Finn

I started therapy and life... It actually got a lot better after that. Percy seemed to talk some sense into me, I think.

When classes started, Percy and I had a similar schedule as of when our classes were. So we did a lot of things together.

Alex's birthday is August 17. Classes started the 12th. So we we're freaking out, trying to plan for it. The four of us had been.

August 17 came around and it was a fun day. We went rock climbing, made our own mugs (and mostly failed) at a ceramic shop nearby, went out for pizza, had cake and what not. It was around 10:30 on a Friday night. We we're all in the living room, just talking.

"Wait," Alex said and turned to the son of Poseidon. "When's your birthday? I need to know this so I can start buying stuff a month in advance because I already have Bohdi's Christmas present."

"Well um... I really don't celebrate my birthday anymore." That question made him unusually uncomfortable. "So like, don't bother."

"When's his birthday?" Micah asked and I had to think about it for a minute. Because I knew it was this month. I just couldn't remember when.

And then it clicked.

"You piece of shit," I told him. "You really think we're not celebrating your golden birthday?"

"Yeah. Because I'm not."

"When is it?" Bohdi asked me.

"Tomorrow." I informed them. "August 18, 1992."

Alex slapped Percy's arm, which caused Percy to get just a little offended.

"What was that for?" Percy spat Alex.

"Your birthday is tomorrow." Alex pointed out the obvious. "And you don't want to celebrate being 18?"

"No," he wasn't ashamed of it and he didn't see anything wrong with it. Which was pretty messed up. "I don't want to celebrate being 18, I just don't want to celebrate in general. I've lived without celebrating before."

"Well, yeah," I tried to reason with him. "But dude. You're 18 tomorrow. That's a big deal."

"It really isn't."

Micah was the first to go to bed. Then Alex and Micah did. Leaving Percy and myself. Of course I wanted him to celebrate his birthday. Birthdays are fun and just happy. Just because maybe one year was bad doesn't mean they all will be.

"Okay, Mr. Debby Downer." I was getting frustrated with this. He used to be so pumped for his birthday. Counted down the days and everything. "If you don't want to celebrate your birthday, why? It's your birthday, Percy. You're an adult. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate your birthday?"

"Because I just don't, okay?" He snapped at me, on the verge of a fucking panic attack or something. "Shit happens, Finn, and I just don't want to celebrate my birthday and I just want it to be like any other day but you guys are going to make a big deal because it's a birthday and what else would you do and I'm going to feel like shit the entire day but I'm not going to say anything because why should I feel like shit, it's my birthday and it's my day and there's no fucking reason to not just be happy go lucky and annoying as shit."

Percy started to hyperventilate, which was probably anything but good and I was freaking out because I'm the one with problems in the group. I don't know how to handle them with somebody else. He was in the middle of an anxiety attack or something, and last I checked, he didn't have anxiety.

So I hurried to his room, which is right next to Alex's, and tried searching through his stuff to find an inhaler or medication or something. That woke up Alex, and he found me looking through the medicine cabinet because he has to have something. Anything.

"What are you doing?" Alex questioned. "Because if I swear to God if you try to OD—"

"I'm looking for something that would help with anxiety." I tried to explain to him. "Because is freaking the fuck out in the living room. He's having an anxiety attack. I don't know what to do and he's too fucked up to talk right now so I don't know if he has an inhaler or anything that will help. Or if this has ever happened before, because I never did when we were little."

Alex started to search and we found nothing. So we went to try to calm him down by talking to him.

When we got to the living room, he was still there. Sitting on the floor, his breaths short, sharp, and noticable.

"Hey, Percy." I sat down in front of him and did what I thought was fit to calm him down as Alex went to look up ways to help an anxiety attack. "Sorry for like pushing you about your birthday. You just... You've changed a lot. And I have to adjust like you've adjusted with me. Just breathe. Try to control your breathing. Okay? Whatever is going on, Percy, it'll be okay. Everything is going to he okay."

Curled up in a ball, Percy shook his head, tears starting to make their way down his face because that totally meant he was getting better, right?

It was a response. He was saying that whatever was going on, it's not going to be okay. Which meant this wasn't random. It means that something happened or is happening and he doesn't know how to handle it and it's making his anxiety freak out."

I tried to maybe rub his arm or his back and I wasn't able to get close enough because he would spaz every time I tried.

Percy talked me out of suicide. He got me through this thing with my mom and he got Alex through it, too. He didn't have to talk Alex out of killing himself. But he had to talk him back up into not letting it get to him. And we're a lot happier again. My depression doesn't bug me as much as it did a month ago. Which is a miracle.

They all knew I had problems. I was honest about it. I told them that there are times that I might have an episode before we all moved in together.

Percy has never mentioned anxiety. Or any sort of problem aside, you know, that when we argued for a while that his life wasn't perfect,either. He just never... He never showed it, so we all said he was trying to make me feel better.

But no. He was serious. He has problems.

Because before you knew it, he broke down crying. His breathing wasn't as rapid, but now he looked ready to drop dead. In how tired he looked and by his expression.

"Percy," I tried my best to sound like I was calmer than I was. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

He shook his head again. He didn't want to talk about it.

"Nothing," he managed to tell me that much. "I'm fine."

"You just had an anxiety attack." I called him out on that. "You're crying! You look like shit, Percy."

By now, this had woken everyone up. Alex came back out with Micah and Bohdi. Which was wonderful and probably didn't help anything.

"I'm not a dumbass," I informed him, because it kind of hurt that he didn't want to tell me. "So stop acting like you're okay when you're obviously not and explain to me why the fuck you're in such a shitty mood."

His nails dug into his soon as I started to bleed. He didn't care. It was a distraction from the pain that was going on inside of him.

At that point in time, he had hurt himself and I didn't care about him not wanting to be touched. I got some bandages and forced him to let me wrap it up. It wasn't easy, it took three of us. But it was done.

By the end of it, it was 2 in the morning, we were in his room, he had stopped giving a shit, and he looked lifeless. Everyone was passed out. Dead to the world for the next 8 hours.

But Percy was just drained.

"Percy," I said once I knew he was calm. "What... What was that? You've never... You've never done that before.

"No, I've just never done it around you." Percy corrected me, crossing his arms. "Why are you surprised, Finn? I told you that I have problems. Our problems are just totally different and... I just don't celebrate my birthday, okay? My birthday has turned into a shit show of bad event that I don't want to think about, I don't want to talk about. I..."

He was crying, but he was calm.

"I know that I should be happy, Finn." He fessed up, wiping away a few tears. "Okay, I know that. But I'm just... Not. Sometimes I know why, like on my birthday, and sometimes, I don't. The only things keeping me from killing myself is Nico and that's about it right now. "

"Why would you kill yourself?"

"Because I should've died when I was 16."