My knees gave up as soon as I entered the house. I couldn't stand any longer, even my emotions felt too heavy. I couldn't hear or feel anything, everything just felt bleak and numb.

Faded voices from the background unmuted and the light shake from Jake brought my senses back. As soon as I saw Asher and Jake in front of me, on the ground, I couldn't keep myself together.

Warm stream of tears began flowing down my face and I just let everything out. I was never this pathetic in front of anyone, in fact I never felt this useless ever before. Holding myself back in front of Kayra was hard but I did it. She shouldn't feel bad for me, she shouldn't but…

Jake hugged me when I bawled my eyes out. “She left me,” I whispered between my sobs. I wasn't telling them that, I was saying that to myself. I was trying to let that fact sink in. I was afraid to admit it but she really abandoned me.

“What should I do, Jake? I can't live without her.” My clutch on his shirt tightened as I felt Asher patting my back. “She left me.” I was pathetic. I was desperate. I was broken.

She left me in the park. She didn't even let me take her home. She took a cab and went her way and I couldn't even stop her. I just let her go, why did I do that? I didn't even convince her. Maybe I knew she wouldn't be convinced, that's why.

And the thought of seeing her unhappy with me, against her wishes was more frightening to me than her leaving me. I could serve my life on a plate for her if she asked, then bearing a lifetime of despair for her choice should be nothing.

But the mere thought of a life without her was scary. I couldn't breathe without her. I was feeling like someone was choking me and sucking the life out of me. Asher and Jake helped me get up from the ground and sat me up on the couch.

I wiped my tears but they just wouldn't stop flowing, even my throat hurt but I couldn't control myself. “Take a deep breath and drink this.” Asher handed me a glass of water. It took me a minute to calm myself down while I kept staring at the glass.

“Now tell us what happened? Why are you like this?” Asher asked, sitting beside me. My head spinned and my whole body ached, maybe the emotional pain inside me turned into physical pain.

I pulled my mind back. “She broke up with me,” I told him. After crying and letting myself vent, I felt my mind getting clearer. I wasn't the emotional type but the fact that I cried so much meant it really hurt. Asher gasped. “That sucks!”

He frowned. What did I even expect from him? He always went below my expectations. I glanced at Jake and he didn't seem the slightest bit surprised. Maybe he knew this was gonna happen. Even though everyone knew Kayra was going to go back, they didn't know it was for her marriage. So, no one expected us to break up.

I guess Jake knew this. She must've said something to him as he was the one who delivered me the clothes. Jake's eyes were still indifferent. “You let her do that?” he asked.

My eyes lowered. “I couldn't do anything.” My voice was nothing but a mere whisper. Saying this out loud, pained my heart. It was just an acceptance of my foolishness. But I didn't regret choosing to respect her decision, because I loved her. I'd support her choices and respect her no matter what. And I didn't lie, when I told her I'd wait for her.

If I stood even a tiny chance to be with her, I would not give up. I’d wait for her even if it meant waiting until my last breath.

“You couldn't stop her?” Jake scoffed. Asher and I looked at him with surprise. He never acted like this except that one time. “Who are you trying to convince here? Us or yourself?”

Jake stood up and his voice gradually became louder as if he was mad. “It's not that you couldn't but you didn't. You let her go because that was easier than fighting for her.”

Each word that came out of Jake's mouth hit me like a rock. He was right about the former but absolutely wrong about the later. “You're nothing but a loser. So what if she says she'll go, at least put up a fight and hold onto her.”

He was getting on my nerves now. I, silently hearing everything he was saying didn't mean he could continue to say shit. “You don't know anything so stop judging me.”

“Wow! I don't know you? I know you like the back of my hand. You lost, Nolan. You lost her to someone else.” Jake stated facts and those slashed my already wounded heart. “What are you saying, Jake?” Asher stood up.

Asher turned to me. “What is he saying? She is with someone else?” Asher asked with confusion plastered all over his face. It was utter chaos. “Say something, damn it!” he yelled.

“Will you tell him or should I?” Jake said, proof that he already knew everything. I didn't speak and Asher sighed. “Kayra's getting married.”

It dropped as a bomb on Asher as he froze in his place with his mouth agape. “Sh-she cheated on you?” He covered his mouth. That's why I don't tell him anything. He was a pain in ass who was always clueless. And I didn't have the mentality to deal with him right now.

“No, she didn't. It was decided way before we began dating,” I told him.

“So you dated her knowing this? Doesn't it mean that she cheated on someone else with you?” My fists clenched. I swear to god I'll punch this motherfucker. But I controlled myself and took in a deep breath. I told him everything roughly. And during the whole explanation he just stood like a statue with frozen expressions.

“So you'll just let her go?” It was the first thing he asked once he recovered from the info dump. Why were they both asking me the same thing?

“Then what can I do? It's her decision, I can't make her stay against her wishes.” Frustration crept up within me. I was tired of hearing the same thing. If I could then I wouldn't have been this vulnerable.

“Then you won't even try?” He frowned.

“I tried, okay? I did my best to make her happy. So, if she still won't choose me then I can't do anything about it. I will have to let her go.” My voice came out harsher and louder than intended. It hurted me to admit things and accept reality.

“They're just some load of excuses. The truth is that you never really loved her enough to hold onto her,” Jake said and the last thread of my patience snapped. He was crossing boundaries that he shouldn't. Unknowingly, I grabbed him by his collar. “You don't know anything. I love her. I love her more than enough, that's why I let her go.”

“Bullshit!” He scoffed again. “You know she won't be happy and yet you're doing nothing. You know it's unfair to you both and yet you're doing nothing. You failed to protect her, Nolan. You failed love.”

The next thing I did was what I never did in my entire life, I punched Jake in the face. But my anger had gotten the best of me to think rationally. And when I was about to let go, Jake threw a hard punch on my face as well.

I wasn't in my right mind with all the emotions surging within me because of the breakup and Kayra leaving me. I felt the rage within me coming out as violence on Jake. We both went for each other's neck as if we'd become calm only when one of us dies.

Asher tried to intervene and separate us from each other but he also got caught up between us. One or two punches landed on Asher and he also didn't hesitate to repay them. We all were over each other while throwing punches and kicks, like lowly thugs.

The intensity of the punches faded with time as our energy subsided slowly. Now that the rage was off my mind, I could think clearly. I felt a numbing pain over my face and abdomen.

Asher and Jake had also clutched their stomach and face. We didn't show mercy on each other and used our full strength. So, it hurt more but I didn't mind it because the pain inside me was much bigger than the outer one. Though it helped to forget about the pain inside my heart for a moment.

We all sat there on the couch, catching our breaths. “What do I do now?” I asked. One thing I realized after clearing my mind was that Jake was right, even though his way of speaking was rather rude. He spoke the bitter facts without sugar coating them. And the second thing I realized was, I had to do something to get her back.

“I have an idea.” Asher and I both looked at Jake. Jake was back to his usual indifferent, grumpy self. It appeared as if he riled me up on purpose to let my anger out and help me get my senses back. But it also felt like he was genuinely irritated because of me.

“Let's go drinking.” Jake talked big about an idea but his suggestion was too small. I thought he had some grand scheme for me to bring Kayra back. But I guess this idea wasn't too bad either. Asher and I nodded at him. “Yeah. Drinks would help.”

I wasn't like a lovesick fool who'd die if his lover left him but I also wasn't much different from it. I won't die but my life wouldn't make much sense without her.

She always searched for meaning in everything and gave meaning to things that didn't already have one. Kayra Mehta, my love gave my life a meaning. So now I can't live my life without getting reminded about her.