A/N: I feel like this will be a laid back and fun book to write. I never heard of this show before and just a week ago discovered it and I've loved it! It's a shame I jever heard of it before but oh well, this book is mainly inspired by another book based on the show titled Me And My Bastards. I read all chapters and got inspired by it💜

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I can't believe my parents would kick me out of the house! According to them I would stay in my room all day and mope arpund but that is a lie, the reason I stayed inside was because I was busy with my homeworks and would constantly lose hours of sleep. As an only child they were taking their rage out on me. I huffed in annoyance and held my bags when I stared at the old looking apartment in front of me.

It was a long ass trip from New Jersey to London but I hope this is worth it. My parents made me a deal, to finish my studies, make some friends, and graduate myself. My father is half british so that also meant he has a brother living nearby who, I don't remember much of him since I met him when I was a baby.

All my life I've been fed up in my room since everyone back then would bully me since I am a goth and rarely interacted with people. I had to also work on my anger issues since some other family members basically barged into our home and began to live there without any payment.

I guess I just got tired of it all which is the reason I am not too upset I left.

I walked up the stairs and got my key out but I realized the front door wasn't even locked. Ignoring it I pushed the door open and walked inside, "Hello?" I made a stop and my mouth fell open when I saw the interior and that alone made me want to grab my bags and run off.

The inside of the apartment was a complete mess and up ahead lying on a carpet was some food with a pot. "Oh no. Bad karma again. Guys, there's some dinner on the floor if you want it." I stared weirdly at a tall man with long hair. A hippy. "Umm hello?" I whispered poking the mans back and he instantly jumped and looked at me.

"Who are you?" He asked incredulously but just when I was going to respond we were pushed back by someone. Another tall man dressed entireoy in black with a few pins on his lapel stepped in looking pissed.

"Well? Have you decided to apologize about what you said about Cliff Richard?" He quickly said and shouted right after. "Look, I don't want to discuss it! Okay? Ha-- I wouldn't even discuss the color of orange juice with you, Neil. Heh! But I've written a poem and I think perhaps it might help you.

"It's orange, Rick, and look, I don't want to depress you or anything, but like, you're standing in a huge mound of lentil cassarole."

The angry looking man took out a small notebook and began to recite."Oh Cliff! Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if. You really are a cliff. When fascists keep trying to push you over it!. Are they the lemmings, or are you Cliff? Or ARE you, Cliff?"

"Yeah. That was really pretty bad, Rick."

"Bad for society when the KIDS start to get into it!"

"I'm gonna kill myself now." The other tall man said and shoved his head into the oven.

"Pretty angry stuff, right? Let them try and ignore that, right?

"Those clever trousers in the army! And the police, and the government, if they can!

"I see things much more clearly now! Bye Rick."

"Yes, g'bye."

The angry one said writing away without bothering to look at the man wantjng to kill himself. What is happening around here?

 "I'll probably come back as a lentil.

"I might even be put in prison! And have water DRIPPED on my head! I might even get a personal message from Cliff!

"Oh, wow! This is the end, man! Doesn't anybody ever suss out cleaning this oven except me? Aw, w--this is so dirty, man, uncool! I bet you could look inside all the dirty ovens in the world, right, and you can--even the ones at the bottoms of swamps, and you wouldn't find one as dirty as this one." The man amazes and disgusted stared at the oven.

"Neil! Why don't you listen to me, Neil? Why don't you listen to ME? Y--d'you find me boring or something? Look. Look. That's a saucer. THAT'S boring. Look.

The one known as Rick held up a  saucer up next to his face for comparison, pointing at both for effect. "Pretty different, really, isn't it? It's not really the same thing at all, is it Neil? NEIL!  I will not be associated with saucers!"

"Excuse me!" I shouted trying to tap the man but he ran past me and began to break things. Right then a door next to me opened and I saw another man about my height walks in.

"Hi guys! 6:15, enter Mike the cool person for his dinner. Strolls across the floor, "Hi Neil," he says, looking good and already warming up "Is that supper?" The one known as Mike asks pointing to the black in Neil's hands.

"No, no, that's supper over there." Neil corrects and points at the lensils on the carpet,

"Why are you smashing up saucers, Rick? Your prints on 'em? I know just how you feel, man, y'dig? Sometimes saucers used to make me pretty angry too. Yeah, there's a lotta heads buried at the bottom of the garden because of a saucer in the works."

