Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist is the property of Hiromu Arakawa. In addition, any views expressed in this story concerning certain types of fan fictions and/or any specific story do not necessarily reflect my views/opinions on said subjects.

A/N - I realize that some of you may want to know what stories I'm referencing so you can go read them yourselves, so if you want to know then just leave a review and I'll PM you about it. Or you can PM me, either way works.

     Agent 31011 massaged his eyes, attempting to rid himself of a persistent headache. The loud, annoying, and altogether useless complaining coming from the lounge wasn't helping in the slightest. Honestly, how long was the kid going to keep this up? It wasn't like it would accomplish anything.

"...And to top it all off, all they do is make you feel depressed! Why would anyone choose to read something like that?!" Ed finished his rant and turned to his brother with a triumphant look.

Al sighed. "I know all of that, Brother, and ranting about it again isn't going to change the fact that people like angst fics."

"But why do they like them?" Ed cried, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Why would you enjoy reading something that is probably going to make you cry at some point?"

"Don't even pretend that you care about them crying," Al snorted. "You just don't like them because they usually involve you being tortured in some way."

"Is that not a good enough reason to hate them?!" Ed yelled angrily. "It's ridiculous! Why do so many people enjoy torturing me? Literally?!"

The door to the lounge swung open as Ed spoke, allowing Roy, Riza, and Winry to enter.

"Who enjoys torturing you?" Winry asked, frowning.

"Brother's complaining about angst fics again," Al explained as he moved over on the couch to make room for Winry.

"Yeah," Winry said, "I don't really blame you. You get put through some rough scenarios."

"I know!" Ed fell into the chair next to Al. "One of the most popular stories is about me turning into a chimera! A chimera! How would that even happen?!"

"Well," Roy put in. "At least you aren't alone on that one. That story where I got turned into a chimera is pretty popular too."

"Why though?!" Ed asked in frustration. "Why is a story about me being tortured and you being a chimera so popular?!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Riza stated calmly. "As you have said before, plenty of people enjoy seeing parental moments between the two of you. In order to realistically portray such moments of affection, you would have to be in a very bad situation. Hence the torture fics."

"So you're saying," Ed began in disbelief, "That people are torturing me for the sole purpose of creating a few 'parental' moments?!"

"Well," Winry added, "they could also be sadists."

Ed groaned. "I'm not even going to try anymore. I'm just glad that the Ruler of Angst hasn't written anything in a while."

"The Ruler of Angst?" Winry questioned.

Roy shuddered. "One writer in particular who love angst-basically all of their stories have angst in them. And are the most popular stories."

"Even the humorous ones have angst," Ed wailed. "Why would you do that?"

"I'm sure it's not that bad," Winry said, though she sounded unsure of herself.

"Sixteen stories," Ed said. "All but three of them are labeled as 'angst' and at least two of the others should be labeled the same. That's the writer that turned me into a chimera, Winry."

"And who tortured me for five weeks!" Roy added.

"And who had me try to kill myself!" Ed complained

"And who killed me!" Al cried.

"Haven't plenty of people done that?" Winry reminded him.

"That's not the worst part!" Al retorted. "The way that I died was ridiculous! I didn't even die a glorious death in battle or anything! I just-cracked! Like an egg! Do you have any idea how demeaning that is?!

"That...is pretty bad," Winry conceded.

But Al was on a role now. "The description of the story was 'Al is dead' and that's it! Three-hundred-and-twenty people favorited it! Why do people love killing me so much?!"

Ed shot a look at his brother. "That's how I feel about all angst fics!"

"It's times like this when I'm glad I'm a side character," Winry commented cheerfully. She glanced at Roy and Riza. "Well, a side character who people aren't interested in for torture purposes, that is."

"Come on Winry," Ed prodded. "You can't say that angst fics aren't painful for you too-on an emotional level that is, if not physical."

"That is true," Winry admitted with a sigh. "I always get dragged in during the recovery because I have to fix your automail, and it's always very depressing yet somehow heartwarming at the same time."

"Surely you've had at least one angst fic where you did more than that," Riza reasoned.

"Yeah...there are a few," Winry conceded. "There's that one role-swap fic where I committed the taboo and lost my arm and leg." Winry rolled her eyes. "I don't see the point in that, but whatever. And there was that one fic that shipped me with Havoc of all people..." Winry shuddered.

"Well," Ed said, "I can certainly sympathize with you when it comes to being shipped with..." he coughed awkwardly. "...Unlikely people."

Winry nodded. "You definitely got the raw end of the deal when comes to ships." She looked around the room. "In fact, you've been shipped with everyone in this room in some way, shape, or form."

Ed put his hands over his reddening face and slid down the couch. "Don't remind me," he groaned, his voice muffled by his hands.

     Agent 31011 watched as Al shifted uncomfortably next to his brother. He suspected that if Al had possessed the capability to do so, he would be blushing as well. As it was, he was looking about as embarrassed as he could, being a suit of armour.

     Agent 31011 didn't blame him in the slightest. The mere thought of some ships was enough to make him uncomfortable...and he wasn't even a part of them. The man stretched his arms above his head, wishing that his headache would just leave already.

'Well,' he thought, 'at least they aren't being as loud anymore.' Glancing at his watch, Agent 31011 noted the date and groaned inwardly. 'Inspection day is coming up...' he glared at the monitors. 'You slip up one time-one time, and they feel the need to 'check up on you' every two weeks.' Sighing, the agent went back to rubbing his head. 'Why did I have to get assigned to this fandom...'