CAKerst

When Cory's father suddenly dies his entire perfect world is torn apart.Gone is the loving mother, doting sister, lovely house, and the huge allowance. In stead Cory needs to deal with the bank auctioning off the home he gave his first steps in, a illness that befalls his little sister, and the depression that's eating his mother alive. Just as it can't get any worse, Patrick with the golden-brown eyes, the infectious laugh, and the rich life finally shows interest in Cory. The thing that Cory believed would have made his once almost-perfect world completely perfect now becomes his biggest fear as he tries to keep his new life a secret.With juggling his depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm; Cory just doesn't know if the boy with the infectious laugh has a place in his life anymore."Out in the Wind" is not just the story of a teen who is forced to grow up sooner than any kid should. It is also a real story that happens to lots of people around the world on the daily. This is a story full of tears, sadness, hope, loss, faith, and love. Note: This story contains affection between two male characters. If that in any way offends you, please refrain from reading.This story may also have triggers for depression, self-harm, and suicide.…

CAKerst

When Ethan's parents move him from the city to a small suburban town, Ethan hates every idea about his new life, including the big, old Victorian mansion he is to live in, his new school, and the idea of making new friends. On top of it all, he just came out to his best friend back in the city, and now he is going to have to come out as gay all over again. The only thing that Ethan wants is to make the attic of the old house with the gargoyles into his bedroom and hide from the rest of the world for the rest of his life. To Ethan's great amazement however, the attic is already occupied by a resident. Ethan meets Lucas who lives up in the attic. With his brown hair and green eyes, Ethan is a hunk. There's also the great addition of Lucas being completely 90's in everything he says or does. Also... Lucas is a ghost who died back in 1998.Ethan needs to find out what is keeping Lucas here, and what happened to him in the moments before he died. Lucas wants to move on and not be trapped in this limbo hell in a house he can never leave. But what if Ethan starts falling for Lucas? What if he wants to be with Lucas forever? Would there be a way for Lucas to join the living? Or would Ethan need to join the dead to be able to spend the rest of his life, (or afterlife) with Lucas?Another tragic romance from the pen of C.A. Kerst, author of "Behind Drawn Curtains" and "Out in the Wind".…

CAKerst

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you're not".I have felt like this many times in my life; as a kid, teenager and as an adult. I have seen many things in my life and felt even more things that has been horribly depressing...But I got up. I stood up to walk on for another day. I dealt with my emotional amnesia the only way I knew I could and that was by writing it out into poetry.I wanted to forget my pain and forget what I was going through. I needed that cut of the blade or a pill to drink to take everything away. My poetry became both my pill and my blade...Now I share the most intimate part of myself with the world. The part of me I kept hidden in the closet. The part I never thought I would ever present to the world. Now is the time I have to stop having amnesia about my emotions. It is time to learn, to better myself and to stand up and remember the things that I shut out like a voluntary amnesia all these years. Those who are offended after reading this - f**k you! If you are sad with me and willing to cut your wrist - I know how you feel! If you just enjoy the words - I love you!#679 in Poetry on 17/03/2018#779 in Poetry on 18/03/2018#807 in Poetry on 19/03/2018#474 in Poetry on 22/03/2018…

CAKerst

Behind Closed Doors is the third and last instalment of the Behind-Series, continuing the story of E.J., and Brody, this time being told from the perspective of Chris.Chris Reith is best friends with E.J., who he has been in love with since he was thirteen years old. Unfortunately for him, he is maybe not damaged enough to be considered interesting enough to catch E.J's eye, so E.J. ended up with Brody with the wax face. That however doesn't mean that Chris didn't end up successful...A year after seeing the love of his life get engaged, he is now a model, influencer, and above all, he has fans that love him... Yes, he finally found love.This lifestyle however comes with its own hardships as Chris returns to drugs, fake happiness, and being haunted by his rentboy past, and dead alcoholic mother. In this third instalment of the Behind Series we see a side of Chris we have never seen before. Long gone is the boy who just wanted to save his best friend, making space for a Chris trying to run away from a lifetime of emotional and mental abuse. Join Chris on his quest to potential happiness, as the old gang, E.J., Brody, Will, and all the others weave their stories into his.…

