a/n
trigger warning:cutting/self-harm

~worse
/wəːs/
more ill or unhappy.~

~eddy~

things only got worse after that night. toni haunted his thoughts, his dreams, his everything. eddy wasn't okay. his eyes were more tired than before, his body was weak, and he started scratching himself till he bled. he dragged his nails along his skin one, two, so many times. each drag led to a cut, which bled. it bled out his thoughts of toni, even momentarily, which were moments of bliss. he heard toni sit on his bed, he heard her talking and felt her breath. he felt her pat his shoulder and hug him. it was torture.

he bled continuously, if it stopped, he'd scratch again. again and again and again. it felt so good. he scratched where toni had touched and scratched the figure too. eddy wanted peace, and this was the only way he could get it. his arms were covered in cuts and blood. it was the only way to get rid of toni. the pain it came with was worth it, for relief could wash over his mind.

every cut hurt toni more than it cut me, eddy thought. and the blood that gushes out is her leaving this world. so he cut and cut and cut. it felt amazing. it was like watching her die over and over again. it was a little morbid, but it felt like she deserved it. she broke his heart in the most heart wrenching way possible, and she deserved this.

eddy cut and cut. that's all he did. through the night and through the day. the only time he stopped was to listen to brett at night, for his voice brought him the comfort he needed without harming himself. but he went right back to cutting when his mind went off of it.

"eddy, i love you," toni said. she sent blowing motions are him. "oh, do come and meet my new boyfriend," she giggled. she'd nurture her new boyfriend more than she ever did with eddy. caresses and hugs and kisses were more passionate and she treated him so amazingly. eddy didn't want to, but he kept watching the two over and over again. his mind was drained, his head was spinning, and he kept on bleeding. he couldn't push them away. he saw his old memories with her in his peripheral vision, and he turned to look at the beautiful days. but every time he did, it just got replace with toni and her boyfriend. 

the figures dissipated into thin air when he heard the lullaby from the other side of the door. the familiar voice soothed him, and the world was normal once again. eddy wanted to say thank you to the other boy for staying with him for all this time, but his body refused and his mouth stayed shut. the soft goodnight resonated in the room, and when it disappeared, they came back. they tortured eddy for all this time, and wouldn't leave for anyone. except for an angel, who brought peace and happiness in this world, even for a short time.

and an angel would never let go

~brett~

"My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one i love," brett sung. "i'm standing on a stage of fear and self-doubt, it's a hollow play, but they'll clap anyway." the words danced on brett's tongue as he sung. he didn't know why this lullaby came to his mind, but he sung it. he sung it for eddy. "though the fear keeps me moving, still my heart beats so slow, my body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one i love." he sung to the end of the song with a small bit of passion. it was never really a chore, but this one felt like it had more meaning than the rest of the ones he had sung. and he ended it off, "set my spirit free, set my body free, set my body free, set my spirit free, set my body free." he held the last note for a little longer, as soft as his voice went. "goodnight," he whispered, and went to his room.

brett found himself staring at the ceiling for a long time. his mind was filed with thoughts, all of them filled with worry for eddy. his body urged him to open that door, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. brett's body would twitch when he refused to get up and open the door. he knew that eddy was fine, right? nothing had changed on the other side of the door. he couldn't disturb his privacy, he needed it. brett mentally slapped himself in shame. he couldn't go against his wishes, for they were best friends. 

eddy is fine, he thought, and forced his body to stay down. he shut off his mind and fell asleep. a nightmare came, eddy crying and screaming. his body was broken and he was covered in blood and tears. there were gashes running up every part of his body. he repeated five words again and again, "get out of my head." toni was giggling and tormenting the poor boy, with her boyfriend here and clear. eddy lifted up his head, his face was bone, and there were scratches all over it, bags were heavy under his eyes, and his eyes were completely black, no sign of colour or brightness anywhere. 

brett woke up in a cold sweat. he kept telling himself that eddy was fine, that nothing was happening. he felt his everything urge him to open that door. but he had a promise, he couldn't. he found himself gripping the handle, but alas, his hand never turned it. he snatched his hand away and forced himself to sit on the couch. brett told himself to stop worrying. eddy could never be like that, nothing could torment him that much. he picked up his violin to take his mind off of the boy, but he couldn't. eddy's mind could never worsen that much, his state would never be that bad. his body kept wanting to trudge forward, but a force held him back. brett stuck to the lounge room, as if some being never wanted him to reach his best friend again. some angels allow themselves to overcome the demons, for they will fix everything in due time, as fate says.

and angels know best