TRIGGER WARNING FOR DISORDERED EATING!!!!!!!!! IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED, OFFENDED, OR UPSET IN ANY WAY BY MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS AND THE ISSUES THAT COME WITH EATING DISORDERS PLEASE DO NOT READ!!!

Charlie, who has anorexia, somehow gets roped into going out to dinner with a group of his friends, none of whom know about his eating disorder.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Eating disorders, panic attacks, anxiety surrounding food, negative thoughts, self-hate, weight-gain/loss
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Charlie waved into his webcam on his computer and wrote "thank you Professor!" in the zoom call chat of his last class of the day. He left the call and his fake smile vanished as he clicked off of all of his notes and powerpoints he'd had up during the lecture. He looked at his phone, and his heart skipped a beat.

47 unread text messages from the group chat.

Charlie opened it and scrolled back as far as he'd gotten to the night before. He read through everything quickly. The messages were all similar, each of the members expressing their excitement for their dinner plans that evening.

The group text contained Grizzlyplays, Condifiction, Bizly, Charlie (of course), Ted Nivision, Travis, and JSchlatt. The group had been created a few months prior and had been utter chaos ever since. Charlie, who was very much not a fan of big groups or group texts, rarely contributed much more than a meme, joke, or pun here and there. He hadn't replied at all to the messages regarding dinner plans.

The rest of the group had planned the dinner a week ago, finally finding a day and time when everyone was in town and available. They decided on a Mexican restaurant that was towards the middle of everyone so no one had to travel too far. The place was close to Charlie, only around 20 minutes from his apartment with Grace, and unfortunately for him, Grizzly and Condi knew his address and had confirmed this before he could back out. So, Charlie had opted to stay silent on the matter. It had been working so far. If only...

Charlie put his phone face down on his desk and moved his laptop to the side. He picked up his PS4 controller and turned on the console. He opened a Crash Bandicoot game, selected a level, put his headphones on and blasted music as he pressed Begin.

He only made it ten minutes into gameplay when a knock sounded at his door. Charlie's heart lurched in his chest. He remained silent. Another knock, louder this time.

Silence.

The door opened, and Charlie gripped his controller tighter in his hands, his whole body tensing.

"Charlie?" Grace's sweet voice could be heard during a lull in the music. He felt her hand on his shoulder. Charlie jumped slightly, glancing up at her. He paused the game and removed his headphones, not even bothering to fake a smile.

"It's 3:30." Grace said.

"I'm fine." Charlie said quietly.

"Charlie we have a deal." Grace said.

"I know, I know, but I'm fine."

"You already skipped breakfast."

"I know. I wasn't hungry. We had a big dinner last night."

"Which you ate half of."

"Please?" Charlie looked back up at his girlfriend. He tried hard to ignore the plate of toast she was holding in her other hand.

"No, Charlie. Our deal is two pieces of toast at 3:30 after your classes." Grace set the plate in front of him, and Charlie closed his eyes.

"Grace please." He said quietly.

"You skipped breakfast, so this is happening. I'm sorry, Charlie. You know I have to do this." Grace crossed her arms. Charlie thought desperately of an excuse-any excuse-that could get him out of this.

"I'm going out to dinner tonight with the guys. I'll eat then." He said quickly. Grace raised an eyebrow.

"What time?" She asked.

"Eight."

"Where?"

"Ricardo's." Charlie answered her a little too quickly. Grace knew what he was doing.

"Two pieces of toast won't effect dinner in four and a half hours, Charl." She said. "Come on. Please?" Charlie glared at the small plate in front of him. His stomach growled painfully. He swallowed with difficulty, and looked back at Grace.

She wasn't budging.

Charlie slowly reached out and picked up one of the slices of toast. He held it in his shaking hand, refusing to look at it.

"Breathe." Grace said. Charlie shot her a look that clearly said 'stop.' Grace nodded. Charlie took a shaky breath. He started to bring the toast to his mouth, but he stopped short. His phone vibrated suddenly, making them both jump. Charlie threw down the slice of toast and grabbed his phone.

"That's Grizz." He said, throwing back his chair and racing out of the room.

"You aren't getting out of this!" Grace called after him.

Charlie raced to the bathroom and locked the door. He took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"Hey Nate." He said.

"Hey Charlie! What's going on, man?" Nate's upbeat voice made Charlie relax a little.

"Not much, just got done with school. What about you?" He asked.

"Gaming, bro. So what's up with you? How come you haven't responded in the group text?" Nate asked. Charlie cursed in his head.

