Hiccup woke up to a familiar voice echoing through the wood of the ship. It was coming from outside, from quite a few ship lengths across the sea. But it was strong and defiant.

"Oh, the sea is where I belong, men,

"The waves tumble my ship, tossing her about a ten-

"Fold, but I wrench the helm and raise the sails,

"And let the storm carry me again and again."

By this time, Astrid had woken up, and both she and Hiccup were listening intently. The song turned even more defiant than it already was, ringing loudly and true.

"Ho-ho, a pirate I choose to be,

"Ho-ho!

"Oh, hoist the colors, lads!

"Let the ship carry us through

"To the battle across the sea!

"Grab the tiller and ready the oars,

"Pillage the enemy of rock-headed boars,

"And chant with me, chant with me...

"A pirate I choose to be!!!"

Astrid looked at Hiccup, who was grinning like a madman. "What's that?"

"Camicazi," he said. He looked through the hole in the wood, and his eyes lit up. "And she brought the entire Berkian fleet, with the Riders mounted."

"So Stormfly's with them?"

"Yup. Sadly, Toothless isn't with them...probably watching the dragonets....." Astrid looked crestfallen for a moment.

And then something exploded on deck, followed by the unmistakable war cry of the infamous Thorston Twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Hiccup grinned as the cell door flew off its hinges. "Come on!" He ran to the weapons rack, grabbed his firesword and dagger and Astrid's axe, and ran back to give it to her. Astrid had located her hood and shoulder pads, and was busily strapping them on.

Hiccup and Astrid ran to the deck, weapons drawn. Savage was in their way, sneering and brandishing the whip. Then Camicazi dropped down in between the couple and the Berserker. She smiled and cocked her head slightly. "Parlay?" Savage blinked, confused, and then Stormcloud appeared out of nowhere and landed on him, smashing him against the deck. Camicazi winked at Hiccup and Astrid.

"Do you plan this all out?" Hiccup asked. Camicazi's eyes gleamed.

"Nope. Welcome to the life of a pirate!" And then she zipped off, slashing her sword and yelling valiantly, "HOIST THE COLORS, LADS! / MAKE WAY FOR OUR SCURVY CREW! / OUR SWORDS ARE SHARP, OUR WAYS ARE FIERCE / OH, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!"

Astrid fought like a demon, whirling around and dispatching enemies with one stroke of her axe. Dragons swarmed the ships, blowing up some. Hiccup fought like he was born out at sea, his sword moving so expertly it was almost an extension of his arm.

Dagur cornered him at one point. "Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup," he chided. "You should know better than to bring a sword to an axe fight." Hiccup grinned and eyed a coil of rope Dagur had unknowingly stepped into.

"Of course I do," Hiccup said, inching sideways. "But you should know better than to bring an empty head to a battle of wits." Dagur looked confused for a moment. Hiccup slashed his sword and burned through the ropes connecting to the mast. The sail flung open and the rope tightened around Dagur's leg. He was thrown into the air, and Hiccup grabbed hold of the opposite end of the rope, swinging around till he landed nimbly on the rigging. Dagur frustratedly untangled himself and crashed onto the rigging across from Hiccup. Hiccup sheathed his firesword as Dagur stalked toward him unsteadily. Hiccup leaned against the mast nonchalantly.

"You are gonna kiss these boots when I'm through with you," Dagur hissed, swaying in the wind. The armada had moved into a wide river, but the gale was just as strong as out at sea.

"Am I?" Hiccup smirked and dug his dagger into a different coil of ropes. The left side of the sail shot upwards, flinging Hiccup and Dagur into the air. Hiccup remained in that relaxed lounging position, as if for all the world he was in the Great Hall for a party instead of free falling toward an enemy boat. Dagur, meanwhile, was wriggling about aimlessly as he tumbled through the air.

"Idiot!" Dagur shrieked. Hiccup ignored him.

They landed on the deck of another Berserker war ship: Hiccup on his feet, graceful and controlled, and Dagur on his face, spread-eagle like a rag doll someone had neglected and tossed on the ground. He quickly popped up and drew his sword.

"You want a sword fight?" he growled. "I'll give you one! I will chop off that oversized head of yours!" Astrid laughed in spite of herself down on the deck as the two chiefs fought. Hiccup had no trouble whatsoever fighting Dagur with a sword. He'd parry every lunge, feint every strike. He hopped onto the rigging of the ship, and there ensued the swordfight; one of the legendary battles told in fairy tales, fought upon the mast and sail of a ship.

