a/n: It's Friday night...So, here you go.

Lizzie's Ring: 

----------&----------

We all get out of the car and I sigh whilst watching Adam point the hose and Jonny who screams and backs away "Baby," Adam mutters as he puts it back and I join Jonny by the door, making sure my necklace is hidden bellow my shirt. We'd agreed to wait o tell Jackie as it would be...chaotic.

 So, when we've been coming 'round every Friday, I put my ring on a chain and use it as a necklace. It feels wrong not wearing it - especially after me and Jonny spent ages looking for a nice one and it was pretty expensive as most engagement rings are.

After a shit fight between the boys, we're in the house "Such a cockhole," Jonny tells his brother who slaps him on his arm.

"Well you would know," Jonny grabs his arm in pain and I raise an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask pretending to be concerned as Jonny flinches away from Adam whist he goes to hit him again.

"Nothing. Just don't" he warns Adam.

"What?" me and Adam looks at me confused and I shrug. Jonny had gotten a tattoo- like a moron and it was horrendous. He'd tried to hide it from me but considering we live together with an active sex life; it was hard to hide. The only reason I'm annoyed is it's disgusting.

"Where are they?" Adam questions after we can't find their parents.

"Double suicide?" Jonny guesses and I smack him over the head

"Fingers crossed," I do the same to Adam and we hear Jackie laughing from upstairs

"Mum?!" we all awkwardly walk up the stairs and we see Martin coming out of the bedroom in bright green boxers

"Oh my god,"

"Hurry up Loverboy!" Jackie says from the bedroom and I turn around.

"I'm going to hide in the car," Jonny looks at me confused, clearly not understanding what's happening, but I rush down the stairs.

----------&----------

After a... horrible conversation in the car, the three of us return to the house and into the kitchen where Jackie is cooking "Hi boys! Lizzie!" she's dancing around the kitchen.

"Hello,"

"Hello again..."

"Hi,"

"Well, aren't you gonna give me a kiss?!" Jackie's staring at us whilst we lean on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, Give your mother a kiss!" Martin adds

"Um... Okay," they both awkwardly do so and I pass Jackie the flowers from Adam, Jonny and I, giving her an uncomfortable side hug.

"What's the matter with you three?"

"What?"

"Nothing," Jonny denies

"Oh! You're embarrassed," Jackie realises

"No, we're not!""

"We're not embarrassed,"

"You are! Martin look at them," Jackie laughs "They're all embarrassed,"

"Lads, there is nothing wrong with your mother and I having a deeply physical relationship," they kiss

"Okay, shall we go sit in the car again?"

"Or under the car," Jonny adds

"I'll drive," I joke as Jackie squeezes her son's cheeks, walking away.

"Come on," Martin follows, but turns back to look at us

"Ahhh, the pleasure of the flesh," he walks away and I bang my head on Jonny's shoulder repeatedly,

"I am... disgusted,".

----------&----------

The three of us walk into the living room after a few minutes, recovering from the awkwardness.

"Look at the beautiful flowers your dad got me,"

"Okay, we're looking at them," Jonny and Adam look at them and I laugh slightly, sitting down at the far end of the sofa.

"Then what happens?" Adam asks and Jackie sighs

"They're lovely," I smile and Jackie perks up as Jonny and Adam sit down - Jonny on my right.

"So... twenty-six years, what do you think of that eh?" Martin says to no one in particular

"We think can you please stop kissing mum now,"

"Yeah, it's getting spooky.,"

"Spooky? You and Lizzie kiss all the time!"

"That's gross," Adam looks to us

"Yeah but...when we do it it's normal," Jonny mutters

"Normal and Spooky? Your mother's not a corpse," Martin kisses Jackie again and her smile drops "Y'know, if your mother and I had never met all those years ago, you two would have never of been produced,"

"Produced," Adam mutters

"Those two acts of penetration -"

"Martin! Penetration?"

"Okay, we're just going to be sick on the floor!" Jonny exclaims

"And the walls," Adam adds

"Don't be ridiculous, it's just biology,"

"Lovely way of putting it," Jackie watches her husband violently blow his nose.

"Right, so when do I get my present?" Martin asks enthusiastically

"Not again," Jackie groans

"Dad, how old are you?"

"Twelve," I laugh slightly at Martin's response

"We do presents after dinner, remember?!"

"Yes..."

"He keeps asking me," Jackie informs us

"Well...it's just I got you something special,"

"Really?"

"Well...I made you something special," Martin corrects

"You made me something?"

