Anjali 

I didn't know what to say to him. His story was heartbreaking, he had truly loved her. The hint of sadness in his eyes was very evident as he spoke about his wife. In no time, he had lost not only his wife but his unborn child too - a perfect marriage and potential future perfect family. There was momentary silence before he continued. 

"If it had not been for Jai Jeeja and my sister, I would have sunk so low in life that I would have never made it out of the separation. I think , the realization that no matter what, Shikha and I weren't going to be happy together made it hard and easy at the same time. " 

Another silence followed and I finally gathered courage to speak looking at him,  "I am so sorry, Shiv. Looks like you and she had a wonderful time together." 

"We did Anjali, we really did. But, nothing can be done now." A slow smile appeared on his face and I think it relieved the tensed atmosphere around us.  

He had such a normal marriage with Shikha just that it ended due to irreconcilable differences. What do I tell him about my marriage? How do I tell him I was married to a not normal person? He was mentally sick and made me also mentally sick because he couldn't come out in the open to his own family and world. I could sense the tables turn around as now it would be my turn to speak "I don't know what to say ..It isn't easy. Thank you for your honest revelation. I am overwhelmed is an understatement. Shiv, I, um..my marriage" By now, I was stammering horribly, not to mention that my palms were all moist from sweat.  

He cut me off , "Listen, maine aap se pehle bhi kaha hai. Just because I told you everything right away, you don't need to. Aap bahot pareshan lag rahi hain. Please, relax. Chai thandi ho rahi hai." 

translation - You look very tensed. Please, relax. The tea is getting cold. 

Probably a good idea to sip some tea. I took a sip and saw him taking a sip too. No doubt, he had some table manners. A handkerchief in one of his hands, he paused wiping down the sweat tricking down his forehead. 

"Dekhiye, aapko jab bhi sahi lage, aap tab mujhse baat kar sakti hain. It isn't easy and honestly, I did recite a prepared speech for you. I really do understand this is overwhelming, Anjali!  Umm , I think you know who all are in my home. Currently, Dadi is staying with us although we would love if she stays with us permanently but she insists on going back to Punjab as that is where she has been all her life and that is also where my father sister, my Bua lives. Papa works with me in our little office. I think he should retire now but he won't listen to us saying he cannot sit alone at home. Then there is my younger brother, Harshit who also works with me. You have already met my elder sister Shivani and her daughter Riya. Jai Jeeja is Shivani's husband and my best friend." 

Translation - Listen, you can tell me whenever you feel its right.

Very easily, he had switched the topic taking over from me and had given me information about his support system. "You have a very nice support system, Shiv."

He smiled. "Yes, I do. I am very thankful about that as life gets in the way sometimes and then only your family and friends help you out." 

Of course, if it hadn't been for my support system, who knows , I would still be living with Manish. The thought itself sent shudders down my spine. "Yes, a support system is needed help help you get through during difficult times."

He nodded before taking another sip. I had to say something as it's not fair to him that he is making all efforts. 

"Umm. Shiv, Thank you so much for understanding that this is not easy for me. I am sure it's not easy for you also but I .. I really don't know how to share this. I didn't even think of re-marriage until Dadi put forward this. My marriage put me through depression and I did take therapy and anti-depressants at one point of time."

My thoughts all over, I didn't know what to share vs. how to share. 

"Anjali! I know it's a little harder to understand someone in just one meeting which is why I am telling you that I am not that kind of person to look down on mental health. If you were prescribed therapy and anti-depressants, that was probably in your best interests. I am sure, I would have been prescribed something like that too had it not been for Jai who counseled me. You can say, I was in therapy with him." He gave me a small smile. 

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to say that it was easier for you." I felt horrible right now and somewhere I wanted to puke again. However, I decided to push those thoughts aside as thinking of puke almost certainly makes you puke.

"No, don't say that. You did not offend me. And I repeat, you can tell me whenever you are comfortable. You clearly look unwell Anjali. Should I get something for you?" 

