Hey,

I know, this letter will not seem to make much of a difference to you as I wished it to be, as now we are technically not even talking. But from what happened recently, I feel like there is something between us that needed to be said.

People are spreading rumors about you and me, telling me that they heard from you about us dating. And I don't even have a word to tell you how I feel anymore, because I feel that after all of this, my crush to you is already something that you are treating like a joke. Which scares me, because this is starting to become a relapse of things that had happened before.

I must confess, you are not the first person I fell in love with. The first person was at my old school, and that crush lasted around nineteen months. And if there is anything I could say from that relationship, it was a trainwreck in every sense possible, since I ended up leading myself into the dark abyss.

The pit of that abyss- the point where I was shattered, lost and is just plain angry about the past- is the moment I first laid eyes on you; and in many ways, you reminded me of him: a soccer player, a popular face, caring, sweet and really kind.

But when I met you, I do not find the reminiscence of the painful parts of the past; I found in you a heart full of joy and warmth- something that reminded me of a time long ago, when I still am as wishful and positive.

And remember that time when we worked together in an MUN conference? It may sounds like I am joking, but I actually can feel myself being alive again thanks to you being there. And even if I might have done something wrong towards you (or not-it is just my feelings every day), I would never have done that with someone else. Or anyone else, for that matter.

I think you should know this secret, about that the last person I fell in love with. It was, in many respects, someone who both make and break me.

Within those times, we never went out together. Hell, I would have never thought even once about going out with him, even though my crush towards him was so intense like never have I feel before.

Yes, he knew just how deep my feelings run. And yes, he played with it: he asked out my friends twice, and he had got me into big trouble all because I asked him out to a Homecoming parade.

God, he didn't even care that I was in the hospital for almost two weeks, or that I disappeared from school. And it hurts to fall in love, especially after all of the turmoil I have to go through.

Which brings me to the biggest secret of all.

I love you.

But do you love me?