"That's not worrying," Jonny mutters to me

"What did you make me?" Jackie asks, worried

"Well, you'll have to wait and see,"

"Ominous," I note

"What is it, a shoe?"

"An electric chair?" Jonny suggests and Martin laughs

"Oh god...am I gonna hate it?"

"Of course, you won't hate it!" Martin laughs "Would I really make you something horrible?"

"I don't know, are you able to make me something nice?" Martin silences her with a kiss

"Please stop!"

"Right, I'm gonna get it!" Martin stands "No one come out, until I say," he leaves and shuts the door behind him.

"Blimey...I wonder what it is," banging is heard from outside

"Great, he's nailing us in," Adam jokes

"Martin!" Jackie shouts worriedly

"Okay! Come out now!"

"With our hands up?" Jonny asks, as we all stand

"Am I the only one weirdly terrified?" I ask the boys

"Nope," Adam answers as we come out to the hallway where on the wall, there's a towel over something.

"Ta-da!"

"What is it?"

"Well go on," Martin gestures for her to take the towel off, and she does, nearly screaming when she sees what's behind it. It's an... interesting painting.

"Painted it myself,"

"Did you?"

"You can tell," I look at Martin

"Who is it?" Jonny asks

"'Who is it?' Your mother!"

"Is it?" Jackie questions

"That's mum?"

"The woman standing next to us right now?"

"Your wife, of whom you've been married to for twenty-six years?" I also ask

"Yes," Martin nods

"That's me?"

"That's you! Do you like it?"

"Um..."

"Did you paint it from memory?"

"Yes, a really bad memory?"

"Or terrible nightmare?" Adam continues

"Thank you," Jackie says to the boys

"No, a photograph!"

"Of a different woman?"

"Margret thatcher perhaps?" I suggest and Jonny tries to hold in laugh

"Margret thatcher?" Jackie looks at me

"Oh, shut up!" Martin shushes us "Do you like it?" he asks his wife

"Of course, I like it...It's a really original anniversary present," Jackie fakes enthusiasm.

"See! I know you'd like it; I'll get the champagne!" Martin walks off.

Jackie turns to us "Boys...Do I really look like that?"

"Of course, you do!" Jonny forces Jackie to stand next to the paining and the three of us put our hands on our chins, looking between the painting and Jackie "Look!".

"I seriously can't tell which one's which," Adam nods and Jonny agrees.

"It's almost like he's just put a photo of you up," I chime in and Jackie doesn't have the energy to glare, she just sighs and come's to stand between Adam and Jonny again.

"Oh god..." she breathes out "I can't have that thing hanging there, looking at me!" me and the boys laugh, but compose ourselves as Martin comes back in

"I think the champagne's in there," he points to the dining room "Still like it?"

"Of course!" Jackie lies and smiles, whilst Martin's gone she turns to us "It's got to go,"

"Really? But it's so beautiful!" Jonny exclaims and Jackie slaps him slightly on the arm "Ow!"

"You all, right?"

"Yeah, no, it's nothing," he lies and I roll my eyes slightly

"Can't find it anywhere," Martin enters again "There's some flat cola,"

"Hold on a minute..." Adam mutters, still stuck on Joni's arm, he flicks it

"Augh! You're such a turd!" Jonny rushes into the bathroom and Adam follows

"What's the matter with him?"

"Boys?" Jackie follows them, but there's no response "What is wrong with them?" Jackie asks me and I shrug

"I don't know, but I need the loo so they'd better be quick," Jackie laughs slightly and a few minutes later, the boys come out.

"Sorry, we were just..." Jonny starts

"Jonny's got a tattoo!" Adam shouts

"What?!"

"You shit!" Jonny goes to attack Adam but he hits his tattoo "Ow!"

"Sorry! Please can I see it?"

"You bastard!"

"A tattoo?! You got a tattoo?" Jackie asks "Martin. Jonny's got a tattoo!" Martian enters and walks next to his wife

"What? You mustn't get tattoos!" Martin hits Jonny

"Christ! Will everyone please stop hitting my tattoo?!"

"He said it again! He's got a tattoo! I can't believe it!" Jackie looks at me "Lizzie, did you know he's got a tattoo?!"

"Um...yeah,"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Why would she?!" Jonny storms off

"I can't believe you, Jonathan!"

"You know how much I hate tattoos!" We all follow Jonny into the living room, where he sits down in the sofa

"Yes, you know how much Mum hates tattoos!" Adam adds and I sit next to Johnny on the sofa.