I nodded in a no. However, I wanted to tell him I need to go home. Instead, I took another sip and said  "I am fine. Thank you, Shiv." 

Raising his eyebrows, he spoke "You are welcome. I just have one question for you " My heartbeat rose at that. What was the question?

He continued, "What does marriage mean to you, Anjali?"  There was sincerity in his voice

My thoughts screamed in my head, It mean't everything that I didn't have in my mine.  

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, it wasn't a difficult question and I think I knew why he was asking me this. 

"Marriage to me, is a serious lifelong commitment, that two people make towards each other. A husband and wife do a lot of things to make life easier for each other, which is why I believe they are called partners. With love, the same people make a home and ultimately make a family. My answer might sound very scripted. It comes from observing my own parents, my closed ones and Pooja." 

He gave me a very serene smile, was he really the calm after my storm as per Papa? I didn't know what else to say. Our tea was done and I looked at him to which he spoke as if almost waiting for me to say something "Those are some really good marriages you have seen then. I feel the same. Well, I did ask you this to get your opinion on a marriage. Umm Anjali, Aap mujhse kuch puchna chahti hain?"

Translation - Is there something you want to ask me?

"Shiv, I , no. I don't know now. " I responded. 

"Ok, I grew up in Mumbai and have only lived away from the city for like a month when I was doing internship in Bangalore. It was fun in the beginning but I missed home by end of it." He chuckled.

"That's nice. I grew up in Mumbai too. I lived in Pune for almost two years with my, umm in laws. I sometimes have to travel for work. My company likes hosting conferences in different cities so that all employees are motivated and get to meet employees from other cities too. It's usually for a day or two combined with a weekend so that people can make it a mini vacation as well." I was definitely trying to be open and honest here. I never thought Pune would come up so easily but I definitely did want to share travel part of my job although it was very rare.

*Pune is a city 3.5 hours drive away from Mumbai.  

"That's nice. I like travel but not too much. Recently, the only travel I make is home to office or home to sabzi mandi. Oh wait, Mumbai - Delhi should be included too as Shivani lives there."

sabzi mandi= vegetable market

The atmosphere around us was no more tense and that made me smile, "Did Shivani Ji go back?"

"Yes, she did, last week. Jai Jeeja had come to pick her and Riya up who was beyond excited to go back home. I guess the belongingness that a home provides is also felt by kids." He smiled a lot and I liked his smile. 

"True. I can relate. After travel, the best thing is to be home and sleeping in your own bed. I am sure Riya is enjoying her time with both her parents. She is a good kid."   

"She is. Shivani and Riya stayed over a little longer after my mothers barsi last month. We have a small 'Puja' at our home for my mother and we are all together each year for it." 

barsi = death anniversary

"Shiv, I am so sorry about your mother. " Mothers play such an important role in our lives and I don't even know what it means to not have my mother around. I missed her during my dark days terribly but I knew that she was atleast happy and healthy with Papa. 

"Thank you Anjali. It's been fifteen years now."

We continued to chat about work and then somehow we were talking malls and newest restaurant chains in the city. 

"Anyways, is there a time you need to get home at? I can drop you. " Shiv asked

"There isn't a time but I would prefer getting home before rain Gods decide to come pouring down and block all the roads again." It was still the month of July and officially the 'rainy season' in India. 

 "I agree. Anjali, I will leave it to you when you want to meet next. I really enjoyed this even though it was awkward in the beginning" He said.

"Thank you, Shiv. Thanks for being so honest and thanks for also umm keeping patience with me."

The waiter as if on the cue, put down the bill for two chai's infront of us. He pulled the tray of bill towards himself authoritatively and said "Please don't ask me to halve this. This is because of Dadi somewhere. I will pay for this and maybe ask for money from her. " He had a very amused look on his face

I laughed, "You will ask money from Dadi?" 

He raised his eyebrows and sighed and then smiled, "It's fun when Dadi gives 'kharchi' and I love demanding 'kharchi' from her."