CAKerst

When Brody challenges his stepfather who tries to rape him, his "step-loser" as he calls him has his revenge by throwing acid in Brody's face. Brody is almost certain that this is where his life will end. A broken soul and a face that was once a sight for sore eyes, now looks like molten wax. Off course Brody has a plan for all of that. He will do the things he still wanted to do, and eventually as soon as he is done with his bucket list, commit suicide, releasing the world from the most horrible face it has ever seen. For now, all he has to do is keep on the mask of humour so that nobody will suspect what he is really planning... And off course he needs to keep on the phantom mask in public as not to scare all the children in the streets. But that's okay... Isn't it? It's fun pretending it's Halloween all year long?It is however when Brody meets E.J. next to him in the hospital that Brody needs to make a different decision. E.J. has been raped by his stepfather for many years, but he somehow keeps a positive outlook on life. Maybe inviting E.J. on the bucket-list-road-trip of a lifetime with him will keep Brody from jumping at his last stop. Will Brody be able to figure out the emotions inside him when E.J. is close before he jumps?This is a story of friendship and love, and delving through the deepest sore to find a sparkle of hope that life could potentially go on, no matter how dark things behind the mask may seem.This is the trilling continuation of "Behind Drawn Curtains" where we meet up with Brody, E.J., Chris, and the rest of the gang that stole our hearts in a tale full of suspense. PG - This book may contain strong language and sexual encounters between same sex individuals. Please be advised that although this is not a sequel, it is best to read "Behind Drawn Curtains" first. Repeating that this is not a sequel, but rather a continuation.…

CAKerst

Sometimes an author write a lot more than what is actually published. This is a collection of short stories from the Behind Series. Please note that if you have not read "Behind Drawn Curtains" as well as "Behind The Mask" to the end, these short stories might have spoilers. This collection is a thank you to the readers who have given me so much support over the last few years. Thank you to each of you, and enjoy reading about all the characters that has become yours as much as what they are mine.…

CAKerst

When Jason's ex boyfriend, Dominique commit suicide, Jason's life comes crashing down around him. He doesn't know what to feel or what to think. On the one hand he blames himself for Dominique's death, and on the other he knows that Dominique has made his own decisions. The only think Jason however wants is to make contact with Dominique one last time. Mortem has the answer to Jason's needs! The app that gives "your loved ones the comfort they deserve" is an app that allows you to make an avatar. One that will keep on growing thanks the the analytics from your social media, and the profile that you have created. Now your loved ones can continue to chat with you even from beyond the grave.The question will be what happens when Jason discovers Dominique's profile? What if he can't tell reality from an app on his cellphone anymore? What happens when an avatar starts ruling Jason's life and emotions thanks to some clever coding and the guilt that Jason feels over Dominique's death? Would there be someone to save him from the comfort that's drawing him to the 'other side' as well?This story is temporary on hold as I am not ready to face the emotions I have to deal with in writing it, but I am hoping for the best.…

CAKerst

When David Collins replies to a message on the fanfiction site he writes on, he would never have believed that one message could change his life forever...User @alwaysalone16 becomes the face and voice of none other than Declan Acton, a boy desperate to be pushed out of the closet the way David does with the characters created by famous author C.J. Murray.Within weeks, Declan becomes the Muse that has always been just outside David's grasp; Little does he know that losing Declan would help him to finally imagine his own created characters.As David write a book about his love for the online boy, and Declan paints David's face into his life, they fall more and more in love with the memory of each other by the day. What happens when life throws the two together in the same city? Will they like each other as much in real life as they do online? What will happen when they are once again removed from each other with thousands of miles? Will they make it work, or finally decide that their love was only meant to last for the length of one book before it becomes just another story on someone's shelf? C.L. Farinha, author of Flower Crown; and C.A. Kerst, noted for his work Listen Before You Speak come together to co-write a compelling book of reality, where sometimes we can fall in love with the perfect person online. In a day and age of technology we live in, it is a fresh and new outlook on how love has evolved. "One Story Long" is the first co-written work for both authors with the hope of many more to come. Go with them on the journey that shows that true love can begin online, but distance can sometimes be the make or break factor in whether the love survives.…