"I've been busy, bro. My classes all have exams coming up so I've had to study." He lied.

"Oh that sucks. You're coming to dinner tonight though, right?"

"Uh-Y-yeah. I think I can. I don't know though, I have to study a lot." Charlie cursed again. What if Grace was listening?

"You need to take a break, dog. You're always overworking yourself with school." Nate said. Charlie chuckled nervously.

"Haha. I'm fine. Um...I'll try to be there, though." He said.

"Are you alright? You sound off." Nate's tone suddenly shifted from his usual goofy self to very serious.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine! I'm good! How are you?" Charlie turned the question around.

"I'm good. You're sure?"

"Yeah I'm fine man. I should get back to studying. I'll see you tonight!" Charlie said, trying desperately to sound casual.

"Charlie, hang on-" He hung up on him. He felt guilt and anxiety coursing through him. He shoved his phone in his pocket, taking a few deep breaths. He had to think of something.

If he stayed home, he knew Grace would force him to eat. If he went out, he wouldn't be able to get away with his usual tactics of cutting the food up into super small pieces and talking a lot to distract from him not eating. Grizzly and Condi, who were basically his brothers at this point, knew him far too well for that. Although...

No one knew about his eating disorder. No one but Grace, who was the one to drive him to the hospital when he collapsed after four days of not eating. Grace, who had been the one to drive him to the mental hospital he'd been forced to stay at for two weeks. Grace, who had gone with him to therapy appointment after therapy appointment, promising him time and time again that she wasn't going to leave him-that they would get through this together. That she would help him, whatever it takes.

Another wave of guilt hit Charlie like a truck. He kept his eyes closed and his head down, carefully avoiding the mirror in front of him.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he made no movements to answer it. He knew it was either Grizzly or Condi calling. Those two were always on call together. If he talked to one of them, the other knew quickly.

He took another deep breath, and opened the bathroom door. He jumped when he saw Grace standing in the hallway.

"Jesus Christ!" He said. "We're you listening?!" He tried to sound annoyed, but he couldn't bring himself to.

"No I wasn't. I just got here. You know I can't leave this, Charlie. I already let you skip breakfast cause you were panicking so much." Grace said.

"I can't." Charlie said flat out.

"You can. You've been doing it for almost a week now! If you do it quickly, you can get back to Crash Bandicoot. Come on." Grace held the plate out. Charlie looked away from her, from it.

"Stop. Don't listen to whatever your mind is telling you. You need to eat Charlie." Grace said.

"I can't." Charlie said quietly.

"Yes you can. Don't think about it." Grace said.

"I can't not think about it!" Charlie yelled.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't the right thing to say." Grace corrected herself. Charlie sighed.

"You're not gonna let me move until I do it, are you?" He asked.

"You know I can't. You're gonna hate me, and that's fine. We're doing this." Grace looked at him. Charlie met her eyes, and quickly looked away again. He grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite quickly before his body could tell him to drop it.

The reaction hit him instantly. His mind erupted with thoughts, not a single one of them positive. He chewed quickly and took another bite. The thoughts grew louder and louder as he forced the food down.

He got through half of the first piece when he put it down on the plate.

"Finish it." Grace said.

"I can't." Charlie repeated.

"Finish it." Grace looked at him.

"I can't!" Charlie yelled.

"Yes you can, Charlie. Do it."

"No!"

"Charlie! Please!" Grace argued with him.

They yelled at each other until Charlie was on the verge of tears. He forced down the first piece, and struggled through the second. The moment he was done, he pushed past her into his office and slammed the door shut. Grace leaned against the wall and slid down it. She dropped the plate onto the floor next to her as she cried quietly. She hated seeing her boyfriend like this. She hated that she couldn't do anything to help him. She wanted so desperately for him to see himself the way she saw him, but she knew that was impossible. She hated this as much as Charlie did.

Behind the office door, Charlie heard her sniffling. He stood at the door, listening painfully, as silent tears streamed down his face. He didn't just hate the situation, he hated himself. He hated himself for a lot of things, for eating, for doing this to Grace, for agreeing to dinner tonight, for the way he looked...The list went on and on.

After a few minutes, Charlie heard her stand. He steeled himself in case she knocked on the door, but he heard her footsteps walk towards the kitchen. Charlie forced himself to turn away and sit at his desk. His phone vibrated in his pocket again as he put his head down on his desk.
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At 7:15, Grace knocked on his office door.

"Yeah?" Charlie called. Grace opened the door.

"7:15 Love." Grace said. Charlie paused his game and took off his headphones. He turned around in his chair to look at her and smile.

