11 | Let Him Go

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Severus watched as you sleep, finally getting some rest after coughing up blood for a few times. That night was the worst night for you, and it was the worst for Severus as well, as he would never wished it upon his enemy to go through such agonising pain that you had to face, and it broke him to know that you were forced to go through those dreadful things because of your own feelings. Feelings that you could not control, and yet, you were facing the consequences.

Taking his eyes off your sleeping figure, he walked over to the window, staring into the distance as he could not wait for the morning to come so you could take the potion. He knew you would have a bright future ahead, and he wanted you to be able to go through it all, thus he promised himself that after you took the potion, he would make sure you would never have to face such love anymore. He would hex the boys that break your heart into oblivion, no doubt he would, that he saw how much you were suffering from your one sided love.

"Professor, why are you still here?"

He turned his head to look at you, who was frowning, clearly in disbelief that he was still there until night.

"I can't leave you alone after what happened."

He mumbled, and you smiled softly at him. He looked tired, but he still refused to leave your side after he saw what happened to you. You dared to think that he cared about you as more than a teacher, but you knew it was absurd. Surely, Professor Snape felt sorry for you, and nothing more than that.

"That's so kind of you."

You raised your eyebrows, chuckling under your breath when he rolled his eyes at you. He immediately rushed to your side when you tried to sit up, and his action made you burst into laughter. He narrowed his eyes at you, annoyed when you laughed instead of thanking him.

"I'm not fragile, Professor."

You patted his arm to assure him, and he just sent you a glare, a smirk was plastered on his face. His smirk dropped when you got out of the bed, the worst scenarios were swimming in his head and he could not help but stopped you from walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to get out of here."

"You can't, Y/N."

Crossing your arms against your chest, you shook your head at him, disagreeing with his words. Severus squinted his eyes at you, unimpressed, and he was ready to send you back to bed to make sure that you were safe and sound.

"I just want to sit on the bench outside. You can come with me."

Severus wanted to scold you to stay in bed and not to go anywhere but before he could start, you were already on your way to the bench. Sighing, the Potions Master decided to follow you, the least he could do after knowing that he could not help much to ease your pain.

"Look at the moon. So beautiful!"

You exclaimed, pointing at the big window facing the bench, the moon shining bright through the glass. Snape sat beside you, smiling as he saw your eyes sparkled with excitement at the sight of the moon.

"I can't wait for you to get better so you can go through your days like usual."

He mumbled under his breath, but loud enough for you to hear him. You nudged him with your elbow, wiggling your eyebrows playfully at the wizard.

"Do you miss me, Professor?"

"Don't push it, Miss L/N."

He warned, but unable to hide his smile as he tore his gaze away from you. You returned his smile and decided to spend your time with him as much as you could, when you realised, that tomorrow morning, you would see him as nothing more but a teacher.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, with those petals and blood. I know it could be terrifying."

You chuckled half-heartedly, feeling your heart ache at the thought of Severus witnessing your condition. You never wanted him to see you in pain, but it happened, and a part of you was grateful that he was there.

"If I was scared, I don't know what you must have felt when it happened."

Severus looked at you, knitting his eyebrows together as he could still remember your scream of pain that rang through his ears. You shrugged your shoulders, forcing a smile on your face.

"The first time it happened, I freaked out. I was so afraid because I was alone, but now I know I have people with me and it helps a bit, I guess."

You were frightened, but it comforted you to know that there were people around you who cared, and it was better than when you were crying in the bathroom alone, staring at the white petals for the first time.

Severus nodded at your words, and suddenly a thought ran across his mind.

"Is it one of the Weasley twins?"

He asked, taking you by surprise as you did not catch up with what he was implying, and Severus started to get annoyed.

"What?"

You tilted your head a bit, completely puzzled with his question that came out of nowhere. Severus was tempted to roll his eyes at you, but he decided against it, looking away from you.

"Are you in love with one of them?"

Your jaw dropped at his question, and a grin was cracked on your lips. Severus would never believe the fact that you were just good friends with the boys, and it showed. Shaking your head, you decided to tease him.

"Both of them, actually."

You answered casually, way too relaxed for his liking that he believed you were being honest with him. You almost laughed when you saw shock on his face, eyes wide and his mouth was opened to say something but there was no words from him.

"I'm just kidding, Professor. They're my best friends!"

Severus let go of his breath that he did not even realise he was holding, making you laughed at how irritated he was with what you did.

