........ We all try to find logical reason behind sufferings.... Just so we can figure an actual way to avoid them..... Or at the most lessen them....

But at some point ... Where we realize..... That those are unavoidable....and meaningless....and more we wish to lessen them.... The harder they hit us...

It was the following afternoon that dr s found out.... That she was suffering from acute myeloid leukemia..... A condition where all white blood cells in your bone marrow are replaced by myelocytes...... And your immune system slowly stops fighting against its enemies......
And they attack you with all their might .... Just because you are at your weakest....... And vulnerable..... Ironically.... That was what had always happened in her case......

He stood near the door of the icu... With jiya fast asleep in his lap..... Due to excess crying.... Her eyes puffed....
And tears dried up on that little face.......
After a while.....
"mamma...." she chirped looking at her mom..... Regaining her conscious ...

Running to her..... She stood near her frail self.... While. Naina...her face glowing like a lantern..... Looking at this chubby little muffin.....

"mama.... Aap theek ho na" she asked..... Trying to check fever...... Patting her forehead......

"haan baccha..... Bilkul theek he mama" she raised herself..... To hug her.... But the pins and tubes pierced unto her skin.... Interrupt her... Making the little. One worried....

She smiled amyway..... Looking at rajveer.... Indicated him to come in.....

Asking him to take jiya outside. She couldn't bear her daughter watching her in a state like this.....

That night.... As he quitely nursed her in the hospital.... She didn't protest...... As he fed her... And jiya..... And tucked jiya to sleep... On the adjacent bed.....covering her with a warm blanket.....

"jiya ko tanu ke sath wapas academy bhej do..... I need to talk to you...." she said..... In a serious voice... And he obeyed....

There was an awkward silence for a while in the room..... Air of uncertainity......
His mind numb.... To figure what is it that he should speak.....

Once again.... She was the one to break the ice.....

"mujhe yahan lane... Aur jiya ka khayal rakhne ke liye thankyou" she expressed genuine gratitude.... Her tone devoid of sarcasm.....or mockery....

"main wo...." he was about to speak... As she interrupts

Staring at the wall....

"jaanti hun.... You must be a little shocked....it isn't daily that you encounter people bleeding out of
their noses..... And have to nurse them as well" she replied sassily.... Humouring her own misfortune....

She's learnt to do that very well since a long while ago..... Only in certain moments.. It is that she loses her composure ...

He isn't quite amused by her tone..

"you knew about it??" he asked.... Quietly....not very pleased by her choice of really odd situation to joke around..... But as he knew her the way she once was.... He could imagine.... Older counterpart of hers... Doing something of this sort ...

"yes...." she said... Pausing again..

"dr. Said that you have a considerable liver damage... Due to recurrent and reckless use of antidepressants.... That they found in your system......"
He asks accusingly...
Although he has no right to do that...... He knows it.... Its just that we are humans... And we tend to get too sentimental..... That we forget or ignore the backdrops....

And she laughs loud..... At yet another irony..... Her life is basically so full of them..... She sometimes gets confused which ones to laugh at....

" they are saying all bull crap..... Its just a little prozac .. Helps you take the edge off..... What harm could an innocent pill do"

"well.... Having them ten to fifteen times in a day.... Would do..... -that is what drs presume your daily intake was" he says.. And almost regrets.....

"hmm...i guess you are right" she sighs .

"so its official i guess..... I m dying...." she chuckles...

"no.... Don't say that" he is sobbing now..its hurting.... But no way to vent out......and no reason to as well...... He deserves this suffocation.... He is aware.... But only the cost at which he is recieving it is bothering him.....

"how many months do i really have ....." she asks in a serious tone...

"maybe six at the most.....isn't it"

He blinks.... But next moment he doesn't know where does he sum up enough courage. To say...

"they are talking shit... I won't let anything happen to you....." his pitch a little louder ....... And his eyes shining with a determination.... And grief.... As well... Not to miss that.....

She narrows her eyes.....amused...... And next moment he does realize that he is getting carried away.....

"i want you to look after jiya.... After i have gone..... She has no one else besides me.....and i know this is far too much to ask for...... But..... I..... Can't trust anyone else with her....." she says.... And he is taken aback......

"naina....." he is about to say something..... She intrudes again...

"i don't know if i have anything to give you in return.... Even forgiveness..... But.... Jiya.... She would be all alone.....we don't really have anyone to count upon...... ." her voice hoarse..... But humble.....
She was. There ready to put aside everything in the past.....and trust him once again.... What other choice did she have....

While all he wanted was a single ray of hope.......

" i have raised her..... Never telling the truth behind why her father would never come to see us.... Often like her friend's do....she is unaware amd innocent...... She deserves a happy family..... A father who loves her..... As far as i am concerned...... I am too worn out and toxic..... To raise her in a way she would grow up to be healthy..... Mentally and emotionally........ I am scared..... That this coldness..... Of my life... Would start affecting her very soon..... I don't want her to project my misery on herself...... Tum samajh rahe ho mai kya keh na chahti hun.... I have seen you with her...... And.... Its almost like i have started to believe...... That u can be a good father..... "

She asks.... As he is frozen....

"i will do it......" he answers. Obidiently ....
No doubts or questions......

"par meri ek shart he....." he says.....

"kesi shart...." she asks amused......
After hearing to the condition he had put forth.... She sighs....and nods.... As she is pretty sure he is just beating around bush....... And would get nothing out of his stupid endeavour.... Its too late..... To save her now......... Its been long ago that she has already given up.......
.
"agar ho sake to.... Ek aur cheez he..... Jo mai tumse. Chahti hun...... Mujhe nai pata.... Ke mera koi haq he bhi ke nahi..... Tumse wo mangne ka....."
Her tone a bit different.... Less firm . More uncertain..... And mostly disillusioned
"tum mangkar dekh sakti ho...... I won't disappoint you...." he says... In a delusive but honest tone..with a determination
"waqt aane par mang lungi..... And for one time sake.... I presume.... You would stick to the vows you make......"

He nods..... Not caring to wonder... What if she asks for something... That would be impossible for him to do.........

Had she wondered..... Wether the person she has decided to bestow her life upon....... Would love him back or not......
Its his turn now......

I know it would come across as a bit insensitive... Lacking emotions... And etc
... But its supposed to be this way.... The update.... And you will be convinced when i give the following ones....
Besides i m too tired of making you guys cry..... 😉😉.....
So.... Sorry in advance if you don't find it up to the mark.... Will try to do better in future updates......