"Thanks". He said. She smiled back, and closed the door. Charlie's smile vanished.

The couple had made up a few hours ago, both apologizing profusely. This was all part of the recovery process, and they both knew this. They had also discussed how huge of a step in Charlie's recovery going out to dinner with friends was. He decided to be honest with her, and told her he didn't want to go. That he didn't think he would be able to do it. She had hugged him and told him she believed in him, which helped in theory. In practice however, Charlie was still terrified.

Now, he turned his game off and began getting ready. He busied himself around the house until 7:45. Grace volunteered to drive him, as Nate and Condi had already volunteered to drive him home if he needed a ride. He'd communicated with only those two that day aside from his call with Nate. The three had a separate group chat that Charlie was much more active in, and they had talked about that night a few times during the day.

The couple got in the car, and Charlie gave her directions. They arrived a bit early, at Charlie's request. They'd agreed that if he got there and felt okay, he would try to go in and stay as long as he could. However, if he felt too overwhelmed, Grace would take him home and back him up in the lie that he had too much studying to do and couldn't get away. They parked, and Grace turned off the car. She looked over at Charlie. He was breathing a bit shallowly, so Grace rested her hand on his leg. Charlie looked at her. She nodded at him.

"You're gonna have fun. Engage in conversation and just relax. You love these guys, they're your family. Grizz and Condi will be there. Sit next to them. You'll be fine." She told him seriously. Charlie nodded, trying hard to smile genuinely at her. She leaned forward and kissed him. Charlie kissed her back instantly. When they pulled away, Charlie saw a car pull into the parking lot. He instinctively grabbed Grace's hand.

"There's Schlatt." He said.

"Okay. You're okay." Grace squeezed his hand lightly.

"He made the reservation. Travis is with him." Charlie told her.

"You're good, Love. You wanna wait for Grizz and Condi to get here?" Grace asked. Charlie nodded, looking back at her.

"Okay." Grace turned the car back on and plugged her phone into the aux cord. She turned on a playlist she had made for Charlie ages ago to help with his intense anxiety. The playlist consisted of some of his go-to "calming down" songs, a few of their songs, and some goofy ones thrown in to make him smile. She put the playlist on shuffle and turned the volume down so they could just hear it.

Charlie and her scrolled through their phones until Charlie's dinged with a text. Grace looked up as Charlie swallowed.

"They just parked." He said, looking around. "Yeah, there they are."

"Okay. Go have fun." Grace smiled at Charlie. Charlie looked back at her, and she shook her head. "No, don't start thinking, Charlie. You're gonna have fun. Go on. Here they come." She said seriously. Charlie looked back out the window and saw Grizzly and Condi approaching the car. Charlie took a deep breath and plastered on a fake smile. Grace hated the look of it, but she put on a smile of her own as the guys opened Charlie's door.

The friends all greeted one another, and Charlie got out of the car. Grace informed him that she would have her phone with her, and that if he needed anything to text her. She drove off as Charlie was led inside the restaurant by Condi and Grizzly.

The restaurant was loud enough on its own. The place was completely packed. Sitting at a table with this particular group of friends was almost deafening to Charlie's highly-sensitive and panicked senses.

He wanted to sit on the end of the booth, but Condi dragged him in next to him, and Grizzly took the end seat. Instantly, he felt claustrophobic. The other guys all yelled greetings and jokes of their own to the three friends. They had been the last to arrive, and a waiter was at their table quickly asking for drink orders.

Charlie got a water, and was promptly made fun of in a joking manner.

"Come on, dude! You're not driving anywhere!" Schlatt insisted. Charlie just shook his head and smiled as the other guys pestered him. Eventually, Grizzly shushed them all by telling them the waiter was still waiting for four more people to get drinks.

"Are you okay, Charlie?" Condi leaned over and asked him. Charlie nodded.

"Yeah dude I'm fine". He said.

"You sure? You look kinda pale." Condi pressed.

"I'm fine." Charlie repeated. The waiter left, and conversations continued. Charlie mostly sat back and observed, listening in whenever he could. When he was brought into a conversation, he made a stupid joke or pun that got everyone laughing. He felt proud of himself.

Maybe he could do this.

This proud feeling vanished as soon as the waiter returned to ask for food orders. He hadn't even considered looking at the menu. They started at the opposite end of the table with Schlatt.

"Charlie, do you know what you're getting?" Condi asked him. Charlie just stared at the closed menu in front of him. "Charlie?" Condi nudged him.

