Shelby Quinn

... later that night ...

I sit in the back of Lincoln's SUV, restless and dreading the obligatory date ahead of me.. It's bad enough that my hair is primped into long wavy curls and the little black dress I'm wearing is riding up my thighs to expose a glimpse of my scars.. But to make matters worse, the infuriatingly handsome man sat beside me won't even acknowledge my existence..

If icing me out were an art form, then Logan Nash could teach a damn masterclass on it. The Hacker has practically given me frostbite with his cold shoulder. His laser focus remains glued to the screen of his laptop as we wait for Tyler Bennings' towncar to arrive at the Northbank restaurant across the road..

Okay, so maybe I'd been an asshole to him for the stark disillusionment he'd dropped on me last night, and obviously I regret my defensive reaction more than anything else, even more so now that I've had time to cook my temper.. But the way he freezes me now is utterly arctic.. I feel the frigid sting of his absent attention and I don't like it at all..

Logan had made the ultimate confession, he had told me he loved me and I had all but reached into his chest and rip out his heart..

His beautiful, generous heart..

Why am I so scared of his feelings?
Why am I terrified of this aching need I have for him?
And why do I fear that I can't live without it?

I need a do over!

All I want is to hold his hand, to kiss his lips and for him to say those three words just one more time.. But I'm so afraid that I'll never hear them again..

Goddammit Shelby!

Why couldn't I just accept his affection for me and return it like any other normal girl in love?

Looking at him now I realise just how hard I have fallen for him and it hurts..

God, I love the little crease in his furrowed brow when he concentrates..
I love the golden flecks of sunlight in his rich amber eyes that sparkle when the light hits them just right..
I love the slope of his symmetrical nose and the single freckle that decorates his upper lip..
I love that he speaks his mind and doesn't pander to what others want to hear..
I love the way says my name, that he teases me with the title of 'Barbie' to antagonise me and that calls me 'Butterfly' when he is being particularly sweet..
But mostly, I love the way he puts aside his prejudices for the people he cares about.. The way he would sacrifice those things he so steadfastly believes in to protect me.. I love that selfless, giving heart of his, the one that adores his beautiful niece, driving him to do what he believes is just and fair..

Logan may be abrasive in manner and cock-sure to the point of bordering on arrogance.. But he is the first man to ever really care for me.. He sees the parts of me that are so much more fragile and vulnerable than I ever wanted anybody to know..
He has revealed the real me and now I can't unknow the frightening truth..
That I am head over heels in love with the infuriating, indefinable, unimaginably attractive Logan Nash..

Oh fuck.. I need him to forgive me!

I watch his practiced fingers flitter over the backlit keyboard as he continues giving me the silent treatment and I tug at the hem of my dress, desperately trying to cover the pale scars that glow in the evening light, covering my thighs like scarlet spiderwebs..

Shit.. Why the hell did I let Cassidy talk me into wearing this skimpy outfit?

Somehow he'd convinced me that I could pull it off, but now that I am out in public, I couldn't feel any more out of place..

Lincoln and Duke had stepped out of the car to sweep the street and ensure our tactical advantage for the mission ahead.. Meanwhile I am struggling in the backseat to keep my head in the game..

What is even the point of all this anymore?
Hendrix is probably dead.
Iris lied to me.
Logan hates me.
Every thread I pick at seems to unravel into disarray, and I am so tired of being a walking disaster.

"Pssst-" I lean across to catch Logan's attention, receiving only an unenthusiastic grunt in return..

"Hm?"

"I don't know if can do this anymore-" I squirm in my seat and adjust the strap of my dress awkwardly..

He glances over to see me fidgeting before dismissing my worries with the shug of an oversized shoulder.. "You look fine.."

Fine?
I look fine?
What the fuck does that mean?

"No-" I shake my head, swallowing my offence.. "I mean, it all just feels wrong.."

Finally he turns in my direction, angling his broad shoulders towards me, but his effervescent eyes remain passive and cold.. "We're in too deep to turn back now, Beauty Queen.. Don't'cha think?"

"Maybe.." I wrap my arms protectively around myself as the impact of his innocuous statement penetrates my outer defenses.. It's apparent that he isn't talking about my date with Tyler..

He's talking about us..

