Ricky was right. I did need to get out of that room. At this point, I can't get the smell of hospital out of my nose. It's been so long since I've got to fight and do what I do best. All Kuza does is sleep anyways. He doesn't know who I am right now either. So, I figure I might as well go do something more productive. Ricky said that he couldn't find any files to help Ryan but he knows someone that might be able to help. That someone happens to be at this conference in Japan. Funny how things work out.

I didn't ask Kuza straight out if he knew who I was but I can just tell. If he did know who I was, he'd be telling me how much he loves me. He does remember Chris, which tells me he has some of his memories. According to Chris, based on some of the things he's said, his mind is at about his freshmen year of high school. The doctors said it'll start to catch up.

As far as Chris is concerned, he's still pretty weak. Ryan is using the same treatment on him as Kuza. It's beneficiary for him to be in Kuza's room then. That's the only person Kuza really cares to see. He gets happy when I walk in the room just because he's grateful I'm caring for him. For all I know, with how jumbled his thoughts are, he could think I'm just an attendant or a nurse or something. Chris has to stay in there to be near the small alter Ryan's built up in that room. And wherever Chris is, Angelo will be right by his side. I don't have to worry about Kuza being alone.

Until he gets his memories back, I need to get out and kill some shit. It's useless for me to be in that room anyways. I'm just taking up space and provided unnecessary stress on his mind. It is hard to feel completely confident knowing what I'm leaving back home. A nice dress and a private plane can only boost your ego so much. I still have some morals, as much as I might hate to admit it.

"Something's bothering you." Ricky said as he approached my seat.

I remained staring out the window at the water below us. We still had hours left in our flight. I sighed, "I feel bad leaving Mike. I know the doctors said that he won't even remember the first six months of his recovery but I remember. I know I skipped out on him."

"Honey, don't think that way. You didn't 'skip out on him' or anything like that. You have a job to do, and you're doing this to help him." He reassured me. "Hey, look at me."

My eyes dragged themselves over to his. Ricky leaned down and kissed me. It was so sweet. I could really feel his love. He loves me. It sounds so dumb and simply to say but think how many people can't say that? I have a good man that loves me. In fact, I have two. That's more of a curse than a blessing. Maybe Kuza won't get all his memory back. It's possible for him to become stuck where he is. He maybe never remember me...

He'll never remember all I've hurt him. That's true, but it also means he'll forget the good times we've had together. Despite all the anger and lust, we did have good memories from Graham. The times we'd sit in the court yard together and laugh at all the gangsters that thought they were so cool. We'd share a cigarette and he'd sing to me from time to time. I remember a few times, he'd start to get embarrassed and would begin to make out with me as an excuse to stop. I wish I wouldn't realized back then that he would hold me the way he held me the night we made love. Fuck... If I could choose any memory to give back to him, it would be that one. I don't want him to forget that night.

Ricky had managed to make his way on top of me. I fell back into the space between the bench seat and the window. He wasn't trying to fuck me or anything like that. Ricky just wanted to kiss me and feel close to me again. Unfortunately for the both of us, my mind was wandering off. I was thinking too much about Kuza. As soon as I started to recall that night, my eyes welled. Ricky broke away from me the second he reached I wasn't kissing him back.

"Baby, what's wrong? What did I do?" He asked. His eyes searched mine frantically for an answer he wouldn't find.

I sniffled, sitting up more, "It's not you. I was... I was just thinking about Mike."

Ricky sat back, setting into the space beside me. "Wanna talk about it?" He rubbed his hand up and down my back to calm me down. He's such a good husband and I really take him for granted. I mean, really? What husband is going to sit and listen to their spouse cry over the person they had an affair with?

"I was thinking about some of the times we've shared... and how... How I don't want him to lose those memories. What if he never gets them back? Or, what if he's got himself? A lot of times, when people go through what he did, their personality changes. I read a bunch of stories online. They said people usually become mean and irrational when they pull through this."

"So far, he's been okay. He's getting his memories back at a good rate. He might've been self destructive but he was a very sharp man. You can tell in how fast his recovery has been." He sighed, "I'd hate to be so cliche to say this, but only time will tell. Trust me, I wish I had all the answers, Baby. If nothing else, just to ease your mind."

I rested my head against his shoulder, "Why are you so good to me? I'm a fucking mess and a horrible person."

