( JERK )

CRAWFORD HALL
[ ☾]

       A middle-aged man in a suit and overcoat walks towards an impressive university building. Outside, a young attractive woman in a white dress is posed seductively, fixing her shoe. "Excuse me. Are you lost?" He asks.

      "No. I've been waiting for you, professor." She says.

      "Oh, are you in one of my classes?" The Professor asks.

      "Don't you recognize me?" She asks.

      "We-ell, they're big classes. Anyway, my office hours are Tuesday and Thursday mornings." He says.

      "Really? I was hoping I could see you now." The Girl says.

      "Um, well, since you asked so nicely. Come on."

      In the office, the girl picks up a photo. "Such a handsome photo." She says.

      "Oh, that old thing. So, what can I do for you? How's the paper coming?" He asks.

      "Um, professor, I, uh, I have a confession to make." She says.

      "Oh? What's that?"

      "I'm not really one of your students." The Girl says.

      "Really? Then why are you here?" The Professor asks.

      The Girl looks at him suggestively, then gets nervous. "Maybe I should just go." She says.

      "Wait. I get it. I understand how you're feeling, and it's only natural. You are young and wide-eyed, and I'm somewhat of a celebrity around here. Don't get me wrong, you're a very beautiful girl, but it would be wrong of me to take advantage of you. I just, um, I just respect you too much." He says and without controlling himself, kisses her.

      Immediately, her face turns hideously grey and rotted. He pulls back in horror. "Oh my god."

      "What? Don't you like me anymore? Don't you want me?" She asks.

      In the hall, a Janitor locks the front door and walks away. A body falls behind him with a heavy crunch. He turns back to see the Professor dead on the ground

ONE WEEK LATER

HOTEL ROOM
[ ☼ ]

      In this scene, the radio is playing "Walk Away" by Joe Walsh. Sam is sitting on the couch looking through books; he rubs his face tiredly. Dean is sitting up on the bed behind him, listening to the radio and eating something messy, chili cheese fries, from a disposable plate.

      "Dude. You mind not eating those on my bed?" Sam asks, annoyed.

      "No, I don't mind." Dean eats another. Elena comes in with a couple of grocery bags. "Where did you go this time? Abercrombie?"

      "You really want to know?" Elena asks.

      Dean nods. "Considering that you're using my money, yeah." Elena reaches into the bag and throws its contents at him.

      "That's what I got." She says.

      Dean looks at the packaging, screams, then throws it back. It's women's toiletries. "I've learned my lesson. Next time you don't have to tell me where you're going or what your buying."

      "Thanks Dad." Elena says sarcastically.

      "How's research going?" Dean asks Sam as he composes himself.

      "You know how it's going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer." Sam says.

      Dean nods sarcastically. "Hmm."

      "Can you turn that down please?" Sam asks.

      "Yeah, absolutely." Dean turns the music up louder.

      "You know what? Maybe, uh, maybe you should just go somewhere for a while." Sam says and Elena looks back and forth between the bickering brothers.

      Dean shuts off the radio and looks up, snappish. "Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell."

      "Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with-" Sam's cut off by a loud knock on the door.

      "Thank god." Elena says and stands and goes to the door. She looks through the peephole and then back at Dean, then opens the door.

      Outside is Bobby. "Hey, Bobby." She says.

      Bobby enters, hands in his pockets. "Boys. Elena."

      Dean stands and approaches. "Hey, Bobby."

      "It's good to see you again so soon." Bobby says.

      "Yeah, thanks for coming. Come on in." Sam says.

      Dean begins shaking Bobby's hand firmly. "Thank god you're here."

      "So um, what didn't you want to talk to me on the phone about?" Bobby asks.

      "It's this job we're working. We weren't sure you'd believe us." Elena says.

      "Well, I can believe a lot."

      "Yeah, no, no, it's just, we've never seen anything like it." Sam says.

      "Not even close —" Dean starts.

      "And we thought we could use some fresh eyes." Sam says.

      "Well, why don't you begin at the beginning?" Bobby asks.

      "Yeah, um, all right." Sam gestures to the bed; Bobby picks up the empty takeout tray and peers at it, sets it aside, and sits down. "So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth story window, only there's a campus legend that the building's haunted. So we pretexted as reporters from the local paper."

FLASHBACK
SAM POV

BAR
[ ☾]

      Sam and Elena are sitting at a table with a cocky jock boy, Curtis, and a dippy attractive girl, Jen. He sets a voice recorder down on the table. "Yeah, we both had the professor for Ethics and Morality." Curtus says.

      "Yeah? So why do you think he did it?" Elena asks.