Kharchi - a token of money given as blessing to children.

We both left the coffee bar and walked towards the exit of the mall. I don't think Shiv should be dropping me, the neighbors will use this to again taunt on us but could I tell him that? 

"Shiv, I am really sorry but I don't think it's a good idea for you to drop me. I will take an auto or taxi. I hope you understand." 

He nodded, "Ok. Will you message once you reach home safely?" 

"Yes, I will. Thank you again, Shiv"

"Thanks, Anjali and I hope to see you soon."

Shiv

I was driving back home. I indeed recited the speech I had prepared about my first marriage and once I had recited it all, it felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my chest. I wonder why we judged mental health over physical health. My heart shuddered when Anjali said she had to be put through therapy. This woman who was sitting infront of me had endured too much in life. No marriage should put a person through so much suffering. I was still curious but I had to understand, this was indeed difficult for her. 

A nagging thought wouldn't leave me the entire journey - I had to maintain a lot of patience with her. Would I be able to understand her and keep her happy?

I reached home to find Harshit lazing around like any other Saturday while Dad was watching  the evening news. Dadi might be cooking in the kitchen and must have asked Harshit to stay out of kitchen as Harshit's and Dadi's cooking styles were very different and Dadi didn't feel comfortable when Harshit was in the kitchen as he would dance around with knives. It was funny watching their banter. 

"Bhai, how did it go?" My brother asked me looking over from being a couch potato. Dad muted his news as he looked at me too. 

"Well. I am going to change and freshen up." I responded. As much as I loved my family, right now I just needed peace. They both nodded and went back to being glued to TV again. 

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I found Dadi resting in her room after dinner, getting ready to go to bed. I kneeled down beside her and rested my head in her lap feeling like a child all over again. Was the society ok with men being emotional like this? 

"What happened my child? How did your meeting go with Anjali?" Dadi ran her hand over my head. 

"Dadi, I told her everything about Shikha and my marriage." 

"Very good, beta. Good that you let her know right away."

"Dadi, she has been badly hurt in her marriage." 

"Did she tell you everything?"

"She found it difficult to tell me. She told me few things which were enough to know she has been hurt."

"Does it bother you, beta?" Dadi asked

I raised my head and looked at my old Dadi, "Dadi, out of curiosity, why didn't you look for a younger girl who has never been married before for marriage?"

She smiled very warmly at me, how luck I was to have Dadi with me even at this age "Beta, is that what you want? We can do that. I just thought that you and her can reach an understanding easily. Tum bahot himmat dikhate ho beta, but you are hurt and you are broken too somewhere. I also saw that she was hurt and broken too. She can help you forget your pain just like you can help her forget hers. One more thing, listen very carefully beta. Only when you have lost or missed something, do you realize the worth of it.  You understand what I mean, right?"

Translation - you show a lot of strength. 

"Yes, I understand." 

"Then, take time and decide. Decide about Anjali and also about marrying a girl who has never been married before." 

"Hmm, Dadi - What if I cannot help her which is to say that I cannot understand her?"

"That is why you take time, meet her and decide.See how she opens up to you and what that effort means for you? " 

"Hmmm, Dadi - one last question?"

"Yes, will you give me kharchi for buying her and myself chai ?"

She lightly tapped my cheek. "How much did the two chai's cost?"

"700 Rs." I responded

"Oh My God. Were you feeding chai to entire store?" She said that so dramatically but in her defense she didn't know how costly it was to drink chai at a modern place. 

"No Dadi, that is how much it costs these days in a decent place."

"Ok, I will give you Rs. 1000." Saying so, she pulled notes from a tiny purse that she kept below her pillow. 

I felt like I was being given a candy and kissed her good night on her cheek and left her room after turning off her lights as per her request.

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So, how was the meeting now that it has officially ended ?

Shiv is thinking a lot, may be his insecurities are coming out?

Anjali found herself at ease but she does eventually have to tell him things about her first marriage. 

Do vote and share if you like !

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