"I-uh..." He jumped a little and grabbed the menu and opened it. The pictures of food made his stomach twist and his heart began to race. He glanced up. They were three people in. Two more people until it was his turn. He scanned the menu as his stomach churned and he began to feel sick. He heard Condi begin speaking, and his heart jumped into his throat.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

His eyes landed on a 'Build Your Own' section of the menu.

"And for you sir?"

Condi nudged Charlie, and he looked up. All eyes were staring at him.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Can I do the...The um...build your own-thing?" He asked. The waiter looked at him.

"Okay. What would you like?" He asked.

"Yeah, uh...Just a um...A cheese quesadilla and rice, please." Charlie was kicking himself mentally. He could hear Schlatt and Ted stifling laughter.

"Of course. Would you like to add another side to that? It comes with two." The waiter wrote his order down.

"No, no thank you. Just rice is fine." He said. The waiter wrote something else down and moved on to Grizzly, who ordered quickly. The waiter collected everyone's menus and left. The moment he was gone, Schlatt, Travis, Bizly, and Ted busted out laughing.

"Charlie what the fuck was that?" Ted asked.

"It's like you've never been to a restaurant before!" Schlatt laughed. Charlie forced out a small chuckle as he looked down at his hands shaking under the table.

"Charlie what's going on?" Grizzly asked quietly.

"Nothing, I'm just really fucking tired." Charlie said this a little louder, so everyone at the table heard him.

"Oh yeah, Grizz mentioned you've got exams coming up, right?" Schlatt asked. Charlie nodded.

The group continued talking amongst themselves. The more time passed, the more anxious Charlie became. The idea of having to eat in front of all of these people horrified him. The idea of eating at all horrified him.

The voices surrounding him seemed to increase in volume all at once as his mind raced.

I can't eat.

Every bite I take means I'm a failure.

I've gained so much weight since starting therapy.

I've already undone all the work I did, now I'm gonna make it worse?

What is wrong with me?

Why did I agree to this?

Why did I think I could do this?

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe!

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Charlie announced a little louder than he'd intended. The table fell silent and stared at him. He ignored them, staring down.

"Grizz let me out." He said, his voice shaking.

"Charlie are you okay?" Bizly asked. Nate was just staring at him in concern.

"Nate, let me out! Please!" He said. Grizzly moved slowly out of the booth. Charlie pushed his shaking form out of the booth as well and rushed towards the back of the restaurant. The guys all looked at each other.

"What the hell was that?" Ted asked.

"He sounded off when we talked on the phone earlier." Grizzly said.

"He's been acting weird since you guys got here." Schlatt pointed out.

"Yeah he has been really quiet." Travis spoke up.

"I'm gonna text him." Condi said, taking out his phone.
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Meanwhile, Charlie was pacing in the bathroom. He was hyperventilating as his hands tugged at his hair.

"I can't do this...I can't do this. I can't fucking do this!" He mumbled to himself. He made up his mind, and rushed out of the bathroom. He tried to carefully slip past the table by the door unseen, but Schlatt happened to glance to his right at that very moment and saw him.

The bearded man frowned as he saw Charlie's expression. Clearly something was very wrong.

"I'll be right back, I gotta take a piss." He announced. He stood up and left the table, not bothering to hide the fact that he was walking towards the door-the complete opposite direction of the bathrooms.

He pushed open the restaurant doors and found Charlie pacing out front, looking at his phone. As he walked closer, he saw just how hard Charlie was shaking.

"Charlie?" He asked. The brunette jumped.

"I'm fine, go inside." Charlie said quickly.

"Jesus dude, you're shaking. What's going on with you?" Schlatt asked.

"Nothing, go inside." Charlie repeated. His voice was shaking as well.

"No I'm not gonna go inside. What's going on, Charlie?" Schlatt stood his ground.

"I'm fine. Go away." Charlie insisted.

"You're not fine." Schlatt walked up to him and put his hand on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie whirled around suddenly, throwing Schlatt's hand off of him.

"Don't fucking touch me!!" He yelled. A few people who were either arriving or leaving the place looked over. Schlatt just stared at Charlie. He was trembling violently, tears streaming down his cheeks, breathing impossibly fast. Schlatt said nothing, but walked over and put his arm around Charlie's shoulder and quickly led him away from the staring eyes.

He hurried Charlie to his car and opened the door for him. Charlie climbed inside without a word or a moment of hesitation. Schlatt got in the drivers side. The moment the doors were shut, Charlie lost it for real.