"Shut up!"

"It's not, like, a naked lady or something, is it?" Jackie asks

"Please leave me alone!"

"It's basically just porn all over his body," Adam gestures

"Adam!" I shout

"What is it? An ape?" Martin asks as Jackie sits on the other side of her son

"What? Why would I get a tattoo of an ape?"

"To remind you of where you came from originally,"

"Not a bad answer, actually," Adam nods

"God, I'd prefer an ape," I mutter and Jonny glares

"Why did you go and get a tattoo?!" Jackie is still gaping

"I just felt like it," only shrugs

"You felt like it?"

"Everyone does it,"

"Yeah, Grandma's got an eagle on her tits,"

"Adam!" Jackie's scolds

"Lizzies even got a tattoo!"

"You cock," I turn to my fiancé

"What?"

"It's Jonny's face on her arse," Adam starts and I kick him in the leg, he stumbles a bit.

"Or a bear? An angry bear?"

"What?" I ask Martin

"Jonny's tattoo. It could be of an angry bear. I knew a bloke, he had one of an angry bear. He was an optician but he drowned,"

"You see what can happen when you get a tattoo?" Adam asks sarcastically

"You are so dead!"

"Well, show us then," Jackie sighs

"God. All right,"

"I'm sure you'll really like it, Mum," Adam grins

"There," Jonny takes off his sweater and puts it next to me. While Jackie freaks out, I calmly put it the right way around and fold it.

"Oh, my God. It's a skull. My son has a skull on his arm. A skull!" she looks away

"It looks a bit like you, Jackie,"

"Thank you!"

"The hair," Martin gestures

"That is pretty terrible," Adam mutters

"Shut up. It's art," Jonny seems to have suddenly become a teenage boy.

"It's really not art," I laugh a bit

"Why did you have to get this done on our anniversary?!"

"I didn't get it done on your anniversary. It doesn't say 'Happy Anniversary, Mum and Dad' on it!"

"At least that would have been something nice!"

"What are those words?" Martin gestures to the disgusting skull

"It's Latin. 'Vive celer, adulescens morere',"

"I think I can translate," Adam starts, pretending to read it 'I am a massive penis'.

"Very good,"

"Well, what does it mean?"

"Um, it means..." Jonny panics, "Family comes first,"

"Bollocks!" Adam sings, getting his phone out and sitting on the other sofa.

"It does!"

"Does it?"

"Yes. Cos, you know, I love my family.," I snort and Jonny glares, Jackie doesn't notice though.

"Well, at least you were thinking of us when you had it done," Jackie sighs, kissing Jonny's cheek

"Yeah..."

"It's horrible,"

"It really is," I agree

"Are you absolutely sure it definitely means 'family comes first'?" Adam asks, grinning

"Yes, I am sure, thank you," Jonny stands "Right, can we stop talking about my tattoo now?" he gets up to go to the kitchen and Jackie follows, so as usual, so do the rest of us. jackie screams a bit when she sees the painting. 

"You know Grandma's popping in after her bridge evening. You better not show her, she'll have a bloody stroke!"

"She will if she speaks Latin..." Adam waves his phone at Jonny "Internet language translator,"

"Adam!" Jonny lunges for him and gets him in a chokehold

"Translation - 'live fast and die young'!" Adam reads

"What?!"

"Jonny's tattoo. 'Live fast, die young'," Adam passes his phone to Jackie as him and Jonny struggle, I step out the way.

"Is that really what it means, live fast, die young?"

"What...?" Jonny asks weakly, stopping his assault on Adam

"You want to die young?"

"No, it's just a... Look can we stop now, please?!"

"Martin, Jonathan wants to die young,"

"Does he?"

"Yes. He wants to die young! Tell him!"

"You're not to die young!" Martin smacks him between words and Jonny screams.

"God! I hate you all!" he storms out and everyone's quiet

"Jeez, you guys are terrible at this," I sigh before following Jonny.

He's not in the living room, so I go up the stairs, knocking on his childhood bedroom door "Jonny?" I open it and he's sat on his bed glaring and pouting.

"Oi don't look at me like that," I shut the door behind me and sit next to him, leaning my head on his good shoulder.

"It really is horrible, ins' it?"

"Oh yeah," I grin "I hate it. But it doesn't mean Adam had to be a tit about it,"

"True,"

"You wanna piss him off?" I ask

"How?"

"You'll see," I grin, standing up and putting my hand out for him to take.

