Red Base/Sarge Grave
To Leo, Grif and Simmons looking straight down the hole.

Grif: Yep, that's a hole alright.

Simmons: That's what I told you!

Grif: Huh. And Sarge's body is gone.

Leo: He must of falling down it, when Simmons buried him.

Grif: Maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life, you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan.

Simmons: Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now.

Grif: Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll all just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck, while Leo yells at the blues.

Leo: Grif, I'm sure he cared about you.... he probably just didn't want to show it.

Grif: Tell that to all the times, he's tried killing me!

Simmons: Shut up and get in the hole Grif!

Grif: You suck, Simmons. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago.

Simmons: Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on three. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"

Blue Base
To the blues running away from Tex who's ruthlessly shooting at them.

Church: RETREAT!!!

Tucker: Aaaaaaahhhh!

Wade turns around and shoots an rocket at Tex but, she quickly rolls to the side, dodging it easily. Seeing her dodge his rocket, he falls back and continues to run with the others.

Wade: That didn't work!

Church: Don't shoot at her! You'll only piss her off more!

Caboose: Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Wade: Who is that, anyway!?

Tucker: That's Tex.

Sister: Whoah, he's a badass.

Caboose: (Gets hit) Ow.

Sister: He's kinda hot.

The Blues take cover behind their base.

Tucker: Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl.

Sister: Oh, sorry. She's a badass. She's kinda hot!

Tucker: She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend.

Sister: Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?

Church: Are you seriously asking that question right now?

Wade: I'm more curious, how you even got to date that women!

Caboose: Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends.

Tucker: Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain.

Caboose: You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends.

Wade: Why is she shooting at us?

Church: How do I know? This is like a common thing for her to do to us.

Tucker: Well, go out there and tell her to stop.

Church: Yeah, I'll get right on that.

Sister: Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?

Church: Uh- yes Sister, I am the leader, which is why I am officially appointing you, our Field Negotiator.

Sister: Awesome!

Church: Yes, congratulations we're all very proud of you. Your first job is to get Tex to stop firing at us.

Sister: Cool.

Sister stands up in to the line of fire.

Sister: Hey, Tex! Stop shooting you stupid bitch!

Tucker: Nice negotiating.

Wade: I think that just pissed her, off.

Church: She's not firing. I think that actually worked. Maybe she's outta ammo. Let me check.

Church stands up and is immediately shot in the head, leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind.

Wade: I guess, she's still got ammunition.

Tucker: Nice recon work.

Church: I'm gonna go get my body back.

Tucker: Yeah, good idea.

Underground Cavern
To the inside of the cavern, as Grif falls screaming to the ground and lands on the front of his face.

Simmons and Leo, fall down with him but, gracefully land on their feet.

Simmons: Tada!

Leo: That was a long fall!

Grif: (standing up) Ugh, you didn't have to push.

Simmons: Yeah I didn't have to, but it sure was fun. I got a cool screenshot from my visor of you flailing too. Guess who has a new desktop wallpaper... This guy!

Leo: (Giggles) Hey Grif, I think I see a bat on your head.

Grif starts jumping around, while smacking his head, trying to get rid of the imaginary bat.

Grif: There is!? Get it off, get it off!!

Blue Base
Back to the Blues behind their base.

Church: Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?

Tucker: Dude I don't even know what that means.

Tex comes running from the side, standing right in front of the group, aiming her gun at them.

Tex: Freeze! Nobody move.

Tucker: We're already not moving. You could have just said "everyone keep doing what you're not doing."

Tex: Shut up!

Tucker: Whatever.

Church: Tex, what is your problem?

Tex: My problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and I'm not trustin' anybody until I find out who.

Church: Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation.

Tex: You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?

Church: Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up until that point.

Tex: Typical.

Sister: Who's O'Malley?

Tucker: Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal.

Wade: It sounds like, a big deal.

Sister: Sounds scary.

Tucker: Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you.

Sister: Hyeah, that's what the last guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'. I'll just have Wade protect me, instead.

Tucker: Okay, never mind.

Church: None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ... Tex?

Tex: Who's that guy? (Gestures to Wade)

Church: Wade? He's the reinforcement that got here a few days ago.

Tex: What about the girl?

Church: What? Who Sister? Oh she's just a new recruit.

Tex: You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?

Church: Oh. Um...

Tucker: Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly.

Wade: This isn't going to be good.

Caboose: You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now.

The End
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