"i think it's best if you stay away"

I fiddled with the drenched paper in my hands as we walked through the hallways. The note Mrs Black typed out for me had fallen victim to my sweaty hands and was almost about to tear.

The slim nurse had generously excused me for periods one to three and gave Carson and I an early lunch. She also wrote a note excusing Carson since he was accompanying me.

We made our first stop at his locker so he could grab his lunch and then my locker. I wanted to go to my safe wooden bench with a sketchbook and pencil in hand but Carson suggested we go to the Cafeteria.

Usually, I wouldn't but it was still period three so students were seated in their chairs writing down notes for class so the Cafeteria was as empty as a blank canvas.

Now we were trudging silently towards the Cafeteria doors. I didn't want or need to speak and I knew Carson wanted to but for a particular reason, he didn't open his mouth.

We walked side by side as the large hallways stretched before us. It looked so big and spacious when no one was here. When students roamed, I felt so squished and claustrophobic.

"I'm not sure if the Cafeteria workers have started their shifts yet but I'm sure they'll allow us to grab a small thing," Carson acknowledged thoughtfully and I could tell he was looking at me but I refused to give him any attention and only nodded.

I hadn't stepped foot in the cafeteria in years and there was no exaggeration. Carson proceeded to hold open the scratched painted doors, shooting me a heartening smile, in a silent attempt to encourage me to walk through.

The warm air hit my face immediately, likely from the heated shelves of food that had already been made and left out ready for students to purchase.

It felt humid yet so uncluttered and free. The smell of hot food and a scent of wood drowned my nose as I breathed in deeply. The only sound I could hear was the light buzzing noise of the air-conditioning or some sort of kitchen software, perhaps an oven or microwave. If it wasn't empty, the cafeteria would undeniably be brimming with obnoxious talking and laughter.

Circular tables were arranged in an unplanned order, no doubt that students moved them regularly. But there was one table no one could miss; the biggest one in the middle. It was imaginable that they pushed and joined the tables together. That was where the populars sat and no non-popular would dare venture into that territory.

"What time is it?" I asked Carson as I passed him anxiously, toying with the ripped paper in my hand as I glanced around. I need to be out of here by the time the bell rings, there is no way I'll be staying here when everyone else comes.

"Ten to one," he answered, after taking a quick glance at his phone before slipping it effortlessly into his side pocket. The corner of his lips tugged upwards, revealing a tiny dimple I'd never noticed. "Don't worry, you've got plenty of time."

I nodded, walking to the middle of the Cafeteria to face the popular's table. I didn't touch it. I didn't sit on their chairs. I only stared.

"This is where I usually sit," Carson explained, suddenly appearing out of thin air. He stood behind me but a little to my right side so I could feel a little warmth from his breath as he spoke.

I could've answered, I know, but I chose not to speak and instead, I nodded.

"Do you want to get some food now?" As Carson said this, he placed his warm hand on my shoulder, sending a strange fuzzy feeling down my spine.

I nodded.

I followed him to where the hot food was displayed on heated cylindrical bars behind the foggy sliding doors and there was a metal handle for people to pull and access the food. The closer we got to the food, the warmer the air felt and the stronger smell of hots chips overpowered everything else.

Then realisation punched me in the gut painfully. I had no money and I wasn't going to let Carson buy me more food. It was weird enough that we were 'friends', I don't need more rumours to circulate around about Carson buying me lunch. I wasn't that hungry anyway, but my stomach seemed to disagree. Ignoring the light clawing pain in my stomach, I turned to Carson, mustering all the courage I had to say a few words, "Carson, I'm n-not hungry."

His perfectly brushed brows creased and he strolled over to where I was standing, his posture stiff and demanding. He didn't say anything, not yet anyway. He merely stared into my eyes, as if trying to read my thoughts which I wasn't going to let him.

"You're hungry," Carson stated assuredly without a sprinkle of doubt in his voice and I turned my eyes' direction away from his spotless face. "I know you're hungry. You know you're hungry. Even your stomach knows."

