•  

I returned home and went straight to the shower. I couldn't hold my tears. I felt so bad for Yugyeom and now that he was in trouble with Jaebum because of me, it killed me. After at least an hour of being under the water I stepped outside and put on some comfy clothes. I went to the fridge and grabbed a glass of apple juice and curled up on the couch.

My wet hair was all over the place but I didn't care. Tomorrow was Sunday so it was my free day and I was planning spending it inside because I didn't want to see anyone. I turned on the tv and started watching a variety show and it looked funny but it wasn't lifting my spirit.

I heard someone knocking at my door and I sat back up quickly looking at the door. My hands were trembling.

Who could it be?

I stood from the couch and walked slowly towards the door. I grabbed the handle hesitating and opened it to reveal serious Yugyeom leaning on the door frame.

"Hey." He said smiling sadly. 

"How did you know-

"I knocked on 6 differents apartments until I found yours." He said smiling but I knew he was still sad, his eyes told me. He looked behind me as if he was asking to come in and I cleared my throat.

"Wanna come in?" I asked and he nodded. I stepped aside so he could come inside and closed the door immediately, I follow him as he entered to my living room.

"Your apartment is nicer than ours." He said leaving his jacket on one of the couches. I followed him around without saying a word. He turned around and looked at me.

"You've been crying." He said but I didn't said anything, I just shook my head.

He sighed.

"Is it because of what happened earlier tonight?" He asked, I looked down and walked away. I felt his gaze on me. Even if he was worried, I was ashamed of admitting it. 

"I just... I just came because I couldn't sleep." He said scratching the back of his neck. I could see there was something troubling him.

"Why?" I asked sitting on the couch, he eyed me and sat on the small table in front of me. I pulled up my legs with my knees under my chin, he smiled. 

"Not important." He said shaking his head and punching me gently on my leg.

"Wanna do something?" He asked but I shook my head.

"Did I kill your vibe?" He asked joking but I looked down. "Yugyeom.." I started and he sighed.

"I am fine Hazel. Believe me-

"I feel guilty, I can't help it." He made an expression of annoyance which I found quite funny but still didn't laugh.

"Can you not?" He asked shaking his head while playing with the elastic of my socks, stretching a bit and hitting me softly with the elastic.

"Ouch." I faked the pain; he opened his eyes widely and caressed the spot on my leg. 

"Sorry." He quickly said with a scared expression, he thought he hurt me for real. 

"Yugyeom-

"Please don't. I don't wanna talk about Jaebum hyung." He said standing from the table now, I followed him with my eyes, he ran a hand through his hair.

"Why you stormed like that earlier?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I forgot to feed my cat." He joked and I rolled my eyes. He turned around and faced me.

"I just- He said shaking his head – I think you're right. We should be friends." He simply said looking at me.

I tilt my head. Was he thinking otherwise?

Oh.

"But we are friends." I said standing from the couch and walking towards him. He sighed loudly and looked down, avoiding my eyes.

"Ne I know noona." He said and faked a smile. I narrowed my eyes. His attitude changed suddenly.

Why is he calling me noona now?

"You don't want to be my friend?" My voice echoed the room. He bit his lip and finally looked at me, he remained silent for a couple of seconds and finally nodded.

"Then what is the problem?" 

"I don't know. Jaebum hyung is against it." He said. I felt my breathing going heavier.

When will stop being JaeBum? It's always him.

I noticed he was wearing a plain black shirt and a pair of black jeans with black ankle boots. His red hair was a bit tousled around and highlighted his outfit, his skin looked really pale but soft. He was so pretty. I felt my cheeks on fire.

"Yugyeom – I said taking a step closer to him, he moved a bit but remained there – Is there something you would like to tell me?" I asked grabbing his hand. He looked at our hands and after what seemed an hour he finally shook his head, I nodded in answer and let go of his hand.

"Then why are you here?" I asked him.

I don't know what was expecting him to say to me but I was disappointed. He looked around.

"I told you I couldn't sleep." He said.

The tension grew between us and I knew I had to do something about it.

"I am tired now." I said frankly. He tilted his head aside and walked towards me, I thought he was going to say something since he leaned so closed but he simply grabbed his jacket that was actually behind me. I swallowed hard and followed him to the door.

"I am sorry, maybe we can hang out tomorrow but right now I am tired." I added as I looked around nervously, I didn't want to hurt him with my words but I needed to be alone right now. He opened the door and turned around looking at me intensely. He opened his mouth to say something but then shut it and nodded.

He started walking but then stopped and looked back at me.

"Have a good night noona." He said bowing and walking back to the elevator without giving me chance to say something. I sighed and closed the door and leaned on it.

What is happening to me?

•

It was finally Sunday and I woke up without an alarm. I checked my phone and saw a couple of whataspp messages from my brother and my friends. I answered all of them and then realized it was 5:45 a.m.

I couldn't believe I barely sleep. I stood and wandered around the apartment. I decided to work on some personal project while I was here. I took a shower and put on a pair of jeans and a grey sweater with my tennis and jacket. I stuffed my backpack with my camera, sunglasses an extra sweater and batteries, water bottles and my sketchbook and quickly did my way out. 

Yesterday I thought I wouldn't want to go out but today I feel different. I decided to make some shots of the nature around the city, near my region and then put it together with a nice music background and upload it on my online portfolio.

The day was warm and shiny. I bought a coffee and a pretzel in a German store and did my way to the nearest park and started shooting some takes and pictures. After a few hours I retuned back to my house and noticed a few of the members on the lobby.

I walked past them but they noticed my presence.

"Hey Hazel!" Jackson yelled. I froze and turned around and smiled at them. I could see they were basically the hyungs.

"Hey guys!" I said walking towards them, they smiled except for Jaebum of course. I noticed Yugyeom and BamBam were missing.

"What are you doing today?" Mark asked me with a sweet smile. I looked at him and bit my lip.

"I was actually going back home to make lunch-

"Oh no you're not. You're coming with us." Jackson said placing an arm around me, pushing me gently around. I looked at Jaebum who was avoiding me completely.

"I - I don't know, guys-

"No, we insist. We're having Thai food today, BamBam's treat." Jinyoung said.

"That sounds really tasty but I -

"Please come with us- Mark insisted. 

"Stop. Don't you see she's busy." Jaebum said to them, they looked at him and them looked back at me waiting for an answer.

"So... You like Thai food?" Jackson asked and I nodded.

"Then it's settled, you're coming with us." He said pushing me with them to the entrance. I was uncomfortable because Yugyeom wasn't there but Jaebum was and he is the last person I want to be with right now.

There was a van parked on the entrance waiting for them. When we got inside, Mark sat next to me.He was sweet and always treated me kindly and spoke well to me. I noticed Jackson sitting on the co-pilot seat, talking with the driver and Jaebum and Youngjae in front of us, while Jinyoung was on the back of the van with a seat for himself.

"If you like Thai food, you're going to love this place. We usually go there one than other Sunday, especially when Bambam gets homesick." He said smiling, I smiled back and nodded.

"His family lives there?" I asked and he nodded.

"I can imagine what he feels." I said and he smiled sweetly. "My family also lives in United States, I miss them often." He said and I felt bad for him. The foreigner idol life must be really hard sometimes.

"When was the last time you saw them?" I asked.

"8 months ago." He said with a face full of sadness. "I hope you can see them soon." I said and he smiled.

"We're here." Jackson shouted.

"Thanks." He said grabbing my hand and helping me getting out of the van. We entered the restaurant and I noticed Bambam and Yugyeom were already there waiting for the hyungs.

"Hey you brought Hazel with you!" Bambam said excited, he ran to give me a hug, I hugged him back. I noticed Yugyeom looking at me on the back.

"Hazel noona, hi." He said with a smile on his face but I could tell there was something bothering him. I was invited to seat with them between Mark and Jinyoung.

Yugyeom was in front of me and Jaebum was far away thanks god. Mark helped me with the translation of the menu and ordered for me.

"So how is London?" Youngjae asked. Jaebum rolled his eyes, he was clearly uncomfortable when they talked to me or gave me attention in any way. 

"It's... Grey and cold." I said and they laughed "And wet too, it rains a lot." I added.

"So it's true? I always listen to the British saying that but I never believe them." Jinyoung said and I nodded.

"It's actually true, everything." I said and they shook their heads surprised.

"Must be depressing." Jaebum said glaring at me. I looked at him and breathed slowly, trying to control my temper. That was such an unnecessary thing to say.

"Sometimes." I said and faked a smile.

We kept talking mainly about random stuff, I noticed how Yugyeom was quiet the whole afternoon and I noticed how Jaebum was giving Yugyeom the silent treatment and I felt my heart breaking. This is all your fault Hazel.

The food finally arrived and we ate while we kept talking about movies this time. Jinyoung confessed he's a big fan of French movies and a Potterhead, they told me they wanted to come to the Harry Potter museum in London and I said they could come anytime, I could be their guide since I've been there plenty times before.

Even though I had a great time, I was worried for Yugyeom and his silence. It didn't seem strange coming from Jaebum but it did form Yugyeom. When we finished eating we went back to the van and this time Bambam was sitting on Jinyoung's legs and Youngjae on Yugyeom's because there wasn't enough room since I was eight-wheeling there.

When we arrived the building it was almost 5:00 pm and I couldn't believe how long we were outside. Mark helped me to get out of the van and we walked inside.

"Thank you guys, I had a great time." I said to them. I saw Jaebum with Youngjae and Yugyeom talking ahead of us. He was angry and it looked like he was scolding Yugyeom since he was holding one finger in the air near his face, Yugyeom was looking down at the floor and Youngjae seemed to be defending Yugyeom.

Suddenly I wanted to know what was going on. I just hope they're not fighting because I came with them to the lunch because that wasn't Yugyeom's fault but Jackson because he was the one who invited me. 

"Hazel?" I heard Jinyoung's sweet English accent. I looked at him and nodded.

"Yes?" I asked.

"We were wondering if you wanted to have dinner tomorrow with us? The whole crew is coming, it's a dinner party at JYP." He said. I looked at the boys who were smiling now.

"Uhm yeah sure. I'd love to guys. Thanks." I said smiling.

"Perfect. We'll see you tomorrow them." Jackson said. I high-fived them and did my way to the elevator to go to my apartment.

  •