THE ONE WITH A SPLIT HEART.
EPISODE TWENTY-THREE.

♡

"And these are my friends," Phoebe started as they all turned to welcome the new guy with a friendly smile. "People, this is Vince. Vince, the people."

It was Chandler who stood to shake Vince's hand as Zara simply just smiled.

"Vince is a fireman," Phoebe told them.

"Wow," said Rachel. "Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?"

"98 hot saves," Vince confessed. "Highest on the force."

"Wow," said Zara. "That's impressive."

"Well, you know," Chandler said. "If Joey and I play with matches, we could get you up to an even 100."

Vince didn't look impressed with that. "Fire safety is not a joke, son."

"Your right, I know," Chandler said.

Zara smiled teasingly at him. "You're gonna cry."

"Am not," Chandler argued.

"Look, I've got to go," Vince announced. "I'm on call tonight." Then, he turned towards Phoebe, offering her a small peck on the lips. "See you Saturday."

"Okay," said Phoebe, grinning.

"Wow, he's cute, Pheebs," Rachel commented after Vince left. "But I thought you just started dating that kindergarten teacher."

"Oh, Jason?" Phoebe realised. "Yeah. Yeah, uh-huh. We're seeing each other tonight."

"Pheebs, what..." Phoebe replied. "Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you."

"Go on Phoebe," Zara encouraged.

"I know, I know," said Phoebe. "I'm like playing the field, you know. Like juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild oats, you know. You know, this kind of like, you know, oat-sowing-field-playing juggler."

"So, Pheebs, do they know about each other?" Joey questioned.

"Does a dog's lips move when he reads?" Phoebe replied.

Joey looked towards them, but they were just as confused as he was.

"Okay, no," said Phoebe. "They don't know."

Ross came in then to greet them as Chandler and Joey were quick to disappear. Zara, though, was still caught up in Phoebe dating two people at once.

"I still can't believe it," Zara said.

"Why?" Phoebe replied. "You gave me the idea."

"But I'm not dating them," Zara whispered.

Phoebe winked. "Yet."

Zara sighed, tired from the whole situation now that kept coming up. The awkwardness of Zara's heart was too exposed and she knew it was only a matter of time before Chandler and Joey found out that she loved them both.

"Pete's breaking up with me," Monica announced, coming over to join them.

"What?" The three women on the sofa questioned.

"Yeah, I just checked my messages," Monica explained. "And he said when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk."

"And?" Phoebe pushed further.

"Well, that's it," Monica told them. "People never say we need to talk unless it's something bad."

"Woah, that doesn't necessarily mean he's breaking up with you," Joey reassured her.

"Really?" Monica questioned as they all agreed.

"Yeah, maybe he just cheated you," Joey said.

"Joey!" Zara gasped, glaring at him.

♡

"I can't take it, you know?" Phoebe carried on telling them as she entered the coffee house with Rachel and Zara. "I'm always afraid one of them is going to catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy."

"Well, honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?" Rachel suggested.

Phoebe sighed at that.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Joey, sliding over on the sofa to comfort Phoebe. "What, what happened to playing the field?"

"Well, it just doesn't feel like playing anymore," Phoebe told him. "It feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field."

"So, Pheebs, pick one of them," Rachel suggested.

Zara remained silent, too afraid and ashamed to agree with Rachel.

"Yeah, which one do you like more?" Monica asked.

"Well, Vince is great, you know," said Phoebe. "'Cause he's like... he's a guy guy, you know. He's just so burly. So very burly."

"Okay, good, so there you go," Joey said. "Go with Vince."

"Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive," Phoebe argued.

"Well, sensitive is important," said Chandler. "Pick him."

Zara's eyes were darting between Joey and Chandler, feeling overwhelmed at just the thought of even picking who she should be with.

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed.

"Oh, sure, go with the sissy," Joey said.

"Jason is not a sissy," Phoebe defended.

"No, no, no," said Joey. "I mean Chandler."

♡

With Pete out of town, Monica let them come over with her to see Pete's place as she gave them a tour. They were all like excited kids with Zara never being in a mansion before.

