stop 

ok soo im a bit late FOR THIS BUT guys part 1 and since I'm late also part 2 of the miraculous season five finale has dropped so I'm disappointed I thought this was going to be perfect 

BUT O BOI WAS I WRONG  

this episode is an insult to the French because everybody in pairs are  idiotS JUST MOTHERFREAKING IDIOTS 

so come let's get into it we're talking about part one 

oh and also rip to anyone who thought the finale was going to be good

guys, I'm sorry if you've been watching this show for years, being hyped for the finale only to get this shitty shit

nah this is ridiculous somehow only two episodes out of 26 made me lose the most faith and brain sells    

at this point, we are not even talking about the episode you guys are just reading me rant about why I'm starting to lose faith in a kid's show ... what a great day yeah I guess I'm going to have to count on that one new special to hold me up in this thing but then again  shadybug really whatever

anyway 

so the episode seems to start on the first day of summer break so the day after Chloe somehow overthrows the entire government and successfully pulls off a  koo  also the day after marinette was told by Felix and kagamis and their theatre film  fairytale oh and also the day they told marinette that gabe was hawkmoth*/shadowmoth/monarch and that both Felix and Kagami and Adrien are senti monsters and the day after the kids only tell her she should run for mayor

 they only give her an idea and she already mayor wtf  yup so already the timeline is confusing

also, why is the press announcing that there are lots of tourists like hey perfect news a bunch of tourists have come to see the Eiffel Tower a national tourist hotspot 

wow Nadia great scoop we should totally put this on camera 

sure

then we have more news about Kagami and Adrien being in London because interesting news oh and the best and most interesting part of the whole is that London is having good weather 

ya know what  I'm sayin well after we cut to Kagami and Adrien in the weird insane asylum but I have to ask won't this just turn them insane like being isolated like that this not going to make them more perfect if that's what Gabe wants  and also it shouldn't want like gabe is a peace a shit but madame stewrugi is an entire empire of shit 

guys, I have an idea but you will have to wait till next next page

oh but also spoilers for part 2 Gabe gets remembered as a hero and madame sastrugi gets off scot-free 

no consequences for severely abusing their kids and locking them up in a fucking insane asylum

so moving on we see Gabe's plan so he akumatizes  himself into that nightmare guy clones himself and flies around te world spearing fear and chaos

this plan was good  I will admit but considering Gabe never wins what makes you think he is now ok maybe he kinda does butt minus points because he dies

oh well then we cut to a fever dream where marinette is a knight ladybug fighting an akumatized dragon

version of Gabe who has Adrien tied up on a  beanstalk 

and then she accidentally kills Gabe 

so yeah Adrien rejoice but no he cries and like ok I will let this slide  because it's a fever dream,

then marinette wakes up

and instead of focusing on the fact that Felix and Kagami told her Gabe is Monarc

marinette being marinette does to focus on her love life aka Adrien's problems 

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GIRLY POP FOCUS ON THE MOTHERFUCKING SUPERVILLAIN

 what is this am I just supposed to pretend that Felix and Kagami didn't tell her all thaT info WHY just WHY  

oh but  it doesn't stop there folks 

the genius teen decides to go to Gabe's house to talk to Natalie 

YES GO TO MONARCHS HOUSE TO TALK TO HIS ASSISTANT YES MARINETTE FULL PROOF PLAN YA GOT THERE 

seems like a totally reasonable  thing to do, you know what I'm sayin but you know it probably is if we add bullshit plot armour into the mix

you know instead of doing whatever your marinette. okay  let's be honest she should be kicking gabes door  and whooping his ass before he gets to do shit not worrying about your boyfriend who is  in London

then we see Tom and Sabine have  had their own nightmares but there irrelevant so yeah

  then marinette leaves the bakery and runs into Alya and yeah shes also freaking out thinking that Monarch going to find her and force her to tell him who Ladybug is and in all honesty, the only reason this didn't happen is that Gabe is so dumb that his head is full of actual bullshit it's so fuckin obvious 

then marinette decides she's going to help Alya after she talks to Natalie she doesn't even mention Gabe

  this show man I swear  it lives off of the most  bullshit expectations

the image being poor Felix setting up that fairytale thingamajig  only  for marinette to sidetrack herself back to Adrien

is marinette just too oblivious to figure this out where the whole do you he got the peacock from seriously why 

look marinette I don't know how to break IT to you but EMILY IS  DEAD FELIXS DAD IS DEAD IT CANT AMELY BECAUSE SHE IS IN LONDON AND SINCE CHAT NOIR AND LADYBUG KNOW THAT MONARCH IS a MAN