Schlatt was really concerned as he looked at his friend. He'd never seen Charlie so much as frown seriously. He was the pun-master, the jokester, the comedic relief of the friend group. Seeing him crying and shaking so hard was jarring.

"You gotta breathe, man. You're gonna pass out. Charlie? Can you hear me?" Schlatt had no idea what to say. "Charlie?" He carefully reached over and barely touched Charlie's shoulder with his finger. He jumped hard, and Schlatt reeled his hand away.

"Okay, no touching. Got it. Um...Can you hear me, man?" Schlatt asked. Charlie nodded very slightly.

"Okay, that's good. Uh, try...taking a deep breath, okay? I don't want you passing out on me." Schlatt inwardly cursed his blunt nature. Charlie was clearly very distraught. Being blunt and harsh would only make it worse. He took a deep breath and tried again.

"Charlie? You need to slow down your breathing. Can you look at me, please?" He crossed his fingers. Charlie didn't look at him, but he did try to take a deeper breath.

"That's good! That's good Charlie! Can you do that again?" Schlatt encouraged. Charlie tried again and he choked, coughing.

"Hey, hey, take it easy. Slowly. Breathe slowly. You're okay. It's just you and me here." Schlatt went to pat him on the back when he coughed but remembered Charlie's previous reactions.

"Keep breathing, Charlie. Keep breathing. Come on." He said.

It took about fifteen minutes for the panic attack to subside. Charlie hadn't looked at Schlatt once, and he kept his head down even after he was breathing normally again. The two sat in silence, save for Charlie's sniffling, for a few minutes before Schlatt spoke up.

"Are...We gonna talk about this? Or just go back inside and pretend nothing happened? I'm being serious, by the way. That-sounded sarcastic." Schlatt clarified. Charlie looked out the window.

"Charlie?" Schlatt said.

"I'm fine." Charlie said. Schlatt almost laughed.

"Dude, you're crying your eyes out, hyperventilating in my car. You're not fine." Schlatt said, but he cringed at his tone. Charlie looked down.

"Look man. It's obvious something's wrong. If you don't wanna tell me...You don't have to. But...After what I just saw...Like-Did something happen? Is Grace alright?" He asked.

"She's fine." Charlie said quietly. His voice was shaking almost as much as his body.

"Okay. Is it the exams coming up? That was...like, a panic attack, right?" Schlatt asked. Charlie nodded, paused, and shook his head.

"It's not school. I'm fine. I'm-just gonna have Grace pick me up." Charlie said. Schlatt noticed he was picking at his fingers.

"Charlie what's happening here? You know you can talk to me, bro. Seriously. I'm worried about you." Schlatt ventured. Charlie shook his head.

"I'm fine." He said.

"Charlie." Schlatt looked at him. Charlie said nothing. Schlatt looked forward, and the two were engulfed in silence once again.

On the passenger side, Charlie's breathing began to pick up again. He glanced nervously at Schlatt, and made his decision.

"I have an eating disorder." He blurted out.

The millisecond the words left his mouth he regretted everything. He instantly hid his face in his hands. Schlatt was staring at him, eyes wide for a second. He forced himself to look away.

Schlatt wracked his brain for the right thing to say.

"How long?" Was what he landed on.

"A year. I'm getting help, but..." Charlie's voice faltered. Schlatt nodded despite Charlie not being able to see him.

"Okay. Thank you for telling me." Schlatt said. This made Charlie look up. He frowned at Schlatt, who shrugged at him.

"I'm sorry you're dealing with that...I know what it's like." He said. Charlie's eyes widened for a moment as well, and Schlatt nodded.

"Me and my sister both went through eating disorders in our teens. When my parents found out they sent us both to a hospital. It fucking sucked, but...At least we had each other. It does get better, Charlie. You have to know that. You will get better." He said. Charlie's eyes swam with tears once again as he looked away.

"I didn't know..." He started.

"Neither did I. Does anyone else know?"

"Just Grace."

"Okay. No one inside knows?"

Charlie shook his head.

"Jesus. No wonder you're freaking out. How long have you been getting help?" Schlatt asked, and he shook his head. "You don't...It's none of my business. Only if you feel comfortable sharing." He added. Charlie chuckled sadly.

"A few months. I...Passed out in...March. Grace took me to the hospital. I hadn't...Um. They-asked me a bunch of questions and I had to go to a mental hospital. I was there for two weeks. Grace has been going with me to therapy. She comes in sometimes. She's...Helping." He explained. Schlatt just nodded, listening. "I told her I was coming tonight to get out of lunch. She made me eat anyways...I shouldn't have come." Charlie looked down, choking up.