CAKerst

Some questions I get asked so many times in DM's as well as in comments, and it takes a lot of time to answer them all, and with my schedule it's not always possible to get to all my messages and comments, so I have taken the most frequently asked questions and I answer them all here! Some of them I even show in photos! So I hope this gives you a better look into what is going on in my head when I am busy writing, and please feel free to leave a comment in another question you would like to know the answer to. I would happily answer them all in due time. Thank you so much to every reader for reading my books, and also for asking questions. It does show that you really care and also that you connect with my characters and I appreciate it so very much. And please, don't apologize for asking a question. They are long not just my characters anymore. I might have given them life, but you guys have raised them into something amazing. They now belong to all of us!…

CAKerst

Book #1 in the "Behind-Series"E.J. looks just like any other teenager. He speaks the same. Walks the same. Does his homework in the exact same way. He however has one secret that sets him apart from others... When the sun sets, and the curtains in his bedroom is drawn, he becomes the sexual play-thing of his stepfather who has been using him for years. E.J. knows he will never be able to have that "first" experience with anyone else, because it has been taken from him against his will - way too soon. This is E.J's story of staying alive and becoming a survivor, rather than a victim. This is his fight for survival. A story echoed in the stories of so many others around the world.NOTE:Wattpad has removed this story, and this is only a teaser for the full story which is available on Novelcat, and will soon be available for free download on my website.…

CAKerst

Welcome dear reader,Thank you for stopping here and receiving this announcement about announcements. I have decided to create this in order to post announcements about any of my work on here, as well as print books, merch, and any other official book related stuff that will be happening over the course of the next few years.So if you want to know when the next chapters in a favourite story will be published, or where you will soon be able to buy a print copy, this is the place where any and all official things will be answered.Unfortunately this is only for announcements and questions will not be answered here, but you can ask questions either as DM's or by visiting my work "Questions" here on Wattpad.…

CAKerst

I didn't see him boom out of nowhere, but there he was standing right next to me on the ledge that would lead me to my own doom. I forgot that I wanted to jump as I looked at his long blonde hair that rustled as if a wind was blowing, even thought there was no source that would have been able to blow anything in any direction. His face looked like a sculpture in the perfect ivory, but it was his eyes that drew me the most. Almost clear, so light was the blue that sucked in my soul and radiated a feeling of love in my body of the likes of which I had never experienced in my life."So, are you planning to jump or are you waiting for a sign from the heavens? Because let me tell you one thing, if you are waiting for a sign from above, you will still be standing on this ledge by the time the sun finally burns out."Before HE could commit suicide, Lucifer walks into his life and tells him a story that will change him forever...This is a story I wrote around 5 years ago, and I thought it would be interesting to share it here on Wattpad. It is of religious nature, and it might offend, although that is not my intention. My intention is just to show that every story has two sides, and sometimes each person has their own truth and perception.…

CAKerst

Okay...This is your chance...Turn back!Do not read this....Seriously still reading?Well, you have been warned, so as you enter my journal this is all on you, although I have to give some credit for your bravery. Let's see who actually makes it to the end, shall we? I'm taking bets! All in? Well, if you insist, we better get this show on the road.…

