ethan, Tyler, and Wade all said in unison. As he said this, Mark instantly regretted it. He shut his mouth quickly as Jack's expression softened from angry to hurt. "Then I should just go home! Then you won't have to 'deal with me' at all!" He yelled. Jack looked at the rest of the group standing behind Mark. "I'm sorry any of you got involved. Just...You should just go home. I'm sorry." He added. "Jack. I-" Jack cut Mark off. "Just fucking forget it, Mark!" He yelled. He quickly turned and rushed up the stairs. "Goddamn it! God....Fuck!" Jack heard Mark yell as he slammed the door to Mark's upstairs bathroom. He locked the door, hastily wiping the tears out of his eyes.

Jack looked around the room. He slid down the wall, trying not to cry. Mark's words replayed in his mind over and over again. He covered his face with his hands, desperately trying to breathe. Jack's mind raced a million miles an hour.

Mark doesn't want you. He doesn't love you. You're just a burden to him. You're nothing but a fuck up and a burden. And he just confirmed it.

Jack's mind wouldn't shut up. He couldn't breathe, and his whole body was shaking, almost vibrating, with anger and sadness. He knew he was having a panic attack, but he didn't care about calming down. He just wanted to get out.

Jack burst out of the bathroom and ran into the bedroom. He rushed to his backpack and looked inside. His wallet was in there. That's all he cared about. Jack grabbed his shoes and threw them on. He grabbed his backpack, and looked around. Mark had no windows leading to trees or balconies that he could climb down to sneak out. If we went downstairs and tried the front door, everybody would stop him. He could use the back door. He hoped that by going out the back door, everybody would be too confused as to why to notice his backpack. Jack knew he had to be fast.

Jack tiptoed to the top of the stairs. He tried to quiet and slow his breathing enough for him to hear the others. He could hear Mark crying, and faint voices talking. Upon hearing Mark's sobs, Jack's heart twisted painfully in his chest. He nearly broke down right there. But he couldn't. He was hurting Mark. Now he was certain. The best thing for Mark, for all of their friends, was for Jack to leave.
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Tyler and Wade sat on either side of Mark, trying to console him. Ethan was pacing in front of them, and Bob was sitting in a chair next to the couch. "Mark, it's okay. You said something in the heat of the moment. You didn't mean it." Bob tried. Mark just shook his head, not pulling his face out of his hands. "Mark it's not your fault." Tyler repeated. Again, no reply from Mark.

As they tried to calm Mark down, nobody really noticed Jack sneak down the stairs, concealing his backpack as best he could in his jacket. Jack had made it fully down the stairs and to the back door before Ethan saw him. The younger male froze. "Jack." He said. Everyone looked up.

Everyone who had been sitting now stood. "Relax. I can't breathe. I need some air." Jack choked out. Talking only made him choke up more. He quickly opened the door, stepped out, and closed it again before anyone could say anything. He stood there for a moment, knowing everyone was looking at him out the glass door. He tried to stay still as he waited. He tried getting his breathing under control. After a few minutes, Jack glanced over his shoulder. Everyone was looking at Mark again. Jack carefully, moving slowly so as not to alert any movement from outside, crept out of sight of the glass door. Once he was sure he was out of sight, Jack took off for the side gate. He opened and closed it as quietly as he could. Then, pulling his hood up, Jack ran down the street, tears streaming down his cheeks.
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Inside, everyone was back to trying to console Mark. As they talked, Tyler suddenly got a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Just as he began to wonder why, he remembered that Mark's backyard has a side gate leading out to the front. He and Mark seemed to realize this at the same time, because Mark suddenly looked up. He stood quickly, looking at the glass door. "Oh my God..." he murmured, sprinting to the door and throwing it open. "Oh my God the side gate..." Tyler said. Bob, Wade, and Ethan all suddenly went pale. They prayed Mark would come back inside saying Jack was just sitting off to the side. "Oh God oh God oh God...What did we do?? We didn't check on him!!" Ethan said. "Shh..." Tyler said absentmindedly when Mark came back into view. Everyone's hearts stopped as they waited for Mark to speak.

Mark's heart pounded out of his chest. He was crying even harder now, and he really couldn't breathe. He searched the whole backyard. Finally, he walked back into view of the others. He looked up at them. "He's gone!" He said. Everyone inside froze for a moment before racing outside to search for themselves. They also came up empty handed.

"Okay well he couldn't have gone far...He's on foot." Wade said. Tyler nodded. "Yeah. Some of you can take a car and go look, while others go on foot. And one of us should stay here in case he comes back." He said quickly. Everyone else seemed to agree. "Ethan and I can go on foot." Tyler volunteered. "I can take either Bob or Mark in my car." Wade said after. Everyone looked to Mark. "Mark? Do you want to go with Wade or stay here?" Bob asked gently. Mark didn't answer. He was staring at the ground.

What the fuck did you do?! Jack is gone now because of you! He's hurting and he's struggling and this is how you handle him?! What is wrong with you?!? His mind screamed. Tyler's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Mark we're gonna find him. He's gonna be okay and we're gonna get all of this worked out. But we have to hurry. Do you wanna go with Wade or stay here?" Tyler asked him. Mark knew he needed to calm down. The argument had happened. He couldn't change that. Now, all that mattered was finding Jack. He took a few deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down enough to talk. "Um...I....I'll go with Wade." He said, his voice shaking terribly. Everyone nodded. "Okay. And Bob, you'll stay here?" Wade confirmed. Bob nodded. "Yeah." He said. "Okay. Let's go. Everyone have their phones?" Wade asked. All the guys felt inside their pockets, and nodded. "Good. Keep in touch. We're gonna find him." Tyler said. They all split up, Tyler and Ethan rushing down the street on foot while Mark and Wade ran to Wade's car. Bob situated himself in the living room, in view of both doors. He took a deep breath himself. This whole situation was fucked. He just hoped that wherever he was, Jack was okay.

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A/N: AAAAAAHHHHH THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR OVER 1K READS!!!!! This is insane!!!! Also I'm So sorry I've been inactive with this story recently! I've been crazy busy with school and I've been working on other things. But I will be continuing this story!!! So if you like it, stick around! Thank you again so much!!! And thanks for reading!! 😊♥️✌🏻