"I'm glad you did." Schlatt said quickly. Charlie sniffled. "I'm really glad you did. Everyone's missed you. You barely talk in the group chat."

"I know. I just...I get, really depressed, sometimes. And talking to people is just...Not something I can do." Charlie admitted. Schlatt nodded.

"No, totally! I completely understand. I just meant that...Everyone's kinda been worried about you for a while. We've noticed you've been off lately." Schlatt was quick to say. Charlie nodded. He rubbed his eyes with his jacket sleeve.

"I'm sorry." He said, trying not to cry again. "I didn't want to ruin anybody's night."

"What?! No, no, no! Charlie! You're not ruining anyone's night! Hey, look at me." Schlatt said. Charlie looked at him, and Schlatt felt his heart breaking.

He looked exhausted. His eyes were dark, sunken, and tear filled. He was pale, and he looked terrified. Schlatt took a second to steady himself before he spoke.

"You did not ruin my night, Charlie. I need you to know that. What you're going through is...Fucking difficult to get through. But I promise you, you will get through it. And I won't tell a soul if you don't want me to, I swear. But you didn't ruin anyone's night, man." He said very seriously. Charlie nodded slowly. Schlatt could tell he didn't believe him.

"I'm serious. Please don't put that on yourself Charlie." He said.

"Thank you, Schlatt. I'm sorry if this...I didn't know." Charlie said.

"No, no it's okay. It's not triggering. I've been okay for a while now. Like...five years? The mindset is what's hardest to get out of. Every now and then I'll get twinges of those thoughts or urges or whatever. But I have the tools now to deal with them. And you will too." Schlatt insisted. Charlie smiled-genuinely-at him.

"It doesn't feel like it." He said, turning away.

"It never does. But one day soon you'll look back and go 'Oh shit! I was all the way back there and now I'm all the way, here! Look how much progress I've made!' It just kind of happens slowly...Or at least it did for me." Schlatt said honestly. Charlie nodded.

"When does it stop?" He asked.

"When does what stop?" Schlatt frowned, confused.

"When does it stop hurting so much? When does it stop hurting everyone around me?" Charlie clarified, a few sobs slipping out unintentionally. Schlatt sighed.

"It...It will. I don't know when, but, I know that it does stop hurting. It stops hurting, Charlie." He said, looking Charlie in the eyes.

"I'm hurting Grace." He said. Schlatt carefully put his hand on Charlie's back. When the other male gave no negative reaction, Schlatt held it there.

"She said she isn't going anywhere but I don't believe her. I don't...I don't wanna be near her. I know I'm hurting her. I can't fucking stop!" Charlie continued, getting more worked up.

"Hey, hey. Easy, Charlie. If she told you she isn't going anywhere then she isn't going anywhere. I don't know Grace that well but I know she cares about you a fuck ton. Anyone who sees you two interacting can see at least that much. You two love each other so much. She's going to therapy with you? She cares, bro. She wants to help you. She wants you to get better. She wants you to want to get better." Schlatt soothed him.

"I do want to get better. But every time...I can't..." Charlie couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I know. I know." Schlatt comforted.

"We fight every time I have to eat. We have these deals with my therapist about meal plans and times and...I can't do it." Charlie wiped away another tear.

"It feels like you can't. But you really can. And I know hearing that doesn't do fuck all. Trust me, I know.  It's all about your mindset. It's the thoughts that are killing your right?" Schlatt asked. Charlie nodded.

"I can't stop them."

"It isn't really about stopping them as it is rewording them." Schlatt said. Charlie frowned.

"It's like...'I'm not allowed to eat anything at all today' turns into 'I'm allowed to eat breakfast today.' Or, 'I already ate one thing so I can't have anything else' turns into 'I ate before and that was good. I'm allowed to have something else.' It's really hard to do, but rewording helps once you get the hang of it. It's basically listening to the thought and giving yourself permission to be a human and consume fuel." Schlatt tried for a joke. Charlie cracked a small smile, so he called it a victory.

"And I know that sounds easier said than done. Trust me, for a while it is. But like I said, once you get the hang of it, it could help you. That's what helped me at least. And my sister." Schlatt continued.

"I'll try that. Thanks. I don't know if it'll work or not but...I'll do anything. I just don't wanna hurt her anymore." Charlie said.

"I know, man. I know. You'll get there."

"Thank you."

Schlatt met Charlie's eyes.

"Of course, man. You can talk to me anytime you need. I'm here for you. I know we fuck around and goof off a lot, but these boys in here care about you. We all care about you, Charlie. You need to care about yourself." Schlatt said.

