Andre Nile

"Dude, that's nasty." Zander insisted, scoffing. "What the fuck? I'd die before I did that shit."

"Well, I don't see you with a better idea." The cross country captain, Daniel responded, and looked back over at me.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare," I responded because I'm not a dumbass looking to get teased by the entire team, "I'm not a fucking coward."

He smiled, and of course, it was probably a bad idea. But then again, everything on this bus is a bad idea.

"Give me your phone," he said reaching his hand out towards me. "Unlocked."

Sighing, I had to unlock it. I hate dares like this. Where I can't control what they do with it. Our only rule is that we don't send anything to parents because we'd probably get murdered or disowned or something.

I mean, my mom probably would anyways. But she won't if I just don't tell her anything. It's not like she'd ever ask.

As Daniel seemed to type something, my brain imagined every terrible thing he could do in one text. Ask my ex out, curse out my best friend, tell some big college I don't want a sports scholarship. Make a post saying shit that isn't true.

It's not like I'm the coolest cool kid there is in high school. But I'm on varsity teams and I've gone to state, which apparently makes me cool.

I don't get it either, but I'm also not complaining. I'd rather not be a loser. It sounds like it kind of sucks.

And I'm not about that life.

When I got my phone back, I wasn't allowed to see what he did, of course. Instructions would be in my notes, as they always are. This wasn't my first rodeo.

In the next 45 minutes, we played Uno, which definitely ruined a friendship temporarily. Andrew got a whole ass liter of water poured into him, ice and everything. Somebody else got slapped. It was fun. I had fun.

Until I got home and looked at my texts.

lionelweißnicht_x: uh, okay?

lionelweißnicht_x: are you sure you messaged the right person? My sister isn't on this account.

lionelweißnicht_x: but I don't see why not, it's not like I'm doing anything as it is.

Opening my dm's on Instagram, I really was a dumbass and didn't read what was sent earlier. Because why would I talk to Lionel? We have like, maybe two classes together. We don't sit by each other.

I don't even know his last name. He came here like a while ago from some European country or something and he's super gay. I'm pretty sure he's the only person that isn't afraid of saying they're gay in our school.

Like, a lot of kids would pick on him, but his confidence is kind of intimidating. He just walks into places, declaring things. He also crossdresses. Well, sort of. Like, some things definitely are women's clothes, but other things you can't tell and it's kind of confusing but he's too confident to pick on.

It's kind of frustrating.

_andre_nile_: what?

_andre_nile_: when?

lionelweißnicht_x: well I mean, you said Saturday. Does that not work now?

Confused, I scrolled up in my messages. You'd think that I would've read it right away, but I'm also a dumbass.

_andre_nile_: hey. So this is probably really fucking weird because we like, never hang out. But I've been questioning myself a lot lately and you seem to know what's up, so would you wanna go out for a movie on Saturday? It's supposed to be good. Kind of like a date?

Everything stopped.

Daniel can't do that. He doesn't have the right to just... To start something like that.

Even if I was allowed to back out, which I'm sure I'm not, that's not fucking right. Not when he sends it to one of the only gay kids in our grade.

Scratch that, the only gay kid in our grade.

He can't just say that when I didn't even tell him that. He shouldn't be able to just read my mind like that. To be able to joke around with something like my sexuality when it's not funny and pull shit like this.

My phone vibrated, another message, another spike in my anxiety.

My heart was in my chest, blocking the air from getting to my lungs. It was heavy, like a bass drum keeping time. But it's been sped up, the drummer doesn't really know how fast the conductor is going so he's going faster. And faster. And faster.

Until I feel like I can't breathe. Until my breathing becomes so short and raspy that I barely even notice it's there. Until all of my senses go into overdrive and I can sense everything. Until I'm scratching at my arms because this is my worst fucking nightmare and I'm not asleep. Until I can't even think because I've never been afraid like this before. Until I can't control myself and I'm bleeding again. Until my whole body is shaking.

Until I feel like I'm about to suffocate because how dare he think he had the fucking right—

lionelweißnicht_x: hello?

lionelweißnicht_x: dude, I'm not dumb, you're online. You saw my message. Don't be an asshole, at least say no if it doesn't work out.

Before hitting the home button, I must've hit the space button and emoji key three or four times, trying to get to my notes app.

I've never kept anything personal in my notes. It's just for when we do truth or dare or shit like that. I guess I have phone numbers, but that's it.

And they were at the top. My rules.

Rules for Lionel:

1. I know you have nothing going on this Saturday, so yes, you have to go on the date.

2. Make it work for a minimum of two weeks, with proof. I don't give a shit if you hang out at school, but I want photos.

3. He has to end it.

Shit.

Trying to calm myself down, I went back to his messages. This was a load of bullshit.

This should be illegal.

_andre_nile_: sorry, I had a meet tonight, my mom wanted to know how it went.

_andre_nile_: and it still works! Sorry, it's been like, a long day and I kind of forgot that I hit send. You're not busy, are you?

Please be busy.

lionelweißnicht_x: uh, no, that's what I just said. I don't have anything going on, what's the worst that could happen? It goes bad and we don't talk again? It's not like we talk now.

_andre_nile_: yeah, true. Uh, does the 7:00 showing sound good? Do you just want to meet there?

lionelwejßnicht_x: yeah, that sounds good! What movie?

lionelweißnicht_x: or is that a surprise?

_andre_nile: ...yes

lionelwejßnicht_x: oooh, mysterious, I like it ;)

lionelwejßnicht_x: sorry, I had to. Most people freak out of I even send a winky face by accident, that actually had a reason.

Yeah, and I'm still freaking out, Lionel. So shut the fuck up. I don't like having panic attacks. That only makes this one worse.

I still couldn't fucking breathe.