"You almost give me a heart attack, little witch."

His words only made you laughed harder, and it sent a smile upon the professor's face, admitting that the sound of your laughs was one of his favourite, but it concerned him to know that he might would never get to hear it again if you were consumed by the disease.

"You cannot let yourself die because of a person who does not love you back, Y/N. I'm quite angry that you could even think to do it."

"I'm sorry, Professor. I just can't imagine my life without loving him."

Severus could see how helplessly in love you were, and suddenly he felt guilty for fighting with you. He should not have force you to do something you did not want to do, but then again, he would never be able to live knowing that you sacrifice yourself for an unrequited love.

"It's hard, but I'll be your side, Y/N. Don't worry."

His warm words would put your heart at ease if he was not the one you loved, but now it sunk deeper within your heart, gripping like claws, ripping your heart out of your chest, and you had to breathe in sharply to hold back your tears.

"Why do you love him so much?"

You chuckled at his question, having a thousand of reasons to love the man named Severus Snape. It was astounding you with how easy it was for your heart to be bounded with his, and how tough it was for you to let it go.

"He's everything I need, Professor. I love him too much to let him go."

Petals bubbled in your throat as your feelings started to resurface, but you knew you had to let it out. Your love for him was too much, and sometimes you wished you could let him know of how loved he was, before you were going to forget about it as the sun rises.

"He is the bravest man I ever knew."

Many people would disagree with you with that, but in your heart, he would always be the bravest person to you. People could talk badly about him, saying things that could make you think twice about giving your heart to him, and sometimes you wondered if they were true, but Severus would always find his way into your heart, again and again, until your heart was filled with murderous petals and thorns.

"He's not brave enough to love you, Y/N."

Severus scoffed, and you could only smile. The professor could see adoration and affection in your eyes as you talked, and you had never talked about anyone else so passionately before. It reminded him when he was a fool in love, carelessly wasting his life for a woman in his past, and it scared him to see you living in his shadow. He did not want you to live in the same darkness that he did, alone and mad at yourself, waiting for the moment to let go.

"Perhaps I'm not brave enough to tell him that I love him so much."

Coward, you were truly a coward, for not even trying to create a chance to be happy with him. It felt as if your heart was stabbed with a thousand knives when you were so afraid to tell him the truth, but at the same time, you were scared to be rejected by him because you believed there was no place for you in his heart.

"I saw him in the Mirror of Erised."

You started, standing up from the bench, the reflection on the mirror kept flashing through your mind, reminding you of a memory that you were dreaming of, but you would never get to experience with him.

"You saw him?"

"I did. Every time I look into the Mirror of Erised, it's the same thing. My heart never changes."

Your breath hitched when Severus stood next to you, intrigued with what you had seen in the mirror, showing your deepest desire, the thing that you wanted the most. He was also worried if you dwell too much in your dreams, afraid if it would be your ruin.

"He was holding me in his arms, and I was laughing at something that he said. He looked so happy, and... And we were so happy."

You said, choking on your own tears as you realised that your desire was perfect, but it was too perfect for you and him, and it was not possible.

"He kissed my forehead and looked me in the eyes with so much love that he never gave to anyone else. It was just two of us, and it was just a dream."

You were crying now, smiling sadly at Severus who looked at you, heartsick, to know that such an innocent person as you had to face a tremendous heartbreak, that was putting your life on the line, and your own feelings at the other.

Severus has been taking care of you, making sure not even a soul could hurt you, and sometimes he wondered why he was so determined to keep you safe, but he never thought about it much, telling himself that perhaps he did it because he was close with you and that was it. But now as you cried in front of him, all because of a sorrowful heartbreak, it tugged on his heartstrings.

"Please tell me, Y/N. Who is he?"

Something stirred inside of him when you looked up at him with tears in your eyes, you seemed so tired and lost, that it hurt him physically to see how erroneous your feelings were treating you. Your lips trembled as you finally gave in, deciding to unveil the truth to the eyes of the man who had stolen your heart and made you wish upon the star for an eternal life with him.

"It's you, Professor."

Severus' heart dropped, and for a moment, he thought he was hearing it wrong, but a fresh wave of guilt slammed into him when you gave him a sad smile, tears streamed down upon your cheeks, and it hit him hard that he was the reason of your suffering, almost losing your life because you loved him. His heart shattered into tiny little pieces when your heartbroken voice drown him into a sea of feelings that he had never felt before, and he would remember your words forever as you finally said:

"I love you."

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