Kelsey was having a nightmare. Her head hurt. Sometimes her eyes were open, sometimes they weren't. She could hear strange voices, sometimes really deep and slow, like a recording played at the wrong speed, sometimes really high-pitched and squeaky, like everyone had sucked up helium. Her nose was burning like hell, too, for some strange reason. Something was pressing on her chest, making it hard to breathe. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move at all.

Sometimes she thought she heard her mother and father. Her mother was crying. Not like terrified screams, but more like sobbing, quiet and without hope. Sometimes she heard Kiki, whose voice always ran up and down like musical notes, at least two or three octaves, along with Mike's toenails, clicking on the floor. For some reason the sound of his toenails was always very clear to her.

And sometimes, Kelsey was sure she heard her Jack, speaking to her in the voice that she loved, slow and soothing, with just a hint of humor, always gentle, always full of love for her. Even though she knew that was wrong. She, Kelsey had sent Jack away. She'd sent him to be with Marian, to try to have a relationship with her. Because she, Kelsey, was an idiot, a stupid, stupid girl. She also thought she could feel his hand holding hers, though she couldn't squeeze his hand back. She could feel the warmth of his flesh, of his fingers pressing on hers, rubbing her knuckles. Sometimes she even thought she could feel him pressing a kiss on them, that she could feel his soft lips on her skin. And she even thought she could smell Jack sometimes, through her burning nostrils, the fragrance of his hair, his fabric softener, and always, always, the smell of pool, of chlorine.

Then she'd drift off again, into gray fog, of pain, of paralysis, of the not known, of oblivion...

***************

The first time Jack had seen Phoenix at the hospital, only the presence of Doctor Okafor had kept him from hauling off and hitting him. It was the morning after Jack had first arrived; he'd spent the night, after sending his three friends home the night before. He rose from his chair in the hallway as the tall blond man walked toward him, clenching his hands into fists.

Phoenix saw him stand up and slowed down, arriving cautiously outside Kelsey's door. Kiki had come out of the room then, just in time to see them face off.

Dr. Okafor rose. She had been giving Jack an update of Kelsey's condition. She knew about the animosity between him and Kelsey's parents, and was kind enough to speak to him separately.

"Mr. LaGuardia?" she asked, seeing the expression on his face. "Is there a problem?"

"No," he replied, his jaw tense. "No problem." He remained standing, however, in a posture of aggression as he faced Phoenix.

Phoenix looked between Jack and Kiki, his expression unreadable. "What?" he finally said. "Is something wrong with Kelsey?"

"Are you kidding me?" Jack asked. "You have the balls to come slouching in here like this and ask what's wrong, after the load of garbage you shoveled to Kelsey's parents about me?" He had two bright spots of color in his cheeks, and Kiki grasped his hand, worried that he might actually just punch Phoenix right there in the hallway. She knew, of course, as did everyone there, about what Jack had done to Don Simonsen last summer.

"Oh, come on," Phoenix said, honestly surprised. "This place is private, dude, nothing's getting out, you know that, right? No one's going to know what happened. The story's never getting out, it's like it never happened. No police, no papers, no tabs, no publicity, ever." He looked at Jack, perplexed. "What's the problem?"

Jack looked at Kiki, incredulous, before looking back at Phoenix. "Her parents know!" he hissed, trying to keep his voice down.

"I'm going to check on Ms. Carlisle," Dr. Okafor murmured, beating a hasty retreat into Kelsey's room.

"They hate me," Jack continued. "They blame me for this, man! They'll never forgive me if--if--" he couldn't articulate what was going through his mind, and he clenched Kiki's hand hard enough to make her wince. "They'll never forgive me anyway, probably." He took another step closer to Phoenix, so they were almost nose to nose. "Why? Why did you tell them that I did this?"

Phoenix blinked at Jack and took a step back, widening the space between them. "Dude, I couldn't take a chance on anything like this coming back to me," he said as if it were obvious. "Kelsey's one of my stepmom's biggest assets right now. Do you know how much money her studio could lose if any of this got out? She's making a movie about a fucking Olympic champion! There can't be any scandal, especially about drugs, associated with her name right now. And what do you think my parents would do to me if they found out I caused this mess?" He raised a hand to take in the hospital. "My dad and stepmom are probably coming to check up on Kelsey tonight, with Raymond. They could run into Kelsey's mom and dad! I mean, Jesus!" He looked at Kiki and Jack, quietly indignant.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kiki interrupted. "Phoenix, you worm!"

"What?" Phoenix turned to her. "What's the big deal? It's not like anyone important knows. And Jack's not in the business or anything. Who cares what a couple from Iowa think about a college student from a hick town in Central California?"

"You hypocrite," Jack said, eyes narrowed. "Save the planet, but who cares about the lives of the real people who inhabit it, is that right? Don't pollute the earth, but go ahead and pollute your body, yeah?

"I would never, ever, have done this to her," Jack said, his voice venomous. "What the fuck were you thinking, what the fuck were you doing, that you--let--this--happen--to--her?"