Hiccup grabbed a rope and swung onto the deck of Dagur's ship. Astrid stood there, gawking.

"How...?"

"Eh," Hiccup shrugged, slightly breathless, "I improvise!" And then Dagur swung onto the deck next to Hiccup, clashing swords with him. The fight continued again on the rigging, Hiccup dodging and weaving expertly.

This went on for about five minutes, during which the Berkians had decimated the Berserkers. There were only small fights now.

Hiccup ducked under a thrust from Dagur, and suddenly something wrapped around his leg. Then that something yanked him down. Hiccup hit the deck back first, knocking the wind out of him. He winced and gasped for breath, and Savage appeared above him, holding the whip. Dagur jumped down and stood next to him. "Nice work with the whip," he commented. "Wrapping it around his foot like that...you'll have to teach me sometime."

"Yes sir."

Hiccup coughed and tried to get up. Dagur chuckled and pressed his foot on Hiccup's chest, pinning him to the ground. "Your friends are distracted, boy. I have my finest vessels working with them. They can't save you. And...you can't save your girlfriend." One of the Berserkers had Astrid tied to the mast, and he was holding a knife to her throat.

"Hiccup, I ask a simple favor from you, " Dagur continued. "You lead me to that Night Fury of yours, and I will only kill a few of you. Refuse...well, we can start by killing her," he gestured to Astrid, and the guard pressed the knife against her throat, drawing blood, "very slowly, right in front of you. Then we'll kill your family, your friends, your tribe...and then you."

Hiccup gritted his teeth and flung Dagur off him. He drew his firesword and dagger. He and Dagur circled each other for a moment. Then Hiccup set the ground in front of Dagur on fire, knocked out Savage and Astrid's guard, and ran to free Astrid. He sliced through the ropes and Astrid collapsed, holding her neck where the guard had cut it. Hiccup examined it; it wasn't a deep wound, but it had scared Astrid.

Hiccup looked back at the fire he'd started. It was getting bigger, and Dagur hadn't gotten through it yet. Then Hiccup's heart skipped a beat. Hanging in the air was a thick yet dispersed sheet of Zippleback gas. If the flames touched it...

Hiccup called Stormfly. She landed on the deck. "Astrid, go," Hiccup ordered. "I'll hold him off."

"Hiccup--"

"Astrid, the ship's about to blow," Hiccup said desperately. He gestured to the gas. "Get out while you still can."

"Hiccup, I'm not leaving you!" Astrid shot back. "You might get killed!"

"Maybe I won't," Hiccup said. He helped Astrid onto Stormfly. Dagur started to make his way through the fire as it rose higher, closer to the gas. Hiccup looked up at Astrid. He gripped her hand.

"Make sure you come back," Astrid said.

"I will. Now go, for the love of the gods, go!!!" Astrid nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks, and took off.

Then the ship exploded.

----

((A/N Well, aren't I a terrible person? >:3 Before you go on, take a break, will you? Go grab a snack, something sustaining with oats in it, preferably. Listen to some music. Read a less stressful fanfiction. Read an adorable OTP AU. Get a drink of water. Maybe watch a few episodes of your favorite TV show.
Good now? Great. I'll let you get back to biting whatever dishevelled fingernails you have left.))

----

Even before Stormfly had taken off, Astrid knew Hiccup wouldn't be coming back. Despite this, Astrid had still screamed "NO!" when the ship exploded. The blast created a shockwave that shoved against the Nadder and sent her spiraling toward the far shore of the river. Then she'd hit a tree, and crashed to the ground.

Now Astrid was propping herself up with one arm as she watched the blazing ship disappear beneath the waves in a hiss of steam. She spotted Dagur being hauled aboard one of the retreating ships, shaken up but alive.

Camicazi landed Stormcloud next to Astrid and helped her up. Astrid wanted to scream, shout, curse at Dagur as he fled from the scene. She wanted to blame him for every bad thing that had ever happened to her and to her world: Hiccup. But Astrid didn't make a sound. She was tougher than that.

At least, that's what she believed until she looked across the river and saw the other Riders gathered. Dread built up inside of her. Please, Thor, please let it not be what I think it is. She hopped onto Stormfly and flew across the river, Camicazi following.

