"So let's talk about what kind of relationship you had with him." Mom straight forwardly saying the words once we arrive at Thai restaurant. She set lunch with me, I know she will talk about something important this time. Even though this is hard, but I couldn't just run away. Just like what Jinny tell me, the same thing will come again and again until I face it and finish it. I look down to my lap, I am a bad daughter.

"I don't understand what is happening right now between you, Jungkook, Soomi and Jennie. I only saw you very close with Jungkook, while Soomi also being close with him. Tell me that I was wrong all the time." I don't know mom, I don't even understand what to say to you. I am pathetic.

"Panpriya." I bit my lips in order to suppress my emotion, mom cares to me that's why she ask. She never ask before, she never care and always drowned into her job but now she cares. She ask me what happen and not judging me first, I should've been happy.

"Mom." I call her. Can you trust me? "Everything is so complicated, like you think I do love him, I don't if this is only the trick or my true feeling, but I just can feel it. Not like the greediness I always feel for B.I before, now I feel like capable to be happy even though he choose Soomi, his first love over me. I just want him to be happy. I am sorry mom."

"But you also couldn't do everything you do nowadays. It's not alright to share a man, it will hurt you baby." I know, It's so painful mom. I wish I could describe it right to you, but it just can't. "What's your goal in 5 years? Is it possible to do the same thing as you do with Jungkook behind Soomi? Will you be happy?" Of course no. This happiness won't last longer. I just know he will keep looking away every time she call his name. Just like a pet, so loyal, so stupid. So do I.

"Be brave Panpriya, you are my precious one. Love yourself, before you love someone else. You will not able to feel the true love before you love yourself." And there I collapse. There I heard the words I really miss the most, finally someone giving me hope. That I can be better, that I will survive.

"Mom, I don't know." I hug her tight, crying like the old me after someone take my precious toy from me. I always run to mom, because she is different with dad who is gentle and always comforting my temper, mom will go and scold the kids, take my toy back. She give me everything I should have. "Please save me mom." Helplessly I beg her, I beg her with all of my will. Can't I live my life happily without drama? I am too young to let the world break me.

"It's okay darling." What took you so long mom? I almost think that you never want me. Then she cupped my face, tilting my head up, watching her eyes. "If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down."

Then should I give up?

--

"Barbie." I look up at his brown eyes who's now looking at me, my favourite eyes. I smile when he did so, and then he peck my lips, kiss my forehead, feeling all the peace. God, can you stop the time? "Do you want something to eat?" he then swaying my hand when we walk on the beach. I nodded not answering, I only want to hear his voice. I will remember everything about him.

His father, called me.

I look at his beautiful face, everyone fall for it, and me too. His orbs send me the warm feeling every time it look into mine, stabbing my heart with sudden attack which is capable to make me speechless and sad in the same time. That bunny teeth, when he smiles, it looks cute and it make he looks so innocent. She used to smirking around people, but to live with him longer, he show me that bunny smile, make me addicted to it, over and over.

Jeon Junghyun wanted Jungkook to stay with his family.

"Do you love me that much? You always stared at me all the time." I am blushing when he say so, but he is the same, blushing while looking away covering his cheeks bone with his free hand. "Gosh, I can't stop smiling. It's getting creepy." I chuckled. "My heart feel like gonna exploding now, god, I love you Barbie." He then wrapping his arm around my waist, hug me, PDA is also his favorite now.

Let's move to Swiss. He will live with his dad. Let's forget everything here and find the new life. And never run back again.

"I love you more, Jeon Jungkook." There is the time he stop immediately, look at me shocked. "I wish I can spend my whole life only with you. So remember this, Whatever it is, I love you." i caressing his forehead, tidying his hair and then tip toeing to kiss him on his temple.

I am sorry my love, Jeon Jungkook. I thought I might capable to save you, but I can't. I can't save you, I can only love you.

--

I am so happy to hear that words from her mouth, she call me by my name, she is not afraid anymore to spell it. But why did something weighting my heart. Why did it sounds like a farewell rather than a confession? I should be happy too, but why did she cried?

"Hi, Jeon Jungkook." I feel like my soul left my body when I saw the man in front of me. He sat on the sofa with mom and Marco, have a glass of tea and all smile to see me. I do know the face, but I never know him. I only know his name, Jeon Junghyun. My father. "You grow up well."

I look away to find her, my barbie. I need her, I need her to hold onto my heart. I feel it will break again just now. I need you. She come toward me with sadness in her eyes, no. Don't. She bow her head toward the man in front of me greet him. And then mom ask us to sit with them. I hesitate at first but to feel her hand on mine, I follow her trace, bring me to the sofa. It's okay. She mouthed, and I believe in her.

He speaks to me, about the time he was still with mom, and giving me the reason of why did he left. It's all only about family matter, his parents never give their blessing so he dump me and mom. He is apologizing, keep apologizing. This is hurting me, but I should know what's his reason, I should know what his excuse to brave enough to appear in front of me. But the more I hear the story, the more my hate grow in me, my hand is trembling but Barbie always been there to hold me tight. Now I understand how hard it is for her to understand his father feeling, to accept me. I am grateful of her strength. She made it, and I am jealous.

"Will you stay with me?" the he ask me the question which is make me chuckled out of anything I could do. It's so funny. He run away, and I used to it, I never mind what's the reason, I just let him go, because I have our father with me. I don't need this man. "I am old now. I need you. You are the only son of Jeon who's alive."

Guess what?

I don't care.