Well.
Now I get to go to sleep knowing im a worthless piece of shit.
And a nobody.
As said by my dad.
:')
But
I already knew that.
And it's nothing new.
That's why I cry myself to sleep somtimes.
Knowing, that I mean nothing.
Especially from my shitty ass brother.
My mom tries to help, but in the end they all turn against me.

I am nothing.
Nothing to this world.
And I get it shoved in my face every day.

The only thing that makes me genuinely smile is my friends.
Online and irl.
And dogs.
I love my dogs.
But somtimes I think they hate me too.
Oh well.

Almost tempted to reach for that broken piece of plastic over there.
It feels good :')

I know I need help.
I know I need something else besides this.

But what if I don't want it?
:)

I am crazy.
Mental.

Stupid.
Irritating.

Worthless.

I have problems.
Serious ones but I have met my terms with it.
I don't even know what to call the feeling?

It's not sad, depressed, anxious, or anything bad?
It... It feels... Good.

I'm... Smiling. But not happy. Not in the slightest.
But I smile.
On the inside, I'm dead.
Angry.
Sad.
Pissed off most of the time,
But I smile.
Knowing, how easy it is to take a life.

It's so fragile!
It's great knowing that someones life can be taken so easily...
But...
Why is it so hard to take it?

Go ahead, tell me I need help.
I know I do, but... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Will it help?
Is it guaranteed?
No.
So how do I go get "help", knowing theres a chance it won't work?

I'll end it here before I get to different subjects but...

Yeah... I'm fucking crazy irl.
I SCARE my friends.
Lmao, its fun!

Yes, I know it's nothing to joke about,
But I dont joke.
Whatever I say
I mean it.
Even if it's scary.

If y'all knew what I talked about irl, y'all wouldn't be my friends.
That's what's guaranteed.

...