"And this is the den," Monica told them. "Right, check this out. Lights!"

From just Monica's voice, the lights switched on, but they were far too bright.

"All right, less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away!"

Finally, the lights started to dim.

"See, you just need to find the right command."

"Yes," said Ross. "And the dimmer switch."

"For a rich guy, he's got a pretty small TV," Joey commented, spotting the school screen that was built into the wall.

"No, no, no," said Monica. "That's the video phone."

"That's so cool," Zara said.

"But, hey, guys, you're not supposed to be here," Monica reminded them. "So please do not touch anything."

Chandler sat down on the leather sofa. "Ikea, this is comfortable."

"This place is amazing," Rachel announced, joining them again, along with Phoebe.

"God, that is the nicest kitchen," Phoebe said.

"I know," Monica agreed.

"No, but it's the nicest kitchen!" Phoebe insisted. "The refrigerator told me to have a great day."

"Look at this," said Joey. "A millionaire's chequebook."

"Joey, put that down," Monica told him.

The phone started to ring, panicking Monica.

"Oh my God, that's Pete! Okay, get out! How the hell do you answer a video phone?"

However, the screen came on with Pete's face appearing as they were all quick to duck to hide themselves before they were caught.

"I guess that's how," said Monica.

"Hey, Monica, how's it going?"

"Oh, it's good. It's... it's good. Just here watering the plants."

"Well, don't forget that ficus over there by Rachel."

"Uh... Chandler's on the couch," Rachel snitched.

"I see him. You guys are the worst hiders ever."

"Hey, Pete," they all greeted him, coming out of their hiding places.

"Uh, Pete," said Monica, leaning closer to the screen. "The other day when you said you needed to talk. Just so I know, is it good news or bad news?"

"Oh, it's good news," Pete reassured her. "No, it's definitely good news. Hold on one second, I have another call. Hey, how's it going?"

Monica had been smiling at them, but now she turned back to the screen. "Oh, no, it's still me."

"No, it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. Yeah. I'm going to have to call you back later. Monica, you — I'll call you back later."

"Oh, oh, okay," Monica realised. "Um, so, I'll see you soon."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you."

"We love you too," they all replied.

"Okay, well, it's good news," Monica told them, still smiling. "It's good news."

"So what do you think the good news is?" Chandler asked.

"Wow, look at this," said Joey. "He wrote a cheque for $50,000 to Hugo Lindgren ring design."

Zara's eyes were wide as she looked at Monica, instantly assuming what that meant.

"Oh, sorry," Joey continued. "What do you think the good news is?"

Monica placed a hand on her chest. "Oh, my..."

"Monica's going to marry a millionaire!" Rachel shouted.

"You've got to get mom on the phone," Ros told her. "Call mom! Call mom!"

The screen turned on again. "Hello?"

"And that's Pete's mom," Monica said.

With that, they were all quick to hide out of view.

But, when they got back to the apartment, they were all still caught up in the fact that Monica was going to get engaged.

"No," said Rachel. "You have to make it a theme wedding and the theme could be: look how much money we've got. You know? You could put money in the invitations. You could have like little money place settings. And, uh, you could start with a money salad. I mean, it'll be dry, but people will like it."

"Would you stop," Monica told her. "We've only been going out a couple of weeks. I mean, we don't know if he'll propose."

"Yeah, but this is Pete," Chandler reminded her, sitting backwards on a chair. "He's not like other people. On your first date, he took you to Rome. For most guys, that's like a third or fourth date kind of thing."

"The rich always do things quickly," Zara commented.

"Well, if that's what it is, then it's... it's crazy," Monica said.

"Monica's right," Ross said. "We're talking about getting married here, okay? She can't just rush into this."

"Oh, what do you know?" Rachel told Ross. "You married a lesbian."

"You know what," Zara realised. "I don't know what I would say if someone like Pete proposed to me. The money would be too tempting."

"You would say yes just because he's rich?" Ross questioned.

"Yeah, 'cause I'll be rich too then," Zara said, shrugging.

"All right, I got to go," Phoebe announced. "I have to break up with Vince."

"Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?" Chandler realised.

"Kindergarten teachers are always the best choice," Zara said.

"Oh yeah," said Chandler. "I dated this kindergarten teacher once. Crazy hot, right, but I'd always find stickers in her hair or glitter will somehow make it into the bed."

Zara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"Yeah, I like Vince a lot, you know," said Phoebe. "But Jason is so sensitive, you know? In the long run, I think sensitive is better than just having a really, really nice... body." Phoebe zoned out, where Zara was a little relieved that she was conflicted about who to choose. "Jason. Definitely Jason. Okay, wish me luck."

"Good luck," they all told her.

Rachel squealed once the front door closed. "Sorry, I was just imagining what it would be like to catch the money bouquet."

♡

EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR.

♡

Zara's book launch was nearing close, so she was focusing on that rather than her complicated love life. Maybe normal could be a possability again, but it was too easy to catch one of them staring at her, which was always followed by warm, smitten smiles shared.

"Do you think there's a town in Missouri or someplace called Sample?" Chandler asked them as they were all (minus Monica) sitting at their usual spot in the coffee house. "And as you're driving into the town, there's, like, a sign and it says you're in Sample?"

Joey found that joke hilarious.

"How long have you been waiting to share that one?" Zara asked him.

"A while," Chandler confessed, proud of himself.

"Hey," Monica came in to join them.

"Hey!" They were all quick to reply with Zara's eyes instantly falling to Monica's finger to see if she was engaged or not.

"How did it go with Pete?" Rachel asked.

"Tell us!"

"You're not going to believe this, okay?" Monica told them. "So, I go over there—"

"Excuse us," a man cut in as they all turned to two men, who were holding coffee mugs. "I'm sorry."

"It's a little crowded," said the other. "Do you mind if we could... Yeah, could you skoosh?"

It was already cramped as it was, but Zara ended up having to rise, somewhat sitting on Chandler's lap for Rachel to have some space with her heart pounding. Behind her, Joey was on the armrest, but she wasn't sure if he was looking at her or not.

But, Zara's head turned, meeting Chandler's close stare.

"I go over there," continued Monica, distracting them. "And I'm..."

"What... what is wrong with me?" The man started to cry.

"What's the matter?" His friend asked.

"I have a feeling I... my wife is sleeping with her gynaecologist."

"Oh, no, really? How do you know?"

"Well, you know, he's got access."

Again, Chandler and Zara shared a brief look, too shocked to say or do anything.

"You know, you just feel and you get, you know?"

"Like going bowling and you know you're in somebody else's shoes?"

"That's the one."

"All right," Phoebe tried to concentrate again. "So you went to Pete's..."

"What happened?" Ross encouraged.

"Why is this happening to me?" The man continued. "I don't know. Maybe it's my wound."

"Forget it," Monica decided.

With that, all attention was on the two men.

"Your wound? It's not healed yet?"

"No. It oozes. Could you guys pass the cream? Oh, there's the cream," then he reached for the cream. "Thank you very much."

"Tomas, this is going to be hard," his friend said. "But I wanted it to come from me and nobody else."

"What is it, Tim?"

Zara had a feeling she knew what Tim was about to say.

"It's me," said Tim. "I've been sleeping with your wife."

"So you're the gynaecologist?" Joey questioned, trying to keep up.

"Hey, I'm trying to have a private conversation," Tim complained.

"Hardly private if you're sat right here," Zara mumbled.

"Oh, can I have a napkin, please?" The other man cried as Rachel was quick to help him. "Please hand a... Give me the thing, all right!"

Zara's hand fell on Rachel's shoulder in support.

"Oh, that's it, all right. Enough! And you are no longer my friend!" With that, Tomas stood up with Zara's lips parted, shocked by the drama. "We are finished! Nada! No more! You are a bastard for doing this! Get away from me!"

"Tomas, please!" Tim pleaded, chasing after him. "Come back here."

There was a last smile before Tim was leaving the coffee house behind Tomas.

"So, Monica, what were you going to tell us?" Phoebe questioned.

"I have no idea," Monica answered.