I shook my head; refusing to surrender. "I'm not and there's no one here." I said, pointing at the post-it note on the sliding doors, it read 'Will be back in 5.' in messy writing.

"You are," he argued, choosing to ignore my second point and gestured to the food. "I saw you looking."

"Only ecause I haven't been here in a while," I said softly, turning away from the food to avoid the temptation to prove an unnecessary point that had already been proven wrong. I scurried over to one of the closest tables, pulled out a chair and slumped down with my arms crossed.

"You are," he repeated, his expression suddenly switching into a serious mode as he pulled out a chair next to me, copying my actions and sitting down too.

Because of his threatening stare, I cowered back a little, directing my attention to my white converse which could actually be called grey or even black to a bespectacled person. "I'm  really not," I denied again, fooling around with the paper's edge, my unconscious self-contemplating whether I should rip it or not.

Carson looked at me, dead serious, "Tell me you're not hungry without stuttering and I'll stop pestering you."

My mouth twitched open a little and closed again, my teeth happily sinking into my tongue. My fingers moved on their own and used my nails to prick the sides of my arms where they were crossed. My heart beat rapidly, one would think it was skipping beats. I took short breaths and closed my eyes.

How dare he. I had my reasons. He had his. I befriended him because he asked, just because he was my 'friend' he can't force me into doing something I don't want. The nerve of this boy, I'd spent every lunch with him, feeling utterly vulnerable and self-conscious. I could have spent them alone peacefully, but no, I chose not to!

Now rumours were piling up like a mass of dirty clothing; unwashed and uncleaned. They were nowhere near the truth. Even if he had known, he probably wouldn't care! It was doubtless that he's experienced rumours of his own since he was a popular boy. But he's learned to ignore it! That act takes years for me to achieve. It's not fair. He doesn't understand.

I let out an airy breath, before narrowing my eyes at him and spitting out. "I'm. Not. Hungry."

Carson opened his mouth to say something but I clenched my fists, standing up without a thought of the chair nearly being knocked over, I bit on my lip harder before cutting him off entirely. "You know what? I'm sick of this. I hate it. What's the real reason why you're here? Why are you here, as my friend. Why do you want to be my friend? Why do you waste your lunch breaks eating with me? I don't have anything interesting to say so why bother talking to me? I had my theories too, was this a joke, a prank? Are you being blackmailed? Was it a dare? Maybe Jett's reappearance at something to do with it? But I haven't even seen Jett!"

Carson looked at me with an unreadable expression, shaking his head. "It's not like that."

My heart was fired up and I didn't intend on cooling it down just yet. I moved closer to him, pointed a finger at him and looked at him with icy but honest eyes. "I enjoyed lunch by myself. There was no one to stare at me or even peak a glance. I was comfortable but I'll be honest, it was fun at first, but then the rumours! Random people would go up to me asking questions I didn't know answers to! Is he your boyfriend? Is he being paid? Is it a dare? Why is an invisible girl with someone like him? Oh, and the worst! A girl claimed I was pregnant with your baby! How dare she assume something like that!" I raged while my chest heaved up and down speedily.

Carson's fingers combed through his hair, he shook his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

I barely registered what he said and continued, "And your friends, Oliver, Dante, Gabriel and Alison, Hannah and Maddy. They made a huge scene in the hallways! Everyone stared at us! They literally stopped in their tracks and stared. I don't like attention and I thought you'd know by now."

He looked like he was about to say something but I shook my head, taking a step back. "I think it's best if you stay away."

After taking a couple steps back, awareness finally spread throughout my body. I just bad-mouthed Carson López. But not behind his back, no, I did it right up to his face. I covered my mouth with my free hand, taking more steps back as Carson stood up and walked towards me.

I shook my head solidly, glancing up at Carson, knowing this would be the last time I would see him face to face. "I-I'm so sorry, please just stay away," I whispered and then I turned on my heel, dashed out of the Cafeteria doors and never looking back. 

a/n: its a sad chapter. btw im almost finished with the book. im writing chapter 39 rn and ive got like 3 maybe 4 more chapters. im so close. 

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