Don't be selfish, the three words I have heard all my life. My parents have said them, my teachers have said them, counselors, random old ladies on the streets, they all say those three dreaded words. Here are some examples; One time a boy beat me up in the hallway's at school, they all told me that other people had it worse so don't be selfish. I was crying when my best friend told me we should stop hanging out, she told me to stop being selfish because she was only doing this for my sake. When I was upset my parents divorced, my mother told me to stop being selfish because it was for the best. When my mother moved us into her boyfriend's house she told me I owned nothing, so don't be selfish. When I asked why I didn't have any presents under the tree from Santa, my stepfather said it was because I was too selfish this year and I need to learn not be. When I was young, only about four, I was crying because I wanted to see my mother, my babysitter told me she was working to make money for the family, so don't be selfish. When I asked my mom what happened to the other guy she was dating because that other guy was cool, she told me to not be selfish because that man had no money to bring into the household. When I told my mom that I hated my stepfather, she told me to not be selfish and that his ways were for my own good. It's all an illusion, isn't it? It's all an illusion to keep me where they want me. It's all an illusion so that I can be controlled by them. It's all an illusion, and I want to break free. I need to break free. Don't be selfish, it's for your own good, all lies to make me believe I haven't been replaced. 

"No matter who, where, or when we are I will still love you, my love for you will never change" My mother once said to me.

That is the delusion I desperately cling to, but I am ready to wake up now. I am ready to wake up from this horrible nightmare that is my life. I am ready to wake up and find a family that truly loves me. 

"MY HEART IS READY TO SHATTER TO A MILLION PIECES," I cry/shout one night laying upon my small mattress in the attic. 

No one hears me even though the window in my room is open. The attic is small and has concrete walls to reinforce it, so my voice just bounces back at me and rings in my head. No one will listen, and frankly, no one cares. No one at school knows what's going on, and no one at home knows what's going on at school, and I like that situation. I get straight A's in all my classes, I have been trying to show my parents for years, but all they say is a good job and wave me off. If Maria or Caden (My sister and brother, both younger than me) got straight A's, my stepfather and mother would reward them with gifts, toys, and lots of praise. That's all I want, that's all I need, praise. If someone could praise me, it would last me for years, yet no one does. They all just tell me to not be selfish, meaning I should try to not be myself. Don't be selfish, the wind whispers through the window, it's for your own good. Great, now even the elements are making fun of me. I lay on my bed, in tears like most nights, and hope for the best. I am turning eighteen tomorrow, the college fund I have made for myself back in the fifth grade if full from all the jobs I have taken on, tomorrow I can wake up and start my life. Yet, if my parents knew what I wanted to be, or the school, they would tell me to not be selfish, because all painting does is take money away from others so you can make your art piece. Art calms me, even doodling on tests or drawing mosaics on my walls with the markers I have gotten from school calms me. My parents will never find out I drew all over the attic until I leave tomorrow to start my life. I will leave, get an apartment, and wait till my last year of high school is over. My parents, if they ever notice, will say I am selfish for leaving them, selfish for not being thankful for all they have given me, but to be honest, they haven't given anything in years. We live on a small farm, and every morning, real early, around spring (Which it's spring right now), I go out and pick food from our farm and put it in a basket I bought on the way home from school a couple years ago. That's basically how I get my food, which a store in a huge blanket in the corner of the attic, for breakfast and dinner all year around. If my parents found out, they would say I am selfish for stealing from them and selfish for taking the crops they use to sell for money. I could care less about them, they couldn't care less about me. 

"Don't be selfish!"

"It's for your own good!"

No, it's not.