"For someone who doesn't stop going on about Formula One, you're surprisingly shit at driving," Adam comments as we exit Jonny's car. I laugh slightly and Jonny squints his eyes at me .

"I'm in the car with you more than him and hate to say it love," I pause for effect "you can't bloody drive," Adam laughs

"Seriously, like no control of the vehicle," Adam adds

"No control of the vehicle?" Jonny's alarm suddenly starts and he throws me the key in shock.

"Why does it keep doing that?"

I roll my eyes before unlocking it and re-locking it. The alarm stops and I pass the keys back to Jonny.

"No control of the vehicle," Adam concludes

"Well, you can drive next time!"

"Fine, and you can learn from the master,"

"Master knob face,"

"Can't wait for next week!" I exclaim sarcastically and Jonny kisses my forehead before we notice the door.

"Why's the door open?" Adam opens it and we see Wilson panting in the middle of the hallway

"Jim..." I mutter quietly, I may not be a regular to Friday night dinner - but I've obviously met Jim. We hear the toilet flush and he exits

"Ooh, hello!"

"Hiya Jim," I wave slightly

"Er, hi, Jim,"

"Jonny!"

"I'm Adam,"

"I'm Jonny,"

"And I'm Lizzie" I joke

"Oh, yes,"

"Why are you...?" Jonny trails off

"Hmm?" Jim doesn't seem to have a clue to what he was referring to

"Nothing," Jonny gives up

"Good boy, good boy, Wilson," Jim takes his dog's lead and Wilson drags him out, Adam shutting the door behind him.

"That wasn't strange!"

"Hi, Mum," Jonny greets when we find her finally

"Hi, boys," she hasn't noticed me yet so I watch quietly in the background

"What are you doing in the garage?"

"We're having a clear out,"

"Don't you mean what's Jim doing in our loo?"

"Martin, you do know the boys are here? Say hello,"

"What? Oh, hello, bambinos, Chica," I wave at his greeting

"Chica?" Jackie questions before noticing me behind Jonny "oh! Lizzie, I didn't know you were coming tonight!" Jackie calls me forward and I oblige. She pulls me into a hug and I stick my tongue out to Jonny on my way back up to them.

"No top tonight?"

"He's boiling," me and Jackie answer at once, I've already grown accustomed to the habits of the Goodmans

"I'm boiling,"

"And Jim's using our toilet because?"

"Oh, his is broken,"

"Broken?"

"He broke it No, there!" she shouts at Martin

"He broke his own toilet? How did he do that?"

"It is possible, I think,"

"Don't wanna know what you do in the loo," I glare at Adam

"I have four older brothers, shut up,"

"I don't know how! He asked if he could use ours, what could I say,"

"no,"

"Use a bucket?" Jonny offers

"Use the garden?" I respond and Jonny laughs

"This as well?" Martin asks Jackie

"Yes, all of them, and then you're doing the sofa bed," I leave them to go hang up my jacket, I can hear part of what they're saying but work my way into the kitchen to nick some chocolate from Martin's stash.

----------&----------

"OK, done the potatoes, overcooked the bloody meat," Jackie mutters as she works her way around the kitchen "Martin, did you do the, sofa bed?"

"What? No, I'll do it later,"

"Well, I wanted it ready,"

"The man's not coming 'till tomorrow,"

"What man?"

"The sofa bed man,"

"Martin, can you not eat out of the bin, I've told you!" I look up from the paper Jonny was reading to see Martin eating toast by the bin

"Ew,"

"Yeah," Jonny agrees as he helps me up onto the counter next to him, my heels and skirt making it hard to do. I can't wait to get home into my pyjamas and cuddle up. God, I've become boring, old me would be at the pub right now. But instead I'm still in my work clothes at my boyfriend's family dinner dreaming of sleep. Christ.

My train of thought is interrupted by Jonny getting some whipped cream out of the fridge at squirting it on the last bit of my chocolate, knowing I hate the thing

"Twat," he laughs as I'm forced to give it to him

"Vegetables. Shit, what's the time?"

"Twenty past" both me and Adam say

"Right, out of the way please!" Jackie rushes around the kitchen

"Your mum is very excited," Martin tells us

"About what?"

"It's the final of MasterChef," she explains before Martin repeats what she said unknowing "Oh, there is such a smashing Greek bloke in the final,"

"Really?"

"Me and Val love him. Oh, he's got such a terrific bum!" I cringe at the thought of my boyfriend's mother thinking about some poor man's arse.

"She's not talking about that Greek fella's arse again, is she?"

"Yes, she is," I tell Martin as Jonny grabs my hand and I jump down so Jackie can use the sink

"So exciting! You'll watch MasterChef with me, won't you?"

"What? No!"

"Please?"

"No! No way!"

"What do you mean no way? It's the final! Oh Lizzie, you'll watch it won't you,"

"Ha!" I laugh "No," Jackie looks slightly offended "Sorry, I haven't watched it in years, I'd just make shit jokes the whole time," Jonny wraps his arm around me

"It's the final of people cooking,"

" And then eating," Adam finishes

"Oh, please, for me? I only see you once a week,"

"No!"

"Martin, speak to them"

"What about?"

"MasterChef,"

"Oh, MasterChef. Um, well, it's a cookery programme on BBC, it's like a big competition,"

"Not generally, tell them!" I laugh and go to pick up some bread but realise Jonny's squirted cream on it. I pass it to Adam and he eats it before going to spit it in the bin "Adam!" Jackie scolds

"It was them!" he points to me and Jonny who are laughing in the corner.

"I wish I'd had girls,"

"You sorta have Lizzie now," Jonny reminds her as we follow her

"Oh, but she only comes around every few Fridays, even though I've told her she's welcome every,"

"I am standing right here," I comment Anyway, My only brother who can cook decently and lives nearby got a new job and does Friday night shifts, so I can't go and take his food now,"

"That's great!" Jackie's mood suddenly lifted, "you can come every week!" then she turns to the boys "come on pigs!"

I follow her into the dining room and Jonny grabs my hand. I go to sit in my usual seat next to Martin but Jackie stops me and slowly pushes me into Jonny's seat.

"What?"

"Well, since you're a regular you now sit next to Jonny," She says rather diplomatically before then going to find Adam

"I've levelled up," I joke as my boyfriend sits where Adam usually would "does that mean she likes me? Even after I insulted Mastershit?" Jonny laughs and presses a soft kiss to my lips

"She's always liked you, don't worry" he then kisses me again "and if she didn't it wouldn't matter," I smile before Jackie comes in muttering about 'females', Adam and Martin following.

----------&----------

"This is a lovely bit of squirrel!" Martin starts laughing and I can't help but smile, he tells the same joke every week and it's not even funny. The phone starts ringing and both Jonny and Adam stand to get it, they then fight over it

"Sit down! It'll only be Val about MasterChef," Jackie stands and goes to get it

"Jonny?" Martin starts

"What?"

"Listen, you know those, er, boxes I'm taking to the dump?

"Full of all that old crap?"

"It's not crap!" Martin defends "I need you to take them later and put them in your car,"

"Why do I have to take them to the dump, why can't Pussface?"

"Because Pussface here has already been given a job," Adam starts to unfold a piece of paper

"And what might that be?" I ask, leaning back so I could see him behind Jonny.

"Jonny, all I want you to do is take them home and look after them for me," I skim read what Adam was showing me

"And you're buying more?" I ask and Jonny reads it as well

"Jesus, Dad!" Jonny exclaims "and I can't, I'm busy,"

"With what?" Adam asks, wanting an embarrassing answer

"Lizzie," I spit my wine back into its glass

"What?!" I mean, he wasn't wrong. But telling his father and brother?!

"She is so funny!" Jackie comes in laughing

"Mmm, lovely bread, Jackie, did you make it?"

"What? I've never made bread in my life. OK, what's going on?"

"Nothing, just talking about how Jonny's 'busy' with Lizzie," I go to hit Adam but he's too far away so Jonny does it for me. Jackie goes to scold them but Jonny interrupts

"Is Auntie Val excited for Mastershit?"

"Charming,"

"Is Alison a good cook?" Jackie asks Adam

"Alison?"

"You know? Your pretend girlfriend?" Jonny teases

" Ha ha! Um, I dunno, really,"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"He doesn't know because she doesn't exist," Jonny adds "or she has another boyfriend,"

"Simon is not her boyfriend!" Adam responds

"Oh, no, we're sorry. He's just a guy who sleeps on top of her," I add and Jonny gives me a high five as Jackie laughs

"Who you talking about?" Martin asks

"Alison,"

"Alan Davidson?"

"Amazing," Adam comments as me and Jonny laugh quietly

"Mum, don't you think Adam should ask Tanya Green out for a date?" Adam groans and Jonny smiles "She's meant to be a lovely girl. Sorry, female,"

"She is a lovely girl. Oh, she was a beautiful baby,"

"You want me to go out with a baby?" Adam asks sarcasticly

"Oh, don't be so stupid.!"

"No, it would be lovely, actually. A nice romantic date, all arranged by my Mum, the paedophile!" I laugh but stop when Jackie glares

"Who's a paedophile?" Martin asks

"Mum is," Jonny tells his father. The doorbell goes and Adam rushes to get it

"I wonder who that could be?" I ask sarcastically

Adam comes back after letting Jim use the loo

"So, I'm basically a lavatory attendant,"

"What could I do? Oh, maybe I should offer him some crumble?" all the men protest at the offer

"Do you think Jim ever gets any you know, lady action?" Jonny jokes and I laugh as Jackie shushes us "He can't hear us!"

"Just wait!" we hear the door shut and assume he's gone

"So, do you reckon Jim ever gets any ladies?" I ask

"I think his dog gets more," Martin answers

"I reckon he just strangles them!" we all laugh at Adams joke but when I catch sight of Jim, I yet again spit my wine out

"You alright?" Jonny asks worriedly but then sees Jim as well "oh,"

"Hello, everyone!"

"We'd thought you'd gone," Jackie defends

"Just saying hi," it's awkward and Jim and Jackie talk for a bit before I get fed up and ask about Wilson.

"He had worms,"

"Lovely," "I mutter and Jonny hides a smile

"How's Wilson?" Martin repeats my question

"He had worms,"

Jackie gets Adam to take the plates to the kitchen and ushers Jim out on the way

"You'll do that for me, will you?" Martin asks about the magazines and I watch as Jonny pours salt into his own glass

"What are you doing?" Martin asks but gets shushed by Jonny

"Love, that's your own glass," I remind him

"I know. Don't tell Adam,"

Adam comes in with crumble

"Crumble!" Martin exclaims happily

"Crimble crumble!" Jackie says before going into the kitchen, Adam sits back down.

"Looks a bit dry. Lucky we've got water," Jonny tells Adam and salting his own glass makes sense now.

"What?"

"Nothing, just saying, lucky we've got some water,"

"Oh, wait a minute, I know what you've done!" Adam switches the glasses and takes a large gulp smugly.

"Ugh! You bastard! How did you...?"

Jackie scolds Jonny but he ignores her and high fives me, leaving his left hand resting on my thigh.

"The double bluff!"

"I'm gonna get some new water, then," Adam goes to get it and the phone rings, I already knew it was Jonny.

The doorbell goes and Adam goes to answer it, I groan and shove some crumble in my mouth. "Mum, there's a man in our loo!" Adam comes in, clearly panicked

"Yes, we know that," Jonny replies

"Well done, would you like a gold star!" sarcasm drips from my voice and Jonny laughs

"No, like, a man!"

"Come and eat your crumble," Jackie ignores him

"I swear! I opened the door and..." Adam leaves again and Jonny gets up to follow, so I come as well.

"What are you doing?" Jonny asks as we get closer, Jackie calls for us but we ignore her

"Hello?" Adam asks through the bathroom door

"Who you talking to?" Jonny asks

"Hello?" a voice says from inside the loo

"Hello?" Jonny asks and I roll my eyes

"Hello?" The voice says back and Jonny wraps his arm around my waist, recognising the voice as not being Jim's

"Who are you saying hello to the whole time?" Jackie comes in and we all shush her.

"Hello?" Adam says again and the man repeats it

"That's not Jim," Jackie realises

"I know!" Adam then talks to the man "what are you doing in there?"

"What do you think he's doing?" I ask, sarcasm jumping out again

"Um, I'm going to the toilet," the man replies

"Why are we all in the hall?" Martin asks as he comes out of the dining room.

"There's a man in our toilet,"

"A man?"

Jackie knocks on the door "Who are you?" we hear a flush and the door opens

"Err, Chris Parker,"

"Who's he?" Martin asks

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come about the sofa bed?"

"What?"

"He's come about the sofa bed," Adam informs his father

"Don't be silly, the man's coming tomorrow,"

"Well that's a man and he's definitely here now,"

"I am," The man confirms

"And he's definitely come about the sofa bed," Jonny adds to what his brother was saying

"I have," the man confirms yet again

"You're unbelievable!" Jackie exclaims

"Why aren't you here on the fifth?"

"It is the fifth," I tell Martin

"No, Saturday the fifth!"

"Dad, today is the fifth," Adam tells him "It's Friday 5th,"

"Is it?"

"Right, well done, Martin, right in the middle of dinner. Thank you," Jackie walks off and Martin tries to defend himself.

"Sorry," I say weakly to the man, an apologetic smile gracing my face.

----------&----------

I finish making some tea and go to grab a chocolate cupcake from one of the many cupboards.

"What are you doing?" I jump, thinking Martin was about to find me stealing from his stash. But instead it's just Jonny. I answer by grabbing two and shoving one in my mouth whole, putting the other one next to my cuppa.

"Right then," Jonny comes forward and wraps his arms around me "you meant what you said earlier about being able to come every Friday?" I nod my head "and you're gonna have to deal with this every week,"

"That's what I'm counting on," Jonny laughs since my voice comes out slightly muffled because of part of the cake still being in my mouth "do you not want me coming every Friday? Is this like your time to escape me?" I ask worriedly

"No! No..." he kisses me gently "I love you being here, I love staying at yours, I love Saturday mornings," he winks at me and I laugh loudly before pecking him on the lips and grabbing my tea so I can take it to the living room, both cupcakes already eaten. Jonny follows with whipped cream.

"Jonny, Lizzie, are you two taping it?" Jackie asks, referring to Mastershit

"Yes, I've told you!"

I sit on the end of the sofa and Jonny falls down next to me, putting his head on my shoulder as he squirts cream into his mouth.

"Actually, I wanna go mess with Pussface," he goes to kiss me but I turn away "rude!"

"I don't wanna taste whipped cream!" I shout after him before tuning out what's happening in the hallway and sipping my tea quietly.

"Lizzie, Jonny, you are taping MasterChef?" I hear Jackie ask again.

"For the 350,000th bloody time, we are taping it, all right?!"

Jonny sits next to me again, and this time I rest my head on his shoulder

"Jonny, the boxes, in the car!"

"Oh, what, now? I'm trying to enjoy time with my girlfriend!"

"Yes, bleedin' now!" Jonny groans and I down my tea before coming out to help him.

We're two boxes in before the alarm starts going off "shit on it!" I shout before grabbing the keys from Jonny who was failing to turn it off. After several attempts it stops and I breathe a sigh of relief.

----------&----------

I'm watching Martin make tea since it's too awkward in the living room

"Have you checked Adam didn't do something to that cup?" I ask since Martin was using Jonny's cup

"What would be wrong with it?" I shake my head and take out my phone.

Sometime later, I hear everyone shouting and explaining how to open the door. I walk out and find the sofa bed man desperately trying to open the door.

"Push and pull!" I say finally and it opens

"Christ!" The man shouts before leaving

"What the bloody hell happened?!" I ask

"Salt," Jonnie explains

"Ah, salt,"

"I think he liked us," Adam jokes

----------&----------

We're stood outside as Jim helps Jackie down the ladder we borrowed - by her arse. Jonny's arms are wrapped around me from behind and I'm holding his arms to try and keep them warm. Adam hugs his mother once she's down and we all quickly file into the house, Jim coming as well as he needed the loo.

"Right, MasterChef,"

"Mastershit," Jonny whispers in my ear and I giggle, moving my head slightly from his breath being on my neck. Being extremely ticklish was not always good, well it was never good.

"Oh, I know, who'd have thought that Greek chap would win? What a final" Jim says before going into the toilet. Jackie looked at the door in shock, she'd been careful not to know who won, and then....

A huge crash made me jump and Jonny pulled me into his chest, we all look up and the stairs have been destroyed, along with the wallpaper

"Shit on it!"