CAKerst

Book #3 in the Silence SeriesElijah is at it again. Once again his life is full of drama. Timothy wants a divorce. And like always his idea of fixing everything is running back to his hometown and off course his best friend who told him to go and start his life over and never contact her again... Lucy!Can Elijah work things out with Timothy amidst the drama of his mother making her comeback and going to see his father in prison for the first time since Blake died? Would Elijah be able to face Michael after he finds journals and letters from Sam addressed to him in a box in the attic? And what happens if Llaluna and Fynn show up in his life once more? Will he remain friends with his new friend Cory that he meets at a book signing as well? And what about E.J, a boy who has gone through rape?Join Elijah one more time on an adventure of love, pain, tears, laughter, and maybe falling in love all over again. This depressing third installment after "Listen Before you Speak" and "Many Words in Silence" is bound to keep you at the edge of your seat!…

CAKerst

When Prince Nicolas' father, the Crown Prince of Great Susax suddenly dies, the seventeen year old needs to take responsibility of public relations, and get ready to be next in line for the throne. But... Royal life is not always as good as you think it may be, because the individual comes second while the crown comes first. In an effort to avoid war, Nicolas needs to marry the arrogant Prince Dominik of Angeland, but could Nicolas truly be with someone he dislikes that much? What about sweet Markus, the valet who tends to his every needs and who's golden eyes keep him awake at night? When the choice between saving lives and marrying for love is the only two choices you have, royalty starts seeming like something you want to be far removed from, or so Nicolas thinks. But what if he married someone he hated only to find out that it doesn't stop the war? Would it still be worth always putting the crown first? The Crown always comes first... doesn't it?A beautiful tale of a prince, wanting to be normal, and a look at how a monarchy works on the inside.…

CAKerst

When Andrew ends up in a coma his boyfriend of the last three years, Teague would do anything to snap Andrew out of it. Trying to live his own life as well as trying to help Andrew relive the last three years in hope that it will call Andrew back to him, takes up all of Teague's time. After two months of Andrew's coma, his parents decides it might be time to turn off the machines keeping Andrew alive, giving up on the fantasy that their only son might ever wake up again. Teague however is not ready to give up yet. Not even with the deadline looming in front of him, threatening to take his true love away from him.Andrew on the other hand is fighting his own battles, trying his best to get out of the sinking ship that is his subconscious thoughts. Hearing every word that Teague is saying, but struggling between what might be a dream world and what may be reality. When he hears he's on a deadline, Andrew tries even harder to raise the cage that is his mind from sinking to the bottom of a dark hole.…

CAKerst

Book # 2 in the Silence Series# Sequel to "Listen Before You Speak" - the story of Elijah and BlakeElijah is no ordinary boy. Never has been, and he is probably sure that he never will be the normal boy everybody wants him to be. How can you be ordinary and normal after your first love dies? After your father was the one responsible? How do you cope when your English teacher is the one who gives you a new home? Blend in a crazy friend and the fact that Elijah who learned how to speak one word of a time thanks to Blake has gone completely mute again.Will he ever be resurrected from the pain that is threatening to overwhelm him to the point where he will cut his own wrists? Is there any way someone could save him this time? Is there really that many words that can be spoken in silence? Can you truly be put back together when you are more than broken and half the pieces are lost forever?This story is PG13, since it may have strong language.This story may contain self-harm issues, abuse, and other traumatic scenes.Please be advised that the main character is homosexual, and therefore there will be romantic actions between same sex characters. If that makes you uncomfortable in any way, please refrain from reading.…

CAKerst

Book #1 in the Silence SeriesElijah is no ordinary boy. In fact, he is as different from what a normal boy could possibly be. The golden rule in is life has always been "listen before you speak", but what happens when he meets a boy? Will he still be able to just listen? Even when the boy urges him to speak all the unspoken words he has tried so hard to silence for so many years? When Blake walks into Elijah's silent world, the sound starts forming around Elijah's mouth; and he speaks for the first time in four years. Will Blake still love Elijah after hearing everything that Elijah has listened to but never spoke about all those years, or will he get the hell out of dodge as his instincts scream? This story is PG13, since it may have strong language. This story may contain self-harm issues, abuse, and other traumatic scenes. Please be advised that the main character is homosexual, and therefore there will be romantic actions between same sex characters. If that makes you uncomfortable in any way, please refrain from reading.…