      "Who knows? I mean, he was tenured, wife and kids. His book is like a really big deal. Then again..." Jen leans in conspiratorially. "Who's to say it was suicide?"

      Curtis scoffs. "Jen, come on."

      "Well, what else could it be?" Sam asks, feigning surprise.

      "Well, you know about Crawford Hall?" Jen asks.

      "No, I don't, actually." Says Sam.

      "It's a bunch of crap, it's a total urban legend." Curtis says.

      "Yeah well, Heather's mom went to school here, and she knew the girl?" Jen says.

      "Wait, what girl?" Elena asks.

      "Thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off, she jumped out the window and killed herself." Jen says.

      "You know her name?" Sam asks.

      "No. But they say she jumped from room six-six-nine. Get it? You turn the nine upside down?" Jen asks and Sam nods. "So now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her? They don't live to tell the tale."

      "Well if no one lives to tell the tale then how does the tale get told?" Curtis asks.

      "Curtis! Shut up!" Jen yells.

      "You know what? Uh, thanks a lot guys. Excuse me." Sam says and gets up.

      Elena gets up also. "I'm gonna go ask around some more." She says and walks away.

      Elsewhere in the bar, close in on three shot glasses filled with dark bluish-purple liquid. Dean's hand slides into frame and takes one; he slams all three in succession.

      Sam approaches. "Dean. Dean, what are you drinking?" He asks.

      Dean burps. "I don't know, man, I think they're called purple nurples?" He asks.

      "Okay, well listen. I think maybe we should go check out the professor's office." Sam says.

      "Oh, no, no, no, I can't right now, I've got some...feisty little wildcat on the hook, I'm about to" Dean makes a sound that goes zzzzp. "reel her in. I'll introduce you."

      We pan up fishnet stockings and a tight miniskirt to reveal a sloppy drunk, heavily made up blond girl.

      "Dean -" Sam starts.

      "Starla! Starla, hey. This is my shuttle co-pilot Major Tom. Major Tom, Starla." Dean says.

      Starla drapes an arm around Dean. "Enchante." She says.

      "Hi." Says Sam.

      Starla gags, covering her mouth, then looks up grinning. "Sorry. Just trying to keep my liquor down!" She exclaims.

      "Yeah! Good job." Dean says then turns to Sam. "Hey. Good news. She's got a sister." He leans back into Starla's arm again, both of them grinning suggestively.

PRESENT

      The scene freeze-frames as Dean's voice cuts in. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute." He says.

      "What?" Sam asks.

      "Come on, dude, that's not how it happened." Dean says.

      "No? So you never drank a purple nurple?" Sam asks.

      Elena and Bobby look at each other with warning looks. They knew something was going in.

      "Yeah, maybe that, but I don't say things like 'feisty little wildcat'. And her name wasn't Starla." Dean says.

      "Then what was it?" Sam asks.

      "I don't know." Dean says then he turns to Bobby, taking up the story. "But she was a classy chick. She was a grad student, anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories."

FLASHBACK
DEAN POV

BAR
[ ☾]

      The feel of the scene is very different - we pan up the girl's body again, but this time she's in black heels and a sleek black cocktail dress. She and Dean each hold a purple nurple and toast with them. "Here's to..." She says.

      "Here's to us." Dean finishes.

      "My god. You...are attractive." She says as she looks at Dean.

      "Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please." Dean says. "Lives are at stake."

      "Sorry, I just...can't even concentrate. It's like staring...into the sun." She reaches up and pulls his head towards her for a slow kiss.

      Sam approaches behind them with an extreme Bitchface and his jacket slung over his shoulder. "Dean! What do you think you're doing?" He asks, prissy like.

      "Sam, please. If you wouldn't mind, give me five minutes here." Dean says and he goes back to kissing the girl.

      "Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah Blah!" Sam yells. Dean leans in to kiss the Girl again as Sam continues blabidiblahing behind him. "Blah!"

END FLASHBACK

      The scene freeze-frames again on Sam's face. "Right. And that's how it really happened." Sam asks sarcastically as Dean shrugs. "I don't sound like that, Dean!"

      "That's what you sound like to me." Dean says.

      Bobby stares at them. "Okay. What's going on with you two?" He asks.

      "Nothing. Noth- it's nothing." Sam says.

      "No, come on. You're bickering like an old married couple." Elena says.

      Dean gets up and crosses to the kitchenette. "No, see married couples can get divorced. We're like, uh, Siamese twins." He says.

      "It's conjoined twins!" Sam yells like it's something he's said many times before.

      "See what I mean?" Dean says.

      "Look, it," Sam sighs. "We've just been on the road for too long. Tight quarters, all that. Don't worry about it."

      "Okay." Bobby says.

      "So anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime."