( SWEET POTATOES )

GYM
[ ☼ ]

         The next morning, Elena, Sam and Dean and the police are at the crime scene in the gym. Dean is looking at the body. "Any idea what the vic weighed beforehand?" Sam asks.

       "165." An Officer says.

       "So...180. Known fact—all women lie about their weight and age." Dean says and Elena glares at him.

       "Wait, you told that waitress the other day you were 29." Sam says.

       "Mm-hmm."

        "Need anything else, agents?" The Officer asks.

       "Yeah, is Sheriff Hanscum around?" Elena asks.

       "Sorry. She's out for the rest of the week. Hell of a time to take a vacation, right?"

        "Okay, so, we have two victims, with seemingly nothing in common except, uh—" Sam starts.

       "A love for eclairs. Check this out." Dean says. They both bend down to look at the body and he pulls up her shirt a little to reveal a large, circular red mark. "What is that? A birthmark?"

        "Huh. So the weight had to come off somehow, right?" Sam asks. "What if it's a suction mark?"

      "A suction mark? Okay. Uh, changeling?" Dean asks.

        "Yeah, but changelings only take over kids. Neither of the vics had any." Elena says.

        "And we don't know if Wayne McNut had a suction mark."

        "Unless we missed it." Sam says.

        Dean notices a hot girl walking in and talking to an officer. "Yeah. Well, we should, uh, split up. One of us should hit the morgue. The other should stay here and question the staff." He says.

        Sam notices what Dean is staring at. "I'll stay." He says.

       "Ain't gonna happen." Dean says.

       "Why?"

       "Because you're weird around girls." Dean says.

       "What does that mean, weird?" Asks Sam.

        "You're awkward. You know, weird—Sam. Weird. Sorry, man. I'm just... being honest." Dean walks away and Sam sighs.

       Dean is talking to the hot gym girl. "So, you were scheduled to close the gym last night?" Dean asks.

       "Yeah, but I didn't exactly lock up. Carol was still working out, and..." She sighs. "I had a date. I didn't want to shortchange her, you know? I mean, the poor girl has been working so hard to lose weight for her wedding. I slipped her the key, and I told her to lock up on her way out." She starts to cry. When she leans over the counter to grab a tissue her shirt rides up and Dean notices the same red suction mark on her back. "Oh, it's all my fault."

MOTEL ROOM
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        Dean is sitting on the bed with his back to the headboard and the laptop on his lap. Sam enters. "Hey." Sam says.

        "Find anything at the morgue?" Dean asks.

       "Yeah. Uh, so, Wayne was banged up pretty bad. But on the back of his neck, just below his hairline... suction mark—identical to Carol's."

        "Okay, so, they both had marks, just like the hot trainer at Rollz." Dean says.

        "But she was skinny...and alive."

        "And just recently lost a ton of weight. When I asked her about the mark, she, uh—she clammed up, got all embarrassed." Dean says. "So, uh, I did some checking. And it turns out that she took a couple of 'me' days last month and went here." He turns to laptop around so Sam can see a website advertising a day spa called Canyon Valley.

        "Canyon Valley?" Sam asks.

        "Hm. Yeah." Dean pushes play on a promo video. Mid-tempo music plays and a voiceover with a female Peruvian accent.

         "When you look in the mirror, do you recognize the fat person staring back at you? Have you tried every fad diet, every fitness trend out there, but nothing seems to work? Here at Canyon Valley, we guarantee weight loss with no surgery.. No extreme dieting...and no intensive workout regimen. Guaranteed results in one week! You CAN reach your weight-loss goals. We did. But only if you reach for the phone and call Canyon Valley...Now."

       "How far away is that place?"

        "Couple of hours." Dean says.

        "I'll grab Elena."

CANYON VALLEY SPA
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         Sam, Elena and Dean are being interviewed by the two people from the promo video. A tall man, Larry, and his wife Maritza. "We were really, really moved by the online testimonials." Sam says.

       "Oh, yeah. That was some powerful stuff." Dean says.

       "And you guys are certified personal trainers?"

        "Yeah. Yeah, personal training friends." Dean says. "Kind of like Hans and Franz, but, uh, less German."

        "And you're certified in..." Larry starts.

         "Makin' people sweat! Yeah. Kickin' ass and takin' names!" Dean slams his hand on the table. "That's how we do!"

        "Uh...Uh, to clarify, uh, what my friend's trying to say is, we all have a passion for fitness and helping people." Elena says.

        "Oh, us too. In fact, that's how we first met."

        "I was Maritza's first client back in Peru. I was on a student visa—homesick, stressed, eating my troubles away." Larry says.

        "Oh, he was the size of a casa." Maritza says.

         "Oh, it's true! I was one empanada away from a heart attack. But then this... gorgeous godsend made me the lean, mean, fighting machine I am today." Larry goes crazy with some kungfu fighting techniques.

        "Ho! Oh..." Dean says.

        "But I digress. Now, the good news is, we are hiring. The bad news is, there's only one trainer position available." He looks at Dean. "How do you feel about working in another department?"

       "Huh?"

        The scene changes to a shot of the back of someone's head looking out over the lunch room at Canyon Valley. When the person turns around, it is Dean wearing a hairnet. Sam approaches from the hallway dressed in a tan-top and workout shorts. Dean smirks. "Nice shorts." He says.

       "Nice hairnet." Sam retorts.

        "Yeah, why do I got to be the lunch lady?" Dean asks.

        "Since when have you ever complained about being around food?" Sam asks.

        "Okay, this is not food." Dean says as Elena walks towards them in uniform.

         "Well at least you guys are doing something you enjoy." She says. "I'm stuck being a receptionist. I hadn't realized how much people talk."

         Another kitchen staffer named Alonso gets Dean's attention. "Hey, new guy. Quit flirtin' with the employees and keep scoopin', huh?" He asks as Dean glares at him.

        Sam checks his watch. "It's all right. My, uh...Ashtanga yoga class starts in five minutes." He says.

       "How the hell do you know anything about yoga?" Dean asks.

        "You're not the only one who's ever dated someone bendy." Sam says as he and Elena leave.

        "Hey, you have any oatmeal?" A Customer asks Dean.

        Dean chuckles. "Yeah, I wish. No, but we have, uh, something that's tofu over there. I—what is that? It's a pancake. It's tofu." He says.

        Meanwhile, Sheriff Donna and Maritza are entering a treatment room at the spa. Donna is wearing a robe which she takes off to lie on a table. "I feel like a baby asking this, but...Will the treatment hurt?" Donna asks.

        "Not at all. The only drawback of cupping is, it leaves a suction mark." Says Maritza. "It can bruise a little."

       "Cupping?"

       "Yes, ancient Chinese secret. All the celebrities do it. It draws out toxins, boosts metabolism. You'll feel good." She says.

        Donna exhales deeply. "Who knew?" She says and yawns. "Oh, excuse me. It's just so relaxing in here." She says.

        "It's the aromatherapy. The lavender really packs a punch." Maritza heats up a glass bulb and sets it on Donna's back.

        "Huh. Ahh. Geez. That's wa-a-a-rm." Donna slowly falls asleep as Maritza heats and lays another 4 bulbs on her back.

        When she can hear her snoring soundly, Maritza suddenly opens her mouth and a long translucent suction tube slithers out and starts to suck fat out of Donna's back.

SPA KITCHEN
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        Dean is leaning against a counter and typing on his phone. Alonso is buttering some kale on a tray but looks up to see Dean slacking. He throws a towel at him hitting Dean in the neck; jerks upright. "Flojo. You got time to lean, you got time to clean, huh?" Asks Alonso.

        Dean, annoyed, starts wiping the counter. "I'm starving. What do we get to eat?" He asks.

       "Same as the clients."

        "They expect us to eat this rabbit food?" Dean asks.

        "It's not rabbit food. It's super food."

        "I'm not eating it." Dean mumbles.

        Alonso sighs and sets a bowl of orange-colored pudding next to Dean with a bunch of empty bowls. "At Canyon Valley, we're supposed to lead by example." He says.

       "This is leading by example?"

        "It's not for us, stupido. It's for the clients. They're allowed to have pudding on their spa day." Alonso says. "It's like a—a last hurrah before the real work starts. Get to work." He walks off

       Dean sighs and starts to fill the bowls with pudding. He looks around to make sure no one is watching and then takes a small mouthfull of the pudding. "Mm. What do you know? Looks like it's my 'spa day', too." He chuckles lightly and slips a bowl of pudding into his apron.

YOGA CLASS
[ ☼ ]

         "Okay, good job, guys. Go to, uh... Downward dog." Sam grunts as he shows them. "Hold for five minutes."

        "Five minutes? It's usually 30 seconds." A Student says.
        
        "Right. Yeah, 30 seconds. That's what—that's what I mean. Okay, uh, I'll just come around, make sure everybody's form is okay..." Sam starts as  everyone's shirts ride up because of the upsidedown position. He notices that they all have suction marks on their backs. "...make sure you're, uh, keeping your cores tight, and, uh, your—uh, good job. Great. Straighten that back out."

        Meanwhile, Dean has hid away in some small pantry to eat his contraband pudding. He looks very pleased with himself. "Mmm. Mm." He tries to stand up when he is finished and he suddenly turns pale and sways sideways. He then completely loses consciousness and falls to the floor.

        Back in the Yoga Class, Sam is greeting everyone as they leave his Yoga class. "Well done today! Good job! Good work, guys! Good work! Okay. Good work. See you all soon. Good job." He says.

        Larry comes down the hallway towards Sam wheeling a pretty loopy Donna in a wheelchair. "How was class?" Larry asks

       "It was, uh...great. Yeah." Sam says.

        "Agent Frehley? What are you doing here?"

       "Agent Frehley?" Larry asks.

       "Uh, I-I-I don't know. She must be pretty out of it, huh?" Sam's cellphone rings "Oh, excuse me. Sorry. I got to get this. Have a good one." He answers. "Yeah?"

       "Sammy."

        "Dean? What's wrong with you?" Sam asks.

       Dean is face down and limbs tangled on the floor of the pantry. "I need your help." He says.

       "Where are you? Dean?!"
 
        Dean squints to see a label on a bag that reads Sweet Potatoes. "Sweet potatoes! Sw..." He loses consciousness again and his phone drops to the floor.