"Dude, I didn't let this happen, she did it to herself," Phoenix retorted. "She's a coke-head, an addict, she was dying for it!" He crossed his arms. "What, do you think I held her down and forced it up her nose? She couldn't snort it fast enough, we didn't even have time to tell her it wasn't coke!"

"She was clean all summer," Kiki said evenly. "And the whole time she was with Jack, too."

"That's not what I heard from Don," Phoenix replied. "He said she was out of her mind on blow the night he did her, yeah, he said she must have snorted up half of Colombia that night, she was so fucking high, so don't give me that shit, Kiki."

"The night he did her?" Jack repeated. "I'm going to kill you," he said to Phoenix, taking a step in his direction.

Phoenix backed up, putting his hands up in front of himself.

"Here now, what's going on?"

All three of them turned toward the sound of the voice, and they saw Bob and Annette walking quickly down the hallway toward them.

"It's okay, Mr. Carlisle, Mrs. Carlisle," Phoenix said. "Don't worry about it, honestly. Everyone's really upset right now, that's all."

Bob had gotten between Phoenix and Jack, and was facing Jack. "Son, do you realize Mr. McTaggart is paying all of our daughter's medical bills out of his own pocket? Do you?"

Jack could only look back in silence.

"All you can do is stand here, outside Kelsey's room, and cause a scene while she's lying in there dying," Annette said, leaning toward Jack. "My beautiful girl, my only daughter--" she turned into her husband's arms.

"When we heard how you took care of her last summer, we thought you were a good person," Bob said as he patted his wife's back. "You have no idea, son, you won't know, until you have children, how it feels, the worry, the endless concern that never, ever goes away.

"Our Kelsey left home when she was practically a baby, blessed by god with that beautiful face, and all that talent," her father continued, a few tears leaking out of his own eyes that he let flow unchecked. "And we watched her star rise, always so worried about her, just waiting for the telephone to ring with the news that something terrible had happened to our baby, to our only girl chick.

"Well, god looked over her, or so we thought, until last summer, and even then, we thought he sent you to care for her," he lamented. Jack felt hot with shame. "And now look what's happened! A machine's breathing for her, her heart stopped three times, minimal brain activity--"

"The world is an evil place, an evil place..." he turned and walked away, arm in arm with his wife, a sad, defeated couple.

Phoenix looked after them for a moment, then took a step toward Kelsey's door.

"Don't you fucking dare," Jack breathed.

Phoenix looked at Jack, then at Kiki, then turned and left.

Jack went in, nodded at Dr. Okafor and took his regular seat. He reached for her hand, which felt dry and papery, almost as if it might disintegrate as he held it. All of her looked so friable, especially the skin of her face.

Dr. Okafor left, and Kiki entered, Mike at her heels.

"I'm going to go get something to eat," she murmured. "You want anything?"

Jack shook his head.

"I'm going to try to talk to Bob and Annette again, okay? They need to know the truth, Jack," she said when he turned to shake his head at her. "The things they're saying to you, the way they're treating you, it's not right."

"They need to blame someone right now," Jack said in a soft voice. "I don't mind if it's me. It's so not important, you know?" He turned back to Kelsey. "Seriously, don't bother, Kiki. It will only upset them more, and they don't need that. They're so old, and they're falling apart. Leave them alone."

Kiki left without saying anything else, but Mike stayed, curling up near Jack's feet. Jack took a disposable wipe and cleaned Kelsey's face with it, never letting go of her hand. He kissed her forehead when he was finished, whispering, "I love you, Kelseylove." He sat back in his chair.

Jack kept a firm grip on Kelsey's hand, and laid his head down on the bed next to her arm after a few minutes. He hadn't really slept the night before.

According to Dr. Okafor, there was no way to know if Kelsey would come out of this or not, but the longer she remained this way, the longer they had to leave her intubated, the worse the prognosis was. There was still some brain activity, but they couldn't tell if it was--something--Jack couldn't remember because he himself was too tired to remember well enough, he knew. He was going to have to talk to the doctor again, when he was well-rested.

He closed his eyes, and he thought he fell asleep for a few minutes, but he felt Mike's wet snout snuffling at him too soon after for him to feel like he'd rested.

"What? Mike, what?" Great, now he was talking to the dog. He lifted his head and looked down at Kiki's mutt, who was looking at Jack expectantly. Jack looked away, and Mike put a paw on Jack's leg.

"Dude, what do you want?" Mike was normally the most obedient of dogs, making his needs and wants known in the most unobtrusive way, so this was really out of character for him.

Mike looked at Jack and whined, which was strange. He followed the whine up with a short, sharp bark, which was really weird. Mike looked beyond Jack and then back at him again.

Jack turned and looked at whatever Mike had been looking at, then looked back at the dog.

"See, there's nothing--"

He turned around again, Mike forgotten.

On the bed, Kelsey, was looking at him, gray eyes dull, but definitely open, and aware.