someone asks me if im okay

when was i ever okay

the dark clouds that are so beautifully textured feels like death and thats the only thing i can relate to anymore

the feeling of invalidation haunts me and i choke up every time i try to actually reach out and help myself

it doesn't work. it never works.

i have always been succumbed to silence

which makes me unable to say correctly what i truly mean

who am i

my safety comes first, but ive never had respect

i am safe. they cant hurt me.

but i can hurt me. they would all be a secondhand murderer if i decide a terrible fate for myself so early

why am i talking about my early and possible fate? didnt you know that death is a synonym for end and "fate"

why are they secondhand muderers? they dont respect me as a person

i already told them to give up. because it hurts when they actually try. they had their chances.

they would never know how i think and theres so much here from my perspective that would be lost in time, but its lost in time anyway.

when i think of going over what i really mean the sigh comes back naturally because a human sigh acts as a reset button

im so fucking numb and i dont care

i want to run away from these strange feelings, i havent felt feelings before

i want to run

away