"God I can't wait to marry you," he smiles

"Good thing you proposed then," he stands up and wraps his arms around me.

"Good thing," he mumbles before pressing a kiss to my lips. 

----------&----------

"I'm really not happy with you," Jackie stares at Jonny and he hides a smile. Of course, my plan was to drown Adam - Well not really. Jonny just got the hose and covered him in water. Honestly, he could have moved at any time but didn't.

"Adam!" Jackie shouts into the hallway while we wait for him so we can start dinner "My lovely chairs,"

"Sorry, Mum," Jonny apologises as Adam enters in one of Martin's shirts and a pair of his jeans.

"Thanks for the cool clothes, Dad,"

"Pleasure,"

"I really don't look ridiculous," he says sarcastically as usual

"No, you really do look ridiculous," Jonny grins, turning around to face Adam to harass him further "Pull your trousers up!" Adam goes to punch Jonny "Don't you dare!"

"Just sit down!" Jackie scolds and Adam does so "Right, can we all try and make this a special anniversary dinner, please?" We all nod "Ok. So, there's steak tonight,"

"Ooh! Lovely bit of squirrel beef!" that gets Jackie to crack a smile as we all start to dig in. Quickly we're interrupted by the doorbell though.

"Oh, not now," Jackie sighs, getting up to answer the door.

"I bet you a fiver it's Jim," I say to Jonny

"Oh, that's just unfair, we know it is,"

"True," I pop a carrot into my mouth.

Martin grabs some steak with his hands and puts it onto his plate "Meat!"

A few minutes later, we hear Jackie shout "Boys! Lizzie! Martin!" We all get up and come into the hallway.

"Can't wait for tonight's entertainment," I smirk up at Jonny.

"Everything all right?" Adam asks,

"Hello, boys..." Jim is in the hallway, leaning on the toilet door and slurring his words, he notices Marin's presence "and man," He then looks to me "Girl,".

"Jim's sedated," Jackie explains

"Sedated?" Martin questions

"Yes, you see, I went to take my special pills for my..."

"We don't need to know!" Jonny interrupts

"Funny bottom,"

"Lovely," I comment

"The thing is, they look just like Wilson's sleepy pills..."

"You took Wilson's sleeping pills?"

"Yes, Martin, I opened Wilson's bottle," he mimes it, taking out said bottle "put a couple of pills in my hand and then swallowed them," And, he does just that with the new pills.

"Oh lord," I mutter

"Jim?" Jonny asks quietly

"Oh, dear. I've done it again," he leans against the wall again

"We should call an ambulance," Martin insists

"No amalamalemce...."

"OK, then, let's get you back home," Adam starts

"Home..." Jim gets up and turns around

"You can't send him home in that state!" I whisper to Adam

"Lizzie!" Jonny shouts in betrayal

"She's right," Jackie agrees

"What about our steaks?" Martin asks and Jackie sighs

"Come on, Jim. Come through," she puts his arm over his shoulder, pulling him back mi "Help me!"

"Come on, Jim," Jonny takes one arm, Adam the other as Martin pushes Jim, he sees the painting.

"Margaret Thatcher?" he asks horrified.

"Told you," I grin, turning to Jackie

"Fantastic,"

"What? No, it's Jackie," Martin laughs

"Jackie. Oh, Jackie," Jim sings

"Wonderful anniversary," she mumbles

"Come on, come on, Jim, let's get you in the living room," he seems to be refusing to and Jonny and Adam are left holding him up.

"Please, Jim,"

"I'm fading, I'm fading..." he falls backwards and onto the stairs, slipping down "Night-night, mummy," he puts his thumb in his mouth as we all stand and watch in horror.

----------&---------- 

"Oh, God," Jackie mutters, looking at Jim as she enters the dining room "Some more chippies," she places the bowl down, sitting down as well.

"How's sleeping beauty?" Jonny asks as we all dive into the new chips.

"Are you sure we shouldn't call an amalamalemce?" Jackie checks

"He'll be fine,"

"Will he?"

"Well, if he does die, we can just bury him under the drive!" Martin laughs

"Our special anniversary dinner," Jackie pouts clearly upset

"Ahh, come on, Jackie, it's not that bad," I try to comfort her, I know what would make her feel better but well...I'm not telling her that.

