♡

THE ONE WITH REGRETS.

♡

Zara had ruined her own celebration meal, which was typical.

Everyone had come, but there was one seat that was empty that lingered for the whole night. There was a false happy atmosphere with everyone trying to ignore the reality that Chandler was not with them.

Though, Hannah was with them, who was completely clueless. They weren't exclusive — and definitely not in a relationship — but Zara was keeping Hannah around like an invisible string to stay attached to someone, but not completely. Though, sitting here, Zara felt more alone than ever.

Until Joey had clinked his glass, standing with everyone's attention falling on him.

"Uh... so, I don't have much to say, but I think we should all raise our glasses to Zara for signing her contract," said Joey, a little awkwardly as he rose his glass with everyone knowing he was trying to distract them from Chandler's disappearance. "To Zara, not just our friend, but the future best-selling author."

Everyone cheered at that with their glasses clinking together, though Zara had a forced smile on her face. "I don't know about best-selling author."

"Oh, please," said Ross. "Your name will be all over the New York Times this time next year."

"I hope you're right," Zara replied.

Monica struck up a conversation about Zara's long road ahead of her to get the books published, which Zara was still wrapping her mind around herself. There was going to be a lot going on with Zara feeling the stress, but she was also thankful for the much needed distraction.

If Zara couldn't have love, then she'd have success.

"So, where is Chandler tonight?" Hannah questioned as their food arrived.

There was silence at that as Zara stared down at her plate.

"He couldn't make it," Monica spoke for Zara. "Because he's..."

"Sick," Rachel added. "Really sick."

"Oh, no," said Hannah. "That's a shame."

"Oh, I have an idea," Phoebe blurted out, trying to save the moment from falling into awkwardness again. "What if for your book release party you have a superhero costume theme!"

"Oh, imagine the little kids in Ruby costumes," Rachel said, face softening at the thought. "Or even Carlos!"

That caused Zara to smile — a true, honest smile. The majority of Zara's characters were eleven, but Zara was excited to see the future artwork for them, especially the three main characters: Ruby, Carlos, and Joanna.

"Do you know what's weird?" Zara questioned. "Right now, only a handful of people know about my book, but soon strangers are going to be reading about my characters. And... people are going to know my name too, so that's weird."

Zara Elison had been randomly picked when she had been born, where it had no ties. Now, Zara was making a name for herself.

"Don't you worry," Joey advised. "I'll give you a few pointers on fame."

"I think Erika was enough warning," Zara reminded him.

The mention of Erika caused the table to laugh with Hannah questioning who Erika was, sparking a new conversation with ease. Zara took the opportunity to finish her glass of wine, deciding she'd need another one to get through the night.

♡

EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR

♡

While there was that unspoken tension, Zara and Chandler tried not to let it interfere with the group: the two simply sat amongst their friends but didn't acknowledge each other. It was far worse than their original break up as now their friendship seemed truly shattered too.

All because Zara had made one mistake, which she now regretted.

And so did Chandler because he had finally seen Zara as everyone else did.

"Hey, Joey, how'd the audition go?" Rachel asked Joey as he entered the coffee house.

"Incredible," Joey told them all. "I met the director this time, and you will never believe who it was."

"Who?" They all question.

"All right," said Joey. "I'll give you one hint — Warren Beatty."

It was hardly a hint, but they were all in shock at the news.

"Wow," Monica summarised.

"Yeah," Joey agreed. "There's just one thing that might be kind of a problem. See, I, uh, I had to kiss this guy."

"Because he was just so darn cute?" Chandler guessed.

"No," Joey continued. "As part of the audition. See, I'm up for the part of this guy who the main guy kisses."

"Well, hey, you're an actor," Ross pointed out. "I say you just suck it up and do it." That caused Rachel to look at her boyfriend from where she was sitting on his lap. "Or you just do it."

"I did do it," Joey told them. "I'm a professional."

"So what's the problem?" Monica questioned.

"See, after the scene, Mr Beatty comes up to me and he says 'good actor, bad kisser'," Joey explained. "Can you believe that? Me, not a good kisser. That's like, like... Mother Teresa — not a good mother."

"Wonderful example, Joey," said Zara.

"Ah, come on," Phoebe said. "Who cares what that guy thinks? You know, what does Warren Beatty know about kissing?"

Everyone looked at Phoebe as she realised with a little laugh.

Joey ended up leaving them to it for a moment as he called his agent, wanting to know what was going on with his role. Seeing him return, Zara's eyes fell on him.

"Hey, what did your agent say?" Chandler asked him.

"Yup," Joey said. "This kiss thing is definitely a problem. Mr Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I got to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Zara, we've kissed, what was that like for you?"

Zara's eyes were wide, feeling everyone's attention suddenly focused on her. It was such bad timing for a question like that, and Joey already regretted it as his eyes quickly flickered to Chandler, who was silent, staring down at the coffee table.

"I don't remember a lot of it," Zara told him, which was half of the truth. "I was all over the place that night to recall a kiss, Joey. Plus, it was years ago now. If you're worried about kissing a guy, then maybe ask one of the guys to help you."

"Uh, no, no," Ross said.

"Oh, okay," Joey replied. "One of you girls come over here and kiss me."

"Forget it," Monica said.

"Right," Rachel scoffed.

"Not happening," Zara told him.

After Chandler, Zara was very done with falling into complicated romantic traps with her friends.

"Hey, come on," Joey protested. "I need your help here."

"All right, I'll do it," Phoebe decided. "I've kissed him before. I can do it again."

"See this?" Joey pointed to Phoebe, who had stood. "See this? This is a friend."

"Uh, huh," said Phoebe. "Let's go."

Joey stepped forward, placing his hands on Phoebe's waist as he prepared himself.

"Oh, wait. I have gum."

Phoebe took out the gum before the two were leaning closer to each other. Their lips touched as Zara's eyebrows rose, finding the sight amusing more than anything. As Joey's hands slid to her waist, pulling Phoebe closer, Zara pressed her lips together to prevent herself from laughing.

"Good," Phoebe concluded after, turning to them. "Very good. Firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend."

Joey was pleased with himself with that with Zara's eyebrows furrowing, trying to remember herself. From what she could remember, Joey had been smooth and tender with the kiss, leaving a drunken young Zara a little dazzled, but then... well, back at Joey's place, the kiss had changed to a little more heated and private.

"Then I don't know what it is," Joey exclaimed, distracting Zara from her thoughts. "What's the problem?"

"Joey, maybe you're just not used to kissing men," Monica suggested. "Maybe you tensed up a little bit. Maybe that's what you need to work on."

"Just like I said," Zara told him with a grin. "You need to practice."

"Yeah," Joey agreed. "It does make sense."

Joey's head turned, looking over to Ross first.

"Over my dead body," Ross clarified.

Chandler was laughing until Joey was looking at him. "And I'll be using his dead body as a shield."

♡

Zara was trying to find something with Hannah — maybe it was forced out of guilt or desperation — but Zara was still trying, so that was something. She had made the effort to arrange a date with Hannah for that evening, where she hoped to recover something.

Right now, though, she was hanging out at home with her friends (and Richard, who might as well be a part of the group at this point).

"Come on out, honey," Ross encouraged Rachel from her bedroom. "I'm telling you, you look good." Then, he turned to the room, pleading quietly with them: "tell her she looks good. Tell her she looks good."

As Rachel appeared from her bedroom, Zara's mouth fell open from the shock of the pink. The colour popped, seeming something that a child would dress up in more than an adult.

"Oh my God!" Phoebe responded.

"Where's your sheep, Rach?" Zara questioned, unable to hide her laughter.

Phoebe was still laughing but felt bad as Rachel's face dropped. "You look so good."

"I cannot believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of two-hundred people," said Rachel, not believing Phoebe's words. "Looking like something you drink when you're nauseous."

"So don't," Ross suggested, walking towards his girlfriend. "I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway. It's your ex-fiance's wedding."

