Before I begin the interview, I want everyone to know I'm not a bully and that any negative critics I say are not to offend or hurt the author. We are only trying to help. I hope you enjoy and learn from this review and please for Kami sake remember you asked us to do this.

Book: Hikari; A Naruto Fanfiction by Moradja92

Reviewed by Crowillow

First Impressions

I do not know about other people but before I read the book I often judge it by the cover, title, and description. I know if it looks and sounds good I usually read it right away. Though I think this might be a given for any avid reader. Your cover is basically the essence in what your story is going to be about in a way. The better the cover, better the story because it means you are working hard for it to be so. While your cover is alright it by any means is not good either. Please remember this is just my opinion and not other peoples. I thought the cover was a little too dark, bland, and for an odd reason, it reminded me of my old school textbooks.

Another way to catch a potential reader's attention is to have a catchy title. A title is just like a picture meaning it can capture a thousand words about the story without giving anything away about the plot. With that being said, your title is boring and you don't need to put it's a Naruto fanfiction in the title, we as the reader know what type of story it is. Some suggested titles to use if I was the author would be either Hikari or maybe Moon Rabbit's Child.

Writing a description of the story can be rather hard and I understand completely as a fellow writer myself. You don't want your description to be too long or even too short. You also don't want to give too much of your story away to the reader either. That being said, I kindly recommend you maybe rewrite the description. I had to read it thrice before understanding it and the grammar of it was off.

Your Story's Plot

I like the fact you have chosen a male oc as there are so few of them in the Naruto fanfiction universe. I'm also delighted you've selected to make the oc from a clan which was not Uchiha or any of the other most popular clans often used by other writers.

From what I've gathered from the plot so far is Hikari being rather an OP(overpowered) character and a bit of a Gary Stu(male equivalent of a Mary Sue.) The plot while somewhat good also seems rather rushed and even though it is detailed well, I think some detailing needs to be more descriptive. Mind you I only read the allotted ten chapters of this story so my review is on what I have read, that being said I think you should add a bit more details like maybe how Hikari looks or maybe describe the emotions of the characters. An example would be-

Hikari noticed the old man keenly watching him with his brown eyes, lips quirked up in a thoughtful look while his wrinkled hand's fiddle with his smoking pipe.

Another thing I've noticed is for some reason many of the Naruto characters go quickly OOC (Out of character) in front of Hikari without rhyme or reason. I think you should perhaps go back and maybe explain why they left their known characterizations. Like with all characters they begin to build and influence their surroundings rather slowly.

This story while does take place in Naruto's timeline as a popular style of a plot to use, it has a character flung into the future from nearly a thousand years in the past.

Your Story's Structure

Like I mentioned before, while your story is detailed it is still lacking in certain areas. You need to describe more emotions and feelings into your characters so your readers can better understand them and connect with them. I also think that perhaps in your excitement you rushed a lot here and there without having any break lines to change the scenery. Your grammar is pretty decent too but perhaps maybe double checking your writing or getting a beta reader wouldn't hurt either.

The chapters you've written are nicely long and not overly short at all a plus because readers love long chapters. I've noticed you tend to write something but then in a few other chapters you change it to something else and that can be confusing to not only the readers but also the storyline. For an example, in your prologue, you had Hikari state that he was using his byakugan but then when he met Kakashi you had him ask what it was with him not knowing it.

Final Verdict on your story

While your story is not the best I've had read it is neither the worst and trust me I have read some terrible ones that leave me in a rage afterwards. I would most definitely check out your other stories in the future because you have talent as a writer and it shows in your story. I send you and Hikari off with my best wishes!

Final words from Crowillow

I know I probably came off rather rude or harsh but this is a review and the author consented to it. Also, please remember this is just my opinion and other readers or writers may not agree with me on it. A review is nothing but free advice sometimes taken and other times not okay. I'm hardly the perfect writer myself and I can guarantee you I'm learning something new about writing daily.

Cheers mate!

-Crow