YOU'D THINK MARINETTE WOULD REALIZE OH SHIT IT MUST BE GABE 

BUT HELLLLLLLLL NAHH  WITH THE HELP OFFFFFF quew local ad music  

BULLSHIT EXPECTATIONS ARE ALL YOU NEED TO SURVIVE IN THE WORLD OF MIRACULOUS

so yeah I just made that my official modo

but you know obviously marinette s either too dumb or just clouded by the nightmares you I guess I could accept that but FOR GOD's SAKE TIKI  YOU DONT HAVE THE NIGHTMARES IF YOU DID IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOWN ON SCREEN  TIKKI STOP AND TELL WHAT SHE IS DOING IS BAD  DO YOUR SECOND AKA MAKING SURE MARINETTE DOSENT MAKE STUPID DECISIONS

ANYWAYS we cut to chat Noir having his own nightmares and induced mental breakdowns so for some reason this scene goes on for a little while even tho it's pretty irrelevant so long story short Adrian is sad and scared that he might get akumatized and so  so he gives the ring to plag and asks him to go and give to ladybug then  he puts on the alliance ring uses the meditation app and falls asleep and just like that he ends his importance to the story yes ok 

miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir  apparently not  am I right folks yeah unfortunately I am

why

whatever marinette transforms and meanwhile Natalie is having her own nightmare which is Gabe finally getting his wish  then Natalie starts recording a last message to Adrien because she is practically the death's doormat at this point  then she gets a notification for the nightmare antidote and realizes Gabe is about to unleash his master plan so she does what any reasonable person in her shoes she decides to go kill him with her crossbow and yeah if I was I would do that as well and honestly  she would probably have gotten away with it because the policemen in this world are more stupid than the actual Parisian in miraculous like remember Emily they didn't even bother searching the house they just decided she disappeared and called it a day

so killing Gabe and stuffing him in the shrine fridge  with Emily is probably something she would get away with if after hiding the body in the fridge and then  going back to bed  because surely no one in this world would dare  suspect  a poor dying woman of murder *gasp* oh no they never

so she left to murder Gabe 

whilst Ladybug heads into her room to go through her stuff 

and meanwhile

 the world has transformed into a bunch of lazy dipshits lazing around on the sofa  watching Adrien and kagamis virtual avatars is everyone to dumb like how was it so easy to hypnotize everybody  

, guys  marinettes parents are drooling and talking about how Adrigami is their fav ship what kind of world is this

also, the resistance is trying to well resist the temptations I guess  

ok back to Ladybug exploring nats room and finds her old explorer outfit  yes that's what I'm going to call her now 

oh and  a photo of her with Emily and Gabe aka adriens parents zich for some odd reason SHOCKS HER

but like why tho it just your boyfriend's parents with their friend who knows them quite well 

marinette what is in your brain for you to think this is groundbreaking news

then its back to plagg whos at the houseboat looking for marinette or maybe Alya I'm not sure or maybe I just forgot 

but everyone is already addicted to the alliance  ring antidot 

NICE

then we find out that Mylene out of the others succeeded in  resisting the temptation

but you know it don't last long due to the nightmares and pear pressure

now that almost the whole world is under the influence of the rings our villains move to phase 2 of the plan

bUt nOT qUItE yEt

cause Gabe got to go check on Emilie's life support which ma girl Nat sabotaged 

and then does severe rookie mistakes when hunting or killing something or someone 

not that I would no shit heh heh

anyway 1. she didn't strait up ambush him like girlY pop JUST DO IT BEFORE HE CAN REACT

2 SHE LETS HIM SPEAK  like why just why and she lets him walk up to her, Nats this is bad what if you're on your death and the doc asks what you regret most you're not going to tell him you didn't manage to kill your enemies

so you have to live and dies with that regret 

like girl what the point of trying to kill someone if you ain't gonna do it

then wouldn't you know it she faints or dies

like how can you buy gabes horrible bullshit for a second what the fuck bro

and quote-unquote do you really think I'm a monster do you really think I would sacrifice someone else

..............