"I suppose you think it's pretty weird, don't you Mike? Well. You'd be right. 'Cause THAT'S the kind of guy I am, right? WEIRD. Sycophant!"

I stared between both men horrified and cringed when Neil tried to scoop the  casserole up from the floor. "Guys, I really think we ought to get it together maybe to eat something, you know?"

This is my chance. "HEY!" I shout and gained everyone's attention. "Oh that's right I forgot about you." The hippy says in a low voice.

"How dare you forget such a lady like this, Neil." The one known as Mike says standing from his seat and smiling at me and winks. "And who might you be?" He extended his hand and I shook it.

"Allison Cates but Alice is just fine." I smile and the tall man nodded and wiped his dirty hands on a cloth and shook my hand too. "Well I'm Neil. It's a pleasure to have you here."

I smiled back and turned to my side and took a few steps backs when the man stepped closer to me. I felt a bit intimidated especially since he was a lot taller than me. "Is this Al? Our fifth roommate? I thought it would be a boy not a girl!" He spat out and glared at me.

"Oh that's right. We heard an Al would be arriving today, guess he heard it wrong. Turns out Al is actually Alice." Mike said and wouldn't stop smiling. He's the flirt.

"P-Pleasure to meet you." I forced a small smile and extended my hand again. 

"Rick." He looks like a Fred to me. Rick simply said shaking it and quickly pulled his hand away and cleaned it against his blazer. Immediately he saw something on the floor and I realized it was a rat. "A rat a rat!" I quickly went to the other side of the room and got on top of a seat, Rick then grabbed a guitar and smashed it, killing the rat.

"There all done."

"Geez Rick, my grandfather built that on his death bed." Neil whined starinf at the now broken guitar. "Like I care." Rick replied and raised an eyebrows and looked at me from head to toe.

"Get down from there woman!" I did as told and threw a dirty cloth on the dead rat and took seat since Neal 'prepared' dinner. He placed some lentils on a small plate in front of me and didn't even bother to touch.

Then Neil began to explain how this would be his last meal and that he would kill himself. "Yeah, okay, okay, right, like house meeting, okay? Yeah. Like, I know four pounds fifty is like a hell of a lot of bread to lay out just for a lentil casserole, but I did a lot, right? I've finished building my gallows, and it's totally far out, you should see it Rick. Like, when the trap door opens, and I, like, die, it lights Joss Sticks and plays "Rock Around The Clock"; it's totally amazing.

"Oh, far out. Really great. WOODSTOCK."

I screamed and jumped in my seat when someone bursted into the room by crashing through the wall directly above the supper table. He's holding what is apparently a disembodied leg? 

"Oh, fine, great, yeah. Why don't you sit in the supper, man, yeah." Does this normally happen here?

"Vyvyan, you might have washed ye hands!" 

The walks over to the sink, kicks it completely off the wall, and runs his hands through the stream of water now flowing. I stare at the weird orange haired punk guy who looks also pissed off.

The punk then came over and pushed me out of my seat then sat on it. Miks stared at him then me and helped me up and I sat down next to him. "It's not nice to push a girl, Vyvyan!" Rick shouted.

"Now that's new. I've never heard of Rick here defending a girl." Mike chuckled looking between us.

"Eww no girls are disgusting!" Rick quickly defended himself ans gagged when he said that. 

"And who the hell are you?!" The red haired man shouted. That can't be his real voice. "This is the 5th housemate, Alice. She's studying arpund the same medical field are you so maybe you can get along." Mike suggested and Vyvyan only nodded.

"Vyvyan? Isn't that a girls name?" I asked but Vyvyan rolled his eyes. "Because my parents thought I was a girl!" I stayed silent and stared down at my food and heard the boys arguing. Which led to Vyvyan pushing Rick's face onto his food and Neil saying his goodbyes to us.

"Shouldn't we be worried for him?" I stand up looking worriedly at where Neil left. Everyone said "No" and resumed to eating. 

Neil decided to enter the room again. "Um... Look, I'll see you on the other side, okay, lads? This is really it, I'm going, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, see you, Neil." Mike said looking away from his friend.

"Yeah, bye, Neil." Vyvyan said next eating his food.

"And um, you can forget about the bread, okay, man?"

"Hey, listen, it's just like going to sleep, okay?" Mike seemed annoyed by him.