Astrid landed Stormfly and vaulted off her back, shoving past the Twins and Snotlout. Then a gasp caught in her throat. Valka stood silently, her head tipped downward and her hands folded. In front of her, Hiccup laid on the ground, silent and...still. Not even the faintest breath. Astrid held her hands in front of her mouth. This isn't happening...it's not happening! It's not real! "No," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. "No, no, nonono!"

She ran forward and collapsed to her knees, cradling Hiccup's head in her arms. He was covered in burns and scrapes. Astrid bit her lip, trying not to cry, but she couldn't just remain emotionless while she held all that had ever mattered to her in her arms. Tears ran down her cheeks and dripped off the end of her nose. "Hiccup, come on, don't do this!" she whispered. "Please! We need you! Toothless does, the Riders do, the entire tribe does!" She closed her eyes and pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around him tighter. "I...need you," she whispered into his ear. Valka looked on sadly, silent tears running down her angled face. Camicazi put a hand on Astrid's shoulder as Astrid began to sob. Some of the dragons moaned softly, their eyes full of sorrow. The tribe gathered behind the Riders, who looked thoroughly depressed and miserable, and someone in the crowd began to him a mourning song.

Astrid felt terrible. She cursed herself for wanting to go along and fight the Berserkers in the first place. In a way, it was her fault for this. And now she knew how Hiccup had felt that day she had died in his arms. It was a creepy thing, knowing that you've died once, and yet you're still on the earth as a living being, but that was beside the point. Astrid had felt crushed when Stoick died; he was her boyfriend's father, and to her, he was family. But never had she felt so demolished, so empty. Her best friend, her counselor, her idol, her chief, her everything, was gone. Astrid cried harder. Nothing could fill that void that had just collapsed in her heart.

And then...

Hiccup coughed. The person who'd been singing that funeral song shut up immediately. Fishlegs fainted with relief. Camicazi looked happy yet flustered, like she was thinking, Wait a minute...how...isn't he...but I thought...what? Astrid was stunned for a moment. Hiccup coughed again and sat up, holding his head and groaning.

"What?"

"HICCUP!" Astrid threw her arms around him and cried joyfully into his chest. Hiccup, who looked genuinely frazzled, put his arms around Astrid in a dazed way.

"There was an explosion," he muttered. "Then I blacked out...and felt like I was drowning...so I held my breath until I couldn't hold it anymore...why are all you guys looking at me like that?"

"We all thought you were dead," Tuffnut summed up. Astrid shot a glare at him that said, Not helping!!

Valka helped her son to his feet and hugged him. The tribe cheered and clapped. Valka put her hands on Hiccup's shoulders. "Now, don't go leaving me for Valhalla like your father did," she laughed. Astrid jumped to her feet. Camicazi grinned at Hiccup.

"Geez, how often do you do this? Go around scaring people by seemingly dying?"

"He's...well, let's say this isn't the first time he's scared us into thinking he was dead," Astrid said. Hiccup nodded.

"The first time was when I lost my foot," he said. "Kinda blew up a giant sea dragon and crashed into its tail...almost died in a fire....gods, it feels like every time I almost die it involves fire."

Valka looked at Hiccup accusingly. "And how come I haven't heard about that incident?" Hiccup's face went from happy to sheepish.

"Welp, I think it's time to go how about you guys huh I mean we should probably get going--" Astrid grabbed his braids as he walked off, jerking him back toward the group.

"You're not going anywhere," she chided, "not until I'm done with you." The crowd ooh-ed jeeringly. Astrid kissed Hiccup, and the crowd ooh-ed again. She pulled away and Hiccup blinked.

Camicazi cackled and slapped him on the back, and he stumbled into Astrid, laughing. "You got yourself the world's best girlfriend, man!"

Hiccup turned a shade of red.

Astrid winked at Camicazi. "You bet he does," she concurred.

Camicazi laughed and punched Hiccup lightly. "You did good back there...for a boy, anyway."

"Ha ha! Wait...wait, Camicazi, what's that supposed to mean?... CAMICAZI!" She was busy running off to get her dragon.

Hiccup looked very clueless. He turned to Astrid. "What Dagur said back there....is my head really oversized?"

Astrid smirked and folded her arms. "Your hair is."

"Hilarious." The crowd laughed loudly.

Camicazi returned with Stormcloud. "Welp, dragon boy," she chirped, "this farewell?"

"Not yet."