"When are we doing my present?" Martin asks and we all stare at him "All right, I'm 12,"

"Nice steak?" Jackie asks as we all continue to eat

"Lovely," Jonny compliments

"Yeah, not as lovely as Jonny's tattoo,"

"Or Adam's beef water," Jonny puts a bit of steak in Adam's water

"Ew," I mutter

"You pair of inbreeds!" Martin shouts

"Why did you have to get that horrible tattoo?" Jackie asks

"All right! Pass me the wine," Jonny gestures and I notice his is empty while mine is half full.

"More wine? Do you want to die young?"

"Mum, tell him!" Jonny complains

"Are you really unhappy or something?" Jackie asks "I mean, you must be to write, 'I want to die young', on your arm,"

"Actually, it was live fast, die young," Adam corrects

"Shut up,"

"My brother the Hell's Angel, sorry, local estate agent,"

"All right, I lost my job, ok?!" We're all silent, quietly stunned

"What?" I ask gently, turning to face Jonny

"I lost my job," he finally admits

"Have you just been pretending to go to work?" I swear he'd been going

"Yeah," he admits

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, grabbing his hand under the table "We'd have sorted it out,"

"I didn't want to disappoint you..."

"Oh, Jonny," Jackie gets up to hug him

"Arm!" he reminds her

"Sorry,"

"You lost your job?" Martin double checks

"Yeah, I lost it,"

"Stealing, were you?"

"What?" I can't help the laugh, I cover my mouth "Sorry, sorry," I sober up, looking at Jonny again "Sorry,"

"When?"

"Around two weeks ago. Staff restructuring,"

"I.E, you were crap," Adam mutter

"Piss off," I glare at him

"Oh, it'll be okay Jonnyboo," Jackie coos before turning to her husband "Say something, Martin,"

"Well, if he's lost his job, he might as well die young. Have you seen the economy?"

"Thank you, Dad," Jonny sighs as Jackie sits down again

"Is that why you went out and got the...?"

"Yeah, I guess," he admits, looking down at it "It's not the nicest tattoo in the world, is it? "

"Well..."

"It's really horrible,"

"Revolting,"

"Terrifying,"

As we go to tuck into our dinners again, we hear a crying noise from Jim. Jackie gets up and we follow. "Jim?" she asks, and sees he's gone

"Oh fabulous!" Martin mutters "Where's my painting?" he points to where it should be, we hear screaming and look up the stairs where Jim stands with Martin's painting.

"My horse is in the hospital!"

"Jim?"

"Come on, Jim!"

"Wait, you don't think he's..." Adam starts

"Sleepwalking?" Jackie realises, starting to go upstairs

"Seriously, it's meant to be, really dangerous, you cannot wake him," Adam tells her

"Yeah, it could kill him," Jonny adds

"Right, let's wake him, then!" Martin mutters

"Where is he? "Jackie asks as we get to the landing "Ah, please don't say he's in our bedroom,"

"He's not in your bedroom," Adam says as Jim comes out of the office, then into the main bedroom "He is in your bedroom,"

We all follow Jackie in there where we see Jim dancing around

"Jim. Jim!"

"Come on, Jim. What is he doing?"

"Shhhh!"

"You can't wake him," I insist

"Hello, Elsie," Jim goes up to Adam, and kisses him on the lips

"Ugh!" Adam wipes his mouth as Jim leaves again

"Excellent,"

"Brilliant" Me and Jonny chorus

"Oh, there," Jim picks up Martin's neon green boxers from earlier, putting them on his head

"God,"

" Dad's sex pants," Jonny whispers to me and I laugh, leaning into him.

"Capillary action, eh, dad?" Adam teases

"Yes,"

"What? "Jackie turns to her husband

"Nothing,"

Jim falls onto the bed.

"Not my bed!"

"I'm completely made of bosoms!" he shouts before starting to snore again

"Oh, God! What are we going to do?!"

"Burn the bed?" Adam suggests

"Burn the house?" Jonny adds

"I know," Martin starts

"What?"

"My present!".

----------&----------

"Oh, Jackie. I love it. It's absolutely terrific!" Martin exclaims, standing next to the telescope Jackie bought him while me and Jonny read through the manual.

"Really?" Jackie stands nervously

"Come here," They kiss and Jonny groans, I shush him

"It's sweet,"

"See, what it does is, it makes small things, far away, look much closer, and much bigger," Martin explains to me and Jonny.

"Really, dad?" Jonny asks with fake enthusiasm

Adam enters again and Jackie turns to him "Well?"

"Still snoring away,"

"Still in our bed?" Martin checks

"Actually, he's under your bed,"

"Great," Jackie sighs "You really don't think we should call someone?"