Things between us have changed and they can't go back to how they once were.. We've shared too many secrets and bared too much of our souls to one another to simply return to being strangers..

But I don't want us to remain like this either, broken and barely talking...

He frowns as I pull at the hem of my dress uncomfortably, shifting about in my seat.. "Maybe I don't want to go back.." I utter quietly and his gaze passes down to where I tug restlessly at the black satin fabric.. "Maybe I want more.."

Caramel candy melts in his stare as he returns his focus to my face, though the grimace on his gorgeous mouth never falters. "Then I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for, Shelby.."

"I already found it-" My fingers relinquish the silky seam of my skirt to traipse across the backseat, moving slowly until the warmth of his heavy-knuckled hand emanates beneath my touch.. "Logan, please, you have to forgive me.."

"I don't have to do anything.." His jaw sets in a sour scowl as he glares down at my hopeful hand and it's eager attempt at reconciliation.. "I'm not your plaything, Barbie.." He reaches over and removes my touch from atop his, before withdrawing back in his seat and returning his attention to the window, watching the movement on the street outside.. "And forgiveness is earned, not ordered.."

Ouch... He's really mad at me this time.. And not in the usual way where I irritate him with my manner, test him with my temper or frustrate him with my tactlessness.. No.. This time he is hurt..

It is the very last thing I had wanted to do and yet somehow I have wounded him..

"Look, I know I messed up and I know I don't deserve it, but if you could just give me another chance, I swear you won't regret it.."

His skeptic gaze narrows on me as he scoffs.. "Doubtful.."

"Please, Lone Star.." I press my hands together with a pout, hoping that a little begging might go a long way and to my relief his expression softens ever so slightly.. "Pretty please.."

"Christ.." He mutters angrily beneath his breath.. "That's not fucking fair.."

"You're right, Logan.." I agree gently, my hope slowly slipping away.. "Nothing I did to you was fair.. I really am sorry.. You know I didn't mean any of those horrible things I said.."

His left brow quirks upward as he twists back to face me.. "What was that?"

"What was what?" I puzzle, unsure of what exactly he is talking about..

"What did you say?" Something wicked and humorous illuminates his sweet honey eyes, the twinkling of a glow in them..

"I- I said 'I didn't mean-"

"No, before that.."

Backtracking, I gush in realisation.. "Oh, um- I said that you're right.."

"Mmm.." He hums, satisfied and entertained before he leans closer to lower his voice, the darkness of his drawl thickening with desire.. "Say it again.."

"You're right, Logan.." I watch in relief as a small smile pulls at his pout..

"Damn.." Logan smirks, his sexy Southern twang coating each syllable in a sticky-sweet syrup that I want to lick directly from his lips.. "Now them words sure sound awful pretty in your mouth, Barbie.."

"Play your cards right and maybe I'll say them more often.." I smile, my tongue tingling with longing as I squeeze my thighs tightly to quell the needy throb that aches at my apex.. I sit there, hoping desperately that he would want to do more with my mouth than just hear it speak pretty words and I lean closer for the chance to breathe his spiced caramel cologne..

"Aw hell, Barbie, you know damn well I ain't playing."

Goddammit!
I wish he'd just shut up and kiss me already..
I want this fight to be over so badly..

For a second he appears to consider it, his gaze dipping down to where I lick my lips but when the proverbial bulls that are Cassidy and Slater come crashing back into the delicate China shop of our truce, the moment passes and Logan returns to tapping away at his computer..

"Perimeter is set, Treacle Tart.." Duke glances back over his shoulder at me after sliding comfortably into the front passenger seat.. "Anything goes skewiff, I'll be in there faster'n you can say 'Bob's yer uncle'.."

Slater slips in behind the wheel, peering at me through the reflection in the rear view mirror.. "You wanna go over the game plan one more time, babe?"

"Just keep Bennings occupied, right? I can do that." I glance over to The Hacker who nods..

"A few minutes is all I need.." Logan fixes his firm stare on me and I swear I see the flicker of concern reflected in his golden gaze.. "After that he's all yours.."

"Yeah.. Okay.." I blow out a readying breath, clicking open the latch on my clutch to check on the loaded syringe of sodium pentothal enclosed inside one last time.. "I'm ready.."