He snickered, "So am I, but that doesn't mean we are incapable of love. I might be a fucking asshole to nearly everyone I meet but that's just because I'm saving all my love for you."

I softly smiled as I looked up at him, "You're so fucking cheesy. I love you." I yawned, "I'm tired."

"I am too. There's a bed in the back. You wanna go lay down?" He offered.

"Gladly." Though I didn't want to, I forced myself to get up. At least I'd be in a bed in a few minutes. I stretched out, groaning, "I can't remember when the last time we slept in a bed together was."

"Two nights before you had left for Scranton with Ryan." Ricky muttered. I stared at him blankly and he returned, "What?"

I didn't answer with words and kissed him as passionately as I could. Upon catching my breath when we parted, I whispered, "I'm sorry. Please," I messily tangled my fingers in his hair, "Please don't ever leave me. I... I don't mean a divorce. I mean please don't die first because I don't think I could live without you."

He got a cute little smirk, "Don't worry, Baby. When the time comes, I plan on us going out like Bonnie and Clyde." Ricky stood up from the seat, offering me his hand, "Come, my beauty. Let's get some much needed sleep."

Who would've thought a dirty fed could be such a perfect husband? I took his offered hand and journeyed back to the bedroom with him. Ricky started to take off his jeans and shirt, since he typically only sleeps in his boxers. I stripped myself of my long dress and crawled into the sheets with him. It's been too damn long since I've fallen asleep in his arms. I haven't felt this peaceful in a damn long time.

| | |

It was nice to get some real sleep in an actual bed. Ricky's warm arms wrapped around me made it so easy to fall asleep. We both woke up about the same time. Our flight was to land in an hour. I used most the time to put on some makeup. We have to go straight into a meeting as soon as we get to the hotel. Ricky re-read all his files just to be safe. He will memorizes those things front to back.

I was in the mood to be a tease. He's not going to object. I put my foot up on the edge of his seat so I could put on my garter belt that doubled as a holder for my switchblade. Where else am I going to put it when I'm wearing a dress? The bondage straps that wrapped around my chest weren't just for looks either. I had fashioned a gun holster into them. Black on black on black makes it hard to most people to even realize I'm packing. Especially when I put a leather jacket over it.

Ricky ran his hand up my fishnets, taking in a breath, "You're a Goddess."

I snickered, wrapping my arms around him, "Hmhm, guess that makes you my God. Now, tell me, who do we get to smite?"

"I'm not sure we have to kill anyone yet. It all depends how things go." He shuffled around the folders a bit, pulling one out from the middle of the stack. "You, my dear, need to focus on getting in someone's pants for me."

My lips twisted into a sinister smile, "Oh, goodie!"

"You know, you could make Harley Quinn look sane." He muttered jokingly. Ricky opened up a folder, plucking the photo out to show me. "His name is Michael Orlando. A lot of people call him Michael Vampire though because he has a tendency to just appear out of nowhere. He disappears the same way. He's a CIA agent and his job is to know people. Trust me, he's good at his job. He knows everyone."

"He doesn't know me." I replied.

"He's going to. See, he doesn't just help people out of the kindness of his heart. He's going to want something in return, and lucky for us, he has a fetish for trannies."

I sighed dramatically, "You know I don't like people that see trans and genderfluid people as a kink... But if it means helping Ryan, I'll do it. If I can help him, that means he can help the rest of us... Wait, wait..." I tapped my finger along the file in front of me, "He's shorter than me, and he weighs a lot less. He's small... You aren't sending me to fuck a bottom, are you?"

"That's for you to figure out when you get him into the hotel room. And hey, I'm smaller than you and I'm not a bottom!"

"You look like one." I muttered.

"Babe!"

"What? It's the truth! And there's nothing wrong with being a bottom, by the way." I softly kissed below his ear, "I know what you're capable of. I hope as soon as we get settled into our hotel room, you show me."

"Mmm," Ricky met our lips together briefly, "You are so gorgeous, Baby. I'd fuck you right here if I could."

"Who says you can't?" I responded.

The light dinged to indicate that we had to take our seats for landing. He sighed, "That. Don't you worry. I'll make sure you're well taken care of before this trip is over."

Good. It's been awhile since I've gotten to feel real love from any man. Sure, the threesomes with Chris and Ange are great, but it's just sex. If I'm going to have to go fuck some pig agent, I definitely want some good loving afterwards.