Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist is the property of Hiromu Arakawa. In addition, any views expressed in this story concerning certain types of fan fictions do not necessarily reflect my views on said subjects.

     Agent 31011 relaxed in his chair, hot coffee in hand, and eagerly watched the monitor in front of him. The first day was always the best, and he couldn't wait to see what was in store. The door to the lounge was kicked open, and a fifteen-year-old Edward Elric entered, followed by Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang, and Riza Hawkeye. Agent 31011 smirked.

"Finally!" Edward exclaimed, falling onto one of the couches. "I told you guys that if we broke the fourth wall enough then they would get us a Third Wall Lounge."

Alphonse sighed. "Brother, you almost incited a rebellion. Don't you think you went a little too far?"

Roy snorted. "Of course he did. This is Fullmetal we're talking about."

Ed glared at him from the couch. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"I'm really glad it did," Al admitted. "I was starting to go crazy having to keep my mouth shut. Honestly, some fan fictions don't even make sense! It's like they're just killing me off for the fun of it!"

"It's for emotional value," Riza explained unnecessarily. "Everyone wants to see how Ed would react to his brother dying."

"Which I do not appreciate!" Ed declared hotly.

"You don't appreciate it?" Al cried. "What about me?! I've died dozens of times, it's horrible!"

"Yeah, but I've had to go through awful stuff too, Al!" Ed reminded his brother. "I mean, there's all of those...you know..." Ed shot an extremely uncomfortable glance towards Roy. "...Those...stories..." His face turned almost as red as his coat.

Roy, as good as he was at maintaining his composure, was unable to keep his cheeks from heating up. "Yes..." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Those stories which we agreed to never speak of again under any circumstances."

The four of them nodded vigorously.

"Not all of the fan fics are bad though," Riza commented. "Some of them are even enjoyable."

"Some of them," Al agreed. "The ones that are just us having bonding moments are pretty fun."

Ed wrinkled his nose. "I don't see why everyone is so obsessed with making me and Mustang have 'parental' moments though. Seriously, it's ridiculous!"

"Oh, come now Ed," Roy said with a smirk. "We all know that you only 'dislike' me because of your deep-seated relationship issues with your real father, which cause you to act with contempt towards anyone you see as a father-figure. Meaning me."

Ed jumped up from the couch. "That isn't canon and you know it, jerk!"

"Reeaaaalyy?" Roy grinned at the disgruntled alchemist.

"Sir," Riza sighed. "Please stop teasing him."

"It isn't like parental fics are the worst ones, Brother," Al pointed out. "You've definitely had worse."

Ed shuddered. "You can say that again, Al." He gave an exaggerated sigh. "Struggles of being the main character, I suppose."

"Hey, just because you're the main character doesn't mean you're the most popular!" Roy protested. "Everyone loves me!"

"Oh yeah?" Ed snickered. "Who's the one who had the whole fandom hate him?"

"One episode!" Roy protested. "It lasted one episode! and as soon as everyone found out that I hadn't actually killed Ross, they were over it!"

"Ah, but," Ed raised a finger. "They still hated you for that period of time. I on the other hand–"

Roy scoffed, cutting Ed off. "Don't kid yourself, Fullmetal. Somewhere out there, in the deepest, darkest, depths of this fandom, there is someone who hates you."

"Yeah," Ed admitted. "But they don't matter because they're buried beneath all of the other fans who love and adore me."

"But aren't those fans who love and adore you the same ones that do horrible things to you in their fics?" Riza asked.

"Well, that is true," Ed conceded. "I really wonder about that sometimes. I've been in so many torture fics and I can't understand why they have a sadistic fascination with torturing me! I'm lucky I'm still sane!"

"At least those usually make sense though," Roy pointed out. "Some fics are completely nonsensical on the whole."

"That's not as bad as the ones with terrible grammar," Riza reminded them.

"Or nonexistent grammar." Ed shuddered.

"And then there's crossovers..." Roy shook his head. "That's a whole new level of crazy."

Ed groaned and leaned back on the couch. "I swear, if I get put in one more Harry Potter crossover, I am going to go crazy!"

"Some of the are good," Al said, attempting to placate his brother.

"Some of them, Al. Some of them. and then there are the literally hundreds of others that aren't! Hundreds! And in the ones that are actually good stories, I always end up hurt somehow. Or I have to spend months at that really annoying school, with really annoying kids, usually without you!"

"You ending up injured is expected though," Roy said. "It's just a fact of life."

The door to the lounge opened, allowing Scar and May to enter.

Agent 31011 leaned forward. 'This should be interesting.'

"Finally," Scar said. "It's about time."

"I agree," May said. "This lounge is long overdue."

"Are you even in a lot of bad fan fics?" Ed asked.

"Well," May replied, "I'm in some romance ones with Al, and those are usually okay. There are some that I want to forget though." The young girl shuddered.

"What about you, Scar?" Roy asked. "Are you in a lot of bad ones?"

"I'm sure that we've all been in at least one story that we wish we could forget," the Ishvalan replied. The rest of the room's occupants nodded solemnly.

"I'm sure Ed's been in the worst ones though," May said sympathetically. "You being the main character and all."

"Yeah," Ed sighed. "I've seen some really messed up stories."

"What's the worst one?" May asked.

"Don't make me pick one!" Ed cried. "I don't want to have to think about them enough to decide! I really hate being turned into a girl though. Ugh."

Roy snickered. "It's not like you had far to go."

"Hey, don't pretend it hasn't happened to you!" Ed snapped.

     The lighthearted bickering continued, and Agent 31011 sighed in contentment. 'This sure beats running around fixing the Fourth Wall. I'm actually enjoying this.' He smiled, setting down his empty coffee mug and stretching his arms above his head. 'Yep, the first day is always the best. But the rest are gonna be quite enjoyable.'

A/N - Warning, this is a long authors note, but I wanted to explain some things. This first chapter was the only one with a set 'timeline' because it was the first day. After this, the chapters will be arranged by whichever category the characters are discussing; humor, angst, hurt/comfort, etc. I will pick a few fan fics from each category and have the characters discuss them, but I will not mention any names, and if you recognize the fic, or it is one that you wrote, then please remember that what they are saying does not reflect my thoughts towards the fic, and there is a very high chance that I love that fic. If you want me to discuss a certain story, then leave a review or PM me and I'd be happy to fit it in.

Concerning pairings; I'm going off of Brotherhood and the manga, so keep that in mind when the characters react to non-canon pairings. Remember, these are the canon character discussing non-canon fan fictions. The characters will be portrayed from different times in the series; i.e. Ed may be 15 in chapter 5 then 12 in chapter 8. It depends on what they're talking about. I think that's all I have to say for now. Sorry this was so long!