It felt so normal to wake up next to Harry. I watched his chest fall and rise; with each inhale, he snored lightly and with each exhale, his eyes fluttered a bit. I could tell he was rising to the surface of consciousness.

"Good morning," I whispered, rubbing my hand over his bare chest, which was surprisingly warm as opposed to the chill of the air in my apartment.

"Mmmh," he hummed, rolling towards me and gathering me in his arms. I moved my hand around to his back to pull him closer. He rested his head above mine, causing my face to be burrowed into his chest, which I didn't mind at all.

For a long time, we lay there, listening to each other's breath, feeling each other's heartbeat. This was the most content I had ever felt. Harry was a puzzle piece that fit into my life when I didn't even know one was missing. And now that I'd witnessed some of his sorrow and had a peek into his old life, I felt even closer to him.

"Can we just stay here all day?" I mumbled after we had held each other for close to an hour.

"Mmm," he hummed again. I giggled lightly, realizing he wasn't fond of using words first thing in the morning.

"Was that a yes?" I teased and then I squeezed him, in effect smashing us even closer together.

I felt his chest vibrate before I heard his quiet laughter. "Don't squeeze too tightly, I have to use the bathroom."

"Ew!" I laughed and scooted away from him.

"Be right back," he murmured. I admired the view as he walked away; tight black boxer briefs over his backside. I heard him brushing his teeth, so when he came back to the bedroom, I took my turn in the bathroom, relieving myself and brushing my teeth, just in case I needed fresh breath for any reason.

I began to shiver as my bare feet trekked back across the wooden floor in my bedroom. There was a plush rug under my bed, but much of the floor was still uncovered.

"Brrr," I said, launching myself into bed right next to Harry.

"How did your feet get cold so fast?" He said, almost shrieking at the icy skin I pushed against his legs.

"I don't know; they've always been like that. But now I have someone to warm them up for me." I pressed my foot against another part of his leg and he jumped back.

"Shit, that's cold!"

"Sorry," I said with a less-than-sorry grin.

"No, you're not," he grumbled playfully. "It's a good thing I love you."

"Yeah, that's a very good thing," I said, closing in to kiss him softly.

When we finally hauled ourselves out of bed in search of breakfast, we discovered that mountains of snow had fallen in the night.

"It's a good thing we're not heading back to my house today," Harry said with not even a trace of disappointment in his voice. He wrapped his arms around my waist and let his chin rest on my shoulder as we watched the snow falling in heaps on the city streets. Only one lone car ventured along Woodward Avenue, slowly trudging through the mess.

"I can see you're really bummed out about that," I teased.

"I like being here," he said with an unbridled grin. "I thought we covered this the other night."

"You just don't want to do any more cleaning," I bantered. Of course, I knew yesterday had been an emotionally heavy day as well, but that didn't need to be said.

"Well, that too. It's just...." He paused and I stopped to look at him, questioning. "I've been thinking about the house, especially now that I have some courage to get rid of a few things. On the one hand, I think I should just sell it because it was part of my life with Cathryn. But then I think I should keep it for the same reason. It's maddening."

"Do you mind if I ask how you're paying your mortgage? And your other bills?"

A sheepish look crossed his face. "Her life insurance. Like I told you before, I feel like I'm just freeloading now, and I really have to make some decisions."

"Just start slowly," I encouraged him. "Don't decide on the house yet. Why don't you check the employment ads and see if there's something you would be interested in? Maybe you could even find a part-time job, just to get yourself back into the market. You'll have some time to adjust to working again, and you won't have to make any big decisions right away."

"That's a good idea, actually," he said, kissing my cheek. He pulled away and went straight to the coffee maker in the kitchen, happily starting a pot.

"I know it's been over a year, but if you can still support yourself, you don't have to rush anything," I added while I pulled out the Bisquick and some eggs for another round of pancakes.

"I know," he said, smiling shyly. "It helps to talk to you about it, but I don't want you to think I'm a loser or something because I don't even have a job."

"Harry," I said, "I've never thought you were a loser and I never will. Even when I thought you might be homeless, I didn't think that. I simply wondered what had happened in your life to put you in that place. Now I know."