Once the shock of what had just happened settled, Rachel moved over to give Chandler and Zara some space to sit down normally again. Though, Chandler helped get drinks, so Phoebe was now sitting next to Zara with Joey on the other side.

"So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you, Mon?" Rachel questioned once everyone was back with drinks and sitting together again. "Or should I say, Mrs Monica Becker?"

"Oh, no, no," said Phoebe. "Keep your name. Don't take his name."

"He didn't as me to marry him," Monica told him.

"Oh, well, definitely don't take his name," Phoebe said.

"He wanted to tell me he's going to compete in some ultimate fighting competitions thing," Monica said.

"What? Pete?"

Zara scoffed, trying not to laugh at the image of Pete fighting.

"Why? What is it?" Rachel questioned, seeing their reactions.

"I don't know, exactly," said Monica. "It's sort of like wrestling."

"Oh?" Phoebe responded.

"Yeah, but without the costumes," Monica added.

"Oh," Phoebe's reaction was sadder this time.

"And it's not fake," Joey explained. "It's totally brutal."

"Yeah, it's two guys in the ring, and the rules are there are no rules," Chandler said.

"You can like bite and pull people's hair and stuff?" Monica realised.

"Yeah, anything goes," said Ross. "Except eye-gouging and fishhooking."

"What's fishhooking?" Monica asked.

"What's fish—"

Joey's hand rose with his finger hooking Ross' mouth like a fish hook.

"Thanks, man," said Ross. "That would have been really hard to describe."

"Can we have one more demonstration?" Zara asked.

"No," Ross told her. "What is that taste?"

"What? My hands are totally clean," Joey reassured him. "I just gave the duck a bath."

♡

"That's right, Ryder," said Ross while on the phone. "Winona Ryder, for seven. Thank you." Then, Ross hung up the phone. "Yeah, we have the reservations."

"All right, buddy, way to go!" Chandler told him but finished by slapping Ross on his bum, which clearly made Ross feel uncomfortable.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Ross questioned.

"Thank you," said Chandler as if it was the reaction he had wanted. "Today, my boss kept slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal."

"What did you do about it?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, I didn't do anything," Chandler explained. "I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom."

"I got to tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy," Monica told him.

"Yeah, maybe it's like, you know, that jock thing," Joey said after standing up. "You know, how football players pat each other after touchdowns."

To show them, Joey slapped Ross' bum this time.

"Look at you getting all the action tonight, Ross," Zara said.

"You know, I don't understand guys," Rachel decided. "I mean... I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by, you know, grabbing her boob."

"Yeah, I know," said Chandler. "For a really great stew you just, you know, stick your head in between them."

"Can we please go eat?" Monica questioned, ignoring Chandler.

"Yeah, what are we getting?" Ross asked.

"Anything but stew," Monica replied.

"All right, so Chandler, from now on," said Ross as they all moved towards the front door, picking up their jackets. "Don't give your boss a chance to get to you. You know, just don't turn your back to him."

"Yeah, or," Joey said. "You could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell."

That caused Chandler to look at Ross, who shook his head.

"Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?"

"Joey, I think you've lost your brain," Zara told him.

"What if Joey was president?" Chandler questioned.

They left then to head out for dinner before their reservation. As they walked, Zara was ahead with Joey as everyone else had lingered behind for Rachel and Phoebe to catch up. Though, on the way, Zara had spotted a bookshop with the promotional poster for her novel on display.

Zara smiled at the sight, knowing everything was about to change.

"Can you believe in less than a week's time my book will be sold here?" Zara said.

"You know it won't be just sold in this bookshop, right?" Joey told her.

"Right," Zara smiled, but it was only temporary as Zara was pale, suddenly feeling terrified. "I don't actually know how many shops are going to be selling my book or if anyone will actually buy it. What if no one likes it, Joey?"

"What are you talking about?" Joey replied. "Zara, that's impossible. I love your book, so that's not no one, and so do the rest of your friends."

"I'm just waiting for something to go wrong," Zara confessed. "Something always does with me."

"Hey, nothing's going to go wrong," Joey reassured her. "You deserve this and more, Zara, so, just wait and see. I'm pretty sure New York — hell, even the world — is about to fall in love with you."

"You really think so?" Zara questioned.

"I know so," Joey promised. "It's easy to."

Zara felt her heart skip a beat. But, as she met his gaze, the rest of their friends were there as they spotted the poster in the window that they were both looking at, where everyone was becoming excited about Zara's book release.

Zara, though, was stuck on Joey's words.

♡

They were due to have a barbecue that night for Pete's latest match, but Joey was getting impatient, struggling to find the perfect time to tell Chandler about his feelings for Zara. But, practically confessing it to Zara had made Joey more desperate.

He was going crazy about it all, so it had to be now or never.

"Chandler, I really need to talk to you," Joey insisted.

"Now here or now at Monica's?" Chandler questioned.

"Here," said Joey. "It's important."

Chandler cleared his throat. "Important as in..."

"As in me being in love with Zara," Joey announced.

The silence was suffocating as Chandler's eyes were on Joey, completely shocked, unknowing how to react to the news. Despite everything, Chandler started to laugh, which Joey hadn't expected.

"What's funny?" Joey questioned. "Did you not hear what I said?"

"Oh, I did," said Chandler. "I just... hoped it was a joke."

"It's not," Joey told him. "I'm serious, Chandler, and I'm sorry, okay? I know you still love her, so I tried really hard not to, but...."

"It's Zara," Chandler finished. "It's hard not to love her."

"So hard!" Joey exclaimed in agreement.

"So, uh, so... what," Chandler cleared his throat. "What does this mean?"

"I guess if you're okay about it, then I was going to tell Zara about how I feel," Joey confessed. "Maybe ask her out; see where it goes between us."

"But Zara said no to dating friends," Chandler pointed out.

"I know," said Joey. "I guess either way I'm risking my heart now. But I'm not an idiot, I know she still has feelings for you too."

"Zara does?" Chandler questioned.

"Oh, you didn't notice that?" Joey realised.

"What? No!" Chandler's eyes were wide. "I didn't even notice you being in love with Zara! How was I supposed to catch on that maybe she wasn't completely over me!"

"I don't know," said Joey. "I guess I've just been watching her be in love with you for so long that it's obvious now. Maybe I'm being an idiot for thinking I'll even get a chance."

"Don't say that," Chandler sympathised. "If anyone's an idiot, then it's me for being still in love with her. I just... can't believe this. You really care about her?"

"I do," Joey told him. "I-I know I've slept around a bit, so this is still new and unexpected for me, but I'm actually crazy about her. She's all I can think about, Chandler."

Chandler sighed. "You know, maybe you should tell her."

"Really?" Joey questioned.

"Yeah, really," Chandler said. "As much as it hurts, I don't want to be the one that comes between you. You're my best friend, Joe. I've never seen you in love before, so I don't want to be the one to ruin that."

"Hey, it shocked me when you first told me you were in love too," Joey told him. "I guess that's just Zara, she's special."

"Yeah, it's Zara," Chandler agreed, where Joey could hear how he was trying to keep himself together, but it was obvious how hurt he was.

"You know, Zara could still reject me, right?" Joey told him, though while it comforted Chandler to hear, it was painful for Joey. "I guess this'll be her decision."

"How, uh, are you going to tell her?" Chandler asked.

"We don't have to talk about it," Joey told him.

"No, we're friends, Joe, so we do," said Chandler. "I just need to get used to it. My best friend and my ex-girlfriend." There was an awkward laughter that Joey tried not to cringe at. "So, tell me."

"Well, I was going to get her a bouquet of irises," Joey explained. "You know, her favourite flower."

Chandler forced a smile. "I know."

"Right," continued Joey. "Well, I want Zara to know that I'm serious, so I was going to bring her the flowers, and just tell her. Ideally when no one else is around."

"Yeah, Zara doesn't like being put under pressure like that," Chandler said. "She loves the attention, though."

"I know," Joey said.

"Right," said Chandler. "You do."

It was devastating to Chandler, who wished he had been braver sooner to face his feelings. Maybe he had blown his one chance and now this was his new reality.

♡

Zara felt strange at the barbeque that night; Chandler couldn't quite look at her and Joey seemed nervous. It left Zara on edge, thinking she had done something wrong.

Pete had lost his latest match (no surprise), which resulted in Monica breaking up with him. Though, a couple of mornings later, Zara was sitting in her bedroom, going over the last of her itinerary for her book launch, which was followed by her tour.

Tomorrow Zara's book was being published and she couldn't believe it.

The thought alone was too surreal, but even with her frantically beating heart, Zara was positively glowing with excitement.

"Hey, Mon," said Zara, coming out of her bedroom. "How are you doing?"

"Better than some," Monica said.

"What does that mean?" Zara questioned.

"You tell me," Monica said, finger pointing out to the balcony as Zara turned. "I woke up this morning to find Chandler sitting out there, sulking about something or someone."

"But that's my sulking spot," Zara argued.

"Hey, you're about to be published," Monica reminded her. "So, there's no sulking for you, okay? You're about to have the biggest moment of your life."

Zara smiled at that. "I hope so, but that's still my spot, and I don't like sharing."

With that, Zara walked out towards the balcony and she climbed through the window, surprising Chandler with her appearance. As she offered him a smile, he managed to return one.

"You know this is my spot, right?" Zara reminded him, deciding to sit down on one of the old wooden chairs with him. "Why you sulking, Bing?"

"I'm not sulking," Chandler said, which sounded like a lie.

"You totally are," Zara accused him.

"I'm not," said Chandler. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Zara asked.

"It doesn't matter," Chandler said. "Have you seen Joey yet?"

"No," Zara replied, confused. "Should I?"

There was no response to that as Zara sighed.

"Chandler, please tell me what you're thinking about," Zara pleaded. "It's my book launch tomorrow, so that means I get whatever I want."

Chandler let out a small laugh. "What do you want?"

"For you to tell me what you're thinking about," Zara told him.

"Maybe I'm thinking about us," Chandler admitted, looking forward as Zara's head turned with her eyes falling on the side of his face, noticing the goatee was gone now too. "You always come here to think or if you were upset, but I guess I came here to remember us."

"Oh," Zara said.

"Yeah," said Chandler. "Oh."

"That doesn't sound good," Zara noticed.

"What we had was good," Chandler argued. "I guess I just miss us."

"Chandler..."

"I know, I know," said Chandler. "I guess I'm just thinking about what could have been, you know? If I had fought for us more and if you hadn't run at our first big fight."

"Where would we be right now if we had stayed together?" Zara asked.

"I think I would be less afraid," Chandler confessed. "More in love. Happy too. Really happy, actually."

Zara smiled sadly at that. "I do miss us too, Chandler."

Hearing that caused Chandler to look at her, where Zara could see that their love for each other was still there too, but Chandler appeared fragile as if he was heartbroken. It made no sense, but Zara felt guilty, believing it was her fault, and it probably was.

Zara was the one to lean towards him, searching for a kiss. But, it was Chandler, who turned away from Zara's advancements, which caused her heart to crack, completely lost.

"I can't," Chandler told her. "Trust me, I want to, but I can't now. Zara, everything's complicated now. If we kiss, it'll crush Joey."

"Is that why you're upset?" Zara realised. "Because of Joey?"

"Zara, who do you love?" Chandler asked.

The question caused Zara's lips to part, but her tongue suddenly felt heavy and dry, absorbing the words before Zara's brain could even process them. Even Zara's heart had sped up, knowing the answer, but she couldn't bring herself to tell Chandler.

How did you tell someone that you were in love with them both?

There was a knock on the front door and Monica had been the one to go answer it. The sound was enough to break Zara free, needing a plan to get away before the truth came spiralling out.

But, as Zara's head turned, through the window, she could see who was on the other end of the door.

And Zara thought she might explode.

Because, standing at the door, with a bouquet of purple irises, was Derek.

♡

I did warn you all Derek would be coming back! I'm so ready for the drama and chaos!! Zara's book launch is going to be one she won't forget!