YES I DO THINK YOU WOULD AND WOULD HAPPILY TO I HAVE FUCKING PROFF DIPSHIT WHY DENY IT NOW

OH WELL then we cut to Mari who seems to have caught pure idiocy by being in the agresst household for too long 

finds Natalie tablet

*dramatic gasp * oh no its Master fus stolen tablet how  did this get here

and now the entire fandom is screaming because she was fucking told all of this 

girly pop I cANT BELIEVE YOU GOT THE AUDACITY TO PRETEND LIKE YA DONT KNOW SHIT 

THEN Gabe enters the chat I mean room and detransformed but obviously marinette is hiding

now look even if she forgot I'm sure that by the point Monarch walks in with Natalie in his arms she would know unless it somehow AdRiEn what the shit marinette

now image she thought Felix and Kagamis little theatre fairytale thing was a joke you know honestly I don't think Kagami understands the principle of a joke anyway 

yeah so gabe talks shit to natalie 

and you know what fair enough I love Natalie and her  mom love towards Adrien but she ain't the victim I remind you she helped Gabe abuse his power and son for 4 seasons 

and now marinette is panicking  because she only now just found this out lets just not rage

then marinette talks to Natalie and then wait did she die Nah bro she just died on the bed

okay but anyway she gave marinette some info that she should have known already

before the scene moves on to the dumbest plot point in the world 

despite everybody knowing that Adrien and Kagami on the alliance ring are just virtual copies they somehow believe that they've been kidnapped by Ladybug and chat noir or should I SAY THEIR VIRTUAL AVATARS

FOR THE LOVE GOD THEIR ARE ANGRY NEWS  BROADCASTS ABOUT THIS 

HELL ONLY WHEN ALYA TALKS SOME SENSE TO THE ACTUAL BUFFOONS WHO CALL THEMSELVES THE RESISTANCE IS MARINETTES CLASS EVEN MOSTLY ABELL TO RESIST AND YOU KNOW IT SEEMS THA THIS PLOT POINT REALLY ON EVERYBODY BEING STUDENT DIB-SHITS THANK GOD ALYS IS HERE  ARE TRUE HERO

back at butters fly HQ using a lucky charm and a dusty Gabe hand the villains are now able to track the Quantum signature whatever sci-fi bullshit that is  of our heroes  meaning when Gabe transformed he can track them then gabe sends a message trew the alliance ring to turn whoever accepts into mindless warriors on the mission to rescue Kagami and Adrien by taking ladybug and chat noirs miraculous

and dumshit Ivan says yes to the transformation and like why would do this but then the resistance teams up   while alya  talks to plagg

 Alya refuses to transform because of the nightmares 

and hank THE HEAVENS THEY DIDNT MAKE ALYA GOFIGH TLONG SIDE MARINETTE INSEAD OF ADRIEN LIKE IMAGE THAT YOU MAKE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTERS  LOKK ACTUALLY STUPID AND PATHETIC ONLY TO MAKE THE REPLACEMENT PARTNER AKA ALYA GO FIGHT WITH LADYBUG YEAH CHOSE THE REPLACEMENT DUO INSTEAD OF THE ORIGINAL 

 It makes me want to laugh

back to tha bug, she is trapped in the mansion with the alliance goons who tracked her down with that sci-fi bullshit   and they have lost of powers and shit  so yeah the fight begins

and honestly, the brief fight where the camera followed her into all the rooms whilst she fought off tha goons was  AWESOME  I love it 

THEN MARINETTE detransformes in a cupboard  and we cut to see the start of the season five showdown and that was hype 

he drags marinette out and realizes who she is 

damn if chat was there it would've been perfect

especially if he arrives after the reveals so he doesn't know shit until marinette gets dragged out of the kitchen cupboards then we could have ended on the cliffhanger scene where Adrien finds out  it would just be perfect

now I'm just trying to convince myself that there's another universe where all this happened 

oh and Mari unifies the cat and ladybug miraculous

the costume was cool ,pretty nice 

but bugnoire is kinda cringe name not ganna lie

welp that's done  here's your quote tomorrow we have recreation 

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ladybug: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword/stick.

chat: That's why I carry two swords/sticks.

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just trying to remember tha good old days when they were partners