Charlie nodded. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

"Fuck." He muttered. Schlatt chuckled.

"You're good, man. You're good." He said. "Hey, it's okay if you wanna dip out early. I'll make something up, tell them you're sick or that Grace needs you or something. Coming here was a big deal for you today. Small steps."

Charlie hesitated. "I don't know. Like...Once I was there with you guys I felt better. But...The second food was brought up I crumbled." He said.

"Yeah. That's okay. Do you wanna go back and just sit with us for a while? It's completely up to you, Charlie. Whatever you're comfortable with. And whatever you want me to tell them, I'll tell them." Schlatt assured him. Charlie sighed.

"Do I look like I've been crying?" He asked. Schlatt hesitated.

"Uhm...Truth or lying?" He asked genuinely.

"Truth I guess." Charlie laughed.

"Yes you look exhausted. You look like you've been crying." Schlatt told him.

"You think anyone will notice? I mean they're pretty oblivious." Charlie ventured. Again, Schlatt hesitated.

"I mean Grizz and Condi will notice cause they're next to you. Travis is pretty oblivious so he might not. Bizly knows you well so he might notice anyway, and Ted is sitting across the table so he's hit or miss." He said. Charlie ran a hand through his hair.

"Fuck." He said. "I don't...I don't know what I'd say."

"I'll make sure they leave you alone if you want. I can go in first while you calm down a second and I'll tell them not to ask you questions or pester you. I can say shit's happening and you're stressed but you'll be okay, which is the truth." Schlatt said.

"Really?" Charlie's eyes lit up a bit.

"Yes! Of course!" Schlatt said. Charlie's shoulders relaxed slightly.

"Thank you, Schlatt." He said.

"Of course. I'm gonna go do that, you chill here. Take as long as you need okay? Here are the keys." Schlatt handed Charlie his car keys and got out.

He walked back inside. Upon returning to the table, the food had arrived and everyone was about halfway done. Schlatt flagged down their waiter as he was walking past and handed him Charlie's plate.

"Excuse me sir? Hi. Uh, would you do me a huge favor and box this up to go? Thank you so much!" He said. Everyone at the table looked up at him.

"Schlatt? What's happening? Where's Charlie?" Travis asked.

"He's outside. He had to step out and get some air for a second. He'll be back soon. He might have to leave early." Schlatt said casually as he began eating.

"What happened? Is he okay?" Nate asked nervously.

"He's fine. He's just got a lot going on at the moment so he's stressed out. The restaurant got kinda loud for him so he stepped outside for a breather. He's not hungry either so I had them box up his food to take home." Schlatt said. The guys all exchanged concerned looks.

"Listen. When he comes back, don't ask him about it. He doesn't wanna talk about anything right now. I just kinda sat with him for a bit but he's alright." Schlatt said in a serious tone.

"Schlatt what happened?" Bizly asked.

"I told you he's just stressed out with personal stuff." Schlatt said. "He'll tell you guys if and when he's ready to. Just don't try to beat it out of him, that'll make him feel worse. Alright? Let's move on."

"Is he okay?" Condi asked.

"Yes." Schlatt took another bite. "Oh, Grizz? Let Charlie have the end seat. He's kinda claustrophobic." He added. Grizzly and Condi looked at each other, and Nate moved over. Schlatt nodded.

The boys continued their conversations as normally as they could. The waiter returned with Charlie's food in a box, and Schlatt took it and put it at his feet under the table.

Charlie walked up slowly a few minutes later. Schlatt gulped. It was clear he had cried more after he'd left.

"Hey guys." Charlie said quietly, sitting down next to Nate on the end. "Sorry about that."

"You're good man. Everything okay?" Bizly asked. Schlatt shot him a look, but everyone was staring at Charlie with intense concern.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Things are just kind of overwhelming right now, but it'll be fine." Charlie said.

"I'm sorry man." Bizly said. Charlie waved him off.

"It's okay. I'll be alright." As he said this, he looked to Schlatt, who smiled and nodded at him discreetly. Charlie took a deep breath.

"What did I miss?" He asked. The others hesitated for a moment. Travis spoke up.

"We were talking about video game sequels." He said.

"What a bunch of nerds." Charlie joked. Everyone chuckled lightly.

"We were intensely debating the sequel to The Last of Us." Schlatt informed him.

"Ah, that one. I'm not too sure about it." Charlie began. He joined the conversation a bit unsteadily, but the others picked up soon enough and things returned to normal.