"Because I promised Mindy I would," Rachel replied.

"Yeah, well, you promised Barry you'd marry him," Monica reminded her.

The glare she received from both Ross and Rachel caused Monica to crawl under Richard's legs, trying to hide.

"Look guys, I have to go," Rachel insisted. "I'm the maid of honour."

"To your ex's wedding, though?" Zara challenged. "That's a massive no from me."

The thought along and Zara was about ready to strangle the bride, yet she was still to see Chandler or even Derek move on with someone else.

"You know what?" Rachel decided. "I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself."

At that moment, Chandler came into the apartment with Zara becoming tense. Hearing the door open, Zara had turned, catching his stare as the two exchanged scowls. Though, Chandler was quick to avert his gaze, becoming entranced by the pink dress as he erupted with laughter.

But Zara's eyes lingered on his clothes, knowing he had been wearing them yesterday. As Chandler came over to the living room to sit down, Zara forced herself to look away from him.

It was enough for Zara to realise that she couldn't force anything with Hannah anymore — not just because of Chandler, but for Hannah too. Their situationship had sizzled out with Zara struggling to find anything between them to keep it going.

"Oh..." Phoebe said, turning to face him. "Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Did someone get a little action?"

There was the awkwardness that followed as Zara remained staring at the floor, knowing Monica's concerned gaze was on her.

"Yeah, I may have," Chandler admitted.

"Woo-hoo," Monica replied. "Stud."

"What did she look like?" Ross questioned.

"Well, we haven't actually met," Chandler confessed. "We just stayed up all night talking on the internet."

"Woo-hoo," Monica repeated. "Geek."

Zara felt her heart sink, wishing she could leave. There was even a hesitation to Chandler, who was very aware that Zara was there too.

But what could Zara do?

After all, she was seeing Hannah, practically declaring that she had moved on, which was a lie. Plus, Zara had been the one to end things between them multiple times, so Chandler had every right to move on.

But Zara didn't like it.

"I like this girl, okay?" Chandler told them. "Okay, I seriously like this girl. I think she might be the one to help me..." But whatever the last part was, Chandler cleared his throat, eyes briefly landing on Zara, who wasn't looking at him. "You know how sometimes I tend to get a little defended and quippy?"

"Get out," Ross replied.

"Uh-huh," said Phoebe.

"Please," Monica added sarcastically.

Zara frowned, knowing what Chandler was like, but the deeper they got, the less defended they had been about it with each other.

"Well, she totally called me on it, okay?" Chandler told them. "She said: 'cut it out. Get real'. And I did."

Hearing that was the last straw for Zara as she felt her eyes water with her emotions betraying her like usual lately. They both had their insecurities with relationships and had built something unique and special just for them... but now Chandler was getting real with someone he hadn't even met.

"I gotta go," Zara forced the words out as she stood. "I, uh... left something somewhere."

Cursing silently to herself, Zara sought to flee.

"Zara, I'm sorry," Chandler called out, causing her to pause. "I shouldn't have—"

"No, it's fine," Zara braved a face, forcing a smile as she turned to face him. "You deserve something real."

"I never meant it like that," Chandler insisted, knowing where her mind was. "What we had was the realest thing I've ever had."

"Are you sure?" Zara questioned, becoming bitter with her confused mind and heart. "Because it seems like your internet girlfriend ironically is the real one."

Everyone was looking between the two, completely silent, but wide-eyed.

"And what about your relationship with Hannah?" Chandler questioned, turning it around on Zara. "Is that even real?"

"It's real enough for me," Zara decided.

"Then this is real enough for me," Chandler responded.

It was a ridiculous argument that infuriated Zara. "Then I'm happy for you."

"As I am for you," Chandler declared, sounding just like his usual sarcastic self. "If you're going to see Hannah tonight, then tell her I say hi, but she doesn't even know who I am, does she?"

"You know what," Zara said. "Screw this. I'm going."

"That's no surprise," Chandler mumbled, but Zara had heard.