A look of unprecedented frustration crossed Harry's face as he clenched his fists. "Maybe I should just finish law school," he spat.

"What? Why are you saying that all of a sudden?" I asked, alarmed by his abrupt change in demeanor.

He began pacing back and forth, his socks making slippery sounds across the cold wood floor. "I don't know," he muttered. "I just can't decide what I should do. When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything I want, I can make a new start." He looked at me and forced a smile and then kept pacing. "But when I go home, back to the house that I shared with Cathryn, I'm torn. I'm stuck in that place. It's stupid, but I feel like I'll let her down if I decide to do something else. If I move on...."

I had a hard time with that statement. Surely, I didn't know what it was like to lose someone. But it was clear as day to me that whatever he did wouldn't affect Cathryn one bit. I couldn't understand his reasoning and I ended up deciding it was part of the grief process that he was still going through. Again, yesterday had been pretty heavy emotionally, and I had no idea how much of that raw pain he would still have to process.

Wanting to change the subject, I quietly murmured, "Can you show me how to make pancakes like you did the first time you were here?"

"Of course," he said, just as quietly. He visibly relaxed, but his mood remained sober.

We worked together silently, preparing the batter and making the pancakes. I poured two large mugs full of coffee and brought them to the table. I fetched the syrup and butter and we sat down to a warm and cozy breakfast.

I was still feeling uneasy about Harry's sudden change earlier. When we had finished eating, I sat quietly and stared out the window, taking the occasional sip of my coffee.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I answered, placing my hand over his.

"I'm still such a mess," he said softly. "You must think I'm crazy to still be thinking about what Cathryn would want."

I shook my head. "Not crazy. I imagine it's still part of the whole process for you. Just yesterday, you were hinting at our life together, with those children's books, and then later in the day, you were crying as if you had just lost her. You're still going through a lot. I get it." I didn't completely get it, but I wanted to be supportive in whatever way I could.

"What were you saying about those books?" He asked, suddenly remembering the moment I found him in his room.

"Oh, I was just thinking that since the books are mostly hardbound and library-bound, they would make a beautiful addition to our collection at the library. We could have a plaque made with Cathryn's name on it for our front wall."

"I really like that idea," he said. His green eyes shone with a little sparkle. "You're so amazing. I'm a complete mess and you just roll with it."

"I'm trying to figure out how much I can push you and how much you have to go through at your own pace," I admitted. "I haven't been through it, but my guess is that some point, you just need to make a clean break. I don't mean you have to let go of everything, but you have to make a decision about what you want, and to move forward with your own dreams and your own ambitions. It doesn't matter anymore what Cathryn would have wanted. She's gone."

He flinched with my words and I thought maybe I'd been too harsh, especially after he had just relived the day of her death. But his next question wasn't even remotely related to that. "Will you ever want to be with me if I'm not doing some big, successful thing?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I answered, pulling his hand closer so I could wrap mine around it.

"Well, you know, what if I'm not a lawyer?" He said.

"Do you think that will change my opinion of you?"

"That's what I'm asking."

"Harry, no," I insisted, shaking my head strongly. "Not at all. That doesn't make a lick of difference to me. I want you to do what you love. You don't have to have some prestigious career. I love you for who you are."

"I just don't want you to think I'm really a bum, you know because I looked like one when you first met me." He gave me a shy little smirk that made my heart do a flip.

"The only way I'd think you were a bum is if you refused to work and you moved in with me without paying for rent or food. So no more worries, okay?"

"Okay," he smiled genuinely. "I love you, you know. I just want to be able to provide for you."

"I know you do." I looked at him sympathetically. "But I know you're still confused about some things."

He shook his head, laughing bitterly. "You think so? Damn, I can't even get through one day without freaking out about something. You must think I'm a wreck."

"No, I don't at all, now stop talking like that. I think you're amazing and I think you'll have your head together in no time. I know you're heartbroken and it's hard to move on, but I see you doing just that little every day. Don't get so down on yourself."

"You have no idea how much I needed you," he said and I could sense his anxiety breaking and falling away. "Thank you for being so patient with me."