They talked for a while before the waiter returned with the bill. They began discussing how to split everything up. When Charlie got out his card, Ted started to make a comment that he didn't even eat his food, but Schlatt elbowed him before he could finish his sentence. Charlie didn't even notice this as he was talking to Grizzly and trying to figure out math.

"Charlie?" Schlatt got his attention. He held his hand up discreetly. Charlie frowned and shook his head.

"I got it. It's alright." Schlatt mouthed to him. Charlie began to protest, but Grizzly showed him his phone again.

"Is this right?" He asked. Charlie looked at the calculator app.

"Uh yeah that's right." He said. He looked back at Schlatt and mouthed "thank you". Schlatt gave him a quick nod and a thumbs up. The rest of them distributed the total among themselves and dealt with paying.

They stayed at the place for another hour, just talking and enjoying each other's company. They only left when they did because the waiter informed them that they were closing in a bit.

The guys all said their goodbyes and walked to their cars. Schlatt pulled Charlie aside, telling Travis to start the car.

"Hey. I'm really proud of you for staying the whole time. Just so you know." He said. Charlie smiled.

"Thank you so much, for everything. Thank you." Charlie said. Schlatt nodded knowingly. The boys embraced, Schlatt handed Charlie is box, and they walked to their cars. Charlie got in with Condi and Grizzly.

"What was that about?" Grizzly asked as Charlie buckled his seatbelt.

"Hmm?" Charlie looked up from his phone. He was texting Grace that he was headed back.

"With Schlatt?" Grizzly said.

"Oh, nothing. He just wanted to ask if I could stream with him later in the week." Charlie said.

"It looked more serious than that. I know he told us not to ask you, but are you okay, Charlie?" Condi asked as he backed the car out of the parking spot.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind right now." Charlie said.

"You know you can talk to us." Grizzly said, turning around in his seat to look at Charlie.

"I know. I've just got a lot of mental health stuff happening right now but I'm talking to someone and getting help so I'll be okay." Charlie said.

"Should we be concerned?" Condi asked.

"Not in that way, no. I'm okay. Just..." Charlie sighed. "I kind of...Have...I have an eating disorder. So, coming here, was hard. I got kind of overwhelmed and had a panic attack and Schlatt helped calm me down. I'm okay now. Well, not-I'm better now." Charlie struggled through his explanation.

"Oh. I had no idea, Charlie." Condi said.

"Yeah, no one did." Charlie said.

"You're seeing someone?" Grizzly asked.

"Yeah. Have been for a while now. A few months. It just messes me up sometimes." Charlie took a silent deep breath.

"Is there anything we can do to help you?" Condi asked.

"Yeah, how can we help?" Grizzly echoed.

"Not really? Just like...Support I guess?" Charlie said.

"Okay. Well we're always here to support you, man. Whatever you need." Condi said.

"Always." Grizzly added.

"Thanks you guys. I'm sorry." Charlie said.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for bro." Grizzly said.

"Yeah, you're fine, Charlie. Promise." Condi said. Charlie nodded.

The rest of the drive was fairly normal. They joked around and made each other laugh. They made decent time getting to Charlie's. The guys dropped him off and headed out.

Charlie ventured inside and found Grace reading on the couch.

"Hey." He said. Grace looked up.

"Hey! How was it?" She asked. She closed her book and stood up and walked over to him.

"It was fun." Charlie said as they kissed. He walked to the kitchen and put his box away.

"Yeah?" Grace asked.

"Yeah. It wasn't at first. I had to step out for a while, but Schlatt brought me back. He helped me calm down. I had a panic attack." Charlie told her.

"Aw Honey. I'm sorry." Grace said.

"It's okay. He helped me through it. I told him. And Condi and Nate." Charlie said.

"You did?" Grace's eyes widened. Charlie nodded.

"They were really cool about it. I mean, they were worried. But they're awesome friends so." Charlie said. Grace hugged him.

"I am so fucking proud of you Charlie." She said. Charlie wrapped his arms around her and smiled.

"I'm proud of me too." He said. Grace leaned back and looked at him, a huge smile on her face.

"That's good!! That's great!" She said happily. Charlie nodded.

"I wanna do this." He said. Grace pulled him in tighter as her eyes watered.

"I do too. We're gonna do this together. You're gonna be okay." She said. Charlie took a deep breath.

For the first time in a very long time, he believed her. 

A/N: I hope you guys liked this part!!! Thanks so much for reading! As always, I hope you have a great rest of your day, whatever time it is for you! Thanks again and stay safe! 😊✌🏻♥️