"Who are we going to call? Robert Mugabe?!"

"Strange reference," I mumble. Wasn't he the Prime Minister of somewhere?

"Good boy, Wilson," Jim appears by the door and we all jump

"Um... Hello, Jim."

"Sleep tight, Wilson," he shuts the door and we hear the sound of a lock. Martin tries to open the door.

"Yeah, he's locked us in! Shit on it!" We all slam on the door and shout.

"Jim! Jim!".

----------&----------

"Bloody hell!" Jonny shouts as he tries to open the window.

"I told you, you can't open them without the key," Martin reminds him

"Which you lost," Jackie sighs

"Which I lost,"

Adam grabs my left wrist and checks my watch "An hour and 20 minutes... ugh!" he bangs on the door again "Jim!"

"Seriously, no-one has a phone on them?" Jonny asks for the third time

"No!" We all chorus. 

"And you're absolutely sure there isn't a computer in here?"

"There's a printer,"

"Great, we'll print our way out," I sigh

"So, what, we just die in here then?" Jonny asks

"Live fast, die young,"

"Very clever,"

"Just sit-down love," I gesture to the spare space next to me on the floor, Jonny does and I grab his hand, drawing circles on it, trying to calm him down.

"Grandma will be here soon, so..."

"Oh, yes, Supergran will save us!" Adam exclaims

"Alright!"

"And what happens if Grandma doesn't come 'round, or Jim doesn't wake up?"

"Yeah, we could starve to death," Adam adds

"Don't be silly,"

"We could!" I exclaim

"All right, well, if we were really that hungry, we'd just have to..." Jackie thinks for a moment "Eat dad,"

"Eat me? "

"Yes,"

"Why me?!"

"What? You wouldn't sacrifice your own life for your sons and your only possibility of grandchildren?"

"Those three pillocks? No way!"

"Oh, that's nice," I grin

"Why can't they eat you?" Martin asks his wife

"Because I'm their mother!"

We hear tie doorbell ring and all stand

"Oh, my God! Grandma," Jackie realises, we all bang on the door shouting again.

"Grandma! Grandma!"

Soon, we hear a familiar voice "Jacqueline?"

"We're in here!" We all shout

"You're in there?"

"Yes!"

"What are you doing in there?"

"It's a bit complicated!"

"Do you want me to let you out?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Jonny shouts and I laugh a bit

"Jonny!"

The door opens and Jackie hugs her mother "Yay!"

"It's Supergran!"

"Oh! Thanks, Nellie," Martin says

"What happened?" She asks, confused

"You saved us," I explain

"From eating each other," Jonny adds

"I am waking that man up now, and I do not care if it bloody well kills him!" Jackie storms towards the stairs.

"Careful, Jackie!"

"Grandma, have you seen Jonny's tattoo?" Adam asks

"Don't!" his mother warns, turning around, Adam ignores her, pulling up Jonny's sleeve

"Adam,"

"Very pretty," Jonny gives Jackie a smug smile

"Show us your eagle," Adam mutters and I slap his arm.

"What?!"

"Nothing!" We all follow Jackie down the stairs and into the kitchen

"OK, Jim, time to wake up now!" She starts clapping, until she sees what he's doing.

"Oh, my God!" Jonny exclaims

"Jesus Christ!" I turn away

"Oh, dear!"

"That's better..." Jim mutters as he pisses all over the painting.

"Ah! Jim! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Actually, no, Martin, no, we shouldn't wake him,"

"What?!"

"It's too dangerous," I smile up at Jonny, sensing his mother's plan here.

"But - But he's weeing on your face,"

"Ah, come on," he leads her husband out the kitchen

"Jackie!"

"Quick, quick, quick. Shhhh," We all leave the kitchen and Jackie shuts the door.

"But, Jackie, your lovely painting!"

"I know, Martin. And it really was lovely, wasn't it boys?"

"Yeah,"

"Really Lovely," I add

"I'm sorry, darling," Jackie walks over, giving Martin a hug

"I spent hours on that!" he sighs "I... Happy anniversary, anyway,"

"Yeah," Jackie kisses Martin

"Ahh, isn't that nice? " Nellie asks us as the boys groan.

"Stop it you two," I slap them gently before leaning into Jonny's side "I think your parents are lovely,"

They pull away "Jackie?"

"What?"

"Penetration?". 

----------&----------

A/N: Since I've unpublished my last few notices, here's just a reminder about the oneshot book - Sunday Breakfasts. Again, I'd love some requests!