"It's my pleasure, Harry," I smiled. "I love you."

After breakfast was cleaned up, Harry and I huddled together at the island in my kitchen, searching the employment ads. It wasn't my doing; Harry had suggested we take a look together.

Together we looked through hundreds of ads for home health aids, office managers, retail associates, waitstaff, cooks, etc. Nothing really hit him as the ideal situation, which was discouraging for him.

I closed the computer to stop him from staring blankly at it. "Hey, don't worry about it. You don't have to find something right away. And there are lots of other places to look."

"I know," he said, beginning to smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I took a moment just to kiss him soundly. "Besides, it's only been a few days since you decided to let me help you organize your house and get rid of some things. That's a big step. You're making progress, but you can't change everything all at one time."

For the rest of the afternoon, we played board games, watched Christmas movies, and we did a little pre-shopping online, giving each other ideas for what we liked since we couldn't exactly go out shopping in this snowy mess. As Harry gave me some ideas of what he liked, I realized that I didn't know a lot of those practical things about him - like what his favorite foods were and what he did for fun. Instead, I knew deep things like his hopes and dreams, and obviously, I knew his heartbreak.

"What were you like as a kid?" I asked. Harry looked a little surprised at the question that seemingly came out of the blue. Obviously, he hadn't followed my thought process. I knew I didn't have to know everything about his life to be able to love him, but I wanted to know more about who he was, apart from Cathryn.

"What do you want to know?" He asked as a smile slowly took over his face. It was this awe-inspiring transformation from his normal handsome appearance to one of extraordinary beauty. His smile literally made me happy, the way it completely consumed him.

"Did you play sports? Who were you best friends? Have you ever broken a bone?"

"That's an odd question," he said, smirking at the broken bone. "I did, actually. I broke my arm when I was about seven. My mum let me stay home from school for two weeks because I convinced her that the kids at school would be too rough with me. I was such a baby." I laughed at this admission, but then his face turned sad. "That was the best time I had with my family. Mum spoiled me, Gemma was forced to be nice to me, and my dad was still around. My parents got divorced about six months after that."

"I'm sorry," I said. "That must be hard on a seven-year-old kid."

"Of course," he said, nodding. "Dad still lived in the same town, but it wasn't the same. My mum was extraordinary; she really made sure that Gemma and I didn't lack for anything and she always had a smile on her face. But we both knew it was hard on her."

"You said your dad was here in the States on a ten-year contract," I began, hoping he would fill in the missing information.

"That's my step-dad, Robin, actually. He married my mum when I was fourteen, and then we all moved to the US. Gemma was furious and I was none too pleased either. Our whole life was back there in England and we were forced to finish our schooling here. It turned out well for me, but you know Gemma went back to England as soon as she was eighteen."

"Do you miss it?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure," he said. "But I've lived here for over ten years now and this also feels like home. After Cathryn died, I thought about moving back, but for several months, I still thought I'd return to law school and go back to work for her dad. Then I met you."

"Would you ever move back?" I asked, wondering briefly how I could ever live so far away from my family.

He shrugged. "Maybe. I just...." He seemed hesitant to continue with his train of thought.

"What is it?" I asked, gently prodding him to continue.

"Well, yesterday, you asked me to slow things down," he said, shrugging again, almost apologetically. "But it's probably no secret to you that when I'm thinking about my future now, I'm hoping you'll be a part of it." I nodded shyly. "So, it would have to be something we talked about and agreed on. But for the time being, I don't think have any plans to rush home to my family. I could see myself equally at home here or there, now that I'm getting past Cathryn's death to some extent."

"No, that's not a secret," I smiled. "And I'm glad you're talking to me about all of this. It helps me to feel welcomed into your life."

* * * * *

Sorry it's been a while since my last update. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

If you hadn't noticed already, I'm starting (re-starting) a new Niall story. It's called "Finding Niall." I had started it a few years back and then I just got stuck on how I wanted to tell the story since it takes place over several years. But now I'm inspired and I'm already three chapters in. I've posted a few teaser videos, the official trailer and the prologue. I'd love it if you would check it out and let me know what you think :)