Nico

Sometimes people forget that Percy is human, too. That he has feelings and he needs things. Sometimes, I do, too.

And to be fair, I probably should've treated him a little nicer. He tried so hard to just be there for me and I never let him. Now I might as well flaunt Jason around for being my best friend over him.

Well, summer comes around. And he's back.

With both Romans and Greeks here, he got a lot of shit. I mean, they just tossed him off to the side. Even our friends.

Even Annabeth. I guess they broke up and like... He was just kind of treated like shit.

Because guess what, we weren't in trouble. The gods weren't mad. There wasn't a problem to be dealt with. He had nothing to do. He was virtually useless.

I didn't treat him any differently. I'm not sure if that was good or bad. Both, I think.

He managed half of summer without even looking like he was phased by this. A month and a half.

At the time, I was in the Big House with Chiron. Nothing out of the blue, we talk here and there. He likes to check in, which is nice.

Mr. D snuck his head in.

"Dionysus," Chiron remarked. "Can I help you?"

"There's an emergency in cabin 3."

"Can the council not—"

"A class S emergency, Chiron."

His dues went wide, because there's only one demigod in that cabin. And that's Percy.

I didn't know what a class S was, but he did. Apologizing, Chiron b-lined it out of the Big House. Leaving me, kind of confused.

"Sorry to cut your check in short," Mr. D apologized. He wasn't that bad of a dude when you sat down and talked to him for a few minutes. "But had I waited, you probably would've figured it out. Being Hades' kid and all."

Confused, I turned to face him.

"Is Percy okay?" I asked, because if figure it out without being told, that suggests he's dead. I really haven't talked to him this summer. Or the last few.... Number of years.

"I hope so," Mr. D knew that would help me whatsoever. "You haven't talked to him recently, have you?"

I shook my head.

"We don't really talk outside of the meetings," I confirmed what he already knew. "So no. I know that like him and Annabeth broke up. Jason, Frank, all of them don't really talk to him. I just kind of stay out it. I don't know anything that everyone else doesn't know."

I was about to find out a whole lot. Because it wasn't twenty minutes later Chiron had brought Percy in from the back, carrying him.

When Chiron put him down, I don't think he moved. He just laid there, in some order world. And it... Hurt.

I still like him, sure. I sort of love him, but you get the point. I just was hoping it'd pass because I'm pretty sure it's his last summer.

So I cared.

"Did he..."

"He tried, yeah," Chiron said and that's when I realized what the emergency was. The whole class S thing. "Fought against me a lot."

Kind of worried sick, I felt really weird at dinner. I really wasn't that hungry, either. With the table rule dismissed, everyone sitting with me noticed I was kind of off.

I noticed that the table that Percy and Percy alone ate at was empty. For the fourth meal in two days.

Yeah, he didn't eat at all today. He skipped dinner last night. He stopped campfire a long time ago.

I should've noticed.

I should've done something. I... If he's dead, I won't forgive myself. Because I could've done something. He did something so I never even considered suicide. He kept me away from that.

If he's dead, I'm gone. That's not a choice. I kill myself the day he's gone. Especially if that's how he goes.

"Nico!" I imagine Jason had said my name ten other times before I actually paid attention to him. "Dude, you okay? You've been out of it."

"Fine."

I said it too fast.

And it's not like I'm exactly out to anyone that isn't Jason. Nobody knows so they can't assume I'm worried about this guy who was just put in the big house under 24/7 surviellence for gods knows how long because he tried to kill himself.

I was scared, okay?

"Oh, bullshit," Leo was the one that called it out. "You been staring at Percy's table for five minutes. He doesn't even for here anymore. I thought you hated him. He was an egotistical asshole anyways."

"I thought I saw him the other day." Hazel pointed out. "He looked tired."

"Yeah, I did, too," Frank agreed with his girlfriend. "Looked like he was exhausted. Must've had a really bad nightmare."

That or he was up all night staring at a wall. Wondering why he's alive.

I didn't realize I was crying. It didn't even phase me. I was so overcome by this fucking fear that he was going to die and just leave like that that I was beyond caring about myself.

"Nico?" I heard my name but I couldn't tell you who it came from. "Nico, what happened?"

Jason for the idea that I don't want to break down in front of everyone and he managed to get me back to my cabin. Where I had this massive breakdown and I told him what happened. That Percy tried to kill himself.

That, despite denying it for a year now I still love him and if he ends up dead, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. This alone was pushing my limits.

Try as I may, I don't remember the rest of the night. It was a numb blur.

Jason kept my secret a secret, luckily. Made up won't bullshit and stuck to it.

Once I was you know, functional, I slipped campfire and headed to The Big House. Hoping he'd be awake. But it not, that's fine. I can still talk.

Knocking on his room door was kind of weird. I felt like I want good enough to visit him. I don't know.

Making my way in, I noticed he hasn't changed much. He changed positions. Half way sitting up now. Hooked up to a heart monitor and a few smaller, standard machines. An IV, too.

Percy just looked so ready to die. So ready to be put out of his misery.

"You're a little early Ch—" he stopped himself short when he saw me and looked down. Kind of in shame. "the news is already that far out?"

"What? No." I insisted as I walked over and sat in the chair by his bed. "I uh... Was in the big house. When Chiron brought you here. Jason is the only other person that knows, I think. I would've visited earlier but I uh... Was kind of a mess."

"You look like a mess." Percy told me. "Then again, I can't say much. I'm here because I tried to kill myself. Why do you care so much? I thought you hated me."

"If I actually hated you, I wouldn't even bother visiting. Or being a fucking mess right now." I insisted. "I wanted to hate you. I fucking tried. It'd make my life easier. But you know, I kind of give a shit about you so when I saw your body and then realized you tried to kill yourself I uh... Well I'm still finding things to blame myself for. You haven't eaten in 24 hours or better. I knew that. I know everyone cold shouldered you. Ignored you and treated you like you were fucking useless now."

I shrugged.

"I don't know," I finished off. "There's a lot of time that I should've talked to you and I didn't. Not just now. A long time ago. So I'm sorry. You helped me out so much after Bianca died. I should've helped you when you needed it. That's like a failure on my end, no excuse. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were uh... That bad."

He slowly nodded.

"It's okay," he knew I wasn't happy with him saying it, but he said it. "I uh... Never really talked to anyone about it anyways. It's just been sitting there. Now that kids are being honest again, is back in action and yeah. I'm sorry."

I think he said I'm sorry about eight or nine times.

"It's not, though," I was trying to help him get some perspective. "As much as I didn't know, Percy, I could have found out. I could have talked to you. But instead I just let you continue to hurt yourself that's not okay. As bad as I am at showing it, I do care about you. I'm here for you."

"Why care?" Percy asked me as if it was a question. "Nico, I'm useless. They don't need me anymore."

"Why do I care?" I responded and he nodded his head. "Percy, I... You're all I have. I don't why I care so much. But like... You cut yourself short a lot more than you should. You think you're dumb and you're not. If you were dumb, you would've been killed a long time ago. Sometimes you're dense, sure, but there's nothing wrong with that. Just because somebody decided you weren't needed anymore doesn't mean you're not important to someone else. You have friends at school, right?"

He didn't answer.

"You have friends outside of this place," I repeated myself. "Right?"

"...no." he answered my question, a little ashamed of it. "I've never been good at making friends. There's one dude I always hang out with during swim season, but that's it. I go to a rich boy school, Nico. The only reason I got in was because Paul teaches there. We're poor. It's hard to make friends when you're poor."

"You seemed to do fine here," I pointed out to him. "You were Rachel's friend. Annabeth's boyfriend. So don't lie, that's not why you don't make friends. I'm sure you're not the only kid there that's on grants and scholarships. So what's the real reason? You can make friends, you're choosing not to."

"Nico..."

"I'm serious, Percy."

He shrugged.

"I don't know," Percy told me. "Maybe because after being treated like shit my entire life I started to believe it and assumed that it's a waste time to even try anymore. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by a bunch of homophobes and I'm bi. Maybe it's everything. I don't know. Can we not talk about it?"

I nodded my head as he went silent.

"I'm sorry," of course he apologized for being like that. "I just don't like talking about it and Chiron really hasn't let me talk about anything else today. I just start to feel selfish and yeah. Sorry. What have you been doing this summer?"

Knowing better than to push it, I went with the subject change.

"Just relaxing," I told him. "Training. I meet with Chiron once in a while. Nothing amazing. Moving on with my life, I guess. I had a panic attack."

"What? Why?" Of course he was worried about me.

"Because you tried to kill yourself." I proved my point to him. "You can ask Jason, I lost it at dinner tonight. I was genuinely worried you were going to like die or something."

"Well thanks for the thought," he told me. "But it didn't happen. Maybe next time."

"What do you mean next time?" I questioned. "There's not going to be a next time."

"Yeah, okay." He remarked. "Whatever helps you sleep, Nico."

I gave him The Look™ and he put his hands up in surrender.

"I'm just saying." Percy insisted as Chiron showed up and kicked me out so he could check up on Percy. Told me to get some sleep.

Hazel wasn't very happy with me. Everyone was waiting for me at my cabin. Because you know the last time they saw me, I was crying and I wouldn't tell them why.

And I was still worried. He openly admitted that he's suicidal and he felt useless. Said he'd do it again.

If he can figure out how to handle the medical equipment, he's gone. And that scared me. But I told Chiron that if he needs a break, I can watch and check in with Percy. I'd want to visit anyways. He was, I think, my friend, too.

"He's back!" I heard Leo yell before everyone came out of Hazel's room and suffocate me in a hate.

I have friends that care about me and it's kind of weird. Especially when all of them are hugging you at once.

And then Leo touches my ass, on accident, I'm assuming. We we're squished together. But just... It was weird.

"Oh, sorry," he apologized, so he noticed. "I didn't mean to. Are you feeling better? We came back here but you were gone."

I nodded my head.

"A little, yeah," I told them. "I was in the Big House."

"I thought you talked to Chiron earlier today," Hazel remarked. "Did you guys talk again or...?"

"No, I wasn't there to see Chiron," I explained, accepting the water bottle Jason gave me. He already knew. "I went and saw Percy. He's doing a little better, I think. Not much better, Chiron won't let him off for a while. He seemed annoyed with Chiron. Percy did. But yeah."

"Percy?" Frank questioned. "What happened to him? I thought he was staying home most of the summer. I heard Chiron talk about him going home."

I shrugged.

"They might send him home, but Percy didn't say it if they are." I explained to my friends, because now they're a little worried, too. "I mean, he tried to kill himself and mentally, he just really isn't there. But from what I know about his home life, it's not much better than Camp. So I guess we'll find out if they send him home. But I mean, right now he's under 24/7 surviellence in the Big House."

They took it better than I did and just kind of left for their own cabins. Aside Frank. I assumed he'd stay for Hazel, but he didn't. Or, he talked with her for a little bit. But before he left, he came into my room.

Frank and I get along. The longer Hazel's around, the less of my little sister she seems to be. It's weird. We're more just casual friends than siblings. I feel closer to Frank than Hazel.

But he knocked on my door. It was already open.

"Are you decent?" He asked as I getting ready to lay down. Maybe try to sleep.

"If I wasn't, the door would be shut." I confirmed as he came in and sat on my bed. "What's up? I'm completely uneducated in the field of relationships, so don't even ask for advice unless you want to her what to get her for her birthday."

"I wasn't going to ask for help, but I'll keep that in mind." The son of Mars told me, looking at an old photo I had next to my bed of Bianca and myself. "Um... No, I was going to ask about you."

"What about me?" I responded. "If it's about earlier, I'll be fine. I just got worried."

"Yeah, I know, I wasn't going to ask about that, either." He insisted, sighing. "It's just something that I kind noticed last summer and I forgot about it for a while and then it came back to me and I figured I might as well ask because why not."

He looked at me as I was facing away from him, grabbing pajamas to wear. Aka just a shirt that's actually too big for me.

"Nico, are you gay?"