But Zara had caught his reaction, knowing he regretted those words as soon as he had said them. Before Chandler could even scramble together an apology, Zara had fled the apartment with the door slamming shut behind her.

Zara was quiet as she made it outside, feeling the late spring chill creep at her. There was nowhere to go, so Zara felt like a fool in the street, trying not to cry.

"Zara?" Monica questioned.

Turning, Zara spotted Monica as she burst into tears with her friend's arms already open, pulling Zara closer to her as she let her cry.

"I've lost him," Zara cried, feeling her eyes crinkle shut. "I've really lost him."

"Oh, honey," said Monica, devastated for them both. "You haven't completely lost him; you're both just upset and angry. Come on, Chandler's gone back to his with Joey and Ross, so let's go open a bottle of wine and we can talk about it."

"I don't know..."

"Just us," Monica reassured her. "You can't shut out everyone, Zara."

The two ended up in Zara's bedroom with a bottle of wine and a few favoured snacks that Zara preferred (and Monica had not cooked). It felt like they were back in their college dorm again, which was enough to perk Zara up a bit.

"Can I be honest with you?" Monica suggested.

"Whatever it is, you're gonna say it whether I want to hear it or not," Zara replied.

Monica smiled, patting Zara's leg. "You know me so well."

"So, what is it, then?" Zara questioned.

"I think you're pushing Chandler away because what your feeling is real," said Monica, keeping her serious gaze glued on Zara, who felt exposed. "You don't have to say it, but you're in love with him and that terrifies you."

"You know," said Zara instead after taking a swig of the bottle in the hope to aid her bravery. "When I was with Derek, I thought I was in love, but... I was in love with the idea of being wanted by someone. Derek wanted this perfect version of me that was fixed up by him, but he could never love me for who I really was. Every time I brought up my past, Derek would change it to the future, reminding me of everything he had given me."

"Have I ever told you that I don't like that man?" Monica said.

"I gave him everything and more of what he wanted of me," Zara confessed. "And it wasn't enough — it was a fantasy between us."

"You're more than enough," Monica reassured her. "Derek was too blind to realise and lost you when he could finally see."

"I felt enough with Chandler," Zara told her, feeling the pang of regret again. "Even though I never deserved him. He was my friend first and it was this special thing between us that only we knew about. It was the first relationship I had control of, but we made it our own, Mon. It was so easy to fall in love with him, but that's what made it harder too."

"Oh, Zara," said Monica, seeing that her friend was crying again.

"Of course I love him," Zara whispered the words. "And it's so much realer than what I had with Derek, but I don't know what to do with it. I'm terrified that Chandler will leave me, so..."

"You left him in the belief you're saving yourself," Monica realised, sighing. "Honey, it breaks my heart that you've never had a life full of love, but you deserve that more than anyone. I can't promise you that it'll be a happy ever after for you and Chandler, but I think Chandler's proved that he loves you enough to stay."

"But we're not together," Zara reminded her. "I know that's because of me, but... Chandler has a list of reasons, and no one stays for the bare minimum for me, so how can I expect him to stay?"

"Zara," Monica smiled sadly, reaching over to move the strands of hair that have gotten stuck to Zara's tears. "Sweetie, Chandler's still here — he's always been here. You guys broke up and Chandler still spoke to me every day, caring about you. Even after all these months, Chandler still loves you. You've given him every chance to leave, but he's still stayed in the hope that you'll give him the chance to come back."

Zara felt her heart tighten with her lungs, realising the truth to that too.

"I'm sure Chandler hates me now," Zara mumbled.

"I don't think he could ever hate you," said Monica. "I think he's hurt, but that's normal, Zara. You guys have had an argument, but it doesn't mean the end of the world. The two of you're both afraid of commitment, but it's something you have to figure out together."

"So, we could get back together?" Zara questioned.

"Only if you want to," Monica said with a hint of a smile. "If you talk to Chandler and tell him honestly how you feel, then I'm certain he'll drop everything to be with you again, Zara."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then, we'll get drunk together," Monica offered. "But at least you will know and have that closure."

