chapter 12:
predictions.
Nyx

"How does the black and gold feel?"

Aleksander, or father now, asked me as I looked at myself in the mirror. Back then, it would've made me feel powerful and strong - no one stood a chance against me. But now knowing all the dirty and vile and murderous things that this black and gold is associated with, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Fine."

"Who was Kaz Brekker to you? You certainly took a liking to him," He reminded me of Genya changing that soldiers appearance to look like Kaz, completely fooling me.

"I loved him. But he can never return those feelings, so."

Loved.

Talking as if he's already dead.

"I'll leave you to your own devices. We leave in a few hours," And when the door finally shut, I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders as I collapsed into a chair.

Kaz, where are you?

Where's Jesper and Inej?

Did they actually take Alina Starkov?

So many questions ran through my mind as I held my face in my hands. The cold in the room that I had once welcomed felt too cold, and the white walls and paintings felt bland and mocking compared to the Crow Club.

I never realized how homely it felt compared to the Little Palace, and immediately felt homesick for it.

No.

I was homesick for someone.

Kaz.

Of course when I recognize that I loved the Bastard of the Barrel, I was kidnapped and tricking my father into thinking I had aligned myself with him. Even if Kaz loved me the same way, I know it would take some time for him to warm up to the idea of touch and holding someone. Not that I wouldn't wait, but. . .

I'm already trying to push him away.

And he's not even here.

I knew of the possibility that I'd be trapped here again, I just thought that they wouldn't let it happen.

"Is it really true?" I did a double take when I heard and saw who the voice had belonged to, and stood up immediately in my chair.

"Nikolai!"

"Thank God you're alright. I never thought I'd see you again," Nikolai ran to me and enveloped me in a hug, to which I happily returned.

"Neither did I," I admitted, pulling away but his hands lingered on my waist.

"Why did you come back? How are you back? Last I heard, you. . .you were dead," He sat down on one end of the couch with a confused expression and I sat with him.

"That was a lie that Kirigan created. He knew I wasn't dead, but also knew that there was no way to get to me. Until now, that is," I explained.

"But why did you come back?"

As much as I trusted Nikolai with my life and if I had a choice in who I'll be marrying now that I'm back, I would choose Nikolai but the risk is too great and I could see Vasily using anything to get information out of Nikolai.

So for his own protection, I lied.

"I came back for you."

He suddenly straightened on the couch, looking away with a blush on his cheeks.

"I'd rather die than marry Vasily, and with my prowess and your title, I can make sure that Grisha and humans can live together in harmony. Although he is your brother, and destined to be King," I got closer to him.

"He won't be if you marry first."

"I know you have the best intentions, Nyx, but do you feel anything for me? I just don't want you to feel like you need to marry me out of obligation for your people," Nikolai expressed genuine concern.

This is why I liked you.

Even if I may never love you, you'll always respect me.

You'll make sure the kingdom is safe.

"I've always had a bit of a crush on you, but your parents always favored me marrying your brother."

He grabbed my hands in his, completely facing me.

"They can't control whom my future wife loves though, can they?" He smiled gently.

"When would you like to make the announcement?" It dawned on me that wherever they are, they'd hear that I'm now marrying Nikolai. In my heart, I wanted Kaz to run to me and confess his hidden feelings for me and take me away. But in my mind, I saw no signs of him feeling the same way and decided that it was now time for them to forget me.

"Tonight."

///
FOR CLARIFICATION, ALEKSANDER DID NOT KISS HIS DAUGHTER!!
I made sure to specifically say that the Kaz look-alike had slipped out of the room and that she had to turn to face Aleksander, meaning he was behind her.
Genya made a soldier look like Kaz.
Now that that's cleared up, I took down my other Shadow and Bone book cuz I didn't like how it was turning out, but I have made a new one that I absolutely love! It's a Kaz Brekker fanfic, and it's called The Dragons Eulogy. Please go check it out!!!