Unseen

I stand at your side, but you take no notice. I reach to touch your shoulder just to show myself that I'm here. I hesitate with one thought raging through my mind, "What if I can't truly be seen? Ignored is different than being unseen, wait no. It's not... Maybe if I can't touch it would explain why you don't see me? Right?" Out of my thoughts I go to touch your shoulder only to realize that you are no longer here.

You left me? H-how could you?

My blood boiled with hate as I soon realized that even if you could see me you wouldn't want to see a mistake like me. So I did the one thing I knew how to. I ran. Not physically, no. I ran from who I was. I became a shell, a carcass that once housed a soul.

Months passed and the change is evident, yet no one seems to raise an eye at my now decaying form. My thin body became nearly skin and bones, sleep was all I was good at, and signs of self-harm stood clear. I stopped caring if someone saw my new and old scars. Rather, I WANTED someone to notice. As usual, no one seemed to care that I was slowly rotting away before them.

Then the day came where it became too much. Opening the small bathroom medicine cabinet I stared face-to-face with my soon to be killer. Bottles of pills I had stashed for this very moment, the moment I gave in to your calls. I grabbed the bottles not giving notice to the few that fell in slow motion to the floor. Plopping down in my last resting place I open a bottle pouring its contents onto the table before me. White tablets spin from the motion of tumbling out of the bottle to slowly come to a stop. Picking up one I plop it into my mouth and repeat. Soon enough I have ingested ten. Not enough. I grab an unopened bottle and a glass of water, pouring the tablets into the water I sit and watch the pills dissolve into nothing. Sluggishly I pick up the glass tipping it towards my lips and gulped down the water. Once declared empty I slammed the glass down shattering it. Glass shards flew into my flesh causing me to wince in pain. Pain that I deserve.

Then, it hits me. Staggering to my feet to only fall to the ground everything seems to spin. My head pounds as if it is close to exploding and my limbs feel like large weights that even the strongest person could not lift. My eyelids feel heavy as my eyes close and succumb to the sleep I yearned for. With a small mile glazed upon my features I let death take me away from this pained life.