"God, I don't know," said Zara, starting to doubt everything again. "It's such a risk, Mon. I don't want to end up hurt again." Or alone.

"Sometimes, loving someone means taking risks," Monica said.

"And what if he deserves better?" Zara questioned.

"Honey, Chandler's never let himself fall in love with anyone before," Monica reminded her. "If that's not enough to prove to you how special you are, then I don't know what is."

Zara absorbed the words, finding a tiny hidden smile on her face. The more she thought about it, the more her heart seemed to expand, letting Chandler in that little bit more.

All Zara wanted was Chandler — she had always known that — but maybe letting herself love him wasn't a promise of disaster. After all, Monica was right: Chandler had seen and heard all the worst parts of Zara, as well as having his heart broken, but he was still always there, even if it was at a distance.

"Okay," said Zara, gripping the bottle of wine tightly. "I'm gonna tell him."

That caused Monica to beam, where she practically threw herself at Zara for a hug in uncontrollable joy. Though, Zara couldn't find a smile until she had spoken to Chandler.

It wasn't a happily ever after until Chandler took Zara back.

♡

A couple days later, Zara found the nerve to figure things out. Firstly, she had seen Hannah first, believing it was only fair that she called things off with the woman she was seeing before she made any declarations. But, as Zara had told Hannah, she didn't look that surprised.

"I knew this wasn't anything between us," said Hannah after. "But, if this is it, then I would appreciate a little honesty. I've figured a few things out myself, Zara."

"You have?" Zara questioned, feeling guilty.

"Chandler's not just your friend," Hannah held Zara's stare, having always known. "He's your ex, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is," Zara answered.

"And you still love him," Hannah noticed. "You used me."

"I'm sorry," Zara told her. "I really am, but we both knew that's what this was."

"I know," said Hannah, smiling sadly. "I guess I just wasn't expecting to like you as much as I do."

Now Zara truly felt guilty.

"I hope he makes you happy," Hannah said as she stood, walking closer to where Zara sat, who was clueless to how this would end. "I really do, Zara. I guess I'll look out for your book in a year's time."

"Thank you," was all Zara could say.

Hannah's hand briefly touched Zara's cheek with a long, sad look that left Zara a little speechless with her guilt. Then, Hannah left, having expected things to end just like Zara had.

For a moment, Zara sat alone in a different coffee house from their usual place, where she pondered with her thoughts. Lately, so much had changed: Zara had signed a contract with a publishing house, but she had also come to accept that she was in love and that maybe that would work out.

It was a strange place to be in, where Zara felt like she was in limbo. Everything tended to fall apart in Zara's life, but maybe she was about to have everything she ever dreamed of for a chage.

Being a published author.

Having a place to call home.

And a love that meant she would never be alone.

So, with a shaky breath, Zara left to head back to their coffee house. While Zara wasn't sure if anyone would be there, she hoped to find just Chandler alone as she couldn't imagine being around anyone else when she told him.

But, in truth, Zara felt a little giddy, starting to believe in them. Even though she had promised herself that she would not give in to her joy or even a smile until she had spoken to Chandler, Zara could not help it.

Yet, as she reached the coffee house, pushing the door open, Zara felt the smile vanish as if it had never existed. Chandler was there, but he was kissing Janice.

Everyone else — minus Monica — had spotted Zara with pitiful stares that only made it worse.

Of course, Chandler was oblivious that Zara was even there — not even as she watched the two together with wide, heartbroken eyes.

Leaving the coffee house, Zara felt like she was walking on the tiny shards of her heart. This feeling was new, so much worse than before as if the shards were digging in deep, causing Zara to bleed.

Zara had been too late.

It was so cruel and devesting, but so typical too. And now, Zara regretted letting herself completely fall for Chandler Bing.

♡

I feel like a lot of you hate me lol. But maybe they need to be a part to come back together...🙈. We'll be getting a jealous Zara in season 3, as well as the love triangle/square. With all the comments recently, I think you've all made me come to my decision on who Zara should end up with, but we all know how easily I could change my mind!