"But I'm an insomniac, Mike." Neil replied

"So what are you worried about?"

Neil look at Mike then rhe rest of us. Surprisingly Rick was quiet. "Oh yeah, thanks. Thanks, Mike, bye. It was nice knowing you even though it's been less than an hour we met, Alice." Neil said shutting the door again and disappearing.

 "Look. Nobody's fed Special Patrol Group, have they?" Who? I turned around and saw Vyv wakk over to a cage and saw a small hamster in it.

"I think "Special Patrol Group" is a stupid name for a hamster!" Rick shouted back.

"Okay, I'll change it, then! Hello, Cliff Richard!"

"Bastard!"

The hamster then proceeded to bite down on Vyvyan's finger. In pain, Vyv pulls his hand out of the cage, hamster still attached, and begins trying to beat the creature off by smashing it on the table. I began to chuckled at that which made him hit me with the hamster on his finger.

He went over to the cooking pot and dumped the hamster into it. "Oh, thanks a lot, Vyvyan! You know I'm a vegetarian!" Rick angrily shouts getting up from his seat

"Vyvyian! I really think you ought to feed that hamster more often!"

"Look, I don't want to spoil him, okay?"

Vyvyan pulls the hamster out of the pot. It is now bloated from the food it ingested. "It looks well on him, though, doesn't he?"

"How can a hamster eat that quick?" I ask myself staring at the fat creature. 

There was a whole on thr floor and like nothing Vyvyan dropped the hamster and it crashed onto the floor. I ran over to Vyv and Rick's side and stared down at the flying hamsters that landed on the basement.

********

This place felt like a mental hospital. I was sitting on a seat with Mike on the other side reading a magazine and Vyvyan behind me hitting his head against the wall. Some air left my body when Vyvyan fell down backwards on me, he held his hand and I my stomach. 

The door was pushed open and in came a chubby man wearing black with a bag in hand. "Who is he?" I whisper staring weirdly at the man.

"That's Jerzy Balowski." Vyv tells me not bothering to move from me.

"Hey, everybody! Hello, Mike, yes? Come on, let's twist again! Like we did in last Summer, yeah, yeah, yeah... let's twist again, like we didn't do in Moscow because I've never been there of course, you know, I am English person! Hi I am Jerzy, yeah, crazy wacky landlord! You know, I like very much your English punk rock stars, you know, your your ! Oh yes! I think they are F-A-B, that's English for "stupid!", yeah! Okay, fantastic! Hey, Mikey, look! Here, I have some Coca-Cola, yes? We have party, yes? Okay, let's dance, let's do the fog! You know, I am liking very much your ; thanks to him, I am never having it, yeah!

"Who the hell is he talking to?" I ask again when he introduced himself lookinf at no one. 

"And who might you be young lady? You're the newest in the residence, yes? How far are you enjoying England?" He happily says and thankfully Rick intervened.

"Mr. Balowski! We have residents rights, you know! You're supposed to knock!" A very annoyed and pissed of Rick told Balowski who ignored him.

"Listen, don't you think it's a nice house, here? Is good house, is clean house, Michael Caine and , yes? So maybe sometime you would like to pay me some rent, then we go down milk bar for soda pop, you shovel, yes?"

"Listen, Jerzy...

"Jeremy, actually." The man correxted and smiled down at Mike.

"Jeremy we listen, if you're worried about the rent, I've got that sussed. Gentlemen, house meeting, in the hall, two seconds, be there!" Mike and Rick came over and both grabbed my sleeves and I exited the room with them with Vyv behind me.

i can't even understand what the man is saying. I was confused and glamced at my side and saw the three boys whispering to each other. They dragged me back with them and sat me down, I got even more confused when the man suddenly left and I looked between the guys. "What happened?"

"I hate him! Do you think he really is British?" Rick says ignoring me like the rest.

" Well he knows a lot about the Mersey sound."

"Shut up! I'm trying to stir my coffee!

"No, listen! We got a letter from the council! They're going to demolish the house tomorrow!" 

"Tomorrow? But I just moved in!

Suddenly there was dramatic music and lightning. I looked around the place and Mike spoke, "But I was going to turn it into an entertainment complex! This room's a roller disco! Hey! I'm depressed! It's Nine Below Zero!"

We turn around and this day continues to get weirder when I saw the band inside the apartment. How did they get in?! I put that thought aside and began humming as they sang their song and played their instruments.